#joyce molleur

[lushscreamqueen]

MANOS: HANDS OF FATE  - 1966 on the Schlocky Horror Picture Show

OPENING; Hello and welcome to the SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. I am your host Nigel Honeybone, and boy do I have a treat for you today. That is if treat means piece of schlock I would rather gouge my eyes out than see again!  Some films are so bad, they're good meaning "fun" or "entertaining" or at least "interesting"... But few films can claim to be so dreadful; you actually feel physical pain while viewing them. And so take the batteries out of that remote and out them to some other use as we sit back and enjoy the root canal that is MANOS: HANDS OF FAT!, sorry I mean FATE!

BREAK :  Are we there yet? Are we there yet?, I told you , you should have gone before we left. It's too late now. There is no turning back. Mostly because I told you to hide the batteries to the remote.  So now like me you will have to watch....these commercials and then come back to...MANOS: HANDS OF FATE!

MIDDLE: Sometime in the mid 1960's, Hal P Warren successful fertilizer salesman from El Paso met Stirling Silliphant, of  "In the Heat of the Night" and Towering Inferno" fame  and "The Swarm" shame, who  was visiting El Paso to scout out film locations. After several conversations with Silliphant, Hal P Warren somehow got it into his head that he could give up the joyous world of fertiliser and makes a movie as well as anybody in Hollywood.  Which is, of course high grade fertilizer, But after pounding out a script tentatively called The Lodge of Sins, he rounded up a few college kids like Diane Mahree as the wife Decided he would play the Husband, Michael himself and threw in child actor Jackie Neyman as little Debbie which proved to be useful as her mommy made all the costumes and her puppy Shanka played the hell dog while Daddy Tom Neyman plays Frank Zappa, sorry I mean the Master. I guess the Master DID approve. After all he actually painted that portrait himself. It was his only pay check too. To pad it out he got some actors from the local community theatre, John Reynolds as TORGO!!! Is one of the most  monsters since Steven Hawkins was pre -programmed,  add a few models from a nearby Mannequin Manor modelling agency like Stephanie Neilson, Jay Hall, Bettie Burns, Pat Coburn, Pat Sullivan,  Sherry Proctor and Robin Reed, to be his cast. Say what you want about old' Hal, but he must have been a hell of a fertilizer salesman to convince so many others that he could really do this. A pity then that the camera Hal used, was a 16mm Bell & Howell model that had to be wound by hand, meaning it could only record film for roughly thirty seconds at a time. I guess that explains MOST of the choppy editing for most, though not all of it can be blamed on the camera. The Motto of the Film Became, "We'll fix it in the Lab". To make matters worse, it couldn't record sound so all dialogue and sound effects were dubbed in later. Little Debbie cried when she first heard her recorded voice. But then, I cried when I first saw this film. Or I would if I had tear ducts and ...eyes. And Twenty Thousand dollars later Voila, you have "MANOS: THE HANDS OF FART". sorry FATE.  MANOS is actually Spanish for Hands, so technically it's called Hands Hands of Fate. I guess it's lucky they didn't call it CAHONNES!  For reason totally amazing to me the majority of the cast and crew never appeared in another movie after this.  In spite of all of this, Hal somehow managed to get MANOS booked in an actual El Paso theatre, and it even got a fair amount of coverage in the local press leading up to its premiere. However, at the first showing, nonstop audience laughter prompted the cast and crew to sneak out halfway through. See if you can work out why as we return to our film of the night MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE!"

CLOSING:   I'm Sorry, I'm truly truly sorry. It almost makes Chevy Chase's Family Vacation films rentable again.  Better Wally World than "Torgo's Bed and Breakfast."  Or the little Spoken of 2004 visit to "TORGO'S HOTEL" And yes originally Torgo was meant to be a Satyr.  John Reynolds made the legs put of metal framing himself with a little help from Tom Neyman. But then they were never shown on screen. Plus the fit was incredibly painful and to make matters worse he was wearing them wrong which caused him great discomfort and led to him becoming addicted to pain killers. Much like I will be when this show ends.  Curiously four of the actors that appeared in this film had all committed suicide within the year following the film's release. They were John Reynolds , Diane Mahree , Joyce Molleur ,the cough syrup/heavy petting girl, and Sherry Proctor the Master's first wife.   Everyone in the film could be spokespeople for attention deficit disorder. All of the principal actors continually flub lines, miss cues, stare into the camera, or aren't aware that they're on camera for the first few seconds of a great many scenes. If you watch carefully, you can also make out Hal Warren mouthing the word "cut!" a few times just before a scene transitions to another. There is also a veritable bouquet of uncomfortable silences as the actors stand around waiting for, and apparently not receiving their cues as they're committed to film. It is almost palpably painful to watch. The stars and crew worked sans pay check but were promised huge percentages of the profits. I guess you can see how THAT worked out. Except little Debbie. She got a bicycle and all she had to do was become an 8 year old bride of Satan. For which Hal got a slap across the face at the opening night. Mommy was not impressed with the implications. I guess that's why Quentin Tarintino has said it's one of his favourite "comedies." What more can any sane man say except "Toodles!"

by Lushscreamqueen May 19, 2009

[erics-idle]

Manos: The Awkward Silence of Fate