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zuffer-weird-girl · 1 year

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Warnings: overhaul x reader drabble, involves heavy topics like suicide, death, vomit, self loathing, character asking to be killed and among other mental health issues since this is Chisaki, so be aware of this before you read it. Not recommended to minors to be honest.

"So many years wasted... throw inside a trashcan...." he murmured to himself as he stared at the image that appeared on the mirror in front of him.

He shouldn't be felling sorry for himself.... after all he has done. After all he did to the boss... he didn't deserve it. The pain on his chest and soul wouldn't go away. Ever. Not even if he was allowed to apology to the man in coma and begrudgingly to the little girl he had taken advantage of.

None of this would have happened if he just listened to the old man. None of this would have happen if he had put his pride aside... None of this would be real if he wasn't welcome in inside the yakuza.

"Such... a waste... of human garbage." he hissed the last words in disgust as he dropped his head... if he still had his hands, probably they would be gripping the sides of his hair by now.

Oh, right. He would still have fucking arms and hands if he wasn't such a idiotic asshole.

He couldn't even bring back the man he had as a father figure. What the hell was he even worth for now? The shie hassaikai was ruined, because of him. He had.... nothing.

"Hey.." he widened his eyes at the sound before slowly lifting his head to see your figurine leaning on the doorway, a small and tired smile plastered on your face... as usual. "I was thinking of maybe karekatsu for dinner, what do you think?"

... another thing he wasn't worth for...

You.

"... do whatever you want." He whispered harshly and tried to ignore the pain in his chest at hearing your sigh.... which he couldn't tell if it was from annoyance or just plenty up tired with his bullshit.

Despite everything he made you go through, you had somehow manage to convince the heroes that his condition in tartarus was impossible to live. Convincing the authorities that despite being his fiance, you would keep him at house arrest all of the time until his sentence was done.

He had this metal black thing on his right ankle that was a painfull reminder on the day you finally saw him out of tartarus...

You had those... eyes. Disappointed yet worried ones. He does know how much you loved children, so hearing of his abouts must be horrific for you.

Yet you were still there... still with him...

How...? But mostly important... why?

He let himself fall on his back on the bed he was sitting on previously... staring at the ceiling in numbness as his ears capted the backroom noise.

After a few minutes or so, he could hear you approaching and then softly knocking on the door frame.

"Is done. Do you want to eat here or..?"

"... to be honest, I am not hungry." He spoke nonchantly while he could tell by his peripheral vision that you had crossed your arms over your chest.

"You're not hungry or you don't want to be fed?"

Shit. You knew him well.

Being spoon feed made him feel like a newborn... made him feel worthless and vulnerable... he didn't liked one bit.

"... perhaps... both."

"Kai, you need to eat something... I don't want you to become skin and bones only..." You pleaded and he finally had the courage to turn his head in your direction.

"....wouldn't it be easier...? Wouldn't be easier if you let me die...? Or if that shigaraki had killed me instead of-"

"Stop." He closed his mouth at your sharp tone "Stop depreciating yourself. You're alive and will be alive for a long time." You stormed out and he inhaled sharply before returning his gaze to the ceiling.

Being alive sounded more like a punishment nowadays....

He almost flinched when the bed suddenly stopped a bit with your weight as he stared up at you with wide eyes.

Despite wanting to end it all, he still flinched at sudden movements or even the smallest brushes of skin to skin contact... he had fallen so hard... from a powerfull and fearfull yazuka to a mere quirkless, disable, worthless and a scared cat man...

Such a shame...

"Sit up." You ordered gently and he couldn't help to just follow your orders for once... in the past it would be a bit of resistance, but who was he now to decline a order if he couldn't do absolute nothing for himself?

With your help, as always, he managed to sit up with his back resting on the mattress of the bed as he eyed the bowl of karekatsu you had brought.

"You-"

"I did cut it so you wouldn't choke. Yeah. Besides a I brought a spoon this time instead of the hashis." You smiled sheepish as you shaked the utensil in your hand between two fingers.

He was jealous for a second...

"Ready to be my taste tester?" You stopped up some food and held it to his face as his nose scrunched up...

The humiliation...

He hesitantly opened his mouth to allow the food to enter.... he hated being taken care of, but you were right... he was famished...

The flavors almost exploded on his tongue as soon as his taste buds registered that it wasn't the usualbarley rice and miso soup he was obligated to choke down as the guards madenhim swallow it... no. It was yours doing. He missed the familiarity of your cooking all times he had to eat the tartarus meals... it was so rich in flavors that he almost let a moan escape...

"Good? Was my first time doing it..." You asked after he had swallowed it.

"... is... " usually this time his pride would make him say stupid things like: 'is alright' or 'is food'

But now, he let it slip the silent word perfect in the quiet room...

"I'm so happy to hear that!" You smiled... how long has it been since you had smiled at him like that?

