#jumpy John TM

[transformationstuck]

[1] Karkat wants to me matesprits with John, but unfortunately, John is Not A Homosexual^TM. After doing some research on human sexuality and discovering the definition of being straight is “being attracted to the opposite sex”, Karkat comes up with the idea of having John turn into a girl. With that definition, that would mean John would then be attracted to boys, and thus Karkat would have a chance.

(Disclaimer: I don’tactually think Karkat would do that to someone (IMO they’d do it the other wayaround, i.e. Karkat into a girl), but this is what the prompt asked for, sow/e. Also, ask is truncated from the original to avoid spoilers.)

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have a problem; one JohnEgbert. Stupid, sexy John Egbert. Ever since the humans had met up with whattrolls remained, you’ve been unable to get the human boy off your mind. You’vecaught yourself staring at him whenever he entered a room, and been caughtdoing so multiple times. Finally, after about a perigee of this, Johnconfronted you about it.

“Karkat, I’m flattered, really!” he’d said. “But I’m notinterested in boys like that.”

Of course, to your vastly superior troll think pan, genderhad absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction, so this statement confusedyou. When you’d asked him to clarify, he’d simply sighed and said that he was“not a homosexual”. This, of course, clarified nothing to you, but to John itseemed to be the final word on the matter, so you dropped it.

Later, you started doing some research. You’d booted uphuman Google and started searching, and found that this “homosexual” thing wasa big deal for humans. Apparently they couldn’t reproduce with someone unlessthey were the opposite gender? That just seemed so inefficient to you, but it’ssomething you’re going to have to deal with even if you don’t understand it.

You let the matter drop for some time. You put in aconscious effort to not stare at Egbert’s ass, and were starting to succeed.But then, while you were making some grubtoast, the answer finally hit you.

Heterosexual – a.Sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.

Of course. It was so simple. If John was a girl, then theopposite sex for her would be males. And you’re a male, so she’d be attractedto you! You can’t believe Past Karkat didn’t think of this already.

Which brings you to the present, where you’re asleep in yourrecuperacoon, scouring the bubbles for a god-tier version of Feferi. You’vebeen searching on-and-off for about two weeks now, and you’ve asked otherghosts to spread the word around, so hopefully one would come out of thewoodwork soon.

As you round a corner, transitioning from rolling desertdunes to the purple spires of Derse, you spot one, hovering in the air, lookingout onto the cityscape below.

“Feferi!” you call out. She turns to face you quizzically,her white, dead eyes meeting yours before a massive grin engulfs her face.

“Crabcatch! Glub glub glub! Hi!” she says in her usualear-piercing, far too excited tone. God, you’d forgotten how loud she is.

“Sweet mother grub’s prolapsed egg chute,” you say, cringingat the noise, “could you be a tiny bit quieter?If I go deaf I’m not gonna be able to hear anything you’re saying!”

“That’s not how hearing works, dummy!” she says, closing inon you.

“Maybe for seadwellers, but holy fuck, my auricular spongeclots are screaming in pain here! And pain is usually a good indicator that youshould stop doing the thing causing it!”

“Alright, fine, sheesh! Don’t be such a coralybaby!” shesays, slightly softer.

You pause, staring up at her unamusedly. “That was a stretchand you damn well know it.”

She shrugs. “What can I say? Force of halibut.”

“Oh my god, do not start with this. Believe it or not thereis a reason I am talking to you right now, and – surprise! - it’s not to exposemyself to your shitty puns!”

Feferi pouts. “But Crabcatch…”

“No buts! I’ve had far too many discussions derailed sincethe humans came here and I’m not about to let this one slide off the tracks aswell!”

She sighs and gently lands on her feet. “Fin. What did youwant to glub about, oh great, no-nonsense, can’t-have-fun leader of ours?”

“Don’t-“ you say, almost immediately, much quieter now.“Don’t call me your leader. I don’t- I don’t deserve that title.”

Feferi tilts her head questioningly. “Why? What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But-“

“Hey, remember what I said about keeping the locomotivefirmly on the tracks?” you say, returning to full volume. “That still applies!”

“You’re the one who changed the subject!”

“Fine! Consider that diversion firmly halted! Thecontrollers have caught the mistake and the overland railed freight vehicle isback on its normal route!”

“Okay!” Feferi says. And the says nothing else for aboutfive seconds. “You haven’t told me what you wanted to talk about yet.”

You blink, and then introduce your forehead to the palm ofyour hand. They’ve been becoming quite good friends recently. “Right. So. Lifepowers. I need them. Specifically, the genetic mutators.”

“Why?”

“Uh…” you say, stalling while you try and think of a wayto put this.

Feferi apparently knows enough based on the blush creepingonto your cheeks, because she squeals again, shaking her fists back-and-forthexcitedly. “Ooh, it’s a romance thing? Who is it, Crabcatch? Who is it? Tellmeeeeeee!”

You can’t believe you’re that transparent. Maybe you’ll haveto study how Dave keeps his mask up so well. “It’s uh…” you say, hesitantly.“It’s John.”

