#kexera

[eldritchazure]

This is my second entry for Dominionweek!! It’s for the prompts Culture Shock and Cuisine.

•••

Lizaan’s eyes widened when the taste of the cold food hit his tongue. It was… vibrant, to say the least. Kexera smiled at the expression of surprise that must have been on his face.

It tastes like rippleberries, all sweet and tangy, and yet the texture was completely new. It was creamy and wonderful, and it was also extremely cold. The temperature made his front teeth sort of ache, so he moved the substance towards the back of his mouth to chew with his molars. It began to melt on his tongue before he swallowed it. It was divine.

“What did you call this again?” he asked Kexera as he scooped another chunk out of the bowl with his spoon.

“It’s called ice cream,” the grinning Betazoid replied. “It’s a traditional human desert. The contraption I used to make it was also invented by the humans. It can turn just about anything into ice cream, with some dairy products added in to give it the right texture.”

“It’s amazing,” Lizaan said emphatically. When the Founder had instructed him to mingle with the natives of Betazed, he certainly hadn’t expected this. In fact, most of Betazoids he’d interacted with so far had either been frosty or irritatingly obsequious towards him. He had no idea why Kexera was being so kind. She had gone through all this trouble, risking the ire of her peers for associating with him, just to do things like make him ice cream that he’d actually be able to taste. It was a bit suspicious, actually. She certainly wasn’t this welcoming to the other Vorta in their delegation. But it was hard to be cynical about Kexera’s intentions with a spoonful of rippleberry ice cream in his mouth.

“I’m glad you think so,” Kexera said. “Actually, could I try some? I’ve never heard of this rippleberry you like so much.”

Lizaan nodded and passed her the bowl. It was now about half-full of the smooth light purple substance called ice cream. “You’ve likely never heard of it because it only grows in Dominion space,” he told her as she went to get herself a spoon.

As she ate her spoonful, her expression seemed pensive. Lizaan wondered idly if she’d like it.

“It’s… good,” she seemed to decide after a moment of contemplation. “Odd, but good.”

He sort of wanted to tell her about the rippleberry groves on Kurill Prime, but he knew that would be giving up too much. As nice as Kexera was, she was still technically the enemy, and he didn’t yet know what she wanted from him. After all, Lizaan knew that such kindness never came without a motive, without a price.

Even so, when she grinned at him, he couldn’t help but smile back. Lizaan told himself that this was a good thing. Kexera was a well-respected diplomat. She could be very useful to the Dominion. Perhaps this amicability could be forged into an alliance. Lizaan very much hoped so.

[eldritchazure]

On episode 3 of Dominionweek: Self-Discovery!! Lizaan 3 discovers himself and hates it.

•••

“Lizaan?”

Lizaan’s brow furrowed slightly in confusion as he turned towards the source of the unfamiliar voice calling his name. He was met with an older woman who had greying black hair. Lizaan guessed by her dark eyes that she was Betazoid. The Founder he served, Overseer, had told him that there would be Federation representatives at this diplomatic meeting, but it was still a surprise. He hadn’t seen a member of a Federation species since the Dominion War, a lifetime ago. This woman must’ve been one of the Federation ambassadors. Her expression was stricken.

Lizaan wondered what was wrong with her as he politely replied, “Yes? How may I help you?”

The woman ignored his question. “Lizaan? Is that really you? I thought they’d for sure have…” she trailed off, seemingly unable to finish the sentence. “If I had known you were alive, I’d have tried to rescue you.” She looked so, so sad at the sight of him, yet also hopeful, and he hadn’t the foggiest clue as to why.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but do I know you?” he asked as gently as he could.

Now the strange woman seemed shocked. “Lizaan, it’s me. It’s Kexera. Don’t you remember?”

Lizaan frowned, trying to recall that name, but his memory came up blank. There was nothing.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t remember you. Perhaps you could explain where you know me from?” he suggested helpfully. After all, there weren’t many places a Federation citizen could know a Vorta from these days.

The woman, Kexera, looked perplexed. “We met on Betazed, during the Dominion War. We were good friends. Don’t you remember?” Her expression morphed into a fierce glare as her tone turned accusatory. “What did they do to you? Why don’t you remember?”

“Oh, that wasn’t me,” he explained easily, his tone placating as he attempted to diffuse Kexera’s sudden fury. “That was my previous iteration, Lizaan 2. I am his successor, Lizaan 3.”

Kexera’s expression turned haunted. “…What happened to Lizaan 2?” she asked quietly, almost timidly. It struck Lizaan as out of character for the obviously fiery woman. She seemed almost afraid of his answer.

