IU’s book recommendations
There are lots of books IU has recommended in recent years. Links have been provided for the ebooks that you can legally read for free online.
Fredrik Backman - A Man Called Ove
L. Frank Baum - The Wonderful Wizard of Oz [Shoes, NOT Red Shoes*]
Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland [Twenty-three]
Lewis Carroll - Through the Looking Glass [Red Queen]
Paulo Coelho - Brida
Osamu Dazai - No Longer Human
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Gong Ji Young - Very Light Feather
Kaori Ekuni - Falling Into the Evening
Hermann Hesse - Demian
Hwang Sun Won - Rain Shower [The Shower]
Hwang Jeong Eun - 파씨의 입문 Introduction to Paschi/Passy
Hwang Jeong Eun - Savage Alice
Im Sol Ah - 최선의 삶 The Best Life
Jonas Jonasson - The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared
Byron Katie - Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Kim Hye Jin - 딸에 대하여 About my Daughter
Kim Sung Jong - 계엄령의 밤 The Night of Martial Law
Kim Young Ha - 오직 두 사람 Only Two People
Kwon Yeo Seon - 레몬 Lemon
Lee Hye Rin - 열정 같은 소리하고 있네 You Call It Passion
Lee Kyung Hye - One Day I Died
Lee Seok Won - 보통의 존재 Common Being
Milan Kundera - The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Haruki Murakami - Hear the Wind Sing
Guillaume Musso - Will You be There?
Friedrich Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Ito Ogawa - Have Some Warmth~
Ito Ogawa - The Restaurant of Love Regained
Park Min Gyu - Castella
Park Min Gyu - 죽은 왕녀를 위한 파반느 Pavane for a Dead Princess
Mirjam Pressler - Bitter Chocolate
Françoise Sagan - Do You Like Brahms?
Leo Tolstoy - Ivan the Fool [Glasses]
José Mauro de Vasconcelos - My Sweet Orange Tree [Zeze]
Virginia Woolf - Jacob’s Room
Virginia Woolf - Mrs. Dalloway [Black Out]
(*Note: IU’s The Red Shoes did use the Hans Christian Anderson fairytale as a motif, but IU didn’t write that song, therefor it was not included above)
Sources: IU’s fancafe, news etc.
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wait till you hear about this next nominee: OGAWA KAORU, born on the 12th of JUNE, 1996 and bears a striking resemblance to MIYAWAKI SAKURA. they’re a FIRST year BACHELOR OF INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS student and ARE FLUENT IN FIVE LANGUAGES — impressed yet? rumor has it they’re hoping to be the WIFE OF A SUCCESSFUL, INFLUENTIAL FIGURE, but personally, i think they should aim a little higher — something like the king’s club, for one. now, that suits them a little more, don’t you think? guess we’ll just have to see if they’ve got the talent for it in our upcoming recruitment round.
OGAWA KAORU IS THE KING'S CLUB'S 2019 BLACK PAWN.
there’s an underlying hope in your name that no one dares to say out loud, one that clearly outlines the bitterness your birth sparks in both of your parents. you are ogawa kaoru, firstborn, taking the crown from the boy you should have been. you are ogawa kaoru, and by nature you are a disappointment.
your mother comes from a long line of kabuki actors that dies with her (women have no place on stage, your grandfather tells you between deep-bellied laughs when you ask him why she couldn’t simply succeed him in his craft) and the life you lead is everything she wanted you to be able to avoid.
(kaori, mother says, that’s what i wanted your name to be. but your father believed to the last moment i would gift him a son.)
your first few years of life you spend in a twilight zone. in the rare moments you see your father it’s like his gaze sweeps over your head, only seeing what he wants to see: the hair kept short so he can delude himself that your childhood androgyny proves that the nurses were simply wrong, the cute boys’ clothes your mother had already been gifted prior to your birth (your father didn’t want them to check, he was so sure of himself). as long as you keep quiet and nod when he expects you to all was well.
kaname is born five and a half years after you, and it’s only then that your mother and you can breathe a shared sigh of relief. with a real boy to eventually take over family business you are no longer needed to play-act to placate your father’s fervent grip on his alternate reality. with a real boy you can now take the place in the shadows that has always been yours by birthright.
you are kaname’s translator long before either of you have a grasp on what speaking a foreign language means. japan has few diamond resources of its own so your family's business spans multiple nations and an equal amount of languages. you pick up on english before you’re taught in school and by the time you’re graduating middle school you can string together convincing enough sentences in russian and mandarin, too. you’re your brother’s translator, his confidante, his lifeline in a house that only cares about what his chromosomes look like and you resent him for it. your existence is taken for granted all over. this time, it just means that you’re expected to come to his aid, expected to translate, expected to set aside whatever you are doing because you’re a good big sister and until you can get married your primary role is the one of your brother’s glorified assistant.
living in the shadows, you quickly learn, comes with just as many rules as taking on the role of a missing son — they’re just implied, because you’re fifteen and not five and expected to pick them up out of the air around you. a lady isn’t outright told the rules of the game, a lady learns them through osmosis (fancy word, isn’t it? impressive how vividly you still recall seventh year biology, isn’t it?) and immediately knows how to put them to work. you don’t understand them, but if nothing else your entire childhood is a game of mimicry and your mother is your easiest target.