.... wait. No.

No he didn't deserve to miss that freacking smile. He didn't deserve you treating him like glass. He didn't deserve to be breathing the same air as you are.

Such a gentle and sweet soul like yours shouldn't be with him.

He suddenly threw himself out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom, kneeling harshly on the ground as vomit traveled from his stomach to all the way out of his mouth as he coughed violently.

"Kai!" He heard your voice from afar and cringed when he felt your soft hand rubbing gentle circles on his back as he spilled his guts out... "Is alright... don't force yourself, let it all out..."

Your gentle murmurs only seemed to worse his state of mind and body... he noticed how he started to tremble, his jaw seemed like it was going to fall apart, his stomach hurted like a bitvh along with his chest... he was hot... so hot in his head that it felt suffocating...

The disgusting taste of the bile of his stomach, the way he had harshly threw up hurted.... as soon as he had finished, he felt something burbling on his chest as he furrowed his eyebrows at the feeling before slamming his forehead against the toilet and shouting in the loudest volume he could... just to see if the pain lessened for a bit.

It did not.

He felt your fingers brushing his hair back and he couldn't help but to let out the loudest sob he had ever heard as you picked a wet napkin and wiped the corners of his mouth while suushing him.

"Calm down you just need to breath love..." You spoke and he inhaled sharply at the way the nickname you gave to him slipped so easily and smoothly from your lips... he gagged at the horrific smell of vomit as you helped him up the best you before leading him out of the bathroom from his sake.

He was brought to the bedroom once again as he could tell you were internally panicking at his state...

"O-ok... take a big breath in and out, I'm going to get some water and-"

"Kill.. me..." You froze and looked at him like he had grew another head.

".. what?"

"Kill me... please...." his shoulder shook and soon enough you were embracing him so strongly he let himself fall apartly completely "P-Please-! I don't deserve to live!"

"No lov-"

"DONT CALL ME THAT!" He wailed before lowering his face on the crook of your neck "I'M A WASTE OF HUMAN BEING! LOOK AT ALL I HAVE DONE! NOT ONLY I AM USELESS BUT I AM A FREACKING MONSTER! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN HERE STILL?! YOU DONT DESERVE THAT!" He wailed loudly on your neck as he felt you carrying the hair on the nape of his neck as you stayed in silence.

"I-If I die... than it would be better. Pops and erj would have their revenge for what I did to to both of them, the ex members of the hassaikai would feel revenge as well... you won't have to deal with a disable and worthless husband any longer... "

"Kai dont-"

"Don't lie... I know you have no feelings for me... you're here out of pity... I don't deserve it... I don't deserve none of it..." he hiccups as tears traveled down from his face to your shirt "not your pity and specially not your kindness..."

It was silent for a bit as he tried to recover himself form the sudden attack before he felt you cupping both cheeks and making him look at you..

You had tears of your own on those eyes... your lips were chapped due to constantly biting them and your hair was a mess.

Yet you looked... so beautiful.

"I'm not gonna lie, what you did was extremely fucked up and I don't feel a single hit of pity towards you for it." He didn't wanted to but he flinched at that.

"But I'm not lying when I say everything is going to turn out OK sooner or later. I am not lying each morning when I check of you are alright and check how are your arms.... I don't lie when it comes to me worrying about you 24 hours at day and certainly not about my love for you."

"... how? How could you still love a man like me after everything I done..?" He asked, his voice rough due to him throwing up and shouting a few minutes ago...

You brushed a tear away with your thumb before placing a gentle kiss to his lips, not caring if he had brushed them or not.

"I just do... no one is 100% bad or good.... and your beauty never really scared me..."

He blinked and stared at you like you were the craziest person he had ever met.

Or maybe you were...

"What beauty...? I am no longer the man you married.. I am no longer a boss that had the confidence and power .... I don't even get to pick something for myself due to my arms being ripped off of me..."

"First, you still are the man I married. Different? Sure, but him no less.... second, power surely does not mean beauty... don't you remember I found you the hottest man alive by only wearing boxers?"

"Pervert-" you shush him with a skile when you got the glimpse of small one growing on those lips of his.

"Third and final... your arms. Kai it will take longer for you to get used to this new life-style and probably much longer when we get those prostheses... I can't promise you it will be easy, but what I can assure you is that I will not leave your side. I promised that on the altar, didn't I?"

"It means nothing if you no longer hold feeling-"

"Kai I love you." You grabbed his face and made his golden eyes lock with yours "I love you, and I will say it as much times you need me to convince your stubborn ass that."

He blinked a drop pf tear away as he almost whispered the question.

".. how?... why?"

And you answered once again

"Your beauty never really scared me..."

(A/n): this... turned out like shit. I am sorry.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai #overhaul #chisaki kai x reader #bnha x reader #bnha villains x reader #kai chisaki x reader #bnha villains #zuffer writings

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