He debated telling the truth, before deciding that answering truthfully wasn’t a security risk as long as he didn’t give away any real details. It’s not as if he knew any real details.

“Lizaan 2 was terminated for crimes against the Dominion,” Lizaan answered matter-of-factly.

Kexera’s expression turned carefully neutral. She almost seemed to steel herself before speaking again. “But I thought Vorta retained the memories of their predecessors. So why don’t you remember me?”

Lizaan averted his gaze, his expression no doubt giving away his immense shame. “Lizaan 2’s crimes were deemed so heinous that his predecessor had to be cleansed of their memory, so that they could no longer corrupt the line.”

Kexera’s indifferent facade cracked and raw heartbreak shone through. Whatever hope had glimmered in her eyes was smothered.

“So it wasn’t enough to just murder him, they had to kill his memory, too,” she murmured bitterly, seeming to be talking to herself. Lizaan wondered at her evident care for his predecessor, before the pieces began to fall into place. She seemed to know of Lizaan 2’s fate before he told her. She seemed to know what happened.

He knew he shouldn’t ask. The memories had been removed for a reason. They had been excised because they were cancerous and couldn’t be allowed to spread to the next Lizaan. But he had to know. He had to know what he had done. He had to know if filling in the gaps in his memory would finally allow him to atone for his unknown crime. He had to see if that would finally bring him peace.

“Wait,” he started, slowly, lowering his voice so the surrounding delegates wouldn’t hear. “You knew Lizaan 2. Do you- do you know what he did? Could- could you… tell me?”

Kexera looked at him for a long moment, her expression unreadable. He didn’t know what she was looking for, but she seemed to have found it because she nodded ever so slightly. “It’s not safe here,” she stated quietly. “Meet me in the gender-neutral bathrooms in the eastern wing in ten minutes. I’ll tell you what happened to him then.”

They parted ways after that. Lizaan went back to mingling and smiling at the other delegates. Most of them seemed skittish around the Dominion representatives, to say the least. It was understandable, if rather unfortunate. Lizaan hoped that one day these people would come to understand the blessing that was the Founders’ Sacred Order.

After nine minutes were up, Lizaan politely excused himself and headed towards the bathrooms.

When he arrived, Kexera was already there. She was washing her hands in the sink and didn’t look up at him. He walked right past her without glancing her way and locked himself into a stall. He pulled a small, easily-concealed tricorder from the folds of his shirt to scan for any bugs within the room. Once he was sure there were none, he came out of the stall.

Making eye contact with Kexera in the large mirror, he asked in an even tone, “What did my predecessor do?”

And Kexera told him.

As she spoke, Lizaan watched his expression in the mirror grow more and more horrified. Kexera told him of a rebel sympathizer who allowed himself to be charmed by Kexera into betraying the Dominion and aiding the enemy by feeding information to Starfleet Intelligence.

Lizaan was beyond disgusted with himself. How could he have done this? He could hardly believe it. Lizaan 2 sounded like a stranger. Lizaan felt sick. The bathroom seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. He could hardly breathe. He had to get out.

Lizaan turned on his heel and nearly ran for the door, ignoring Kexera’s grief-stricken expression in the mirror. The worst part was, he couldn’t even find it in himself to be angry with her. It wasn’t her fault he’d been so weak, so degenerate, so corrupt. He had only himself to blame. He knew better. He should’ve been better. He had no idea how he could even begin to be able to fix this. He didn’t know how he could ever be worthy of Overseer’s mercy.

The thought of Overseer brought a bit of clarity to Lizaan’s racing thoughts. He had to get a hold of himself. He focused on taking long, shaking breaths in through his nose and then out through his mouth.

He had to report this to Overseer. Keeping his horrible newfound knowledge that he wasn’t supposed to have a secret wouldn’t end well, and certainly wouldn’t further his goal of atonement. He didn’t know what they would think of this, and it certainly wasn’t his place to speculate. He didn’t know if they’d even care. But he knew that if he kept this information a secret, it would eat him alive.

Plus, Kexera had said that Lizaan 2 had never given up his accomplices. Even if the war was long over and it didn’t really matter anymore, perhaps being able to give Overseer one name could be a step towards forgiveness and proving that he could be trusted again. But given the enormity of his transgressions, he doubted it. When he had wondered what Lizaan 2 possibly could have done, he never, in one hundred years, would’ve imagined anything as physically sickening as betraying the Founder he served. And for what? The friendship of some random Betazoid, the enemy? Lizaan wondered bitterly if it had been worth it to Lizaan 2.