#jaredandcat

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A Portrait of a Tortured You and I - Chapter 5

His tongue was tangled with mine, dancing around my mouth. He tasted sweet and the way he smelled was utterly divine. I didn't want to break away for anything let alone air, but it had to happen. I was both exhilarated and drunk on his entire being. The dichotomy not lost on me. My head was spinning. In that moment I would have given anything to have him rip off my clothes and take me right there. I didn't realize how much I missed the touch of a man, but I was made fully aware by one kiss.

He completely pulled away from me and I felt a surge of panic moving it's way up through my chest. He regretted it. The kiss changed his mind. Fuck! This is what I knew would happen. He turned around and saw me.

"No, no, no kitty cat. It was perfect. I just needed some distance because I could have fucked you right on this rock in front of everyone." Jared squashed the doubt in my head running rampant.

"That would have been nice." I said coyly.

"You're gonna be trouble, aren't you? I'm an old man you know!" He joked.  "Maybe you're not as shy as you seem, hmm?" He walked back over to me and ran his fingers through my hair. "I look forward to finding out your true self.  But that will have to wait.  For now, I'm going to walk you back to your cabin and make an appearance around the island."

He descended the rocks and helped me down the last section onto the beach.  Taking my hand in his and lacing his fingers through mine, he said a simple thank you, then took my hand to his mouth for a chaste kiss.

We walked about a hundred feet and then he let go of my hand.  I knew what this meant.  We would be getting closer to the activity of the others, crew and Echelon.  I understood.  We were meant to be just fan and celebrity for the duration of camp.  I had to from this minute going forward, slide right back into who I was three hours ago.  It shouldn't be too hard, but I was a typical girl that wanted to immediately jump head first into all things Jared.  I had to resist that urge regardless of where we were.  It had been the demise of all my relationships, I'm sure.  I got too needy, too quickly. 

As we walked further and further towards the tents, cabins, and facilities, he started walking faster and faster to where I was lagging behind.  By the time we saw the first few people meandering around I was at least ten yards from him.  People immediately started bombarding him.  I guess most of these people were either new to Mars or never had been to any camps/ vip's.  You didn't see that happen much in Malibu.  People would stop and wave, say a quick hello, maybe he'd talk to a few people here and there, but there wasn't any bombarding.

He didn't seem to mind and once it happened it alerted a few of the counselors.  About five minutes later Kennon was by his side to escort him around unscathed.  It was the first time I had seen her, surprisingly.  I took the chance to explore this part of camp and took in all the sights, sounds, and smells.

Everyone and everything was so colorful and the atmosphere was light and cheery.  I was now more than ever so overjoyed to be here.  I finally spotted people I knew.  Not only knew, but these were MY people. My friends. Dana, Jen, Trish, Joey, Rachel and Mike were all over by the pool. I waved at them and then made a mad dash to be by their sides.

I had met each of them through the years at various events, and together we had all become the most eclectic group. We mostly only had Mars in common, with the exception of Rachel also being a writer. She was more successful than I, as she just completed her first novel and had sent it out into the publishing world. I was only slightly envious of her tenacity, but she cheered me on and gave me words of encouragement to keep powering through my block. It was her I needed to see and thank the most.

"Oh. My. God. You guys." I drew out the z sound on guys... I grabbed Rachel and hugged her. "I'm writing. Well sort of. I wrote two chapters earlier. They're not any good, but I'm writing. Thanks for encouraging me!"

"Catherine, I knew you could do it!  I'm sure they're really fantastic!" She exclaimed.

"Chatty catty, if you don't get over here and fondle me right now, I just know something isn't right." Joey said laughing. He was the funniest one of us all. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed his butt as he did the same to me.

"Get a room!" Dana said.

The next few minutes we caught up. I told them about my upgrade and they all agreed that I deserved it. Not a one of them felt slighted or upset. These really were my friends and cheerleaders.

