#jj.personal

[foreverxdaydreaming]

hello hello guess who's still alive 👀

feels weird to be away from tumblr sm bc this place has always felt like & always will be like home away from home

[foreverxdaydreaming]

just a vent post bc i really needed to get today's trauma out of my system. tw: panic attack, lightning, near death.. and whatever else applies cause i'm too fried rn to remember anything else.

just almost got struck by lightning when i went out to pick up my mom's medicines and go get food. twice. decided to forego the latter because i was too busy crying and shaking and just barely managed to make it home mid panic attack. like every time any light flashed or thunder rumbled i would legit scream and just start crying/shaking harder. it was raining so hard i couldn't see anything ahead of me, much less since it's night, and seeing through tears on top of that was horrible. managed to calm down enough park and run back home once it let up a little and once i make it home..... mom sees me all panicked and basically just goes "told you you should have head out sooner".... i'm out here jumping at every little noise because i'm absolutely terrified rn and THAT'S what you choose to say? i'd have rather she not acknowledge me at all than make it worse and say i'm being dramatic (which she did). she was just yesterday telling me about how she almost got struck as a kid and is still terrified BUT ME AND MY SHAKING CAR ARE BEING DRAMATIC??? and then after i locked myself in my room to avoid that shit she comes trying to be all "i know you're scared and angry rn but you're fine. so what are we gonna eat now that you didn't get anything?" yeah sorry i should've risked my life a third time for a fucking mcchiken, you're SO right mom, how dare i leave you foodless? i'm pulling the "oh but we have food at home" card on her rn bc i just don't want to deal with any of this rn. god knows how much worse my dad will make things when he comes back from wherever tf he went. i think i'm just gonna go back to sleep or whatever i'm way too tired after those two back to back attacks holy shit. sorry for the long ass vent post but clearly i had no one to talk to about this and i needed to get some stuff off my chest before i ended up in a third mf panic attack.

best wishes everyone, stay safe, best of luck.