#ive messaged them but haven’t gotten a response so ill wait to see | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akvtsuki-ari · 4 years

Text

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader

Length: 5.3k

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part.

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately.

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks.

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things.

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment*

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer��: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc.

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way.

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second.

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?," You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid oneshot #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #Criminal Minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #sub!spencer #sub!spencer reid #so nervous abt uploading this lol

813 notes · View notes

paulsolorzano · 5 years

Text

01.31.19

So when Axxxxx found out she was pregnant when we were in Fairbanks in Alaska we got a pregnancy app to chart the baby’s progress.

The baby was due two weeks ago.

I knew the date was coming up and it’s depressing to think about on multiple levels. Remind me to talk about it.

—-

Was supposed to hang with Cxxxxxxx tonite but Kxxxx actually wants to see me and was asking me about it so, I’m gonna have to get out of it with her.

Cxxxxxxxx hit me up on Facebook messenger asking if I still wanted to hang. I haven’t responded yet.

—-

Ive been to this Starbucks so many times that the guy Josh, calls me by my name when he sees me in the camera, and knows my drink here.

I don’t know what to think about that.

It speaks something about my habits of course. In a sense I was happy to hear my name and my drink, but it’s like goddam, is this my life?

—

I need to remind myself not to be the old server.

—

Still need to tell Cxxxxxxxx I need to take a rain check

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Not having a baby with Axxxxx instead of having one

“Don’t be the old server”

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.30.19

I can’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up; it doesn’t matter because I’m not whatever it was.

This storage space elevator smells like sweaty bodies.

-//

Plugging along on the I-4 westbound. Something up the way is really holding up the traffic. Luckily I have my music.

Aaron Tobin called me to let me know his (and our to an extent) boy Todd, died of a massive heart attack. He was Tobins age, 39 maybe 40.

To be fair this guy was huge his whole life and also on drugs. He had he heart attack in jail from what I understand. He turned himself in for a warrant he had going.

Wild shit. Living long enough for people to be dying around us

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“ It’s like somebody traded out my skin, for something I could never feel good in” -Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.29.19

Jeff Rosenstock tonite. I finagled three tickets from a friend online, for me and Danielito and Kristy, but unfortunately they can’t make it.

So I’m going solo. Asked a couple girls on the roster but no luck so far. And it’s that time. So I’ll be forging on alone.

Gotta get earplugs.

—-

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“ we’ll diffuse bombs, run marathons, and take on whatever together” - Grandaddy

“Wizards, stop throwing fruit at me!” - Reggie and the full effect

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.28.19

Monday. I’m off. Had plans with Mxxxx in the morning but she’s taken ill.

I tentatively have plans with Kxxxx tonite, which I need to attempt to solidify tonite. Ok, the text has been sent: “hangs tonite?”

Easy enough.

She already asked about Monday on Sunday morning after Saturday night hangs and bangs.

Waiting on her response. Listening to Mary Hopkin. This shit is my new shit, which is old shit like back in 1969. Produced by Paul McCartney is definitely why I like it.

—-

Of course this is all happening at my storage space. This is where I hang currently. Since I’ve been back to Orlando. I hang here with my shit and wrote and do art and catalogue and attempt to trim down and move shit around to maximize the space.

—

So back to the Kxxxx thing, she’s ill too. Everyone is sick for some reason. I’ve always been a carrier, rarely getting ill myself.

—

Had a conversation with Cxxxxxxxx. She was upset about a week ago when she perceived me to be placing blame on her when she couldn’t hang out spur of the moment.

So I waited almost a week and she didn’t text or message me once.

So I wrote her. She’s pretty much embittered by a lot of previous bull shit that other people have heaped on to the pile.

Now I suffer for the sins of the last person.

To be fair she was super in to me when we met and I sort of nipped the ‘let’s hop into a relationship immediately after she gets out of one’ enthusiasm in the bud.

So, she seems to be indifferent to me, and more broadly, people in general. Hard to say.

I don’t really need to put that much emotional energy into it, as I have other more interested coals in the fire.

But she’s grown on me. So there’s that.

I’m not trying to abandon any of the women I get involved with.

Do I want to commit to any of them fully? At present, no.

And naturally I think of Axxxxx. Always her. She blew my hair back. I blew it with her.

—-

There’s a cute Hispanic girl in this Denny’s right now, sitting alone and watching Futurama. I keep glancing over there to watch.