Everyone was in their swimsuits but me and as we were all talking, I walked dangerously close to the edge when Mike got close and pretended to push me. I almost fell in from trying to avoid him. Everyone laughed until Natalie actually walked by me and sent me flying in anyway. People were shocked and I heard a few muttering around saying that it was wrong of her. The next thing I knew there was a splash next to me. I didn't see who it was, but I wasn't in the dark long. People were cheering and jumping in left and right. It was Jared, fully clothed. He came up for air, saying to me and only me: "You fall, I fall. Fuck her."

It was honestly the sweetest gesture and he had no idea how much it meant. He actually stayed in the pool and played with everyone. He periodically dunked and splashed people, even partaking in a game of water volleyball, if one could call it that.  About thirty minutes later, he got out.  Everyone was staring including me.  His clothes were clinging to all the right parts of his body.  He lifted his shirt up and over his head and the sounds of ovaries exploding left and right made him turn to us all and wag his finger at us.

"Ladies ladies... there's nothing to see here."

Joey chimed in and said, "That's right ladies, he's all mine."  Jared busted a gut at that and went full on Rayon.  "That's right, honey.  I'm all yours." He slapped his butt.

The hilarity was too much.  After the snickering died down, Jared told everyone how much fun he had, but that he needed his rest because he was of course an old man.  Why he insisted on saying that all the time, I'll never know.  He was younger at heart than any of us and God knows he looked it too. 

I finally emerged from the pool and Trish, who had not gotten in brought me a towel.  A few counselors were walking around telling us that there was a campfire with s'mores and a sing along in ten minutes.  I wasn't too keen on either the s'mores or singing, but I wanted to warm up by the fire.  I invited everyone to come check out my bungalow while I went back to change.  Everyone was eager to see what they looked like.

"So this is how the rich live?" Mike said.

"Oooh does the mini fridge have alcohol?" Joey opened the door.  "Whaa! It doesn't."

"Joey, you know camp is dry..." Dana added.

I went into the bathroom while they all looked around.  When I emerged, they all hushed.  "What?" I asked wanting to know what they were talking about.  And in unison they asked, "who did this for you?"

"I can't say."

"But you know, don't you?" Said Rachel.

"Yes."  That was all I could tell them.  Shannon didn't want even me to know, let alone my quirky pals.

"Okay... it's just kind of crazy, if you ask me.  When I asked how much the packages were, I was told 13,500 dollars.  But keep the secret."  Dana seemed annoyed.

"Maybe she isn't allowed to say?  Maybe it was Jared and she had to sign an NDA."  Joey joked.  "Is that it, honey?  Are you and Jared having a clandestine affair?"  My cheeks became flushed.  He was only half right.  Geez, this was going to be hard to keep from them.

I shook my head, but was afraid my body would give me away.  They left well enough alone and we left to go find the campfire.  Upon arrival I noticed Natalie off to the side flagrantly gawking at me.  It was unnerving.

"What's her deal, y'all?  Like does anyone have any idea why she is acting this way?  Last year, she was fine."  I knew none of them knew because we had discussed this right after the Vyrt incident, but Jen who had been conspicuously quiet most of the evening shifted her feet.  I was almost certain she knew something and I was positive this is why she was being so muted.

"Okay, Jen.  Spill the beans.  What's going on?"  I was going to get her to talk if it killed me.

"Ugh, alright Catherine.  But I'm warning you, you may not like what I say."  I acquiesced and let her know to continue.  "Remember the last night of camp?"  I vaguely did... "you know, when we had church of mars?  You went onstage during Rescue Me, along with Natalie and several other people."  I did remember that, and I was fairly certain I was about to have a lightbulb moment.  "Jared danced over to you and winked at you.  It was subtle.  No one from the crowd noticed, but Natalie did.  Then he twirled you around.  Not once did he really pay Nat any attention, but he was all over you."  I let her words sink in.  But I was obviously in denial about what happened that night because I don't remember him being paying particularly any more attention to me than anyone else.

"Oh Cat, come on!  He was all about you.  You have to remember that?"  She added.  "Okay, Jen, lets say that is how it happened.  What difference does it make?  I've seen him do the same with her before." I said.

