#kim namjoon fanficion

[waitinginthedarke]

It Consumes Me

A BTS/Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Summary: The minute he laid eyes on her he knew she was the one. But love is a battle of the mind and the heart, and when the voices in your head start winning, how can your heart possibly compete with a choice that consumed you before the very start…

Type: Angst/Love

Disclaimer: This story contains strong themes. Should a chapter be potentially triggering, it will be stated beforehand. (This chapter contains more direct reference to triggering subjects, most prominently EDs)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

You peer nervously from Namjoon to Jungkook, feeling your legs shake a little when you stand to greet him, keeping Namjoon’s hand tucked tightly in your own and you feel him do the same with yours as you bow to the other guy, attempting a warm smile after realising that he was someone clearly important to the man beside you with how scared he’d seemed to introduce you to him.

‘Its…uh, its nice to meet you, Jungkook-sshi.’ You say, cursing your voice for sounding so quiet as a result of your uneasiness at the sudden turn of events, panicking when you suddenly feel light-headed, grabbing Namjoon’s hand tighter in response to make sure you don’t fall, and seeing him turn to look at you in your peripheral vision with slight concern .

‘I wish I could say I’ve heard a lot about you, y/n. But in actual fact, I only learned of your connection to Namjoon-hyung this evening. …although I must say, since I pulled the secret of your existence out of him, he hasn’t stopped talking about you...’

Its that tiny tit-bit of information that Jungkook finishes on that centers you in your dizziness and brings you back to the present, the smile that appears on your lips going unnoticed to yourself as you turn your head to look at the angel beside you.

‘Is that right?’ you ask, knowing you’d use this information to tease Namjoon for a long while after this moment, especially with the way his cheeks tinge pink in his embarrassment at being caught talking about you without you being there.

‘Yah, did you have to say that?’ he complains at his friend, his almost instant reaction of protest causing you to grin and break out into laughter as you lean into him, closing your eyes as you momentarily touch your forehead to his shoulder, taking the quickest drag of his scent into your lungs before tilting your head up once more to look at him, only to see him already peering down at you.

There is a momentary pause as the two of you watch each other, both feeling yourselves sink into the other, the clasp of Namjoon’s fingers around your own making your heart race as your gaze flickers to his lips, lingering for only a second before you’re alerted to an awkward cough made by Jungkook.

‘Uh, so, Hyung says you were spending the evening studying, y/n?’

You can feel your cheeks heating all over again as you quickly divert your attention to Jungkook, continuing to feel Namjoon’s gaze on you as you reply.

‘Ye-ah…yeah, I’ve got an assignment on Murukami to finish for a seminar at the end of the week. But to be honest I’ve spent the last hour reading the same page over and over again and none of it is sinking in.’ you explain, pulling a slightly aggravated face at yourself as you look over your papers spread on the desk in front of you, although the feeling dissipates almost immediately when Namjoon pulls you into his side and slips his arm around your waist for comfort.

‘Well maybe you need a break from it for a moment…and what do you know, you’ve got two willing volunteers to help you relax for perhaps just an hour?’ the man clutching you suggests, raising a single eyebrow in the most seductively intense way that you almost want to jump him there, before you reason with yourself that that would really make a disturbance in the library.

It’s after a few seconds more of staring at him that you realize you hadn’t replied, licking your lips nervously as doubt over finishing your assignment in time begins to seep into your mind. However, you already knew from your racing heart and the tightening of your chest that demanded you follow him to the ends of the earth, that you were about to do anything he said.

‘You promise it’ll just be for an hour?’ you ask timidly, subconsciously biting your lip, but having your attention bought to the nervous habit when his thumb is softly trailing over your lip and pulling the flesh from your teeth, the sight of his wide grin and soft voice swimming in your vision as your heart gives in to his wants.

‘Are you really doubting me?’

-------------------------

It was only as you were walking away from the river path that had streamed down from the university and toward a little street of back-alley restaurants after Jungkook had made a comment about how hungry he was, that the concept of bunking off for a little while with Namjoon began to seep into tones of blackness and dislike.

You could already feel your palms growing clammy, and as much as you’d tried to stifle it, the rumbling in your stomach had grown three-fold the minute the scent of fried chicken and various sesame oil-soaked noodles had hit your nostrils 100 yards back.

Eyes scanning the shop fronts in desperate search of a cute little café to save you, you couldn’t help but be thankful that peak rush hour was only just beginning to ease off, the distractions of multiple bright car lights and the sound of horns and revved engines keeping Namjoon’s attention away from you…

…or so you thought.

--------------------------

Namjoon

You’d noticed her palms grow clammy the minute Jungkook had lead you both from the river path and up towards one of the guys’ favourite restaurant haunts- the secluded, hidden in plain sight location, housing plenty of food joints with private seating being perfect for all of their needs. At first he’d assumed it was due to his profile and the attention it might bring to them if they were to be spotted, but it had only taken him half a second to remember that as far as he was concerned, she was unaware of the vast, chaotic nature of his life, and after that he couldn’t help but watch her curiously, overly aware of her and her reactions to try and work out what was making her so uncomfortable.

