#just like buck processing his trauma and maybe having a potential relationship in which he gets to say 'no this isn't right for me i deserve

[princessamericachavez]

like yes yes eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen but also 

Eddie needs to get over the very big trauma of losing his wife. Last time he dated someone he had literal panic attacks at the thought of her being mistaken for Chris’s mother and as much as we saw him work through in therapy we never?? really?? talked?? about?? that?? So, yeah, Eddie needs to realize that he’s at a point where he’s ready to risk his heart and give love a second chance 

(and maybe realize he already did becase there already is a partner in his life who gets consistently confused for Chris’s guardian and it feels natural to him?? but he still needs to realize he’s ready for love)

And Buck needs to be ready to be in a relationship where he’s loved for who he is, where he doesn’t bend and twist to fit someone else’s expectations. And for that Buck needed to die, and needed to come back, and now he needs to process that trauma and steady himself. 

(and Buck loves so quickly, so openly, so loudly, and he gives so much of himself and he wants to be loved that way, and maybe he’ll realize that he already?? is?? loved?? but he needs to let himself accept it)

so basically, it’s not only a matter of choice... eddie needs to be ready to love and buck needs to accept that he is loved if they are ever going to find each other properly together

and that, my funny little friends, is the point of their arcs were we are at right now

[soul-dwelling]

I dunno maybe this a too high-concept question, but what themes/questions would you liked to have been explored in the soul eater manga, that would have fitted with the story/setting/charachters? Like for example how madness is related to mental illness or how soul resonance differs in other relationships as a metaphor ect. Sorry if this sounds confusing lol

Maybe it would be useful to think of unexplored themes and questions by looking at what is missing or under-appreciated about specific characters. 

For example, while fans read a lot into “found family” details in Soul Eater, I kind of wish those details were more apparent and spelled out for readers. We get a bit of that when Liz cries over Kid in the Book of Eibon, but how about making it even more obvious with how Kid regards Liz and Patty, especially after Lord Death dies? That’d be better than what Chapter 113 has given us. 

Bonus points if this “found family” detail could include a bit for Tsubaki, too, as we never see her mother, we only see a bit of her dad (who seems like an easy-going friendly person), and she did put down her brother.

Representation also matters. While the inclusion of characters from various nationalities, ethnicities, and races is all important, sometimes it feels like more could have been done.

For example, we learn that Kilik donates most of his sponsorship funds to his home nation–which nation is that, does this tie into current real-world history or something in the past that could benefit from getting historical attention, similar to what Watchmen did bringing attention to Tulsa’s Black Wall Street?

NOT laid it on heavily that we can read Tsugumi, Anya, and Meme’s dynamic as polyamorous–why not commit to that instead of making it a joke (just like how most romance in Ohkubo’s works are treated for comedic potential)?

I’ve seen works that look at how Jackie processes her sexuality, and while I’m not saying this is necessarily the direction I would go in, plenty of fanfic writers believe her hesitation to think she’s attracted to women owes to a homophobic upbringing–maybe address that kind of toxic parenting, something a bit different from Medusa’s awfulness and Spirit’s infidelity. 

Given where Ohkubo has gone since Soul Eater, and how badly I think he fell into the “toxic positivity” trap in Fire Force (the manga presents a flawed argument, as if somehow just an upbeat attitude alone is enough to deal with the fallout from years of trauma), I’m not sure I trust him to handle how Madness (the kind in the manga, the Madness of Fear, as opposed to an actual mental health condition) is related to real-life mental conditions. 

But I will give credit to Ohkubo for how he handled Stein and, maybe, Crona. 

The anime went in the direction of having Stein fall under Medusa’s sway to the point that he was fine with attacking Marie. I kind of think the manga was better in this regard, not ignoring mental health conditions, and not quite flattening them with how the manga handled Madness of Fear, not just having Stein be “cured” or having what he was living with underappreciated. Stein obviously struggled, but in at least one instance he was a good person, as Spirit, Sid, and Naigus saw when they refused to arrest him and instead set him loose to find Buttataki’s actual killer. That said more to me about what this series could have done when commenting about mental health, bucking what would have been a stereotype like the anime had, reducing it to “Stein is crazy, therefore he’s evil.” 