"Yes, but she took it to mean that you were being flirty with him."

"Uhhh all women are flirty with him!"

"Yeah, but she actually think she has a shot with him.  You can't be this naive.  You've seen her Facebook posts where she says she's in love with him and she calls him her man.  She's actually delusional.  She thinks you're trying to steal her man."  Jen looked over at Natalie and shook her head mouthing "nutjob."

"I suppose this makes sense.  But to go the lengths she has seems too crazy, even for the most rabid of Echies."

"It doesn't stop there.  At the last show of the tour, in Phoenix... you went with your sisters.  You had VIP, your sisters decided last minute to come to the show and they didn't have it.  So you were conflicted about it."

"Yeah, but I went in and left them behind at their behest."

“Yeah, well when you and Trish were talking about how you felt bad about them not being able to come inside and none of you had the extra money to pay for them to do it.  Well, she overheard Jared... who must have heard you two talking, he... well he said to someone to make sure at the end during Closer to the Edge, that anyone that was with you, got up on stage.  She saw him point directly at you.  You and Trish were too busy talking to notice, but she saw it." 

This was all so surreal.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I remembered them being pulled onto stage and how excited they were.  We were all at the back of the pit because my sister was slightly claustrophobic.  I was surprised that someone had come to us and told us to go up. The memory of how it happened was a blur now.  But it was slowly coming back.

"So, I was online a few weeks after she attacked you on Vyrt and saw she had posted about this all, and how she was going to make sure you couldn't get close to Jared again.  I'm pretty sure she's even more pissed off now, that you're doing the VIP.  I'd really watch your back around her, Catherine.  I don't think she's finished trying to ruin you."

I looked at Natalie and noticed the devilish grin on her face.  I think Jen is right.  Natalie had something up her sleeve and I was certain things were going to go south fast.

@msroxyblog @callmeasyoulove

[i-writeandread-blog]

A Portrait of a Tortured You and I - Chapter 3

I had the bungalow to myself, but that's only because the VIP didn't sell out, otherwise, I'd have had a roommate.  I took advantage of the private bathroom and cleaned up properly.  I was distressed by my upgrade.  Not because I wasn't happy to experience it, but because I didn't need it nor want it.  Sure, I loved the band and I was a bit of a Jared girl.  But after fawning over him for the first five or so years, I became more realistic and began just to solely appreciate what Mars was all about; community, art, music, friendship, fun, connection.  The eye candy aspect was there always, but wasn't anything more than just a nice thing to look at.  I had been blessed through the years to have done numerous meet & greets, and was even around during the Artifact days getting the opportunity to go to the screening.  Heck, I was even at the Hive the night of the bomb threat.  This was probably why I was always broke. I spent all my money on Mars.

So these things afforded me opportunities to meet the band numerous times.  I just couldn't justify spending over $10,000 dollars to have even more access to Jared.  I could spend that money on four camp mars trips, rather than just one.  Not that I had access to that amount of cash in one sitting ever.  But, the point was someone spent it on me... and I didn't deserve it.  It should have been someone who never had the opportunities that I have had.

I got dressed and made my way out the door just in time for the vip welcome wagon to come around so they could let us know what was in store for us.  There was a total of 17 of us.  I was surprised that many people had shelled out the money to do this.  I knew only three of them. I wasn't surprised by them, they always did the most expensive packages.  I had no idea what they did for a living, but I wondered what it was.

We were escorted down to the stage area, where they had roped off a small area right at the stage for us. Since everything was outdoors and in an open area, anyone on the island already would be able to see the soundcheck, but they had sectioned off a perimeter of about 60 feet around the stage so no one could get too close to the action. It all seemed so strange to me. Paying so much when at 61 feet away you can see the exact same thing, but to each their own. I guess.