‘Chicken or bbq?’ Jungkook asks from up ahead, turning with a grin on his face as he gestures to the different restaurants either side of him, laughing at y/n appearing amazed by the hidden gem of a street, but you can see the tightness in the smile that forces its way onto her face as she responds.

‘I’m down for wherever has coffee!’

As an instinctive response you grin at her comment, your heart fluttering in your chest when she turns to see your reaction, and despite your concern for her you still find yourself in awe of her beauty…in awe of everything that was so utterly her.

‘uhh…well I don’t think either of these places does particularly good coffee-‘ Jungkook goes to explain, an apology in his tone of voice, but you’d already come up with a small plan of action in your head.

‘Its okay, Jungkook-ie, take y/n to the bbq place and I’ll run and grab some coffee from Holly’s-‘

‘Wait! Namjoon, you don’t have to do that-‘ she immediately goes to protest, but you quickly silence her with a touch of your lips to hers, the temptation to stay there almost overwhelming you before the voice in your brain that was excited to please her takes control once more and you step away with a teasing smile.

‘Black, no sugar. …go with Jungkook; I wont be a minute.’

Smothering a laugh at her dumbfounded expression, you quickly turn away to backtrack on yourself slightly, jogging back around the block to the coffee shop that would have appeared before had the three of you continued down the river path and quickly ducking in, being thankful that it wasn’t particularly busy at that time of night.

After ordering her drink, you stand at the counter with your hood pulled low, scuffing your shoes a little on the floor, ears immediately tuning into the conversations of the few people sat at tables in the café, the chat of one pair of girls particularly peaking your interest.

‘She missed first period again today, that’s two days in a row now- and she bunked off of fifth period the day before that; if she’s not careful she’ll get pulled into the head teacher’s office…-‘

‘I don’t think she’d be that worried about the principle; we both known what her dad is like since her mom died. …God knows what would happen if he found out she’d been missing school...’

With a feeling of pity for the unknown girl in the conversation, Namjoon thanks the server for the take-out cup as he passes it to him, turning towards the door, and walking out without looking back-

-but not before he could tune into the next part of the story.

‘She looks so small these days…Its like she’s slowly disappearing…’

-----------------------

Your leg wouldn’t stop jigging as you sat at the table with Jungkook waiting for Namjoon to return, politely making light conversation with Jungkook to distract yourself from the turn of events of the night, and the assignment that was going untouched in your bag. Although when you peer down at said rucksack, and glimpse the delicate bouquet of flowers poking out of the top, you couldn’t help but become momentarily distracted by their beauty.

‘So how long have you known Namjoon?’ you ask, figuring whilst he wasn’t there, you’d get the low down on why Jungkook had suddenly shown up that night, and why Namjoon had seemed so shy and embarrassed about it.

‘Ah, probably about 10 years now. I met him when I joined the agency, and he took me under his wing.’ Jungkook explains, a reminiscent smile lighting up his face as he stirs his straw through his glass of coca-cola.

‘Do you find your job hard?’ you inquire, smiling at the thought of the two of them staring at computers all day long, working hard and always striving to do their best.

‘Well its not an easy business to crack, although once you’re at the top, you begin to get used to the shows every night; its mainly just the exhaustion that never gets easier, but the amount of food you get to eat from all the dancing does make everything a lot more fun.’ He explains, chuckling as right on cue the waitress brings out the banchan for the food he’d ordered for everyone, your body tensing when you see the glorious colours, and your body inhales the sweet scent of kimchi.

But you barely focus on the food with your mind stuck on the information Jungkook had just given you, trying to process the phrases ‘shows every night’, and ‘dancing’ into a job role that didn’t imply that Namjoon was some sort of strip-club dancer- a thought that half concerned you (because he hadn’t mentioned it), and half turned you on.

‘Wait, so, what do you mean by ‘shows every night’?’ You ask politely, watching the guy across from you keenly as he begins to pick at some of the dishes.

‘Well they’re not every night, but we’ve done frequent shows over the past month because we wanted to hype up our fan-base before the comeback, but some days are easier than others; I’m hoping we get a few rest days in before we release the new album.’

You sit in a stunned silence as you let this new information sink in, the only possible solution you could conjure from the details he was giving you, being that Namjoon and Jungkook were some kind of singers or performers that by the sounds of their ‘frequent shows’ were rather popular in Korea.

‘Namjoon-hyung has definitely been working the hardest though, what with all the producing he does for the album and the international press and media releases we have to put out- has he told you yet that he can speak fluent english?- he’s amazing!’

Or perhaps they were even more popular than you had in mind.

‘Someone order a black coffee?’

Your brain is practically buzzing with information as you look up to see Namjoon stepping through the sliding doorway to the room, a bright smile on his face as he walks round to your side of the table and places your drink in front of you, touching your cheek briefly as a way of greeting you again when you thank him, before removing his jacket and shoes to make himself more comfortable.

‘So, what have you guys been talking about?’ he asks, instantly picking up a set of chopsticks to dig into the plate of kimchi set on the table, winking at you with a cheesy mouth-half-full grin before you answer him.