Also the girl who just came in for her shift at 11:00 has just left hurriedly in tears. I have no damn clue what the hell happened.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Blink-182 enema of the state

Weezer - blue album

Mary Hopkin - post card

Deadmau5 - Polar: Music from the Netflix film

Dream tiger - dream tiger

Lorn - ask the dust

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Reggie and the full effect - songs to not get married to

Reggie and the full effect - promotional copy

Big business - command your weather

Piebald - we are the only friends that we have

Watching:

Step Brothers

Reading:

Eating:

Denny’s mozzarella sticks and coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Paul McCartney Wings 45s

Record sleeves for 33s and 45s

Packages received:

Jeff rosenstock - POST casette

Wings - silly love songs 45 rpm

Mary hopkin- those were the days 45 rpm

Snow White seven dwarves figs

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Welcome to your life; there’s no turning back” - tears for fears

“ I’m like everybody else; as a shamed of sleep I lie when a phone call wakes me” - WHY?

Quote of the day:

“This house is a prison! On planet Bullshit!” - Brennan and Dale, Step Brothers

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.27.19

Cold and wet all day today. Truly a day where it rained all day.

Spent the night at Kxxxx’s house. Who’s Kxxxx you ask? She is from the internet dating app OkCupid. I broke one of my own rules and slept over there. And this was last night, which was also the first night i met her in person and also the first time we had sex.

I say the first time assuming there will be more times. She and I definitely get along. It’s weird because she reminds me of Holly D in several ways.

First off Kxxxx body is kind of shaped like Holly’s. She’s taller than I am. Big tits and ass. Back tattoo from what I could gather

01.26.19

I do everything high these days. I’m here at Orlando you and comic con hittin the pen hard. Already smoked before I left the house.

This con is good because it’s smaller and I can make trips back to the car to bring back stuffs I’ve gotten. So I don’t have to roll around with a backpack.

—-

At chipotle now. Had to drive to get here. Just up the road from the mall. I don’t know if I’ll go back to the con. Technically it goes til 7 but idk.

—-

Spent a lot of fucking money today but I knew that was happening

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Basia Bulat - good advice

Weezer - teal album

The octopus project

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“This is a womanly car” - me taking about Tina Watkins car that I drive around like an asshole.

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.25.19

I put the coins that I had organized fell yesterday into the sheets, I stuck them and the paper money into a three ring binder I got from Office Depot yesterday.

I don’t want to work today but I must.

Until I innovate my way out of this, I have to work for the man. Remember that you asshole, the next time you cry about it.

—-

Chilled at the space and made some room for stuff. Slowly and surely ditching stuff

—-

got called off from work today in a Friday. I haven’t worked all week because reasons. I asked for a couple days off to to the Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing, and the Orlando toy and comic con thing. I didn’t get get the two days off when Yaqeen did the schedule because he’s a Derp and does everything by hand. So I had two other days off, and then got the two off that I needed by dropping the shifts. So I ain’t done shit all week. I’m gonna continue that trend into tomorrow at the con.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Wings - band on the run

Katamari forever OST

Buffalo daughter - captain vapour athletes

Weezer - teal album

Nada surf - the weight is a gift

Basia Bulat - good advice

The Beatles - magic mystery tour

No joy - wait to pleasure

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“you’re not wide anymore; you’re skinny fat” - Yaqeen talking about me

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.24.19

Been on the pen/flower pretty solid since October when I got back from Alaska. Hell, even Alaska I was on the wax daily.

I guess I’ve been medicating myself.

Working on a sketch. I missed a couple days but I did one last night also:

Ok and here’s today’s:

I’m trying to find my groove with what I want to do with all these sketches. Basically I’m just sketching shit I see.

Sketching? Drawing? I don’t even know what to say here haha.

And I made another

—-

Going to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson tonite. This will be the third time I’ll have seen him.

I was hoping Axxxxx would be in the mix at this point because she was with me the first two times. Now, if I hadn’t have fucked up recently, she probably would be with me tonite. Goddammit me. So, my one and only boy Tobin is gonna come with me.

It’ll be nice because we haven’t seen each other in a hot minute. Ever since he got that girlfriend of his haha. Now they are in that ‘up each other’s ass’ phase.

Update: it would seem Neil will not be speaking tonite after all. Amidst recent allegations in the last few months, he postponed/canceled his shows: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2018/12/13/neil-degrasse-tyson-cancels-orlando-appearance-following-sexual-misconduct-accusations%3fmedia=AMP%2bHTML

So that is sad fucking news, especially since I’m finding out today and not a month and a half ago. I mean I knew about the allegations but didn’t think it would come to this.

Another thing that chapped me is that Aaron Tobin fucking bailed on me before I found this out. Granted I only asked him yesterday but damn he seems to let me down a lot when there’s a specific date and time involved.