I shouldn’t have been letting it nag at me the fact that someone did this, but I should explain why it bothered me in more depth. I had been an Echelon almost since the inception of the band. I went to events, met so many interesting people, became friends with some. The usual stuff, I did some light street teaming, but I was always sort of in the shadows. I have a very outgoing personality, but for some reason I stayed pretty much to myself. I knew the familiar faces. Waved and nodded. Spoke to a few here and there. But Mars was very personal to me. I was drawn to them for reasons I couldn’t begin to explain to an outsider. For me, when Jared says, “it’s only for those who understand,” I have to say that is a million percent true. I’m sure every Echelon feels the same way and we all have our private reasons (or public) for why we needed them in our lives. But because I stayed to myself, I always felt like I knew everyone, but no one knew me. Even on social media... I knew of people, but I didn’t engage with them. For every outspoken “fan” like Natalie, there were probably 5 of me. It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t a part of that outspoken and well known clique.

Then another thing was the idea that I was being pitied. I knew I was a victim. I was a weak person. I didn’t want others to know it. No matter how strong I tried to be, I just wasn’t. I was disappointed that I would have to pass on Croatia, but I was certainly not wanting any charity. Yet, I received it anyway. From a total stranger, who I assume knows nothing about me.

The last reason, and Shayla picked up on it right away was the tiny bit of fear that I was being lured here, only to be hurt... whether it be emotionally or physically. I never didn’t feel safe around Mars, but I think it was a combination of the attack on me and then the way Natalie had treated me online -when I told everyone what happened- that made me no longer feel at “home.”

And yet here I am, feeling like I have to enjoy the package for all it is and get this persons money’s worth and that felt crippling. I felt like I was being forced to vacation, if that even makes sense. And don’t get me wrong, I do want to have fun, let my hair down and let loose. It was my favorite band. The only band I truly ever listened to and was so loyal to. I loved them. Everything about them. Nothing about Mars had changed. It was me. I was different. I didn’t know how to reconcile with that. I wanted my old self back and I didn’t think it would ever be possible. I was angry.

What those boys took from me (and unjustly so, as I hadn’t been the one to refuse them service) was my identity. The only thing in this world that belonged to no one else. I was mad at them. I was mad at myself, for letting them win. If they saw me on the street they probably wouldn’t even know who I am. Would I recognize them?

I was snatched out of my daydream to the sounds of cheers. I looked up and both Shannon and Jared had walked onto the stage. Shannon waved at us with a drumstick in his hand and sat down at his set. Jared walked over to us. I was on the end furthest from him. He leaned down to shake everyone’s hand, having mini conversations as he went down the line. When he reached me, he took my hand in his and said, “long time no see kitty cat.” I responded with, “who’s fault is that?” Then he jumped down and hugged me. The embrace caused a gasp from a few around he and I.

I was used to Jared doing things like that. Like I said before, I’ve been around awhile. But never has he ever been so affectionate. Not to me at least. I was honestly surprised he even remembered my name. Of course, he was the one who came up with kitty cat. It happened a few years back. I was at a meet and greet. I think it was a show in Atlanta, and when I walked up, instead of the usual procedure where you say a quick hello and take an equally quick picture, then walk away... he said to me: “I think it’s high time we were properly introduced. In all these years, I’ve never caught your name. I wonder why that is. Anyway, I’m Jared.” He extended his hand to me. I shook it, swooning the whole time and responded with, “uhhh cat umm Catherine.” He laughed at my stutter and said, “cat, like kitty cat? Cute. I’ll see ya around.” Then I walked off. I “met” him at a few meet and greets after that, but he hasn’t referred to my name or nickname since. Until today.

He was always so charming on stage whether it was an actual show or a soundcheck and today was no different. He sang little bits from various songs, only singing full versions of a couple. In between each one he’d make a joke or two. He danced around, shook his butt, grabbed one of the girls and brought her up to sing a few lines of hurricane. He joked about how we could do the concert better than him. And then it was over. We were told that dinner would be served in about an hour and sent on our merry way.

At the last camps we served ourselves in a buffet line. I believed that was what we would be doing here as well. Usually everyone comes, grabs their food, tries to find a spot to eat, does that quickly and moves on. It’s not something to write home about. I think majority of us don’t even look forward to the food (it is delicious) because our minds are on having fun. So breakfast, lunch, and dinner are more about sustenance rather than a milestone event. I had a mini bar style fridge in my bungalow already stocked with snacks and was just going to grab something out of there. I didn’t want to be social just yet, and I was sort of still jet lagged from flying in a few days ago.