This time you pre-empt the squeal by sticking your fingersin your sponge clots, but it does little to dampen the high-frequency soundwaves piercing through your skull. “You and John? That’s so adorabubble!” Shepinches your cheek and, on pure instinct, you swat her arm away, unsheathe yourclaws, crouch down and growl at her. She seems unamused. “Wow, someone sure isjumpy!”

Your growl gradually starts to fade as your conscious mindstarts to catch up. “You should know better than to do that. You’re not human,you can’t pull the ignorance card here.”

“Speaking of humans…” she says, raising her eyebrows. “Whydo you need my life powers for seducing John?”

“It’s, well… how much do you know about human sexuality?”

“Ah, I see,” she nods in understanding. “He’s not attractedto guys, is he?”

“I know! What the fuck is with that anyway!”

She shrugs. “If they can only make grubs with the oppositesex, of course there’s a psychological pressure away from attraction to thesame sex.”

“Feferi,” you say, pinching the bridge of your nose.“Rhetorical question.”

“Right, right! But you do know that I can’t just go intopeople’s minds and change how they think, right? That’s very much a Vriskathing to do!”

You shake your head hastily. “No, no, I don’t need that.”

“Then what do you need?”

“Well… if he’s attracted to the opposite sex… what ifyou turned him into a girl?”

Feferi pauses for a moment, and then her eyes light up andher grin somehow gets even wider. “Crabcatch,I like the way you think!”

—————

And thus, Feferi agreed to help you win over John by turninghim into a girl, thereby making him attracted to makes by the definition ofheterosexuality – and thus, hopefully, to you.

Feferi told you that the entire process would take about aweek to complete, but on the first day you’re already spotting some subtledifferences. Him and Dave walk side-by-side chatting quite a lot, and you’vegotten used to how they look together. So it immediately catches your eye whenthey enter the common room and John is half a head shorter than he was evenyesterday. Everyone else notices it too, even Dave – although nobody decides tobring it up. They simply stare for a second or two, before shaking it off astheir eyes deceiving them and going back to whatever it was they were doing.But you know better. You know this is the start of something much, much bigger.

On the second day, John’s clothes don’t quite fit himanymore, and his hair has started to grow out. He’s noticed something’s up bynow, and is nervously starting to question people about it. He probably thinksthat he’s coming down with some strange disease – a thought that’s probablyonly reinforced when midway through taking with Kanaya all of his facial hairfalls out. They both stop and just kind of stare at the hair floating throughthe air, up until Kanaya accidentally breathes some in, causing a coughing fitthat John seems to find very amusing.

On the third day, his clothes fit again. His god-tier outfitis adapting to his changing body – and boy has his body started changing. Hiships are noticeably fuller now, his face has started to round out, and youswear you can see the hint of spheres starting to form. All the humansbasically follow him everywhere now, all of them concerned for the wellbeing oftheir friend. You’re kind of envious of them – how when one of their number isin trouble they all band together to try and solve the problem, comforting eachother with their presence. While they’re around John looks as happy as ever,but as soon as they’re gone you can see the confusion in his eyes. You wishtrolls could catch that human disease called friendship.

On the fourth day, Rose figures out what’s going on. It’skind of hard to miss at this point. John now sports a well-developed set ofspheres – or “breasts” as the humans are calling them – and the fat on his legsis starting to redistribute itself. His arms are getting thinner and his handsare getting smaller – a fact that was highlighted harshly to him when he foundhe could no longer interlace his fingers with Dave’s as he once could.Eventually, Rose breaks the news to him.

“John, I think I know what’s going on.”

“You do?” he says, brightening up. “What is it? Can you stopit?”

“I’m afraid not,” she says. “I wouldn’t know where on earthto begin.”

“Well, knowing is the first step!” John smiles. “What isit?”

“You’re, uh…” Rose pauses, seeming to search for the rightwords before giving up and deciding to be direct. “You’re turning into a girl.”

John looks down at himself – at the orbs on his chest, hisplush rump, and the lack of facial hair, rubbing his chin where his facial hairused to be. “Oh,” he says simply, matter-of-factly, as if he’s not affected bythat revelation at all. He looks back up at Rose sheepishly. “I probablyshould’ve figured that out sooner, huh?”

“To be fair, it’s a completely unprecedented change.”

“Yeah, but it just sounds so obvious now that you’ve saidit!”

“Everything is obvious once you know that it is true.”

You, meanwhile, are surprised at how well John appears tohave taken the news. You’d expected some sort of outburst – maybe shock, maybedisbelief – but no. He seems calm and collected, as if it wasn’t the changesthemselves that were bothering him, but rather the uncertainty as to their originand purpose. You’ve noticed that a lot with humans, actually. Not knowingsomething is the absolute worst thing for them. Even if the answer to aquestion is depressing or harmful , they don’t care; to them, knowing theanswer is better than living in ignorance.

You still haven’t made up your mind as to whether you admirethat about them.

On the fifth day, John seems noticeably happier. His faceseems to have finished shifting and his thighs look a lot more feminine. Hisvoice has changed slightly too – not much, but everyone notices the differenceimmediately; it’s ever-so-slightly higher-pitched than it was yesterday. You,meanwhile, are glad that the changes don’t seem to be affecting who John is asa person. He still eats the same too-salty junk he always has, he still playsand jokes around with everyone, and he even managed to get Jade to slip on abanana peel. Even though Jade caught herself in mid-air, he was still roaringin laughter. The god-tier-assisted chase that resulted was truly a sight tobehold.