‘Jungkook was just telling me about how hard you’ve been working.’ You begin, watching him intently for his reaction, noting that Jungkook had picked up on the slight difference in tone of voice you were using, and seeing him looking slowly between the two of you in your peripheral vision, a slight frown of confusion between his brows.

‘It has been pretty intense lately.’ Namjoon appears to muse, continuing to graze on the small bowls on the table, but pausing with chopsticks halfway to his mouth with your next sentence.

‘He was telling me about the.... album ....you’re releasing soon.’

There’s a pause.

It almost seemed like you were all holding your breath as you wait on his response to your comment, the tension in the room only being broken when the waiter returns with the bbq platter and the extra dishes Jungkook had ordered, obviously sensing that something had happened as he occasionally side eyes you all as he disperses the plates, hurrying to place the meat on the grill before darting out of the room within 30 seconds and leaving you all in silence once again with the exception of the sizzling of the bbq.

‘Was he?’

It’s the way his voice cracks on the words that seems to clue Jungkook into the fact that he’d told you something he wasn’t meant to, his eyes widening theatrically as it dawns on him that you didn’t know about their job and apparent fame.

‘Mmhmm, he was telling me about all the shows you’d been performing recently.’ You mutter faux nonchalantly, sipping from your black coffee as you continue to watch the man beside you without blinking, feeling yourself get a head rush as the caffeine entered your veins and quickly grabbing the edge of the table as you feel yourself rock backwards slightly, the sudden movement forcing Namjoon’s eyes toward your hand and then up to your own gaze as he finally swallows the mouthful of food he’d been holding in his mouth for the past two minutes.

‘Im sorry.’

They weren’t the words you’d expected to leave his lips, let alone how softly they’d escaped him, or the subtle undertone of fear they rode on to reach your ears.

For a moment you were frozen in place again, your brain trying to figure out why his expression seemed so desperately afraid, but when you fail to come to a reasonable conclusion, you reach over to lay your hand on his knee, watching him worriedly.

‘Why are you saying sorry?’ you murmur back, voice almost equally as quiet as his was, and despite the fact that Jungkook had begun silently applying the vegetables to the grill in his awkwardness, you shuffle closer to Namjoon in an attempt to provide him with some comfort, hating the look of loneliness that had entered his gaze.

‘I didn’t tell you because I thought it might scare you. You’re so delicate to me y/n, I don’t want to lose you before we’ve even had a chance at being together, and I figured the magnitude of my life would be too much to deal with right away.’

The way his hand had risen up to cup your cheek half-way through him talking, his palm providing you with much needed warmth as he’d cradled your jaw so delicately, had your throat closing up as emotion had overwhelmed you. After a few moments of staring at him you stand up, murmuring a quick ‘excuse us’ to Jungkook, before smothering Namjoon’s protests at you leaving by grabbing his hand and gesturing for him to come with you.

You’re barely outside of the room and down the steps of the café, into the deserted back street behind, before you grab his head and pull his lips down to meet yours.

Your body feels like a livewire is running through it as you press your mouth desperately to his, choking on your breath as you feel his arms instantly wrap around your waist, hold becoming so tight that he’s almost lifting you off of your tiptoes in his passion. In that moment all you could comprehend was the smell of him; woody, minty, and warm, and the feel of him all around you, making every nerve ending stand to attention. And the only thought that stood out in your mind around the tumult of information you’d learned in the past 15 minutes, was that you never wanted to be anywhere else other than by his side.

‘I don’t want you to be scared.’ You murmur between kisses, finally managing to break your lips apart long enough to be able to catch his gaze, staring intently back at you as he waits for you to speak.

‘Does the idea of dating some famous guy absolutely terrify me? Definitely…for multiple reasons, but-…but none of it matters when that famous guy is you.’ You explain, smiling timidly at him, ‘since the moment I met you, I’ve felt this need to be next to you despite how terrifying that thought it to me, to find out everything about you that I can; to learn you inside and out, because to me you appear utterly fascinating- wonderful, beautiful, -I just-…God, why am I telling you all of this-‘ you trail off, realising you were rambling, completely spilling your heart to this man, and trying to put a stop to the splurge of words that wanted to fight their way from you so that he knew how special he was in your eyes, how the image of him had burned itself onto the backs of your eyelids since the very moment you’d first met him in that café.

For the three seconds of silence that followed your outburst, your entire body fills with fear, the need to recoil burning through your veins as you realize you’d laid yourself bare to him when you’d only known of his existence for just over a week. But before you could make a mad dash for it, you feel his hands cradling your face, bringing your attention to the fact that you’d closed your eyes and ducked your head in your imminent defeat as he lifts your gaze to match his, bringing your attention to the fact that his eyes were shining in the light of the restaurants slightly garish electric banner behind you.

‘Everything…you have just told me, all the ways you feel about me…I feel that way about you too, y/n- …and so much more. ….The second you walked through the door of that café the first time we met, It felt like being blinded by the sun; like my whole life had been waiting for that single moment, and the second I saw you the world made sense. Within seconds of speaking to you, of making an absolute fool of myself and seeing that it had made you laugh, I knew I wanted to be the fool for the rest of time, as long as it meant I got to see your smile for just as long.’