With Crona, it’s complicated for me. The anime may have done better by showing that Crona’s actions were in response to years under the pressure of an abusive parent, not just some magical “Madness of Fear” in the air. The manga leaned a lot more into Medusa doing more experiments on Crona that contributed to that Madness and mental health decline, which I find less appealing and, again, risks conflating mental health problems with evilness or, at least, putting Crona into the antagonist role. 

Soul Resonance could have benefited from a clearer message to the audience as to what it represents, especially the Chain Resonance chapter/episode when it comes to Maka and Black Star. The story puts the blame on Maka for Black Star’s refusal to cooperate. This story could have worked–it could have made it far more apparent and clearer that Maka can be just as stubborn and admit that, yes, Black Star’s refusal to cooperate is making him the weakest link, and as much as it sucks to accommodate his whims, it is possible to get him in line, whether feeding his ego or putting him at the front lines for the attention. Granted, by that argument, Kid, who is focused on balance, may have been the better person to lead the Chain Resonance, despite his own obsessions (more on that in a moment). Plus, Kid at that point was far more powerful than either of them, so it is just bizarre how the story wanted to put main character Maka in charge of the Chain just because she is the main character, but also wanted to give the girl a comeuppance because she refuses to massage the ego of the bullying boy who just refuses to get in line. 

As I said, Kid has his obsession with balance, and that has been read as OCD. This is problematic. I’m not sure how I would fix this, and as I said about how Fire Force handled “toxic positivity,” I don’t think I would trust Ohkubo to try to speak to real-life OCD through this fantastic setting, just as responding to real-life mental health problems with Stein and Crona are less effective than, say, how the series did far better addressing toxic parenting and trauma with Crona under Medusa’s thumb. 

[trashendence]

Getting this post-5x09 thing out there again in honor of BT (possibly) becoming bones tonight.

Buck is so surprised/confused/(whatever that face is) when Taylor says ‘I love you’ because he thought that’s what they were already doing there. What he’s thinking is, “why else would we be together if we don’t love each other?” and I know how it sounds, but it’s actually a mess of bt dying signs:

By now, Buck has grown enough to expect relationships to be meaningful but not enough to discern between those that really have the potential to be and those he just wishes were.

For Taylor, saying ‘I love you’ now and in this context is clearly a personal milestone, while for Buck it’s just a “so you haven’t been in love with me this whole time?” (to which one may add: “you haven’t loved me up until I did something for you?”).

Buck and Taylor are, once again, playing two completely different songs and it’s, frankly, hilarious.

The fact that it’s indeed such a revelation for his girlfriend to love him is probably a punch to the face for his self-esteem but the confusion he feels is also a big, flashing, “who the hell are you?” because the two (2) things he thought he knew about Taylor - that she loves him but is not one to say it openly - are both wrong. He’s kind of dismissing the whole thing by not even turning to face her properly because he feels uncomfortable in the face of her joy, he’s not at all as happy as her, and it makes him question what the fuck he’s really doing here. And not recognizing the person you’re with is somehow even worse than being completely out of sync; being in a relationship with a total stranger for months is not something you can easily recover from.

Buck has this weirded out face because he didn’t expect Taylor to say it, out of the two of them. But, assuming that he thought they were already there, why would Buck, the most emotional character to ever firefight, wait to say it? Did he think Taylor would be uncomfortable with him saying it? Did he think he had to change how he processes his emotions to fit what he thinks she likes in a partner (aka composure)? Or maybe he simply never really felt like it? Whichever the answer, it gives.