On the sixth day, John’s voice seems to have settled.There’s no mistaking him for anything but a woman now – the face, the curves,the voice, everything about him is feminine. The only thing that gives awaythat he used to be anything else is the bulge in his pants, which is still aslarge as it ever was.

Not that you’ve been measuringit or anything. Nope.

You catch him staring at you throughout the day. You knowthe look he’s giving you well – you’ve seen plenty of romance movies where oneof the main characters has the same look at their face. When he catches himselfhe shakes his head side-to-side before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, shakingit off and going back to whatever it was he was doing, as if what just happenedmeant nothing. But you know. You know he’s checking you out.

Progress.

On the seventh and final day, you struggle to locate the lastchange. You distinctly recall Feferi telling you that it would take all sevendays for every one of the changes to occur, and yet you really cannot see any.Fortunately, Kanaya does. She’s been taking a keen interest in John’s changes,and when you glance over at her, you notice that her gaze is fixated uponJohn’s crotch. You follow her eyes to their target and squint, still not seeinganything different, before you finally realize that the bulge in his pants haschanged shape. Whereas before it was one large ball, now it’s more concentratedinto one shaft. You can still see some extra stuff below it, but it’s very,very small.

And on the eighth day, John Egbert is officially a she.

Or, well, sort of. She still has a bulge in her pants whereher human bulge is, but the shame-globes below it are nowhere to be seen.Instead, the fabric of her (now much more form-fitting) pants is flat againsther skin. You wonder if she actually has a nook down there, or whether it’sjust smooth skin. It’s not like you can just go up and ask her.

You’re still spotting her staring at you, but instead oflooking away sheepishly whenever you catch her, she simply meets your eyes andsmiles at you.

Progress indeed.

—————

You give John space. You don’t want to rush this – not justbecause that would be incredibly suspicious, but because you’re not sure howcomfortable John is with her new attraction to males. You may not understandthe whole gender-attraction thing, but you know enough about people to know that she needs time tosort out her thoughts.

And so you give her time. You don’t make any advances onher, no matter how much you may want to. You don’t cut her off entirely,though. You still watch movies with her and get into grubcorn fights about therelative merits of troll and human cinema. You still feed each other food fromyour respective planets, to varying degrees of success. And you still try towrestle her when she uses the windy thing to beat you at video games.

Over the weeks she’s started experimenting with her expandedwardrobe options, much to Kanaya’s delight. The first time she showed up in thecommon room wearing a skirt and leggings she looked so awkward, as if sheperpetually wanted to evaporate into the air and abscond far away. But overtime she got more confident, and now you don’t notice any difference in herbehavior between when she’s wearing pants and when she’s not. One time you evensaw her in a complete dress. Kanaya’s been helping her with that, and while youstill don’t understand the point of fashion, even you can admit that some ofthe outfits she’s created for John have been, well, beautiful. They’re notplain, and they’re not overly revealing. Instead, they seem to amplify John’snatural beauty, and you have no idea how Kanaya’s accomplished it.

Shenanigans, probably. That’s what is always comes down to.

—————

It’s about a perigee-and-a-half after John’s changefinished, and you’re walking up to her room. It’s movie night, and you’ve got atreat for her – troll Con Air, one of the only Alternian films with a concisetitle. You, of course, despise the film and everything it stands for, butyou’re willing to make concessions in this case, because you’ve decided tostart making your move. You’ve waited long enough – you want her as yourmatesprit, and that won’t happen unless you act.

But as you move up to knock on her door you hear a gasp fromwithin her room, and your fist freezes in mid-air.

Was that…?

And then it happens again, louder this time.

Yep. John’s getting off in there.

Part of you wants to creep away and go back to your room –for obvious reasons – but another, more vocal part of you wants you to stay.You’ve fantasized about John making those noises for you for so long, and nowhere she is, just a door and some thin drywall away from you, moaning her heartout.

Fuck it. This probably makes you the most despicable beingin paradox space, but god damn, you can’t bring yourself to move away. Insteadyou very, very quietly lay down on the floor and peek under the door, hoping toget some visuals to accompany the incredibly sexy audio track.

But when you peek under the doorframe, your blood-pushercatches in your throat.

She’s not masturbating at all. She’s having sex.

And she’s having sex with Dave.

They’re sitting on the floor, cross-legged, naked, andfacing each other. John has Dave’s cock in her grip, and Dave has John’snoticeably smoother cock in his. With every pump, John moans out her pleasureloudly, whispering Dave’s name every now and then. Dave’s less vocal, but youcan tell from the grunts and the blush on his face he’s feeling just as good asJohn is. They lean in and lock lips, their free arms wrapping around each otheras they continue to pump each other, John’s moans growing louder and louderbefore she pulls back, releasing Dave’s cock.

“Ah… ah…” she pants, her breasts heaving up and down.

“Why’d you stop?” Dave asks, leaning back towards John.

“I- I want-“ John gets out between pants. “I want you tofuck me, Dave.”