nothing you ever are is yours to own, and that is how it’s meant to be. you’re fine with it, you tell yourself.
you apply for seoul national university on a whim, even if it ends up costing you time refining your language skills (you’re already fluent, but fluency is not enough to get you through one of korea’s most prestigious universities), ceding your spot at tokyo university (top scores on entry, of course) and restarting at square one. you can’t explain why but there’s this visceral need hooked underneath your sternum that steals your breath unless you let it pull you away from home.
this could be mine, a voice at the back of your mind whispers, far away from your father’s delusions, your brother’s expectations and your mother’s hollow shell. you tell yourself not to get greedy but as you get on the plane to seoul you know you’ve already tasted too much blood to return home to your controlled, static existence without a fight.
a fight you get. your particular blend of japanese and filthy rich means that you’re met with the mantle of an imperialist thrown your way before you can even introduce yourself. it makes sense, you suppose, if you look back at history, and it irks you because how do these people expect you to make up for your forebears’ horrors when you can barely get your father to look at you?
you learn the language at a breakneck pace, study like a woman obsessed. the faster you can signal to your new environment that you’re willing to bend for them, the less resistance you will be met with. ‘your korean is so good,’ the compliments start rolling in. you smile bashfully, lower your gaze. ‘oh, please, i still have so much left to learn.’ bit by bit you’re let into their circles, if only as a plaything, a lap dog. you’re not worth more, if you’ve betrayed your roots already to fit in, who’s not to say you won’t betray again in the face of a greater opportunity?
the lap dog life you’re familiar with already, it’s the same motions as at home, just in a different font. feign incompetence, fake adoration, express gratitude at the scraps tossed your way and sooner or later you will cease to be a person in the eyes of others. you’re an accessory, a pretty piece of decoration, an echo given human shape. this is where you'll truly have your in.
you’re practically expected to want a seat at the king’s club’s table, and it’s treated as something for you to aspire to but never really get. the sins of your forebears, remember? well, you decide you want a seat for yourself anyway. you will earn it, it will be yours, you will make it so and if your opposition can’t keep up — it’s not on you to babysit someone else’s ambitions. want it enough or resign yourself to never getting what you want. (it’s overwhelming to want something, you understand. it’s suffocating and nauseating and leaves you trembling because failure is not an option, but if others can’t weather the blows it’s not your fault you can.)
it stings to face the music, to look into the mirror and peel away the tape and gauze that has made the hurt bearable but once you do, it’s liberating.
you’d love to claim that you didn’t know you were capable of deception and manipulation like that, that it’s this dog-eat-dog world that ruined you like that but the truth is, all that has changed is that you’re doing the same thing you’ve always done with purpose. osmosis, remember seventh year biology? the time for osmosis is now over. you’re conscious of what you take in, of what you’re teaching yourself, of what you’re pulling out of your soul to sharpen into tools to get you ahead.
your sort of saccharine is the artificial kind, the one that coats the tongue and lingers until it’s overstayed its welcome and your metallic, bitter aftertaste makes the stomach churn. it works, however. men are so willing to swallow the bitter with a spoonful of sugar if it means their ego is fed and even if your quest for marriage takes its time crawling along you find that you enjoy the way your attention becomes something desirable. you are wanted, and that’s more than what you’ve been afforded for most of your life.
hyungseo is a pretty gem. he’s nice to look at, and in your hands he could mean a wealth of opportunities, but when he dies you don’t find yourself mourning for long. the guilt you’ve long learned to stash away, to make it small and swallow it. if you let guilt get in the way of the life you’ve been raking together for yourself you do not deserve it. you feign bereavement appropriate for someone of your degree of removal, cry a few crocodile tears and wait. grief is temporary, you tell yourself, and eventually everyone will forget. that's just how it goes.
you meet your future husband at a networking event during the first semester of your last year. he’s handsome and has a bright, pearly smile and he too falls hook line and sinker for your saccharin schtick. it should feel insulting, how easy it is, but you quickly realize that he too is an outsider — korean-american, born on the wrong side of the pond with supposedly right ideas and none of the care for the history of his people. what matters is his standing, his beliefs, his money. you too, are meant to be his.
really, what you do is trade cages. the new one is so very, very small, you quickly learn, and rather than gilded its bars are already covered in verdigris. you are the second wife, the echo of what is left of his first, true love (his first, true love that left in time, the one who looked at the red flags he raised as he slowly but surely put up fences around her to keep her trapped), you’re a plaything, a potted plant, a lap dog.
you've done it before, you can do it again. you have to. you use him too, make no mistake, and you do it without remorse but this feels different. it’s a war of attrition and neither of you can let go without losing face, he just doesn’t know it yet. maybe if he acknowledged it, he’d have to reckon with the fact that he’s found his match in you.
you find ways around your new cage. if you dislocate your shoulder just a little more you can lean out into the evening air long enough for him not to notice. if you’re willing to pop your leg back into its hip socket after sneaking back into your cage he might not care enough to notice the limp in your step — might attribute that to his virility or something along these lines if he does. bonus points for stroking his ego.
the cage is tiny and its bars have long since lost their shine but with enough determination (not too much, or you might start wanting more again and goodness knows where that would get you) there are ways to bend and twist and remember that you are, if nothing else, not yet bound to the shadows the way your mother was.
not yet.
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