I laid down on a much softer bed than I had expected and brought up the notepad on my iPad. I felt like writing. I wasn’t sure about what just yet, but I felt like I could breakthrough my writers block and start something. After about 45 minutes and two chapters, I heard people milling around outside. I grabbed some chips out of the fridge and a can of coke. I didn’t want to stop since I was actually on a roll, but I didn’t want to not eat something as it had been hours since my early breakfast this morning.

I was mid way through a paragraph and had a chip dangling in between my lips when I looked up and saw someone standing there. I jumped. The bag and it’s contents flying everywhere. The look of pure terror written all over my body.

“I’m so sorry, Miss. I knocked several times.”

“It’s okay, I think. Umm can I help you?” I was ready to scream if need be.

“Your presence is required at dinner. And don’t worry about cleaning that up. Your butler will do that.”

“Butler?” I said quizzically.

“Yes, Miss. Each bungalow has a private butler. They’ll restock the refrigerator if needed and clean up. They’ll be bringing you fresh towels daily, and should you need anything they can help out. I’ll walk you to dinner.” I shook my head. “That’s okay, I think I know where to go.”

“No, it’s in a secluded area. Come, follow me.” She started walking fast and I struggled to keep up. She apologized and flagged down a golf cart. We hopped on and were whisked away and past the main pavilion where the diners were eating. It looked like the last ferry had arrived, but I wasn’t sure. We arrived at an area that looked very much off limits for the regular guests and she pointed to three tables down by the water. At each table were the other vip guests. “Here ya go, and please check your itinerary next time. Everyone is waiting for you.”

I walked down and heard light huffs and puffs as I got closer. Someone said, “you’re late and we are starving.” Jared stood up and said, “that’s not necessary. She’s here now and the food is still warm and tasty.” I looked around for a place to sit. The tables were arranged so that the table Jared was at was facing all of us. I noticed that each table setting had a name plate. I couldn’t see mine.

Jared laughed and pointed to a chair next to his. I shook my head no. He walked over and ushered me to it anyway. Whispering in my ear, “this is your seat.” Motioning to my name. I was sitting in between him and Emma. Shayla was on his other side.

“I don’t understand. The rest of the group is at the other tables. I’m not crew.” Jared waved his hands to stop me. “I didn’t make up the seating chart, that’s Emma’s purview. But I know enough to just follow what she says. A mad Emma is a force to be reckoned with.” He laughed. I looked out and everyone was glaring at me. “I really should go sit at one of the other tables. But before I do, I have to know... Jared did you arrange my trip here?”

He looked at me very puzzled and said, “what are you talking about?” Shayla looked at me dead in the eyes and shook her head no.

@msroxyblog

[i-writeandread-blog]

A Portrait of a Tortured You and I - Chapter 4

Jared looked to Emma and then to Shayla. He honestly didn't know what I was talking about. Shayla made it clear silently that he was not responsible for my trip. Emma stopped me from getting up and in a loud enough tone so that anyone listening could hear said, "Catherine, you're at this table because there is an odd number of guests. You were the last person booked, so when I did the seating chart, I had placed you here. If you go to one of the other two tables you would be facing away from us. I didn't think that any of our guests would want that." I understood instantly and felt so ashamed.

Jared leaned in. "That's a beautiful shade of red in your cheeks." I turned even brighter. "That happens when you've been put in your spot, apparently." I said loud enough for Emma to hear. "I told you a mad Emma isn't good." I agreed with him.

"You gonna explain what your question meant?"  He asked.

"It's nothing. It's not important."  There wasn't any real reason to involve him in this.  I doubt he'd be much interested in the story anyway.  The waiter came to the rescue and started placing our food in front of us.