—/

I put my paper money and coin collection in these plastic inserts

Now the only thing that blows about these inserts is that the tops don’t seal, so this shit has to be flat or upright at all times. This isn’t too bad for the paper money but clearly there could be an issue for the coins. I later got a three ring binder to stick the inserts in.

Also I took pics of all the packages received today. Mostly records.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - teal album

Veil of Maya - false idol

Black octopus lipstick project - foam party

The octopus project

CSS - Cansei de Ser Sexy

OCEANLANE - crossroad

The Vienna philharmonic - Beethoven’s 5th symphony

No joy & sonic boom - ep

Teddybears - soft machine

Watching:

Rick and Morty season 3 blu ray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Weezer black album vinyl pre order (2 colors)

Weezer black album cassette pre order

Packages received:

Lots of records from joyful noise

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.23.19

The first Amanda messaged me today accusing me of stealing her loop station. I never took the thing at all. Haven’t even thought of the thing for years. She said she is gonna to file a report and mention my name to the police.

I don’t know what her deal is.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

WHY? - sandollars ep

Marijuana deathsquads - oh my sexy lord

STNNNG - empire inward

Vaz - necessary, pt. 2

Alias & doseone - less is orchestra

The octopus project

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes

Teddy bears - soft machine

Gnarls Barkley - st. Elsewhere

Veil of Maya - false idol

Mary Hopkin - post card

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“Hey if a serial killer/murderer/etc fits the profile exactly but has never killed, what does that make them ?” Me to Mxxxx

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.22.19

Wish I could eat chips and get fat right now.

I went a million places today. The altamonte mall. Starbucks. These two were part of a date with Mxxxx, who I really enjoyed hanging with. She is married and its all legit. Like they both see other people and shit. So this could be good for me.

Then did the white girl tour to tj maxx and Ross. Also before that early in the afternoon after Mxxxx I went to bright light books.

Went a little overboard on buying shit today. Oops.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster

The octopus project

American football - LP3 pre release song

Wings - wings over America

Status quo - rocking all over the world

Xavier Cugat jungle drums

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Bright light books:

Art toy picture book

Avocado cookbook (for Mxxxx)

Wings: wings over America vinyl record

Omg thrift

These weird soft vinyl Snow White dwarves figures

Clear makeup bag with

Kay Johnson vinyl record (with writing on the cover, a dedication to two ladies named carol and Donna)

Ross

NASA shirt

Super NES controller shirt

Super Mario shirt

TJ MAXX

Vaporwave lookin Tokyo shirt

Vaporwave lookin eyes shirt

Marilyn Monroe skeleton with hair shirt

Black stretch pants 34 inch waist for the first time whoop!

These fake ass sweat pants

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“When I try to be clear with you, I only end up being see through” -American football

Quote of the day:

“When I put my Makeup on, I take so many selfies” - male barista at the Starbucks by the Altamonte mall

“My dad was awesome. He loved pistachios and Star Wars. Only imparted one of those loves onto me. He is no longer with us, but his memory lives on through red pistachios that also no longer exist.” - Mandyism

“The problem with that idea is that I don’t have a penis. I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be a fair game.” - Mandyism

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.21.19

The girl who works here only a couple days a week, Ebony, just took a tour of the inner workings of my storage space. This was her asking if she could look at my stuffs.

Today’s and yesterday’s sketch:

This of course being Buff Monster and Frank Kozik inspired; and my Bose sound speaker I’ve been doing and my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Oh and the motorcycle license plate from Alaska. I had a Tupperware full of em mixed, here’s the reference:

And then this was me and my McNugget kick of course. A packet of mayonnaise and a vinyl record, and the remote to the tv

—/

Spent a good chunk of the day chatting with some potential dates. Mostly with a girl named Mxxxx, who is in a consensual non-monogamous marriage. She has kids also. It’s weird because she seems really into me and we are meeting tomorrow at 12:30pm. I’m excited to see what comes of this.

-//

I’m so excited about finding this Picasso print at goodwill today:

Here it is hung up

And here it was right before I stuck it in the car to take it home.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Mineral - one day when we are young

Wizo - uuaarrgh!

Beck - morning phase

MF DOOM - operation doomsday

Tame impala

Sheena Ringo (as suggested by Ebony who works at public storage)

The octopus project

Tame impala - lonerism

Astronautica - Gemini

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV:

Did a nice glam on ALC also

Purchases:

Bougie goodwill off Orlando ave in winter park:

Pocahontas toy

Assorted comic books

Picasso framed print

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Steady like a tricycle”

“Hoes get ripped off like Nicorette”

“Every day feels like an off day, with Ferris bueller”

mf doom

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.20.19

In line at Animal Kingdom helping my boy Orlando get in with his family.

