#justthhgyyhg
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Shaking and growling and gnawing on something, I'm not saying that putting all -this- into art would fix me, but maybe I'm saying exactly that
#ughhghhhhhhhnb#it's just the need to put these thoughts and feelings and stuff down#but it has to be public#but I don't want to do it with words or overshare or whatever#i need to portray them in a way that's relatable but terrifyingly personal if you know the meaning#i need it to be almost casual and made up but also achingly real#i need to say and shout this but without words#it's...... idk#it's not even because it's deeply negative stuff#some is actually full of love and sunlight#some would yes be better shown through body horror and I would LOVE to learn how#buttttttt#i don't know how to do any of this#when I try to put this on paper it's always too much or too little or too stiff or it isn't quite how I want#i know I'm not gonna be satisfied because it's absurd#buut there are moments like this when my hands itch and itch and itch and#justthhgyyhg#basically I guess I want to carve my heart out of my chest and smash it on a canvas but make it look like it's just paint and not my blood#vaneggiando
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