#joe if ive ruined anything im sorry but i think this is allowed

[clickityweasel]

Wait.....

There are too many dnd parties. Who's in which?

I want to know who's in the art/comics

ooh ok!! so! get ready for a long post!! (my immediate response 2 seeing this ask was basically the screaming seagull meme so. i am going 2 ramble. i am going 2 ramble under a readmore actually because this is going to be a lot)

there are two parties with different players acting independently in the same city at the moment (the city is called Corner and could get an essay of its own honestly), and aside from the dm i'm the only player in both, which means i am the bearer of the curse (many juicy secrets). we're deliberately not sharing anything between the actual players so that if/when we do all someday meet, we can get some really good genuine responses to whatever it is that's shared in character. i am half looking forward to and half dreading playing two characters simultaneously because i've seen joe make players do it before and i dont think i can handle being a foppish bard and a miserable geriatric all at once. there's also a blog specifically for campaign aesthetics lmao @askh-thetics

the two parties are Calleach's Ward (lvl 11), and the Planet Raiders (lvl 6). they do not know the others exist, but the odd rumour of the ward's actions are occasionally drifting towards the raiders, because they tend to make uh. more public moves.

Raiders are probably easier to nail down characters as it's just the four pcs at the moment:

left to right are Nephythys, a tiefling witch played by @becausesecondsnotthesame, Nerve, a virian (half orc) kind-of-artificer-but-actually-a-homebrew-class-the-dm-made, Myah, an aasimar illrigger/hell knight played by @recovering-vamp, and Alistair Fonley, beloved human rogue played by @geoantennae.

all hand picked by our dragon patron Lady Vesper to explore the old worlds (ancient, abandoned, technologically advanced planets that most of the inhabitants of this world originally came from before the elves and vir bombed the whole place back to fantasy era technological capabilities) and bring back whatever they can get their nasty little hands on. morally ambiguous, in it for the cash and the exploration, having to keep the fact that they can travel to space a major secret because that is Not common technology.

Calleach's Ward on the other hand! oh boy!! bound by oath to "stand in the path of destruction" and protect the chains that hold the fragments of this planet together, the ward has been playing since september 2019 and has therefore been through a lot more pcs in that time. and yes i am going to list all of them. heads up there will be terrible old art in here.

the orignal party comp was (starting at fall w his back to us and going clockwise round the table) Fall, elf bard, Claudia, human ranger, Iovanus, virian monk, Aamali, aasimar warlock, Anyte, dwarven cleric (played by @femmemins), and Kaius, tiefling rogue. (yes i only draw full party shots in taverns, what of it.)

Iovanus was eventually replaced by Elias, human artificer and eternal victim of bullying by the rest of the party for being Vaguely Sensible. Aamali and Claudia's players left over time, and for a while Anyte and Kaius were replaced with Ranha (merfolk barbarian/pirate, @femmemins‘s new guy) and Lila (elf witch) respectively. also during this time fall (who is the only member who has stayed exclusively with the ward since joining) got alchemically petrified (by an enemy) then alchemically reanimated (by Elias), so he looks a little different nowadays, being made of stone and all

NOW however, we've moved from Kingdom to Corner; Lila and her moth gf went off in one direction, Ranha in another, Elias returned to the Virum Orcorum, and Anyte came home but as a valour bard now! Fall and Anyte travelled to Corner to rescue Kaius from whatever nonsense he had gotten himself into, and enlisted the help of Rikixio, a dragonborn beastheart / private investigator who decided that the party as it stood was interesting and chaotic enough that he wants to stick around and see what they do next. which means the "ward" at this point is these chucklefucks

and i love them

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

[hypnotized-by-your-name91]

JM, the things my hearts been needing to say...

there are a few things i have been meaning to tell you but i cant. i cant get myself to find the courage to text you... not because im afraid of what you will say but because i know you dont care about me or i how i feel anymore. i know you wont have anything to say. Its almost as ny thoughts are too much sometimes and i.have so much to say i lose track what i want to say. ill try to keep it simple but i dont know if i can - because you meant something to me. you mean something to me to the point four months later i cant shake the feelings...or feeling.

so here goes nothing.

first i wanted to say i have refound myself. im more in touch with myself than i ever have before. since i lost you i went on this whole self discovery. ive learned to love myself.

two. because of you i know im worthy. i know my worth and i really have become to love myself like always should have. i know i shouldn't be sexond best or on option.. never should i be the side.chick

three. i found out more of what i want out of a relationship..