Dave blinks. “Well shit, why didn’t you just say so?”

John smiles at him, and you know that smile. You’ve seen iton the screen many times. It’s the same smile you’d hoped John would direct atyou one day.

It’s a smile of pure, unfiltered love.

John rolls over onto her front, sticking her ass in the airand presenting it to Dave. Her cock hangs down between her legs and you finallyget confirmation that yes, John does in fact have both sets down there. Hernook is wet and open, ready to accept a cock – Dave’s cock.

Dave shuffles up to her on his knees and puts his hand onone of John’s asscheeks.

“You ready?”

“Mmn, yes. Fuck me, Dave.”

Dave sticks his bulge into John’s nook, and you can’t bareto look any longer.

You crawl away slowly, moving just out of earshot before youget up and run at full-speed back to your room. You lock the door behind youbefore you collapse onto the floor, screaming into your sweater as candy-redtears start rolling down your face.

The search, the change, the patience. It was all fornothing. John was with Dave. She was with Dave, and not you.

Apparently Kanaya heard your wails through the walls,because she’s somehow managed to lockpick your door and is hugging you, restingyour head on her shoulder and rubbing your back soothingly as you let out yoursorrow.

You start to fall asleep cradled in her arms, her soft handsand smooth voice soothing you the entire time.

You’ve missed your chance. She’s with Dave. She’s not with you.

And maybe, you think as you start to drift off; maybe that’swhat you deserve. Maybe you should never have meddled to begin with. Maybe youshould have just left her as a boy and accepted that he just wasn’t interestedin you.

Yup. You are unequivocally the most miserable excuse for atroll in all of paradox space.

You fall asleep in Kanaya’s arms, her hands running throughyour hair, and you have no more tears left to shed.

—————

You’ve started avoiding people. You only ever leave yourroom to grab food, water, or relieve yourself. You turn off Trollian and removeit from your husktop’s auto-start list. Whenever you encounter someone, you tryand extricate yourself as soon as you can. The only person you’ve been seeing thesepast few weeks has been Kanaya, and even then that’s purely because you can’tlock her out. You’ve contemplated upgrading the security on your door, butknowing her she’d just chainsaw her way in anyway.

She’s been trying so, so hard to get you to open up to her.You don’t want to tell her – you don’t want to tell anyone – but she makes it so hard not to. Kanaya is one determined troll, and once she sets her mindto something she doesn’t stray from that path.

It’s one of the many things you admire about her. You wishyou were as good a person as she is.

One day, she’s come over to watch a romance movie with you.She doesn’t particularly enjoy them herself, but she knows that they bring outthe old Karkat – the loud Karkat who will make damn sure that everyone knowswhat he’s thinking – so she puts up with them, for your sake.

You don’t deserve someone like her.

About seven minutes in and halfway through the title, shedoes something that makes you freeze up. She wraps one of her arms around yourshoulders and pulls you towards her, causing your head to rest upon one of herspheres.

And it’s- it’s too much. She reaches down and startsstroking your cheek, shooshing you,and you can’t take it anymore.

“I fucked up,” you say, voice muffled by Kanaya’s body. “Ifucked up someone’s whole life, just because I couldn’t take no for an answer.”

Kanaya doesn’t say anything – she just keeps stroking you,and pulls you in closer.

“I just- I really love John. I can’t- it’s the strongestfeeling I’ve ever felt,” you continue, “and when he told me that he- he didn’tfeel the same way, just because of some stupidhuman gender thing, I-” you choke up, and Kanaya’s thumb brushes up on yourcheekbone. “I had the absolutely fuckingstupid idea that hey, if John isn’t attracted to me because he’s male, then what if he was female?”

Kanaya pauses, and then sighs. “Oh, Karkat…”

“I know, alright!I know! I know…”

“Shhhhh…” she says, resuming her stroking.

“And it-“ you sob, “it didn’t even fucking work! I completely screwed with hislife, changed him into- into her, andshe’s with Dave. Not me. Dave.” You bury your face deep into Kanaya’s sphere.“It was- I can’t- I’m the most despicable being in all of paradox space.”

Unable to keep stroking your face, Kanaya switches torunning a hand through your hair, occasionally rubbing a horn, while anotherhand stokes down your back.

You start crying, no doubt staining Kanaya’s shirt red, andshe just keeps shooshing you, her chest thrumming with resonant frequencies andgradually calming you down.

“It seems to me,” she says, after the tears have sloweddown, “that this is something you should really speak to John about.”

“I know!” youyell, frustrated. “Do you not think I fucking know that? I just- I just can’t-”

“Why not?” she asks, and that simple question stumps you fora moment.

After some thought, you reply “Because she’ll hate me.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“No, but I can be pretty fucking confident of it.”

She sighs, clearly frustrated with you. “Okay, think aboutit like this. How many times have you talked to John since you isolatedyourself?”

“None,” you reply honestly.

“And how much time are you likely to spend with her if shedoes in fact hate you?”

“Still none.”

“But, how much time will you spend together if she doesn’t hate you?”

You pause and consider the question. “… More than none?” youventure.

“Exactly.” She pats your head. “Go talk to her. It literallycannot get any worse than it is now, and by opening up to her, it may well getbetter.”