Your knees were knocking together, and your hand was shaking where you were holding his forearm gently, needing to be touching him in some way as you listen to his words, your thoughts falling in on themselves as your heart tries to break free from your chest, swelling beyond belief with the emotion his words held for you.

‘The life I lead…its scary, and dangerous…and secretive,…but I don’t think I could survive it alone now that I know you … this past week I’ve lived like a king; I’ve been invincible, ask Jungkook-‘

‘Oh god, Jungkook-‘ you murmur quietly, just now realising that the two of you had left him alone for the past five minutes, and hoping that he had begun eating without you so that he didn’t remain hungry.

1 point to irony.

‘I’ve felt more alive than I have since moving to the city almost ten years ago.’ Namjoon continues as you redirect your gaze to his, the feeling of a smile lingering around your lips as you tune in once again to what he had been saying. But at that point, the look on his face told you that he already knew he didn’t need to say anything else.

And as he leaned in to touch his lips to yours once more, you couldn’t help speaking the words aloud that the two of you had learned in that moment that you’d both been holding onto since the moment you’d first met.

‘Its you.’

(T.B.C)

PSA: I will upload the next chapter tomorrow, but don’t expect uploads to become regularly frequent again quite yet as i’m just letting myself go with the flow at the minute until i get back into a good rhythm :)

[bang-me-bangtan-style]

Archive

OLD FANFICS AND ONE SHOTS RESIDE HERE.

My 2013-2020 fanficion

This is a masterlist of old fanfiction I’ve wrote through the years. From when I first started writing at sixteen with FORBIDDEN ALL THE WAY TO 2020. It’s 2021 and I feel like I want to start new and fresh. So I took all my masterlist and put it as an archive. My new masterlist is empty. Will be Comming soon.

Don’t fret, I still may continture some of the series below. but for now all this work is going to remain in the archive unless i change my mind.

✔ - Completed ||   ••• - Ongoing || ✖  - On Hold -everything for now is discontinued

BTS

Kim Namjoon

Kim Seokjin

Series:

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) corrupted | bangtan smut series | JIN,bts | 2.4k words

Min Yoongi

Series:

••• ⭐️ (FANFIC) Updated May 14,2020 | THE BANGTAN LIST | YOONGI, bts | with 1 chapter (s) | 3k words | ONGOING | SUMMARY - That one story where you work as a stripper, meet Min Yoongi, fuck him, and cant forget him- but he can’t remember you- so you fuck his friends to fuck the pain away.

Oneshots:

(SCENARIO) 01 the creator | you don’t own me series | YOONGI,bts

Smut:

(SMUT) 02 SUGA - 불타오르네  |bangtan smut series |  SUGA, bts | 1.5k word

Jung Hoseok

Series:

(MINI SERIES ) forced break up  | JHOPE, bts | 2 chapters |  1 , 2 | When Yoongi is your brother nobody wants to mess with you. no, not when Yoongi had set them all straight not to touch his little sister. Jhope is Yoongi’s best friend and Yoongis threats doesn’t scare him. What happens when Jhope goes behind Yoongi’s back to fuck his little sister. That sister being you.

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 03 we on | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JHOPE,bts | 1.6k words

Kim Taehyung

Series:

✖ (FANFICTION) Updated Jan 14, 2019 | the temptation | TAEHYUNG, bts | With 2 chapter (s) |  4316  words  | ON HIATUS | SUMMARY- Church. School. Work. Home. Home.work. school home. It was a hell of routine. But it was old. It was getting way too old. This pure innocent life was just a facade nowadays. Your mind had fell into the fifth circle of hell. And your boyfriend jungkook realized this. Especially after you cheated on him with the person he hated the most. Taehyung. And now according to him you would burn in hell for it. How long could you keep your legs closed after reviving oral sex from taehyung? Could you keep the rest of your innocence or did you really want to burn in hell like jungkook said you would?

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 04 treat you better | bangtan smut series | TAEHYUNG, bts | 3.4k words

Park Jimin

Series:

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 01 caught in a lie | bangtan smut series | JIMIN,bts

(SMUT) three is a charm | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JIMIN,bts | 4.4k words

Jung Jungkook

Series:

✖ (FANFIC) you make me begin  | JUNGKOOK, bts | 1,954 words | ON HIATUS | | SUMMARY- what if you are an angel and you fell from heaven for a troublesome boy who needed you, him being Jeon Jungkook?

✖(FANFIC) Updated june 23, 2018  || (FANFIC) UNKNOWN || JUNGKOOK, bts || With 2 chapter(s) ||  2,586 words  || ON HIATUS|| SUMMARY- what if the famous front man of bangtan accidentally texts the wrong number thinking your his cheating girlfriend only it’s really you?

••• ⭐️ (FANFIC) Updated May 12, 2020 | THE CREATION | with 2 chapters | words | ONGOING | SUMMARY- Your mom Jeon Yoona was one of the greatest scientist of her time. She created a man made male fetus called Project 1997 (later known as Jeon Jungkook) in the GIO lab that resided in Busan,South Korea in 1997. Jeon went down in the hall of fame creating what was said to be the most difficult project of the decade. in 2002 Jeon Yoona died from cancer leaving you behind. This was also around the time when PROJECT 1997 (Jeon Jungkook) started having complications and had became very ill. Because of this the GIO lab wanted project 1997 to be destroyed because they couldn’t figure out what w as wrong and  why he was defective. After being saved by Yoonas colleague- project 1997 (Jeon Jungkook) had fell into Your hands and you from then on raised him like a son. But you didn’t know that pretending to be PROJECT 1997’s (jungkooks) mom would be so hard, him angry, moody and bitchy all the time because all his friends wanted to do was fuck you. And maybe he wanted to fuck you too!