The dinner was a five course meal and better than anything the other island guests were encountering right now but for the price of this package, it would have to be. I wasn't really hungry, but I tried to eat everything. Jared plowed through the first three servings as if it were the last meal he was going to have. I half expected him to start eating off of my plate, but he didn't. As eccentric as he can be, he knew his boundaries.

"Are you not enjoying the food?" He inquired.

"It's very good, but I'm not used to so much food. I live on a budget. Give me a burger and fries any day. But this is exceptionally delicious."  I didn't want to sound like a snob, ironically speaking. 

Jared mentioned Shannon several times to Shayla and seemed agitated that he hadn't come to dinner yet.  After the third time, I looked up and there he was walking around greeting the guests.  "Finally!" Jared huffed.

"Excuse me, kitty cat.  Enjoy the rest of your meal."  He stood up, walked to Shannon, whispered something, then bid farewell to all the guests.

Shannon came over and sat down next to me and spoke first. "Hello darling, how's the grub?"  Typical Shannon, not one to be all prim and proper.  "It's very yummy.  You should have some." I suggested.  "No way.  I just had pizza.  I just came to say hello to everyone."  And with that he stood up and left.  He was clearly just doing his obligated duty.  I couldn't blame him.  I'm not a fancy kinda gal either.

The last two courses came out and once we had all ate, it was rather late.  Oddly enough, I was wide awake.  Everyone made their way back to the main part of the island, but I asked Emma (after apologizing for the misunderstanding) if I could hang back and just enjoy the lack of people and peace and quiet.  I wasn't afraid out here.  I came to realize that this is the area where the crew and possibly Jared, Shannon, and Stevie were staying.  I had no intention of seeking them out and Emma didn't seem to think I was a threat, either.   She said I was welcome to wander around as much as I'd like.  I thanked her and set off into the water.

I was wearing a long sundress and lifted the bottom of it up and tied it around my upper thighs.  I watched everyone cleaning up and slowly disappear, until I was the only one there. It started to get dark while I waded around in the warm Adriatic Sea.  The peacefulness was astounding.  I wanted to take it all in.  I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance to see anything like this again.

I started to drift off into my imagination and completely forgot about space and time when a voice not so far away spoke up.  "I talked to Shay.  You need to know that I am truly sorry about what happened."  I didn't know what Jared had been told so I played dumb to see.

"What happened to whom?"  I questioned.

"I know you were bullied by someone on Vyrt." I heard him sigh loudly.  "I know what happened at your job."  At hearing that - I did a double take.  "Excuse me?  How can you know that?" I wasn't expecting him to have any idea.

"Cat, it was Shannon who had you upgraded.  Come up here and sit down by me, I'll explain everything."  I did as I was told and went over to the large rocks jutting out from the shore into the ocean. I climbed up to where he was and sat facing him.  He grabbed both of my hands in his and began.

"I was going to get rid of Vyrt."  He paused.  Looked off at the distance, then continued.  "I was upset after what happened at the Bowl.  Anyway.  I was going to get rid of it, but people were still going on there and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I had Shayla go on there one night just to see how much activity was still going on.  She saw what that girl Natalie said.  She felt bad.  The next day, she went into the system and marked your account as paid.  She found an article about the attack and a few weeks after she emailed you she was talking about it to some of the people in the lab and I guess Shannon happened to overhear on his way out.  You with me?"  I must have been in a daze, but I was hearing everything he said.  I nodded.  "Okay, so Shannon said to her that he wanted you to have the vip.  He made sure she upgraded you, then told her to send you the money to cover the cost of a flight and hotels.  It was Shannon and not me.  He doesn't want you to know, but I felt you deserved to since Shayla said you're having a hard time and you're on edge.  Cat... I wish it had been me.  If I had known, I'd have flown you here with me."

I pulled away from him, desperate to let this sink in.  I stood up, but didn't leave.  I pondered what he had just said, I was clearly stuck on the part where he was wishing it had been him to come to my aid.

“Why?"

He clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth.  "Ohhh kitty cat! Is it not obvious to you that I like you?  You're so fucking innocent."

"Wha.... what do you... you mean?"