… She’s right. Of course she’s right; she’s Kanaya, for god’s sake.  But… “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well, you’ll never know unless you try.”

You take a deep breath in and relax into Kanaya’s touch,starting to chirr in response to her. All you need to do is get up, walk downthe halls, and talk to John. It’s nowhere near the most difficult thing you’vedone in your short, pathetic life.

Nevertheless, extracting yourself from Kanaya’s embracecertainly feels like it.

When you look up at her face, she’s smiling warmly down atyou. “Go,” she says.

And after hugging her one last time, you do.

—————

As it turns out, John’s not in her room. Of course sheisn’t; that would be far too easy.

You checked that nobody was in the nearby bathroom, and thenheaded for the common room. There’s literally nowhere else anyone hangs outexcept their rooms and there; but when you enter it, you find she’s not thereeither.

You do find Rose, though, who looks up from her book in mildsurprise. “Karkat?”

“Rose,” you reply succinctly.

“I take it Kanaya got through to you, then?” she says,dog-earing her page and putting the book down.

You’re caught off-guard by that, but after a moment’s pauseyou decide that it makes sense that her matesprit knows she’s been seeing you.“… Something like that,” you say, rubbing the back of your neck. “I’m lookingfor John.”

Rose’s eyes flash orange for a second, before understandingspreads across her face. “I… see. She’s on the roof.”

“Thanks,” you say, starting to backpedal out.

Rose interrupts your abscond. “And Karkat: if John doesn’tforgive you, then you will be subject to the full extent of my wrath.” Hervoice is harsh, dangerous, and leaves you rooted in place from a primal fearyou can’t shake off. “And as any of the other humans can tell you, when I getmad, people tend to get impaled with black tentacles emanating from themonstrosities in the Furthest Ring.”

You stand stock-still in the common room doorway, afraid ofthe black fire behind her eyes that you’re not entirely certain is merely ahallucination.

“Just keep that in mind,” she says, suddenly casual again asshe picks up her book and resumes reading.

You tiptoe very carefully out the door, and then turn andsprint away.

—————

After you ascend a frankly fucking ludicrous number ofstairs, you make it out onto the roof of the meteor. John’s here, just likeRose said. She’s alone, wearing her standard god tier get-up, lying down andstaring up at the inky blackness above you. You start walking towards her, takingstep after step, and her eyes dart down to check who’s approaching her. Whenshe sees it’s you, she immediately summons the windy thing to push herself upto her feet and starts running towards you.

“Karkat!” she says brightly, a smile creeping across herface and into her (beautiful, azure-blue) eyes. You barely have time to braceyourself before Egbert’s wrapped you up in a tight hug, pressing her head intoyour shoulder.

“Uh… hi,” you say, shocked at the reception you’rereceiving.

“I missed you!” she says, whining.

“John,” you say, pushing at her, trying to get her to letgo. “John, we need to talk.”

She takes the hint and pulls away from you, furrowing hereyebrows quizzically. “… What kind of talk?” she asks.

“The one where we discuss monumentally bad decisions thatI’ve made.”

“Dude, if this is about disappearing for a few weeks, that’sfine!” she says, holding up both her hands in an acquiescent gesture. “If youneed some alone time, I get that! People can be overwhelming.”

“It’s not that,” you say, sitting down on the floor andgesturing for her to do the same.

“Well then what is it?” she asks, following your lead andsitting down opposite you.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes. This is it. Thepivotal moment.

…

Oh god you’re scared shitless.

“… Karkat?” John asks after several seconds of awkwardsilence.

You release the breath you’ve been holding and bury yourface in your hands. “It’s my fault.”

“… What’s ‘it’?” she asks.

You wave your hand in her general direction. “What you are!”

“Karkat, I know that!” she says, and you look up at her inshock. “Don’t you remember our first conversation? ‘Attention human: this isyour god speaking’?”

“Not that!” you groan, frustrated, struggling to come upwith the words. “I mean… the change. From two months ago.”

John seems genuinely lost as to what you’re talking about.

“Holy fuck, I guess I have to spell it out for you then.”You take another deep breath – in, and then out. “You turning into a girl?Remember that? That- that was my fault.”

John’s eyes widen in surprise.

“I know! I know.”

“But why?” she asks curiously, furrowing her brow and bitingher lips.

“Because I’m selfish!” you yell at her, removing your facefrom your hands and staring straight at her, your eyes getting moist. “I’m a completelyselfish asshat who wanted something so badly I didn’t stop and think ‘GeeKarkat, isn’t messing with someone’s body kind of messed up?’ No, that would betoo sane of a conclusion! No! No.”

You take another deep breath and close your eyes. “When youcalled me out on staring at you,” you continue softly, “you made it abundantlyclear that you weren’t interested. That should have been the end of it – it’san unrequited flush-crush, it’s not like those are rare. But no. I couldn’taccept that. I was being rejected for something I couldn’t control – my gender.So I did some research, and discovered that the definition of ‘not ahomosexual’ is ‘attracted to the opposite sex’. And so I thought ‘Hey, what ifthat wasn’t a problem? If John were a girl, then we would be the opposite sex toeach other, and that’s not an issue anymore!’”