Oneshots:

(SCENARIO) 01 Jungkook | bangtan scenario series | JUNGKOOK, bts

(DRABBLE) mate killer | JUNGKOOK, bts

Smut:

(SMUT) 03 we on | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JHOPE,bts | 1.6k words

(SMUT) three is a charm | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JIMIN,bts | 4.4k words

(SMUT) 07 you’re mine |  bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK,bts

세븐틴 | SEVENTEEN (SVT)

Dino

Vernon

S.coups

Wonwoo

Mingyu

Seungkwan

Joshua

••• ⭐️ Updated august 1st , 2018   (FANFIC) fucking with Joshua | JOSHUA, seventeen | With 12 chapter (s) | 29,125 words  | ONGOING | A recorded list of incidents of you corrupting the innocent Hong Jisoo. can you corrupt him and make him go against his morals?

Woozi

Jeonghyun

The8

Hoshi

Jun

Dk

엔시티 | NEO CULTURE TECHNOLOGY (NCT)

(some members of nct is still under age, will not write any smut for underage 19+ and under nct members)

Taeyong

(SMUT) the dirty secret | nct smut series | TAEYONG,nct (4.5k words)

taeil

johnny

yuta

kun

doyoung

ten

(SMUT) the dirty secret | nct smut series | TAEYONG,nct (4.5k words)

jaehyun

winwin

jungwoo

lucas

mark

renjun

jeno

haechan

jaemin

chenle

jisung

갓세븐 | GOT7

Yugyeom

⭐️ (SMUT) lust of denial | got7 smuts | YUGYEOM,got7

Jackson

Jaebum

Jinyoung

Youngjae

BamBam

Mark

(SMUT) ewwww | got 7 smuts | MARK,got7

에스에프나인 | SENSATIONAL FEELING NINE (SF9)

Rowoon

Jaeyoon

Taeyang

Hwiyoung

(SMUT) guilty pleasures | sf9 smuts | HWIYOUNG,sf9 | 2.1k words

Dawon

Chani

Inseong

Youngbin

zuho

엑소 | EXO

Chanyeol

⭐️ (SMUT)breaking boundaries | exo smuts | CHANYEOL, exo

Suho

Xuimin

(SMUT) 01 | you’re mine | exo smuts | XIUMIN,exo

Chen

Kai

✖ Updated Apr 4, 2018 (FANFIC)degraded | KAI, exo | 8,806  words | |With 4 chapters | ON hold| In hopes of getting rid of Kim Jongin for ruining your life further after your friends with benefits disaster and your violent meltdown, you finally get him to agree to leave you alone for good give you some space…. you get a month of quiet. till one day he shows up at the same convenience store as you. from there he follows you home and fucks the shit out of you claiming you to be his again. Even with a girlfriend still on his arm your his play-toy again.Its all just a vicious never ending down spiraling cycle. He would never leave you alone. not until he calls it quits.what do you do when Kim Jongin won’t  leave you alone? degrading you until you disappear? welcome to degraded.

D.O

Lay

Baekhyun

⭐️ (MINI FANFIC) drunk bitch | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo | 1 chapter | what if you got drunk and didn’t realize what you were doing? Baekhyun being your victim.

⭐️ (SMUT) human mate | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo

(SMUT) forced | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo

Sehun

✖ discontinued | LISTEN I wrote this fanfic when I was like 16 ish or 17 it was my very first fanfic and it was a FORBIDDEN mess I’m now about to be 26 and cringe so fucking hard at what my 16 year old self was up in here doing, mom should have beat my a** 🥊 anyways I still have this on the internet to show where I came from it’s been what 8 almost 9 years since I wrote this sicko book, which btw way was requested I remember exo-Ls back in the day were.... anways if you read spare me I was young 😂😂😂 (FANFIC) forbidden |  |15 chapters | SEHUN, exo |  57,146 words | ON HIATUS|  Sehun is your twin.You’re his twin sister.You love him, More than you should.You push him away.He pulls back.You hate him he hates you back.You’re strangers, and he knows that.He misses you.You miss him back, but a question?Does he love you like you love him?

(SCENARIO) chanyeol’s noona | exo smuts | SEHUN,exo

빅뱅 | BIGBANG

G-dragon

(SMUT) mean because I like you | GDRAGON,bigbang

(SCENARIO) how to tame a dragon | GDRAGON, bigbang

[butterflysuki77]

Writing...

So... Grief was the fist thing I’ve written in 3 years... and the first fanfic I’ve written in 10 years...  Leave it to BTS to get me into writing again.