He stood up and closed the gap between us.  He grabbed my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes.  "I've been looking for a way to get your attention every time I've seen you at the shows and meet and greets.  I thought that was obvious.  But you always seemed so disinterested, so much to the point that I doubted I could have you. Am I wrong in thinking that?"  I almost passed out.  I felt my knees buckle and I became lightheaded.  Jared sensed that and slowly lowered me back to a seated position.  He not once let go of me.

"Of course I was always interested in you.  I am but a normal woman. However; I'm a realist, Jared.  You're a super famous guy.  You can have damn near anyone you want... guy or girl.  Hell, I thought you were in a relationship anyway!  I never thought I stood a chance with you and even if I had thought I did, I would never have made a move first.  What was I supposed to do? Throw myself at you at a five second hi and bye?"

"Hi and bye?" He busted out laughing.  "That really is kind of what it is, isn't it?"  He kept laughing.  "I guess you're right, I do seem unavailable.  I have to have this perfect balance of appearing single and yet unobtainable at the same time.  Like, you can dream about me, but you can't have me.  It's the mystery.  People need that.  I am single, by the way."

“That's a weird juxtaposition, Jared.  But I think I get it. People most often want the one thing they can't have.  That's how it is with fans of celebrities."

We stayed silent for a few moments and then it dawned on me that this may just be our undoing.  "Jared, is this a classic case of what I just said?  You want me because you thought you couldn't have me?  But if you get me, you won't want me anymore?"

He sighed.  "Cat, I can't honestly know that.  You'd be putting me in the worst spot by having me say no, when I can't know the future.  But what I do know is I'd love to see where this could go."

I shook my head.  "This is all too over the top for me.  I'm just letting it sink in that this was an inside job getting me here.  And I'm so thankful that I am here and I can definitely feel a sense of relief knowing the circumstances.  But, remember what I said earlier.  I'm a simple person.  Burger and fries, Jared. I just don't see how I fit in your world.  It is one thing chasing you and your band around the globe and happily paying to do so, but being more than just another Echie... I just don't know about that."

"But you've always been more than that in my eyes.  Let me tell you a story. My story about a girl named Cat. I remember a shy girl dancing close to a stage while a small band was just getting their start as the opening act. There was a mosh pit right next to her and she was so oblivious to it... she just kept dancing. That image stuck with me. I burned her face into my memory. I didn’t see that girl again until a year later at The Roxy. I knew instantly. Then miraculously I saw that girl three more times within the span of a week. I went up to her and said hello, she smiled and I could tell she was nervous, but she remained calm on the surface. I hated myself for not catching her name. Through the years I’d see her. As our band got bigger it became increasingly harder to catch her in the crowds but inevitably she’d be at least one show during our various tours and I’d spot her. Then I created Adventures in Wonderland and I started doing what you call our hi & byes and she’d come. One day, I asked her, her name. She almost forgot it. She glowed. And every time I’d see her she was more and more beautiful and more and more of an enigma to me. I never knew when she’d pop up, but when she did those were always my best shows. You don’t understand the power you have in your hands, Cat. You made me want to perform at my best. Just so that girl could have fun and dance. Your support meant so much. You were there kind of from the beginning, no clue who we were, but you gave us a chance. And you didn’t choose to just like us, but you helped promote us too. I promise you... you are more than just an Echelon. You embody the reason I make music. For the kindred spirits, for the ones who get it. For the ones who are willing to dance to the beat of their own drum amidst the chaos and craziness of a mosh pit.”

I was putty in his hands. I had no idea he had paid that much attention. Never would I have guessed that in a million years. I knew he would recognize me. It’s kind of hard not to when you see each other at events so often, but to have really truly noticed me and looked forward to seeing me. That was hard to believe, but I believed him. He knew the timeline. He even knew what shows I was at. And I know the man has a bad memory, at least when it comes to lyrics.

“Let me prove to you that this could be not only real, but also worthwhile.” With that he leaned in so close. His eyes searching mine, asking an unspoken question. The answer was yes, he read me very well. His lips found mine, kissing me and taking my breath away.

@msroxyblog