If he really loves her - as he seems to think - why the hell has he been so okay with all her changes of mind about being friends with benefits/friends/kissing but not together/together? Where exactly did he make any of this happen because he burned with love? It was always her, every single time.

That face just screams, “If not the supposed-to-be-there love, then what is the point of us? What do we have left?” and not to be the Usual Biased Bitch(™️) but there is another possible romantic bond he has whose factors are way deeper, more interconnected and complex than just bf/gf. There, he has profound friendship, a built-in family, a co-parenting dynamic, trust, shared trauma, unspoken understandings, shared interests,…(stop me or I’ll go on).

“Good…love you too”, “Good…now what?”, “Good…right?”. It’s just good? Why is it not special? He thought he knew it already, sure, but this a declaration. And it’s- it’s good.

It basically is the recipe for traumatic disaster and I’m not here for the trauma but, boy, I’m here for the disaster.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Non-Sequential [Ch. 21]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 3,100

Chapter 20

Bucky was leaving the safety of his isolated hut more and more, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He still got a little anxious around people. It wasn’t fear of them hurting him. It was that he’d hurt them. His guard was always up – that was what Hydra trained him for, after all. The slightest misstep from a stranger, someone dropping an object near him – that was all it took for him to lash out in defense.

But then Bucky came to Wakanda. He befriended T’Challa. And then Shuri. And then some of the Dora Milaje. Then Y/N came here. And Steve finally returned.

Bucky realized he couldn’t keep hiding in his little bubble of security anymore.

So now he found himself making his way to the capital to find Steve.

He told himself he was going to help his best friend take his mind off his time-traveling girlfriend. But Bucky knew he needed to take his mind off of it too. He worried about Y/N just as much as Steve. He was just better at hiding it.

Now Bucky found himself moving smoothly through the hallways of the royal palace. The guards had become familiar with him finally, no longer suspicious or giving him side eye. Sometimes they would even give him small smiles, which he made sure to always return.

He was finally in front of Steve’s door. He listened for a moment, expecting to find the sound of Steve pacing back and forth or giving some sort of sign of his stress.

But the room was quiet.

Bucky knocked softly, now half expecting Steve to not even be in his bedroom. Maybe he’d find him in the training room.

But then he heard quiet and hurried footsteps a few seconds later.

Bucky took a step back and studied his friend.

Steve’s chest was without a shirt. The only thing covering his body were a pair of black sweatpants, slightly frayed at the bottom. It was obvious he had just woken up. But something was unusual.

Bucky was so focused on trying to figure out what was different with Steve, that he was caught off guard by the movement behind him. There, in Steve’s bed, was Y/N fast asleep. There was nothing hiding her naked body from Bucky’s gaze except Steve’s bedding.

Bucky quickly glanced back at Steve. That’s when he noticed Steve’s slightly swollen lips, his messy hair that was always kept.

Bucky cleared his throat. “I see Y/N’s back.”

Steve blushed, and it reminded Bucky that there would always be a part of Steve that was that innocent and tiny punk from Brooklyn.

Steve must’ve felt his hair was a giveaway, for he was now trying to tame it. “Uhhh. Yeah, she came back a few hours ago.”

“She OK?” Bucky felt the need to ask. Even though it was now obvious that Steve and her had clearly been having sex.

“Yeah. Uh…Yeah, she’s fine.”

“Steve?” Bucky’s tone demanded attention.

“Yeah, Buck.”

“This doesn’t have to be weird.” Bucky smirked. “Don’t make it weird.”

Steve cleared his throat. “Right.” He finally stopped messing with his hair. “Did you need something, Buck? Everything OK?”

“No, I didn’t need anything. I was just checking on you. Didn’t want you to wear out the floor with your worrying. Thought you could use some company.” Then Bucky’s eyes flickered to Y/N. “But clearly you found company in someone else,” he teased.

Steve gave him a warning glare.

Bucky shifted his weight. “Well, I’m glad she got back safe.”