You open your eyes for a second and see some semblance ofcomprehension starts creeping into John’s eyes before you shut them tightagain, once again cupping your hands over your face.

“So I got a god tier Feferi to change you into a girl,” youconfess. “Because that’s a brilliant idea. Taking away your bodily autonomylike that surely couldn’t be an absolutelyreprehensible thing to do, could it? No, surely not.”

“… So the reason I’m a girl now,” John says slowly, as ifshe’s working through this in her mind, “is because you wanted to date me.”

Your shoulders slump. “Yeah.”

You peek your eyes through gaps in your fingers, and to yourcomplete and utter shock, she doesn’t look mad. Instead, she shrugs hershoulders and says “Okay.”

You’re at a loss for words. “Okay…?” you prompt her,wanting clarification.

“Yeah, okay,” she says, repeating the shrugging motion.“Karkat, I don’t really give a shit that I’m a girl now. I thought that wouldhave been kind of obvious by the fact that I didn’t scream when Rose pointed itout to me.”

… You always just assumed that was shock. Surely nobodycould have been that nonchalant about suddenly changing gender?

“And yeah, you did it for a pretty shitty reason,” shecontinues, “but whatever! That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t reallymind.”

“… Really?” you ask her, refusing to believe this isactually happening.

“Yeah. Really,” she says, shuffling over to you and puttingan arm around your shoulder. Something in your hind-brain objects to that –that’s a pale thing, John – but thatshouldn’t be going off went you don’t have a moirail.

… At least, you think you don’t.

… You’re totally moirails with Kanaya, aren’t you. Yep,that sure was a thing you completely failed to notice. Good job, past Karkat,on once again outdoing yourself in the perception department.

“Plus now I get to wear skirts and dresses, and that’spretty awesome,” she chuckles.

You shrug her arm off you and look her straight in the eyes.“What about your sexuality?”

John tilts his head. “What about it?”

“I replaced it. You’re attracted to boys instead of girlsnow. By turning you into a girl, I changed a part of who you are.”

“Karkat,” she says, cupping your face in her hands andmeeting your eyes, setting off those pale infidelity alarm bells again. “I’mgoing to repeat this as many times as it takes to get it through to you. I. Do.Not. Care.”

You’re having such a hard time believing this is happeningright now. Red tears start leaking from the corners of your eyes, pooling inJohn’s soft hands. She quickly removes them and wipes them off on her pants.

“Besides, who said I wasn’t attracted to girls anymore?” sheasks.

You freeze in place for a second. “… What?” you ask,confused. “But I thought… why would that…”

“Yeah, I don’t know either. Maybe my new body caused themale attraction and I just kept the female attraction that I already had? Butyeah. I like everyone now. It’s kind of annoying actually,” she says, rubbingat her neck. “Before I only stared at half of you guys, but now everyone lookshot. It’s distracting.”

“Welcome to what every troll ever feels like,” you mumble,before pausing. “Wait,” you interrupt yourself, “does that mean, uh…” youcast your eyes away from her. Oh look, that completely featureless grey floorlooks mighty interesting all of a sudden. “Does that… uh…”

“Include you? Yeah,” she tells you frankly. “Yeah, it does.”

… John thinks you’re hot? Are you blushing? You’re totallyblushing, aren’t you. God damn it.

“Karkat?” John says, trying to get your attention, and aftera second’s pause you make eye contact again. “I’m going to try something,alright? Promise you won’t freak out?”

“I-” you say, stumbling over your words. You’ve about totell her not to go through with whatever machinations she’s planning, but…

“Comeon…” you mutter, tongue stuck out in concentration. You and John areneck-and-neck, and if you can just get the drift boost just right, you shouldbe able to beat her to the finish line.

Butjust as you’re about to get the boost John throws a banana in front of you. Youspin out and she races past you to victory.

“Ha!Suckered again!” John yells in triumph, throwing the controller up in victory.“I am the MarioKart champion! You-”

Shegets bonked on the head by the stray controller, yelling out expletives as youlaugh your ass off.

… your mind drifts to all the time you’ve spent together.

“Whatin the absolute shit is that?” you ask him, pointing at the disgusting-lookingamorphous green mass he’s handing you.

“It’sjelly! It’s food, Karkat! Try some!” he says, handing you a plastic spoon.

“Youeat that stuff?” you exclaim,slightly mortified.

“It’sjust flavored animal organs! Come on, eat it!” He scoops up a small portion andpushes it towards your mouth.

“No!Get that away from me you-”

Heshoves the spoon into your mouth.

Ohgod. It’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted. You close your eyes inrapture.

“Toldyou so~” he sing-songs, and you punch his arm lightly. “Ow.”

And you come to a decision.

“Idon’t get it,” John says in the midst of the pale courtship taking place on screen.“Why is the green-blood not freaking out about this?”

Yousigh in frustration. “Because they’re moirails, John. This is what moirailsdo.”

“Butshe’s not pale for the yellow-blood. Why is she just letting him have his way?”

Youpause and look over at her, slightly shocked. “How did you know that?”

“Isn’tit obvious?” she asks you. “The green-blood is black for the yellow-blood. Comeon, Karkat, even I’m not that thick. It’s kind of hard to miss, what withthe picture of him in her room with the suspiciously knife-shaped holes in it.”