I’m parked in giraffe 41-49

It’s way too early for me to be awake.

And I have to work. Aaaand I’m covering some lunch shift for my other boy Tom who has been feeling ill.

—//

Did the animal kingdom thing.

Did the afternoon lunch work thing.

Got called off for dinner because it was slow apparently.

Came home and let the roommate use her own car that I’ve been renting weekly.

—

Still working on cleaning and bagging those 45s my mother left to me by way of Danielito

—

So, I would say it’s time for me to maybe make a shortlist of women I’m dating/working on dating. I’ve got a few hat I’ve closed already and some still in the works so let’s see here:

(shortlist omitted)

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Animal Kingdom

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche

Hey Mercedes - ep

Hey Mercedes - everynight fireworks

No doubt - tragic kingdom

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

McNuggets

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.19.19

The last couple nights in a row, Yaqeen has called me and asked specifically what I have done to further the business, Deep Space Ventures. This is good and bad that the has asked me. Bad because I haven’t done jack shit; good because he is holding me accountable. And it is giving me a little hurt to not do anything. So I will have to forge ahead. He is trying to better himself and make me be better too. Good shit.

—-

I go to Dunkin’ Donuts just about every day to get a coffee. I stare at these fucking donuts and contemplate ordering a dozen and saying fuck all to my diet.

The moment had already passed.

I have to say I feel like I’m doing ok with this ketogenic diet.

—

Just saw a new white Honda Accord. Or was it a civic? Either way it reminded me of the second Amanda. Miss that chick too.

Remind me to tell you about the second Amanda sometime.

Sketch of the day:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche

The octopus protect - one ten hundred thousand million

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Action figures

Lyric of the day:

“For all we know, these days are all numbered But things could get better I know Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world For all we know These days are all numbered And things will get better I hope Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world without love”

- further seems forever

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.18.19

Sketch of the day: I was doing laundry at a mat on Mills right there by colonial. The 7-Eleven recently closed down after being there for fucking ever. So I sat there in between the wash and the dry.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with these sketches other than practicing. I would like to get to a decent level.

Something to do while I’m alive.

It’ll come in handy when I start making the toys also. Good stuff for cardbacks

—

Donated some more shit. Slowly clearing it out. Gonna list some

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster

ALL - problematic

Rex Orange County - apricot princess

Mineral - the power of failing

Wings - Venus and Mars

Sparklehorse - it’s a wonderful life

J Dilla - welcome 2 Detroit

JJ DOOM - Key to the kuffs

Duendita - direct line to my creator

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Packages received:

Mineral 25 years and new single

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Slap my face, just to feel” - Jimmy Eat World

“May all your days be gold my child” - Sparklehorse

“Come my beautiful alien, touch me with your light” - Weezer

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.17.19

Sketch of the day locked in; I did Orko from masters of the universe, from the action figure I found yesterday:

And of course the source material

So I’m on my way to sketching I suppose. Leveling up my art abilities?

—

Minus the bear farewell concert:

My brother and I caught MTB on their farewell tour in Tampa back in November I think it was? I’ll have to check the date.

Anyway it was nice to spend time with him at a concert out and about. It was part of my attempt to stop being a dead beat sibling.

He and I have seen them numerous times over the years.

—

I ReDennised Andrea Zimmerman just now. Remind me to go and append the list. Stuck on I-4 traffic on the way home from her place.

My exit was closed for construction so I had to take a big ass detour. I dint even care but I thought it was notable.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

J Dilla - donuts

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Quasimoto - the further adventures of lord quas

AJJ - bible 2

Wings - at the speed of sound

Ok go - ok

Trent reznor - bird box original score

Ok go - oh no

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Wheat grass juice powder

Boston market

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.16.19

The fucking stench of fake buttered popcorn. The Altamonte Springs mall. This is my current hip spot to hang out alone at.

Escape as a coping mechanism.

I pretend I’m just this guy who goes through life as an observer. Which I’m not really too far from pretending lately.

—-

You only ever see kids with short haircuts. Short little asshole haircuts.

—/

“Found a couple discounted figs,

Sat in the massage chair with no massage,

Renamed all the restaurants in the food court 'sugar',

Decided I want subscriptions to art and toy themed magazines,

And coffee. “ - excerpt of a text from Cxxxxxxxx asking me how the mall was.

—-

Sketch of the day is done:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - adults

Bomb the music industry - get warmer

The arrogant sons of bitches - The arrogant sons of bitches!