As soon as he turned on his heels, that weird and familiar feeling settled in his stomach. He tried his best to ignore it as he began walking away.

“Buck?” Steve quietly called out to him.

He turned.

“Sure you’re alright?”

Bucky gave his famous smirk and nodded. “Yeah, I’m just gonna train for a bit.”

——————

Y/N woke up to the sound of Steve’s shower running. A shy and sleepy grin formed on her lips as last night came back to the forefront of her mind.

Obviously one night of returned intimacy wasn’t going to solve all of Y/N and Steve’s problems. Their relationship still had its issues. But it was a relief not to feel like they were off kilter, even if it was for a short time.

Y/N sat up straighter when she heard the water turn off. She tightened the bedding under her armpits, trying to find some modesty. It was silly trying to do such a thing in front of Steve. All he’d ever done was praise and become captivated by her nakedness.

“You’re up,” he greeted with a smile as he walked out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist.

Then he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Leaning down, he gave her a morning kiss.

But when Steve pulled away, there was worry in his eyes.

“What?” Y/N asked.

Steve sighed. “Want to tell me what happened while you were gone?”

She feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”

He raised a brow. “Come on, Y/N.” Then he scratched the back of his neck. “Look, last night was…great.” There was that classic Steve Rogers blush. “Amazing, actually.” But then he sighed again and shook his head. “But I’m not a fool, Y/N. Something caused you to…”

He cleared his throat. “Something’s changed.” His eyes stared into her gaze. “And I just want to know what that is.”

Y/N’s entire face dropped. Her shoulders were tense and her eyes distant.

“Steve…I can’t–I can’t tell you what you want to know.”

His blue eyed were suddenly filled with sadness. He had to look away from her to hide it. “You know, I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Y/N whispered.

He shook his head slowly. Not mad, but his notorious Steve Rogers disappointment.

Y/N leaned forward and kissed the bare skin of his shoulder.

“Does it make any difference that it’s something good?” Y/N murmured against his skin.

Steve finally looked at her again and gave her a sad smile. “I guess it does.”

Y/N gave him a sweet and slow kiss on the lips.

Steve gripped her chin lightly. “There’s something else I gotta talk to you about.”

She could already tell by his face that she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say.

“I gotta leave for a little bit,” he told her without looking her in the eye.

“Leave? But you just came back,” she argued.

“I know.” Steve ran his hand through his hair that was getting shaggier and shaggier. “Nat messaged me early this morning, said they got a lead on something. They’re gonna need me on this one.”

Y/N was quiet, processing his words.

Steve waited, but she remained quiet.

“Y/N, please say something.”

Her brow furrowed. “What do you want me to say, Steve?”

“You deserve better than this life I’ve given you, Y/N. I left you in the only place I knew you’d be safe, a foreign country without knowing hardly anyone. I took your life away so I could have you.”

“No,” Y/N stopped him. “So, we could be together.” She took in a shaky breath. “Steve, with or without you, I never would’ve had a normal life. I sporadically disappear through time. What part of that is normal to you?”

Steve knew she wasn’t actually looking for an answer.

Y/N reached forward and ran a hand across his cheek, feeling the slight roughness of his beard. “Go, Steve. Just come back to me, OK?” She whispered.

He grabbed her hand away from his face so he could hold it. “I promise.”

A few hours later, Y/N was standing and watching Steve pilot the quinjet into the air. He met her gaze through the windshield of the aircraft. His eyes were filled with reluctance, worry, and guilt. Everyone knew that Steve didn’t want to leave Y/N again. They had just started to get back on their feet. And Y/N was far from being emotionally and mentally healthy. She was still dealing with trauma, and now she would be dealing with it, without Steve, once again.

“He’ll be back,” Bucky muttered from behind Y/N once the jet was in the distance.

She turned to look into his ice blue eyes. “How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve known Steve a long time and he may be an idiot… but he’s never made the same mistake twice.”