But anyway, I found an idea... a list of 8 prompts, and an idea sprang to mind for interesting series.  I’m in the midst of writing it now.  8 one-shots, one for all bts members and one for each bts member.  I’ve finished one story (Kim NamJoon) and I’m on story number 2 right now (Kim SoekJin) and I have to admit, I’m having so much fun.  I’ve missed writing so much, and coming back to it is an excellent way to get out some creative ideas.

Am I a writing blog?  I don’t think so really... but I love to write and will be posting stuff.  (heck I might try to do a cover of one of their songs, but I’m an opera singer so don’t hold me to it) I’m only a couple months in with the BTS family, and this blog is only a few weeks old itself.

I won’t post any of the fics until they’re all written.  Might be a week, might be more or less. 10 years ago I quit in the middle of 2 awesome fanfics I’d been writing, and never finished them.  I only want to post things that are complete now.  And as I consider this a series, even though they’re all oneshots, I’d rather have them all done.

Babbling is over.  Did this post even have a point?  Not really.  Just me thinking out loud.  

[waitinginthedarke]

It Consumes Me

A BTS/Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Summary: The minute he laid eyes on her he knew she was the one. But love is a battle of the mind and the heart, and when the voices in your head start winning, how can your heart possibly compete with a choice that consumed you before the very start…

Type: Angst/Love

Disclaimer: This story contains strong themes. Should a chapter be potentially triggering, it will be stated beforehand. (This chapter, is simply filled with fluff, with minor reference to strong themes.)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4

You could feel your phone vibrating for the billionth time in your pocket as you sat in your 4th class of the day, teeth grinding as you wonder what it was that your dad could be angry about this time, wishing you hadn’t pissed him off this morning.

Nervously looking around, you take the lifeline that everyone was silently studying to catch the professor’s attention to signal that you were going to the bathroom; with a barely susceptible nod of his head, you had bolted out of the door and across the corridor to the bathroom. Your hand shook as you took your phone out of your pocket, yet the second you see the caller id on the screen, your body floods with adrenaline and without hesitation you’re pressing answer.

‘Hello?’

‘Y/N? Are you okay?’

He sounded panicked. That was odd.

‘Uh…yeah…yeah, im in the middle of class though.’

‘Oh, im sorry. I-..You-..you just hadn’t responded to my text. …and I accidentally slept in this morning, so I haven’t had time to ring you back-‘

Taking the phone away from your ear momentarily, you see the message about your missed calls he was on about, frowning in annoyance at your own lack of awareness, before holding the phone to your ear once more.

‘-Y/N?’

‘I’m so sorry, Namjoon-ah. I’ve been in classes all day and I was just so focused on studying at lunch that-‘

‘Hey, y/n…calm down, its okay. …I was just-…what did you call me for this morning? Did you need me for something?’

His voice was calm and reassuring, with only a hint of concern lingering around the edges, the sound pulling your heart into a tumult of guilt as you think back to that morning and remember exactly why you’d called him.

‘Uh, yes…no, its fine now. I just…I ended up having to walk to college cause I couldn’t get a lift from my dad and I was just really upset--…actually it was really selfish of me to call you in the first place- I’m sorry for worrying you.’ You explain, skirting around the fact that you couldn’t get the metro because you didn’t want to waste money on the fair…and that really you’d only rang him because you’d wanted the comfort the sound of his voice brought you after your argument with your dad that morning.

‘Hey! You have no reason to be sorry,…I’m just sorry I couldn’t answer the call. I would have done anything to make you feel better…’

There is a breath of silence as you both imagine the feeling of being together again, the mutual thought floating through the phone and the overwhelming emotion that came with the feeling has you grappling for the sink to steady yourself.

‘…Hey, listen- are you doing anything later?’ he asks suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts, and you open your eyes to see the tiles of the bathroom floor swimming before you as you draw in a breath, struggling to recall your later plans.

‘I-uh…I’ve got to go study at the library-‘

‘Would you mind if I came to see you? I’ve got a bit of time after seven…and I kind of really miss you.’

The statement was so timidly… bold. If you closed your eyes you could imagine the look on his face as if he stood before you there and then...- and that was all the incentive you needed.

‘Please.’

It wasn’t the word you’d wanted to say, and you could tell it was slightly awkward by the gentle chuckle that resonates through the phone from him, but its that same noise that has your shoulders relaxing again despite the distressed butterflies cascading around your stomach.

‘I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

The excitement of having his presence before you quickly bring’s your attention back to the present moment and you remember that you had to go back to class; a sad yet anticipatory goodbye later, and you’re back in your seat with your professor side-eyeing you due to how long you’d been.

----------------

‘Hey, do you wanna go for a walk, Namjoon-hyung?’

After visiting the flower shop earlier that day during break practise and storing the bouquet he’d bought in a hidden crevice by the recycling bins at the dorm, Namjoon had gone back to rehearsal, before finishing for the day and finding himself as he did in that moment; at the desk in his room feigning interest in a song he’d been playing around with for the past few days.

He was contemplating the best way to surprise Y/n when Jungkook had peeked his head around the door to his room, the beady eyed gaze of the younger guy boring into the back of Namjoon’s head causing him to quickly change his train of thought to how he would let his friend down easily without giving anything away.