Fail better, heal faster

Deftones - gore

The strokes - is this it

Jaylib - champion sound

In my room Apple Music playlist

Favorites playlist Apple Music

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink also been adding carrot and beet lately

Starbucks venti cold brew with heavy cream and an espresso shot

Chicken nuggets from McDonald’s

Cauliflower Mac and cheese I made

Top shoulder loin

Shrimp on top

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

Super 7 Masters of the universe action figures:

Orko

Evil-Lyn

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Mold and nice and stolen bikes

And a van everyone wants to break in to” - slumlord by bomb the music industry!

“Well I heard that you found somebody else

At first I thought it was a lie” - the 1975

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.15.19

Fake funny depression. Meme depression. People taking some dark shit and slapping an out of context caption and making light of it.

It’s not the worst idea.

Yeah everything is shit sometimes but do I want to off myself because I don’t have a pile of money to sleep on?

The answer is hell to the no.

—-

Yaqeen set it up last night so I didn’t have to work today. Corporate is in town and I’m just avoiding it all haha. Next few days off also. So that’ll take care of that.

What I need to do now is attempt to pick up at Yamasan just to have a couple extra bucks.

Just spoke to tobin briefly; he is definitely up his girlfriends ass haha. I’m ok with it. I suppose it’ll do some good for him seeing as it’s been forever since he’s: a)had a girlfriend b) gotten laid on the reg.

Also spoke to Frank; Microchip passed away very recently. His dog of 13 years or so. Back when Daylight District was still in effect.

Remind me to tell you about when I was in bands.

—-

Naomi Singleton ‘broke up’ with me today. We only met the one time. After months of talking. She didn’t like being deceived by my fake age on Okc. Also she claims she broke out in cold sores after seeing me and kissing me. I’ve never had a single sore anywhere so unless I’m some wild carrier, she is mistaken.

Her perception is her reality however. And I did burn her with the age thing.

I’m considering putting my age to normal age.

—

Made a first sketch today. The storage space wall and the table with some shit on it

So hopefully I can try to do one a day for fun. I went to Michaels as well and picked up a few gel pens.

Remind me to tell you where all my art supplies are. (Spoiler alert; they’re being held hostage by Axxxxx if she hasnt chucked em out. If anything she’s probably assimilated them into her own art shit.

—-

Just saw a hotpot place I’ve never seen before here on kirkman. Instantly thought of going there with Axxxxx. I miss her.

—

Went on a date

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Spoke to Frank about letting him know what I’ve been up to

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ale house in Kirkman for a date

Listening to:

PUP - PUP

PUP - the dream is over

PUP - kids (single off the new record)

Deadmau5 - for lack of a better name deadmau

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

First Astronomical Velocity - galaxy one

NOFX - punk in drublic

NOFX - Pump up the Valiuum

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

THE NEW PUP RECORD!! preorder

A couple books from brightlight books

Van Gogh in Arles

Knuckleheads graphic novel

The 100 best business books of all time

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“The universe is unforgiving and a dick

So we’ll do our best to live” - fail better heal faster

“ You know I’ve never been good at anything

Except for fuckin up and ruining everything” - PUP

“We’re on an ultralight beam

This is a god dream” - Kanye West, life of Pablo

Quote of the day:

“I can turn you into poetry

But I can’t make you love me” - fragment 5, weatheredwritings

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.14.19

Tokyo Elvis, who is one of my best friends, Frank Friend, who I have played in multiple bands with since we were 16-17.

He wants me to undertake the tasks involving getting him booked in town and out.

We’ve decided that the Comic-Con circuit would be a good fit for him. Also it would be for me as well in terms of getting a booth for the paulsstoragespace shit.

So I’ve started the process of emailing various cons in town coming up

—

Just saw a guy throw a rubber hammer at a peacock. A sentence I never thought I would say.

—-

Like dead glow worms falling slowly through oil

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - vacation

Fail better, heal faster

Alpha male tea party - droids

Just friends - nothing but love

Just friends - rock 2 the rhythm

Cornelius - point

Walter Ferguson - Babylon

Darwin Deez - 10 songs that happened when you left me with my stupid heart

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sleeves for paper money

Sleeves for coins

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“In truth, December destroyed me. January crushed me By February, I was not myself March rolled in like beatings and rolled out like a bear hug In April I stared out the window for a fucking month I don't want October. I don't want November I don't want to feel those crippling blows That I can't explain to myself, my friends or you So I soften them with hours of Nintendo”

-bomb the music industry

“Loving you required ammunition” - Darwin Deez

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.13.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Killer Bee - Venus

Steffaloo - heart beats

Lone - reality testing

Fail better, heal faster

Watching:

Ready player one

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV

Purchases:

100 record sleeves for 7 inch records

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I came here with hope and I left with a smoking habit” - fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.12.19

Spoke with yaqeen at ihop last night. He is trying to become the assistant general manager at STK. He was speaking to a couple of the top servers and more specifically Rob C, and rob was telling Yaqeen to cut ties with being friends with servers and more specifically me.