Y/N smirked. “What about all those fights he couldn’t run away from?”

“Yeah, but those were never mistakes to Steve.” Then Bucky’s expression turned serious. “Almost ruining what you two had? That was his biggest mistake ever. I know he won’t be making it again, kid.”

She looked down at her feet. “Why do you call me that?”

Bucky tilted his head a bit. “Call you what?”

“Kid.”

He shifted his weight awkwardly at the question. It made him realize that any explanation would put him in a awkward position. Was the nickname too intimate? Had his potential feelings become more apparent from it?

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked.

“No. No, I don’t think so.”

Bucky nodded slowly. “OK.” He tried to walk away again.

“Steve said you remembered…what happened to me,” Y/N called out quickly before he could escape. “That you told him everything.”

Bucky at least at the brains to look guilty about it. “I did,” he admitted.

“Why?”

Bucky stepped back toward her. “He needed to know, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t your story to tell,” she glared at him.

“You’re right. So, I told him mine. Or did you forget that I was there too? Forced to watch you get tortured while I was brainwashed to do nothing, except obey orders.”

“Stay out of it next time,” Y/N warned.

She knew she wasn’t being fair, that she was acting a bit childish. But she still believed that Bucky had no right to go behind her back and tell Steve what had happened.

“You wanna use me as your punching bag, Y/N? Fine. But I’m not going to apologize for telling your boyfriend why you’ve shut yourself away from the rest of the world.”

“Shut myself away from the world? You’re one to talk! You hid from Steve for two years!”

“Yeah, and look what good it did me!” He barked back. “Now the Avengers are torn apart, Steve’s a convict, and you’re stuck here with me!”

Y/N blinked and her mouth opened slightly in shock.

Suddenly her gut ached, filled with a sudden surge of guilt. Not once had she considered that Bucky felt responsible for what had happened between Steve and Tony.

“Running from the people who love you only makes things worse in the end. I had to learn that the hard way.” He held up his hands in surrender as he backed up. “Forgive me for trying to prevent you from making the same mistake.”

As soon as he was gone, Y/N’s eyes filled with tears. ‘God, you are such a fucking asshole, Y/N.’ She thought to herself.

———————————————————-

Y/N decided to take a walk in the morning instead of tossing and turning in her bed, failing to go to sleep. Two of the kings guards walked a few paces behind her. After the incident with Steve when they went horseback riding, T’Challa didn’t let Y/N go anywhere alone. He insisted it wouldn’t happen again, but that didn’t stop him from being cautious.

Just as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, that terrifying tingling feeling spread throughout her body. Her eyes snapped open again.

Y/N quickly turned to her two guards. “I’m about to travel. Tell Shuri…and-and-and Bucky.”

But the two guards and landscape surrounding them slowly faded away and she was blinded by white. She squinted and shielded her eyes with her hand, giving herself time to adjust to the bright light.

Then she felt the cold against her bare feet. She looked down to see half a foot of snow.

Y/N shivered, finally realizing how cold it was. Quickly she rubbed her arms and hugged them close to her chest. The forest she was in reminded her of Italy on that dreadful day: February 1st, 1945.

Her heart suddenly started racing and she looked around frantically.

Had she been brought to the same exact moment?

Y/N didn’t think she could go through that torture again.

Bucky had already left her to die once, she couldn’t live it again.

Then Y/N heard a crash – one big enough that she felt the tremor in the ground under her feet. She gasped, thinking something was about to attack her.

“H-Hello?” She practically whimpered.

It felt like a stupid thing to do. But if someone really were out here, then they’d find her eventually.

But no one responded.

Except Y/N could feel someone’s presence. Even though it was obvious that she was in the middle of nowhere – a snow covered forest with no civilization in sight – Y/N was convinced that she was not alone.

Her feet started carrying her in the direction she sensed was correct. Maybe this person wasn’t her enemy. Maybe they could share clothes or a blanket.