“…You caught that?”

“Uh,yeah! Was I not supposed to?”

“Mosttrolls don’t spot that until their second watch-through.”

Hereyebrows shoot up. “Huh,” she says. “I guess I’m the quadrant whisperer.”

Youthrow a pillow at her.

“Okay,” you tell her. “I trust you.”

John closes her eyes and slowly, tentatively, approaches you– before you can even register what she’s doing your lips meet, and suddenlyyou’re kissing her.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

You grab onto her shirt and push her away. You can’t. You can’t.

“I can’t,” you tell her, your hands shaking. “I can’t.”

“Karkat, I don’t care-”

“You can’t,either! What about Dave? You can’t just- this isn’t fair to him!”

“Wh- he doesn’t care either!” John yells, and your eyeswiden.

“What,” you saydisbelievingly.

“Yeah, we talked about it,” she shrugs. “It was like, ‘HeyDave would you mind if I was poly with you and Karkat?’ and he was like ‘Go foryour life, just leave me out of it’, and so were we are!”

You just sort of stare blankly at her for a few seconds.Dave is… okay with this? SharingJohn? With you?

“Karkat?” John says, flicking her hand in front of youreyes. “Earth to Karkat?”

“Wha…?” you mumble out.

“You okay, dude?”

“I’m just… I don’t know. This is too much.”

“… Would another kiss help?” John suggests tentatively,biting her lower lip.

Would another kiss…

No, you know what? Fuck it. This entire meeting has alreadygone infinitely better than you’d even dared to dream. Future Karkat can worryabout the consequences for once in his miserable life.

And so you answer John’s query by wrapping your arms aroundher and kissing her. She closes her eyes and kisses back, leaning back to layon the ground. She holds you close, her tongue darting out to pry open yourlips – you let her, and your tongues meet.

“Mmn…” she sighs, working one of her hands up yoursweater, stroking your skin. It feels electric – every nerve she touches firingon all cylinders, leaving you wanting more, more.You kiss her harder and she rolls you both over so she’s on top of you, veryobviously grinding her spheres up against your chest. You reach down and grab ahandful of her ass, and she gasps, pulling away from the kiss momentarilybefore your other hand finds the back of her head and pushes your lips backtogether again. You can feel her stroking hand is pinned under you so you archyour back, letting her extract it. She immediately sends it down for acounter-ass-grope, and you sigh into her.

John Egbert is kissing you. This is a thing that ishappening. You’ve got a hand feeling up her butt and a hand on the back of herhead, pushing your mouths together. It’s wonderful. It’s everything you’d hopedit would be.

You remove your hand from the back of her head and squeezeit between you two, kneading one of her breasts. It’s soft, pliable – much likeher ass is – and you don’t want to take your hand away. Your finger catches onthe nub adorning it, already rock-hard, and she gasps. You repeat the motion,tracing circles around her nipple, and she shudders against you, her breathinggetting harder.

You can’t wait any longer. As much as it pains you so youpush John away from your lips, and instruct her. “Clothes. Off.”

She gets the message, rolling off of you and starting tolift her hood and shirt off. You do the same with your sweater and undershirt,before moving onto your pants. You glance over at her and find that she’spaused just shy of taking her panties off, just as you have for your boxers.She’s staring into your eyes, asking for confirmation, and you wordlessly giveit by pulling your underwear down, leaving you fully naked. She quicklyfollows, and you both spin around to take the other in.

And what a sight it is. Her legs thicken and flow upwards,flaring out to encompass that magnificent tush. Her waist curves in for just amoment before widening out again, framing her perfect breasts that would fitperfectly in a single cupped hand. Then her neck, not too slender but not toofat either, holding up the perfect, rounded face of John Egbert. You can seeher giving you the same appraisal, and her gaze catches on your bulge.

“Huh. It’s the same,” she says, non-puzzled.

“Yeah,” you say as your eyes dart down to her bulge. It’serect, standing up at about a 60-degree angle, her foreskin peeled back toreveal half of that ever-so-slightly purple head, wet with pre. It’s wide, but notso wide that one hand couldn’t wrap around it. It’s long, but not so long thatyour insides hurt in sympathy pains.

It’s also really, really pretty. You never thought a bulgecould be pretty, but you just don’thave any other word to describe it. It’s smooth, inviting, and just fits in sowell, like nothing else could possibly be there and look anywhere near asnatural as that cock does.

Just below it, starting where her shaft meets her skin, isher nook. Her outer lips have opened up and you can see she’s wet already. Sheruns a finger down from the tip of her bulge, along her smooth shaft, acrossthe top of her nook, and finally sticking the fingertip inside herself, sighinglightly in contentment.

It’s perfect. She’s perfect.

You shuffle closer to her, reaching out and grasping hershaft in your hand, and pump up and down, testing the waters and gauging herreaction.

Her eyes tell you all you need to know.

You start pumping her, up and down, somewhat awkwardly.You’re not used to doing it from this angle, but after a few false starts youadapt, and John shakes in pleasure. “Karkat…” she groans out, leaning herhead back. “Ah…”

You silence her with a kiss; one she is all too happy toreciprocate.

