#just work better so I'm gonna say it anyway: you're the sunshine of my lifetime <3

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Lu I would die for you you already know that

well FRICK Gracie you know I'd die for you too. but like how about we both keep on living. that's a kind of love too

[sourbinnie]

title -> take me back (take me back literally) genre -> angst (oh my god, is that all i write) + hopeful ending plot ->  your relationship fell apart with minho but he still remembers everything about you, especially that one trip to monaco. warnings -> minho sometimes curses a bit too much + implied sexual content (one unholy night that's it but no explicit stuff) pair -> ex!minho x gn!reader words -> 1572 lowercase intended a/n -> this one's kinda bad but eh, i wanted to publish it anyways bc this song is my boo

las luces, las noches que fuimos de bares las vez que peleamos y perdiste las llaves se extraña todo lo que fue tenerte haría todo por volver a verte mirar tus ojos y esta vez perderme

monaco / lagos & danny ocean

every time i thought about them it was as if flashbacks came rushing through me. the wind hitting me in the face, the bright sunny day, the music that the radio played, the long car drives that never ended, everything felt too familiar yet so distant. as if you were nothing but a lost memory that i left on a vacation in monaco.

if i told anyone why we split up, they wouldn't believe me. 

everyone would say that we were the perfect couple, the combination that came once in a lifetime and then you stayed with that special someone till the end of time. i beg to differ that we weren't perfect at all, we just showed a version of ourselves in front of people and in the more intimate moments everything would collapse slowly. it wasn't toxic but it wasn't healthy either. yet if i knew that what we had wasn't good, why am i missing you so much? why do i wake up everyday wishing you were by my side? why do i want our first vacation back in monaco to grace me back? just let me repeat it one more time before i go to sleep and keep dreaming of you.

why do i keep saying this place? this country? 'cause i know what we had was special. i know that what we lived there was out of this world even if it was my vacation with the boys and i brought you along, and literally everyone called me a simp, i did not care. 

we explored so much, drank way too much and did unholy things but i wouldn't change that for the world. you taking my hand as the sunshine would reflect our shadows on the pavement. you bringing me closer and giving me the sweetest kiss for the world to see. you saying that you didn't wanna leave, you didn't wanna go back because you would miss me when i would go back to work, broke my heart and as much as i wanted to say "let's stay here forever", it was just an illusion and nothing else.

i know you (y/n), i know you're probably thinking that i don't miss you, that those words said to me that night are just a reflection of what i feel. i would do anything right now to see you, i miss everything you gave me, everything you were. even if it brought some of the saddest moments, i do not care, i am so fucking in love that i will go to couple's therapy with you if it's a way to fix us. i would quit my job, move to monaco for fuck's sake, i just want you back. 

i shouldn't be reaching for my phone right now like i knew exactly what i was gonna say 'cause i did not have a fucking idea of what i'm doing. i needed to hear your voice, everyone around me knew i needed you, the boys, my parents, even the staff and jyp himself knew that i wasn't acting the same way since the break up. 

since we split ways and decided to let our relationship die, i've been dead myself. trying to hold on, trying to put a fake smile, trying to just not fall apart in front of everyone. when they asked me why, i just said things weren't "working out" which is partially true but maybe i'm realizing now that if i put more effort and didn't let go like i did that night, we would've ended up in a better place.

i dialed your number, i prayed to everything & everyone that you didn't block me. and in fact you didn't...

maybe you were waiting for this as much as i was?

maybe you just needed me to call.

or maybe i should hang up and pretend this never happened in the first place.

"hello? minho?" your voice caught me off guard. i haven't heard it in a while and i've been processing in my head way too much. panicking as anxiety settles in and just knowing that i have to keep this conversation up, not wanting to let you go again.

"hey (y/n) i'm sorry, this is way out of nowhere and i-i needed to talk to you." voice crack and everything, good job minho. "i know you probably don't wanna talk to me right now but-."

"i did wanna talk to you, you know i'm always waiting for you to come back right?" what? did they actually say that or am i hallucinating again? 

"what do you mean?" what the hell would it mean minho!? why am i so goddamn awful at speaking, jesus christ. "i just, i didn't expect you to be waiting after what happened that night."

i was invaded by awful memories. no more monaco, no more sunshine, no more petals, just a cold rainy night in seoul in our shared apartment that now only belongs to me. i said some fucked up things, i destroyed everything we built with just words, i regretted every single night since then. i know they were also wrong in some things but it's nothing compared to the things i've said out of pure anger, fear and disappointment. 

i didn't want that but i also knew i couldn't keep living like this, thinking that there was a chance that we could go back and fix the mess we made.

"i know, i thought so too and it wasn't fair to me what you decided to do that night." you said calmly and i understood, i wasn't an idiot, i wasn't angry or throwing things thinking you were in the wrong. i took it because i know i hurt you and i'm...

"sorry, i'm always gonna be sorry for what i said, for what i did and for all the things that happened." i was feeling the tears and it was rare, i didn't like to cry. i've been told i don't cry at all even when sad moments happen, i just don't have the strength to do so when usually it's the opposite for most people. "i know you know that we were both in the wrong, we fought endlessly and i needed to let you go somehow and i chose the worst way, i will always be sorry."

"it's okay, i don't blame you even if it hurt me, even if it stings sometimes, i know it wasn't you talking and i know my minho way better than that." my minho...

my minho was gonna kill me and bury me for god's sake, i'm losing my mind. the tears, the dizziness, everything was falling in it's place and i still didn't know what to do. i didn't expect things to go like this but i knew it was my chance to make it better.

"(y/n) i'm gonna make it simple, you know i'm not good with words, in fact i've been panicking trying to think of what to say to you." i laughed but it wasn't the laughter that they knew, it was more of a choked up kind, one that was desperate to be told what to do in this situation. "i haven't been the same since you left, i can barely function, i don't know what i'm doing most of the time as i wait for you (and it looks like you've been waiting for me too), hoping you'll return."

speaking as you're crying is probably the worst way of communicating but i was taking this like my last opportunity to mend everything.

"i want you back, i'll do anything to be with you again." i said lightly and softly 'cause words were barely coming out of me. "i love you, i will never stop loving you and i've been remembering so much of our history but mostly that specific vacation we had with the boys..."

"oh so you're also thinking in monaco? the promise we made right?"

how could i forget the most important part? as we stared at the sunset, you held your pinky finger and i thought it was dumb and childish but when we intertwined them and promised to never let go, to always hold on to what we had even in our darkest times, even if the skies were no longer blue but gray & dull, i would have your back and you would have mine. i broke it somehow and in some way but i didn't mean to, i never let go, i never wanted to end things and i was hoping, praying, you didn't either.

"i'm always thinking about it, i'm always thinking about you, about us..." i said and sighed. i gave it all and somehow it still felt like a weight when i heard their voice, because i had to make up for so many tears. "please give me another chance, i won't promise because i know you're probably thinking that i'll break it but i need you back in my life, i love you."

as sincere as i got and as cliche as it was, i just couldn't contain it anymore.

"i love you too but we have to talk about it in person okay? can you hold on a bit for me min?" you said, this time tenderly and softly. i nodded even though you couldn't see it and that's when i said...

"anything for you jagi".