Now yaqeen and I are boys at this point. So it ain’t happening. But it does sting a little to hear that I’m not very respected in that sense.

—

Made cauliflower Mac n cheese. It was pretty tasty for sure. Nice and Keto friendly.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Emailed a few venues concerning playing:

Herohype:

Emailed on 01.12.19

https://www.herohype.com

Omni fandom expo

Emailed on 1.12.19

http://www.omniexpo.com

MyCon

https://mystic-con.com

Emailed on 01.12.19

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

The presidents of the United States of America - S/t

The presidents of the United States of America - II

The cardigans - first band on the moon

Fail better, heal faster

PUP - the dream is over

Serengeti - Dennis 6E

Ricky eat acid - talk to you soon

Rozwell kid - precious art

Dorothy ashby - Afro harping

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Serengeti - Dennehy

Atmosphere - sad clown bad summer

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink

McDonalds 20 nuggets and a large Diet Coke ( this is the last time I swear )

Cauliflower ‘man n cheese’ that I made

Playing:

FFXIV - got ALC up to 50, working on getting LTW up to 50 also

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Superstar, I tried to educate your childish heart” - the cardigans

“You said it best when you said I’m a mess” - Rozwell Kid

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.11.19

Sitting here in Disney springs. I got here with an extra fifteen minutes or so; got a coffee and now I’m sitting on a bench watching people and life go by.

Picking out the weirdos and watching them. And the eccentric girls, for some reason they just appeal to me so hard, more so than conventional hot girls.

I need to make a move.

—-

After hours. Waiting on yaqeen to show up at this Ihop. He and I haven’t had one of these in a while. Hopefully he shows up haha. He said his phone was dying and he would meet me inside.

What i did toward the business today:

Listening to Tony Robbins power to influence

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ihop with yaqeen

Listening to:

Fail better, heal faster

Angelo De Augustine - tomb

Bomb the music industry - vacation

1997 - a better view of the rising moon

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Tobacco - sweatbox dynasty

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Been on a huge chicken nugget for McDonald’s kick. Large diet cokes also. While they aren’t totally killing the diet, it’s probably not the best.

Tasted the Scallops special from work

Playing:

Purchases:

From fye all 75% off

Star Wars black series - Poe Dameron

Star Wars black series - Constable Zuvio

Pulp Fiction - Butch Coolidge, 8 inch tall approx

Super 7 Alien M.U.S.C.L.E. mini figs

From barnes and noble:

The new issue of Juxtapoz featuring Kaws on the cover

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I wanna move to Japan

And maybe I’ll understand

What to do with my life” - fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

“I don’t want it now, I want it right now” - Robert Davis GM STK

8 ball questions and answers:

“Is Axxxxx gonna come back to me at some point?”

“Yes”

Hashtags:

01.10.19

I’m on fucking autopilot. Just coasting through my days. Get back on track you asshole. Don’t be an old server. Have more than one income. Get some fucking momentum going.

How do I do this? What is my leverage to change? What will happen if I don’t do this?

I need to stir up some hurt within myself.

—-

How to innovate my way out of this? This place gives me no joy and therefore I am not giving it the attention it deserves.

—

I’ve been sent to Starbucks by Greg the manager to get a hot chocolate for a guest. I’m on a party upstairs and I won’t be missed. He gave me his debit card. I flirted with the girl who took my order. She was receptive.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Coheed and Cambria - good Apollo, I’m burning star IV

1997 - a better view of be rising moon

Cashmere cat - 9

Tony Robbins - the power to influence

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

PUP - the dream is over

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.09.19

What i did toward the business today:

Didn’t do a goddamn thing. Need to get on it

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Worked on the spam email

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Keep Shelly in Athens -

Death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

Weezer - pacific daydream

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I wish the world was flat like the old days

And I could travel just by folding the map” - death cab for cutie

“This is the sound of settling” - death cab for cutie

“‘Perfect’ always takes so long, because it don’t exist” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.08.19

Last night we had the STK makeup Christmas party for all the day-one-er’s. I almost didn’t go because I feel semi depressed and don’t wanna do shit all.

So we went and it was small but lost of the OG hang was there. Yaqeen of course and the lot.

We all just hung out drinking and roasting the shit out of each other.

Yaqeen and I are the roastmasters. He and I started this shit as a nice way to keep morale in the building at STK. And boy has it worked nicely.

Yaqeen told me the whole time I was away in Alaska that he kept the roasts alive. And my memory as well haha. Those were his words.