You can feel her getting harder in your hand as you pump –up and down, up and down. Occasionally you run your thumb across the head, andshe moans into the kiss. After a while you switch targets, moving your handdown to her nook, rubbing her folds and sticking one, then two fingers insideher. She shudders, breaking the kiss and wrapping her arms around yourshoulders, burying her face into your neck.

“Karkat, let me- ah- let me love you too,” she groans, andyeah, some attention on your bulge would be nice. You pull your fingers out ofher, causing her to emit a pleased sigh, and she pulls back, lying down on thefloor, your cock in her face.

“What are you-” you begin asking before you’re interruptedby her tongue running across your head, and suddenly you don’t have any words.

Holy shit, JohnEgbert is licking your bulge, and itfeels superb.

You throw your head back and moan, and apparently John takesthat as a sign that she’s doing good, because she ups the stakes and takes yourtip into her mouth, gently sucking on you. You squeeze your eyes shut.

When you manage to regain some measure of control and lookdown at her, a beautiful sight greets you. John’s taken your entire head intoher mouth, sucking and licking, drool leaking out around her. She’s got hereyes closed, the barest hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

She looks happy. Fulfilled. Like her mouth was always meantto be around your bulge, and she just never knew it.

As she reaches a hand up to stroke the parts of your bulgeshe hasn’t taken in yet, you slowly shuffle over, lying down, making sure Johnis comfortable while you make your way towards her cock. You’d never even considered this before – troll teeth andsoft flesh do not mix well – but if she’s making you feel this good with just her mouth, you’ll be damned if you’re not goingto return the favor.

And so, when your head is finally aligned with her dick, youwrap your lips around it and take it in, just like she did for you. She moansout in pure pleasure, her mouth vibrating around your bulge, causing you tomoan and vibrate around her, heightening her pleasure and causing her to cryout; and thus the cycle continues, your combined pleasure building andbuilding, spreading outwards and merging together into one glorious whole. Johngives out a massive, ear-shattering cry, you taste her material on your tongue,and you can’t hold on any longer. With your last conscious action you removeyour mouth from her dick; your vision whites out, every nerve in your bodylights up, and you call out John’s name.

For a few, blissful seconds, the world is shrunken. No game.No meteor. Not even a floor beneath you. It’s just you and John, wrapped ineach other’s arms, and the energy of a thousand stars burning a fiery rhapsodythrough your veins.

When you come down, the first thing you notice is thatJohn’s mouth isn’t on your bulge anymore. That’s a shame.

The second thing you notice is that John is absolutely drenched with your genetic material.She’s rolling around on the floor, rubbing at her hair and skin, trying to getit off.

And in your sex-addled state, your think-pan decides now isthe time to break down into hysterical laughter.

You shut your eyes and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. It’s just so funny. You have noidea why, but that doesn’t stop thegiggles escaping you.

“Karkat!” John whines. “I can’t get it off!”

“It’s- hehehe- it’s not-” and you’re gone again, unable toget words out behind your boisterous laughter.

When you start regaining your mental faculties, you findJohn staring forlornly at you.

That won’t do. That won’t do at all.

“C’mere” you mumble out, holding your arm out welcomingly.She accepts your offer and snuggles up to you, resting her head in the crook ofyour neck while your arm comes down and pets her in long strokes down herspine. You feel her smile against your flesh, and you smile with her.

“So,” John says aftera minute of snuggling and light kisses, “how did you know me and Dave weretogether anyway?”

“Wha…?” you mumble incoherently.

“Well, you weren’t there for the announcement, so how didyou know?”

Oh.

Oh.

Your cheeks flush red and you look away, John laughing atyou. “You totally peeked on us, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” you mumble.

“Hey, I won’t tell Dave if you don’t! I just think it’s-”

You interrupt her with a kiss, and her words die in hermouth.

You’ve done some shitty things these past two perigees. Youtook one of your friends and, without consulting them, completely changed theirentire body, all for your own selfish whims; all because you couldn’t take nofor an answer.

And yeah, that was an incredibly fucking awful thing to do.But right here, right now, with a now-female John kissing you deeply,passionately? For once in your life, you can forgive Past Karkat’s colossalfuck-up, just as John forgave you.

You close your eyes, savoring the kiss, and you smile.

—————

Full ask text: Karkatwants to be matesprits with John, but unfortunately, John is Not AHomosexual^TM. After doing some research on human sexuality and discovering thedefinition of being straight is “being attracted to the opposite sex”, Karkatcomes up with the idea of having John turn into a girl. With that definition,that would mean John would then be attracted to boys, and thus Karkat wouldhave a chance. He enlists the help of Feferi, and with her life powers, Johnturns into a girl over the course of a week. After John settles into his newbody, Karkat discovers that his plan worked and John is now attracted to boys –the only problem is it’s not Karkat that John has a crush on.

This was originally going to have a sad ending, as theprompt seemed to ask for, but once I wrote it I decided it didn’t sit rightwith me, and now it’s about double that original length. My writing life in anutshell, basically.

Also, let me know what you thought of the smut scenes. Ican’t figure out whether or not I’m any good at writing them.