‘Not right now, Jungkook.’ He murmurs, flickering his eyes over the screen before him as he dismisses him, believing that since he technically hadn’t given any excuse at all, he wasn’t lying to him about not wanting to go out.

‘Ah…okay…’

He’d thought that would have been it, the simple dismissal usually being all it took to evade one of the other guys, but after a moment or two of silence in which the light from the door continued to spill into the room, Namjoon realized that Jungkook still wanted something.

‘Is everything okay, Kookie?’

Its only as he turns his chair slightly so that he could see his friend, that he takes note of the deep in thought look on his face, slyly sitting to attention as he does so and watching Jungkook inquisitively.

‘I…Hyung, I’m going to ask you a question, and I really hope you don’t get mad at me cause I’m just concerned.’

Well, that wasn’t what he’d been expecting.

‘O-ka…y…’ Namjoon responds, narrowing his eyes at the other guy as he watches him enter the room fully and shut the door behind him, appearing to try to compose himself before speaking.

‘Who are the flowers for?’

Oh.

Namjoon watches his friend for a moment, eyes boring into eyes as his brain works over time to search for an out to the question.

‘What flowers?’

Wow, genius, Namjoon- evade a question with another question; brilliant ide-

‘The flowers you bought at the florist earlier and hid behind the recycle bins.’

…well fuck.

He pauses for a moment, eyebrows slowly pulling in as his thoughts turn from what to say to escape this line of questioning, to why Jungkook knew all this information.

‘Jungkook…have you been following me?’

It was that question that tipped Namjoon off, or more specifically his friends reaction to it; the slightly widened eyes, the immediate glances around the room, the fiddling of his fingers as he begins to stutter.

‘ah, no. I was just-…I was just concerned, cause- well because you haven’t been yourself lately…and-‘

‘What do you mean, ‘I haven’t been myself’?’ Namjoon presses, feeling his jaw tense as anger and confusion rolls into his belly, his logical side dismissing it immediately as his friend just being concerned about him, but a small part of him continues to fight against this line of inquiry…the jealous part of him.

‘You’ve just been more distracted than usual…but more excitable too, almost hyper in practise, and yesterday and today you were just so eager to finish practise-‘

‘Is it a crime to be excited for practise to be over? You know its not my favourite thing, Jungkook-‘

‘Yeah, but Namjoon-hyung, that still doesn’t explain the flowers-‘

At that point, Namjoon had had enough; in his mind, he knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t argue with his friend, and the clock behind the younger guy’s shoulder was only counting down the minutes faster till the time he’d said he’d meet y/n, and so pushing himself to his feet he gave in with a sigh.

‘You’re that concerned? Why don’t you come and meet who they’re for. But, please…please Jungkook-ah…I need you to promise me something-‘

God, he was going to hell for this.

‘- you can’t tell the others.’

-----------------

If you were being honest with yourself, not a single word on any page that you’d read for the past three hours had entered your mind, let alone settled into your memory. It had gotten to the point that you’d put earbuds in to try and block out any external distractions, but that had in turn just left you with your thoughts, and your imagination; …his hands holding your own, stroking up your arm, fingers curling around your waist, breath hot on your neck.

You cant help the loud gasp that escapes you when you suddenly feel the weight of a palm on your forearm, snapping your eyes open and twisting your head almost to the point of whiplash, before your mind registers the face in front of you that your mind had done no justice to in its feeble imaginings. It’s a moment of watching his lips move and hearing a dull mumble as you stare at him happily, before you realize you still had your ear buds in, and instinctively you hold your fingertips up to his mouth to stop him as you quickly tear the little rubber pods from your ears and proceed to grin at him as you place them on the table next to you before lowering your hand to allow him to proceed.

But in the manner that you’d already realized was only ever going to be his, he refused to let your hand leave his lips before he pressed a soft kiss to your fingertips, a shy smile creeping out from behind your palm on his lips as he brings your hand down to hold it in his lap.

‘Hello, beautiful.’

Those two words alone were enough to send a shiver racing down your spine, stomach contracting in want as you drink in the sight and feel of him, ears practically ringing happily with the welcome tones of his voice that were the first thing they were really hearing in hours.

‘Hey.’

The squeaky, almost whispered greeting was all you could manage with the way you felt so dizzy in his presence, not paying any attention to the goofy grin that was taking over your face as your mind completely forgets about your school work in exchange for honing all senses on the angel before you.

‘My goodness, I forgot how heavenly you were. …I’m sorry for scaring you, I just had to say hello before I let you get on with your work. Actually, first-‘

The way his lips pressed so surely against your own, his scent filling your lungs and dispersing itself around your body, drags you into him without the help of his hands that automatically reach out to pull you that tiny bit closer. Your hands were already reaching up to pull lightly on the collar of his shirt by the time his palms come to rest on your hips and without a thought you find yourself sinking your teeth gently into his bottom lip, pulling a light moan from him that has you both freezing in your motions as it echoes down toward the end of the library.

‘Oops.’ He mutters against your lips, and you quickly detach your mouth to smother your giggle in his chest, the noise traversing into a hum as his arms slip around you to crush you close against him, clouding you in his warmth as his lips settle a kiss to the top of your head.

