#just a short little platonic king and cad fic

[captainkingsley]

Visiting Caduceus is a nice break for Kingsley.

He enjoys the time he spends with the rest of the Nein, of course he does. But there are always slip-ups. Someone calls him Molly by accident or references something from before he can remember, and it always hurts. Like a sliver he can't quite get out, a sharp sting of pain he can't describe.

Caduceus doesn't see that. He doesn't even see Lucien, actually, which is another comfort. He's got more of Lucien's memories by now, slowly creeping in despite his best efforts to push them away. Not because he doesn't want them, but more so that they don't influence who he is, so they don't completely overwhelm him at once. Like Yasha and Beau both said, he needs to continue on a better path, not the one Lucien took a running leap off the cliff of.

The memories aren't bad, for the most part. They're helpful, when they come in small bursts. A quick thought of danger and how to avoid it, or memory of how to use a skill he'd previously not understood.

Molly's memories are less helpful. They hurt more. Like an unfinished story still begging to be told, filled with love and ache that won't find solace. Brushes of hands or a closeness he's not familiar with, or playful jabs when he's more than tipsy. Molly's memories make him uncomfortable, because the Nein look at him and see them, too, and he always wants to grab them and say he's not me, he's not me, stop trying to put those memories onto me.

But he doesn't. He's an asshole, but he's not going to ruin the memory of a dear friend to the Nein in that way. Instead, he rolls with the punches, jokes around with them, and keeps it all inside.

Except with Caduceus.

Caduceus, who'd come around after Molly, had never met him, and had only seen Lucien without any of the biases or ties the rest of the group had. He'd welcomed Kingsley back into the Grove with no issue, no comment on his past, just a simple gesture and a mug of tea.

He likes Caduceus. Likes his family, too — they're more family than he's ever had, himself. He distantly recalls Lucien's family, but the memories of that feel sour. What little he can gauge of Lucien's parents isn't good, and his siblings, well —

He'd woken up one night after remembering Aldreda saying there's no room for you in my life anymore, and the memory had felt haunting and painful.

And he doesn't like to recall Elric. Sometimes he wonders how Lucien ever slept with those hollow, blackened eyes staring at him.

"You've got that look again." Caduceus says, looking down at Kingsley who's currently sitting in the longer grass of the yard, near the pond. Caduceus has finished his portion of re-casting the temple blessing for the day — how he has the focus to do it for so long every day, Kingsley will never understand.

"What look?" Kingsley asks, innocent as can be. He even bats his eyes to throw Caduceus off. Caduceus, however, has learned to read him, even his lies, and he's not swayed.

"You're remembering things." Caduceus says. "Which one this time?"

Kingsley grumbles to himself for a moment, settling back into the grass.

"Lucien."

"Good or bad?"

"Weird, mainly."

"Care to talk?"

"Already am." Kingsley huffs. But he gives in after just a moment. "Only if you make some of that tea we had last time."

"I can't guarantee it'll be the same," Caduceus says, reaching down to help Kingsley stand once more, "But it'll be close enough. And something to heal the hurt."

"Booze?" Kingsley says. Caduceus laughs.

"No booze. Just tea and a bit of talk."

"At least feed me if you're not going to give me alcohol," Kingsley says, following as Caduceus heads for the repaired home — the last several months, Caleb's old friends have been coming by to work on the home and the surrounding yard. They've done a good job, though the work will only be completed once Caduceus has finished his year-long spell.

"I'm sure we've got something." Caduceus assures him, and they head inside together.