Y/N brushed carefully in between the heavy, snow-covered branches. She looked up and realized she was in a narrow valley between two mountains.

But when she looked back down at the path in front of her, she stopped in her tracks.

The red was so vibrant against the stark white ground. The puddle got bigger and bigger as the blood continued to flow onto the snow. The dark navy of his jacket even looked more saturated against the white.

This was why the setting felt so familiar, yet so foreign. This was the moment Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes fell from the train to his assumed death.

Y/N finally snapped out of it.

“Bucky!” She gasped before running forward.

She no longer felt the cold. She forgot she was completely naked in another time.

All Y/N could focus on was Bucky bleeding out in front of her.

She kneeled on the ground before him. “Bucky! Bucky, can you hear me?”

From his expression alone, she could tell he was in excruciating pain. Part of his arm had already been ripped off, but who knew what other injuries he received from the fall.

To Y/N’s shock, Bucky’s eyes fluttered open. But they seemed to close again just as quickly.

“Y/N?” His muttering made it clear that his pain and shock had made him delirious.

“Yes, Bucky, I’m here.” When had she started crying? “I’m here, Bucky. I’m here.”

She reached for his other hand, gripping it tightly and hoping it would make him realize he wasn’t alone.

“You look like an angel,” he slurred with his eyes closed.

Y/N smiled through her tears at how Bucky found a way to be charming, even when he was on the brink of death.

“Please,” he then begged. “Please.”

“Please what, Bucky?” Y/N sniffed as she gripped his hand tighter.

“Don’t leave me.”

Suddenly they were no longer alone. Men were shouting at each other and Y/N heard dogs barking.

“No,” she gasped. “No, no, no, no, no.”

It was Hydra, coming to fetch their long-lost experiment.

Y/N quickly looked around her, desperately searching for something she could use as a weapon to defend both her and Bucky.

She realized there was still a gun and knife strapped to both of Bucky’s thighs. Her hands were shaking as she unbuckled them.

In seconds, the men had turned the corner, arriving on sleds pulled by the dogs she had heard.

They spoke to each other in German or Russian, Y/N couldn’t tell the difference. When they caught sight of Y/N, they laughed and shoved each other playfully.  

But pointing a gun was a universal language, even if the person behind it was a naked and vulnerable woman. 

“Stay away from him,” Y/N growled.

She pulled the trigger. Except there was only one boom as it hit one of the them straight in the chest. Lucky shot, for Y/N had never fired a gun in her life. But that was all she was going to get, because the gun only had a single bullet.

Y/N bellowed in frustration and decided to throw the thing at another man, managing to make him duck in fear. But he quickly recovered and made his way to her.

She now gripped the knife tightly and readied herself.

As soon as he was in reach, she swung at him. But he was expecting it and dodged the blow.

Now it was obvious that she was not a trained agent of any sort. Hell, she was fighting in a snowbank completely naked.

The man seemed more entertained than threatened at the realization.

With the back of his hand, he swung and hit Y/N across the face.

She stumbled a bit and reached for her mouth, finding that her lip was now split and bleeding. “Fuck you,” Y/N hissed before she brought her knee up and slammed it right into the man’s groin. He howled in pain and keeled over, hitting the snow with a thud.

It bought Y/N just enough reprieve to realize the tingling had started again.

“No,” Y/N whimpered.

She rushed back to Bucky and slipped on the snow, falling to her knees just inches away from him.

“Bucky. Bucky, listen to me,” she begged.

He only groaned.

“You’re going to be OK. This isn’t it. I just need you to hold on, OK? Just hold on.” She was fully sobbing now. “Please…just-just stay strong.” She squeezed his hand. “We’re going to see each other again. You’re going to see Steve again. OK?”

But then his hand fell from her grip as her skin and bones evaporated through time.

------------------------------------------

Chapter 22

Sorry this took me so long to write, once again.  I think there’s only going to be a few more chapters of this story. Just a heads up.