So, every day is now an HR nightmare in the building but no one seems to mind at all. I work the raunchiest coolest people ever. I would hang out with any of them outside of work.

So yeah the roast is strong with all of us. I swear if we all quit the restaurant biz and write comedy, we could get famous.

So as roastmasters, Yaqeen and I are the only two who can promote any of these jabronis trying to level up. They gotta be coming correct on the daily with hot roasts. And then when they fire of a real hum dinger of a zinger, based on the laughter of yaq and myself and any audience in attendance, that person will be leveled up immediately.

It’s fun. I love playing games all day every day.

—-

Been burning oil and smoking flower every day since I’ve been back to Orlando.

I don’t want to say it unmotivates me because I do get things done, just at a slower pace. I’m on weed time.

—

I’m hanging with Cxxxxxxxx outside of this McDonalds here:

228 S Orlando Ave

Maitland, FL 32751

United States

Called her up randomly to see how she was. Her stomach is tied up in knots over a boy she is also seeing.

You know, I’ve evolved into this person who isn’t jealous and just experiences women/ people as they are. I always say that some of my best relationships are been non-relationships: people I see when I see em, and we are both ok with it.

I don’t know how I got this way but here I am.

Where did I go askew with the way I view relationships? And by that I just mean the non traditional way people view things.

To be discussed later I suppose.

So yeah Cxxxxxxxx is soaring for food from McDonalds.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail Better, heal faster

Weezer - death to false metal

The strokes - room on fire

HUM - you’d prefer an astronaut

Maritime - we the vehicles

Fishbone - give a monkey a brain and hell swear

Living colour

Portishead - third

Watching:

Johnny mnemonic

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“If I am feeling wacky, I think I might

Drink a quart of vodka

Spend the night down in the gutter” - Weezer

“What if the day had stayed in bed?” - Foo Fighters

“All the boys with directionless hair are rough

Languorous girls in undertaker makeup” - maritime

“The busy sisters stunning, won’t she be stunned

By the infinite parade of punk rock t shirts” - maritime

Quote of the day:

“Electrons take up less space, so..” - Cxxxxxxxx’s roommate on digitizing pictures

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.07.19

Becoming awesome.. hmm I still haven’t done that yet. Havent been doing much of shit lately. How do I get back on track?

The answer is to just do the damn thing.

whats my motivation? Good question to ask.

I don’t want to be an old server. And its weird because chronologically I am 38 but I don’t feel like that. A bit odd I suppose to think about.

so, whats the fix? Slowly work on becoming awesome. By the time I know it ,i’ll be there. But this is only going to come about through working every day toward things. I tell people all the time to just get 1% better every day, and here I am not doing that.

I need to implement all the advice I’ve been handing out.

That being said, what can I work on today toward becoming awesome?

What are some things I want to accomplish? Well lemme refer myself to the giant 18 month plan I have set up

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Fail better, heal faster - s/t

Panuccis pizza - don’t tip the delivery boy

Panuccis pizza - All of my friends are familiar and the steps I took to realize this

Tigers Jaw - s/t

Halsey - Badlands

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I fell in love with your face so much, that it behooves me to look away” - Serengeti

“You can take what’s in my head; I don’t want it” - Fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day:

"Vision without execution is hallucination" - Thomas Edison

“Stop selling: start solving and serving” -

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.06.19

I keep trying to order the Downward is Heavenward vinyl reissue but it sells out immediately. Short story is, it’s just the singer from the now defunct band HUM, is releasing the reissue in pieces, cause he’s just one guy.

—-

Bagged up the Star Wars power of the force cardbacks in clear pages for a three ring binder

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Cky - the Phoenix

Ozma - Pasadena

Chrome sparks - goddess ep

HUM - downward is heavenward

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“You can’t exist In the world, without being a part of the world, and somehow that’s comforting, when you’re not where you want to be.” -ozma

“And she got me high,

And I barely noticed there were tears in her eyes.

And I miss you less and less every day,

It’s true the whiskeys gone and washed you away” - Margot and the nuclear so and sos

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.05.19

So I’ve been in Orlando for a couple months at this point. Back from my 6 month detour to Alaska.

Feels like I never left.

I don’t know if that’s a good statement or a bad one.

—

Bagged up some Buff Monster mini ice cream toys today. Been working on getting everything in plastic bags. Also I will start to labelling shit I want to get rid of with prices.

This is a little momentum toward having a booth at a con somewhere.