four. what we had felt more real to me than anything ive ever had romantically woth anyone... even of i was on the side. you made me feel special. our 4 hour phone converstion really helpled ease the loneliness.

five. you put my heart back together but then you broke it all over again.

six. the the time we had something i waz trying to fix myself. i was trying to see how things went wrong with chris. i was trying to be more for you.

seven. i wanted to be all that you wanted me to be. i wanted to do things for us. for once i wanted to better my life for us. but in the back of my mind there wasnt an "us"... really.

eight. im sso very very sorry joe for not trying to out the pieces in my life together so i could be more stable for us.. the maybe "us". i keep thinking joe if i would have gotten my lisence or did this or did that.. and got more stable than you would have choosen me. i wanted it to be.

nine. Joe, im so so so so sorry for letting what we had become public. i keep thinking about over and over again. i ruined your trust.

ten. how could you just leave me like that?!?! like i nevet ever fucking mattered to you!!! how could you?!?!? after you yold me every day that you going anywhere.. do you know how heartbreaking that was to be close to you ine minute.. and then me completely nothing to you the next.. it fucking hurt...more than you will ever know.

eleven. some days i just fucking hate you.. i just fucking hate you. i wish i never met you.

twelve. i cried for weeks. no not just cried. i sobbed in my bed at night and during the day. the whole Christmas break... i knew by then i lost you.

thirteen. even when we were something.. i had horrible nights and i couldnt text or call you and it drove me nuts because i knew you would be able to calm me down. i needed you there, and you couldnt be because of her. because you never really wanted to be there toward the end. i would have nights where i were up late night crying my eyes out becuase id had a horrible fight with my friends and you were the person i wanted to turn too. i needed you there. but you had her. i needed you in my arms and hold me so tight like you always did.

fourteen. although shit hit the fan, and you dont care anymore. thank you, Joe. thank you for everything because what i went through you had made me so strong.

sixteen. having your arms around gave me a feeling i never wanted to lose. being able to just lay here in my bed and look into those beautiful green eyes of yours did something to me i cant explain. i felt something different with you. some how i made myself belive you felt the same

eighteen. i never thought id lose you but my heart knew all along. something always felt so wrong.

nineteen. i wish i were her. not in the sense of you cheating on her countless of times but the way you love her. i want you to love me like you love her.. or so if you do. i get jealous sometimes.. i really do but then again.. you are probably cheating on het again with someone else besides me so no.

twenty. if you so called love her then why did you make love to me, hold me, touch me, kiss me..ect..? i know she works nights and you feel lonley but thats not a reason to do that.

twenty-one. i hope she finds out. not because i want her to hurt but because she needs to know what kind of man you really are. she needs to know she os worth more than cheating lieing ass. maybe she knows but stays for the sake of it.

twenty two. if you arent happy then just fucking leave her.. i know you got everything made there but come on? cant stay in a place you are miserable. hence why i left burgaflex. i know you got a house with her, i know you are stablr there.. i know you have her kids.. but those are hers.. you have no responsibility for them..point blank. you cane get your own house.. just saying.. you make enough.

twenty three: i fell in love with you at one point but no longer am. i got some love for you still and i care.

twenty four: it fucking puts a knife through y heart that you dont care anymore. it makes me feel like everything was a lie. i was nothing to you.

twenty five: somedays i think you are a narcissist. you pretty much gaslighted me.

twenty six: reall honesty? i really never allowed myself to open up to you because i knew i wouĺdnt get the same in return

twenty seven. i hate that you cant own up to what you did to me. i cant even get an im sorry for your lips. those lips that always said, i never want to hurt you or her.

twenty eight. i hate that its been what feels like months and you still cant say a fucking word to me. you got some issues to sort out. i know o was never the issue. i know i got issues but i have been working on them. like i said, i was making myself better for you. i really was...

twenty nine. some days i still have hope that your name will show up on my phone with some kind of apology so then i can tell you things ive needed to say. i guess this will help.

Thirty. id never take you back....

thirty one. i find myself thinking of you still. not as much as i use too.. just have my moments. you are not the first thought in the morning and last thought at night anymore.

thirty two. you lost me.. but a part of you still lives inside me of. the memories we made will live on forever. those were special to me

thirty three. i saw some kind of furture with you and that says a lot. i wanted to build with you. i found myself thinking what it would be like to take trips with you,waking up next to you, and living with you.

thirty four. hate myself some days for how i let you control this whole thing. i needed some control. you had it all. i hate myself somedays for agreeing when my heart wanted more when yours didnt.. but thats what your lips spoke to me.. sometimes..

I hope you come across this some day.