The real

Momentum would be to get a list of cons and then start spamming them for Frank and Tokyo Elvis and also for myself

—

Right, so coming back to Orlando. Not bad but it’s just me back in the same groove.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Toadies - rubberneck

Weezer - Pinkerton

Weezer pacific daydream

Queens of the Stone Age - songs for the day

Soundgarden - down on the upside

cky - infiltrtate destroy rebuild

Watching:

The Crow on bluray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Through the ages, we got stupid, and now we must repent” - Toadies

“She never gets wet; she smiles and it’s a rainbow” - Ben folds

“I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat” - death cab for cutie

“These things don’t belong

On my list at all” - cky

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.04.19

So I’m working last night (At STK if no one has been following) and I get a text from Naomi Singleton (now this is not the same Naomi who is Axxxxx cousin who I was messaging and Axxxxx got wind of it and ended things with me once again)

She was in Disney springs. I work in Disney springs.

So she hits me up asking what I’m doing after work; I say probably heading home, and she goes: orrrr you can hang out with me in Disney springs.

So we met for the first time, right in front of STK, by the bridge.

Very nice chemistry.

So we walked through the springs a little. Hugged and held hands. I sat her down on a bench behind house of blues

—-

What makes me follow the rules one day and disregard them the next?

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - Hurley

Foo Fighters - there is nothing left to lose

Local H - as good as dead

Local H - hey, killer

Watching:

22 jump street on bluray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Hang on til the break of the day” - Weezer

“I’m falling in love.. what was your name?” - Weezer

“Lately I’ve been feeling better

Wish I could stay sick with you” - Foo Fighters

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.03.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bombadil - hold on

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.02.19

Tina Watkins comes back tonite. I hope she’ll let me use her car carte Blanche. She is defiantly motivated by money so an extra hundo a week should do the trick.

So, however long it takes for me to get my income tax money back, I’m getting a vehicle. It blows not having one.

—-

Taking a break from the space for food and mail and maybe big lots for some shit

—-

Moved some good stuff around in the space. Those three bookshelves (one of the four didn’t make it) are really helping me maximize the Howard space in there.

—

I have to leave to pick Tina up now from the airport. Well, it was nice having the place to myself.

—-

So I sorted the car out with Tina, I’ll pay her and will use the car as I have been. Once I get that income tax return I’m gonna get a vehicle dammit.

Bagged up what loose Dunnys I had in a Tupperware

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Jason’s deli

Big lots

My storage space of fucking course

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Cosmo’s midnight - what comes next

Scott pilgrim vs. the world original score

Red animal war - breaking in an angel

Bjork - post

Bjork - debut

Chrome sparks - chrome sparks

Fishbone - gift a monkey a brain and he’ll swear he’s the center of the universe

Watching:

Trainwreck on Blu-ray

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sandwich bags for toys

Irving stickers

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“born as a data mine for targeted marketing, no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme” - Jeff Rosenstock

“Let’s just drink and fuckin be alive, not just survive” - NOFX

“Give me something beautiful; I’ll believe your lies” - Red Animal War

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

01.01.19

Made out with a girl from my table last night. She was 23 I believe. She was with her parents and already drunk due to New Year’s Eve festivities. She and I were vining to the point where I caught her coming out of the bathroom and asked if she wanted to kiss at 12. She said she was trying to get a kiss right now, and then we did. And it was pretty on all night after that. A few more random stolen makeouts, and then got her number before we left. She was gonna ditch her parents at some point and wait for me after work, but surely she passed out. Let’s hope I hear from her today.

—-

“I don’t even have an emotional attachment to that particular Nintendo” - me on a garbage Nintendo I just donated.

—-

Holy shit I’m leaving target and can smell the Pizza Hut style pizza they got going on in there and it’s really making me crave it. This keto shit has been going on for two and a half months at this point. Maybe I organize some manner of cheat meal.

—

Seeing Galina at the hospice her father is. It won’t be long for him now.

—-

Cxxxxxxxx came over tonite. Haven’t seen her since before Christmas. I gave her her birthday present that I picked up for her. We hung out at ale house for a drink and then came back this way.

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:

Back to Orlando

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis

Escape as a coping mechanism

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Target haha. Too high and only got a couple random things.

Listening to:

Hum - you’d prefer an astronaut

Swervedriver - mezcal head

Watching:

Scott Pilgrim vs the world

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Stranger things action figure on discount

Scott pilgrim on Blu-ray

BAMF score (I had a $75 store credit from trading in some Star Wars shit earlier last week):

Star Wars Han Solo vintage action figure

Ultraman fig

A couple Japanese older model kits

Packages received:

Star Wars power of the force bulk cardback set

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Every color mixed together

Will make another, in my reality” - Basenji

Quote of the day:

“You punched me in the boob; prepare to die obviously” - Scott pilgrim vs the world

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags:

0 notes