‘So what are we studying tonight?’ he murmurs, the feel of his head turning to the side so that he could peer at your textbooks pulling a pout onto your face as you sense the end of the cuddle, regretfully pulling back as you read the title to him.

‘The fragmentation of identity in modern Japan.’

‘huh…nothing too deep then?’ he comments sarcastically, winking at you when you side eye him, and you can feel your cheeks immediately heating in response.

‘Its for my literature class; we’re currently studying Murakami.’ You explain, shuffling some of the papers that you’d been writing on around your desk as you try to force your brain back into the paper you’d been writing, remembering some jumbled theory of an Oedipus complex revival that lay in the hidden depths of the writer’s words.

‘Ahh…I vaguely remember reading ‘Norwegian Wood’; a meaningful writer, but not as philosophical as some of the stories I enjoy getting lost in.’ he murmurs, the comment contradicting his motions as he begins to pull your copy of ‘Burning’ towards himself and you watch his expression sink into interest whilst his eyes glide over the page. Until that moment he’d always exuded a feeling of cool, calm, collected business man come fashionista, but you couldn’t help appreciating the scholarly air that rolled off of him as you inspected his side profile whilst he read the book; taking in the defined curve of his jaw as he clenched his teeth in concentration, the way his eyebrows drew in as he processed the movements of the characters, these little details being washed from your focus as his thumb begins to rub gently over the backs of your fingers where his hand had come to sit around yours.

‘Your hands are cold.’ he mutters off-handedly, reaching his free hand up to turn the page before absentmindedly finding your other hand and enveloping them both in his grasp, rubbing his thumbs gently in circles to create warmth, the move being so caring that you feel your chest swell happily with emotion.

You leave him for a few minutes, simply allowing him to get sucked into Murukami’s deceptively indulgent words and watching him wistfully as your mind rolls out the billions of future possibilities your life could take on if it allowed you to stay with him.

‘I’m sorry, I know I’m not meant to be distracting you, I just couldn’t help myself.’ He says guiltily when the end of the chapter suddenly blocks off his progression into the rest of the story, his sudden awareness of himself amusing you so much that you lean over to press a kiss to his shoulder before removing one of your hands from his and reaching up to save the page, closing the book promptly afterwards and drawing his attention back to you as you smile up at him.

‘Whats that face for?’ you ask him, frowning when you see the curves of his face contorting into concern and worry, and what appears to be a hint of sheepishness.

‘Well firstly, I have a surprise for you.’ He starts without hesitation, his concern turning to a cheesy grin – with a tiny hint of embarrassment- before he motions for you to stay put, climbing up from his chair swiftly and bolting off towards the stairway, leaving you looking after him puzzled. He’s barely gone for a minute before he’s re-emerging, this time with a poorly concealed array of flowers held at his back.

‘You’re aware I can see those flowers behind your back right?’ you call quietly to him, not bothering to keep your voice quite as quiet as you should after realizing that you were one of the very few people in the library that evening – save the nerdy-looking guy that always sat in the corner-nook at the other end of the bookcases, using the computers as a means to up his score in starcraft.

‘Well pretend you cant until I show you.’ He complains sweetly, the frustrated whined tone in which he reprimands you causing you to conceal your laugh behind your hand, before resuming an oblivious expression to appease him, inwardly smiling as you watch him amble toward you whilst trying to compose himself, coming to a stop at the side of your chair as his face transforms into one of distracted happiness.

‘Y/N, I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time in my life; to find someone that I can do this for, and it makes me the happiest person in the world that I’ve finally been given the chance not just to do it, but to do it for someone I already know is…and will be for a long time… irrevocably important to me. So…’

His speech alone was enough to bring a tear to your eye, but the way he crouches down to your level as he brings the bouquet into your line of sight, presenting them to you by reaching for your hand to help you gain a good hold on them and keeping his grip warmly on you, has you biting your lip to choke back the tears, looking back at him after allowing your eyes to roam the lilies and roses, and chrysanthemums, and feeling a tear roll down your cheek as you laugh at your own emotional state, pulling the flowers out of the way slightly so that you could crash your lips to his.

The robotic voice in your mind that was overly conscious of your basic instincts couldn’t help compare the moment to that morning; when your father had driven away from the house and left you crying on the door step, expression completely free of concern over the fact that he’d left you locked out with no easy way of getting to school on time other than by running as fast as possible.

The tender caress of Namjoon’s hand on your jaw as his lips moulded themselves to fit yours so exactly, like your mouths were made to kiss over and over for centuries to come, had more tears streaming from your eyes as you clutched at his neck, not wanting him to ever leave his place in that moment; not wanting time to move forwards or backwards, but to stay put in that moment forever.

‘So, you like them?’

Your need for him in that moment had you wanting to smother his words with your mouth, your fingers crawling into his hair never wanting to leave, but the voice of reason in your mind, had you pulling back the most miniscule amount so that you could greet his eyes with your own, offering him a sad, yet simultaneously ecstatic smile as you nod your head gratefully at him.

‘They’re beautiful.’ You whisper, inspecting them once more, so consumed in the gentle, yet bright colours before your eyes, that you start a little when you feel his thumb come to swipe across your cheeks, wiping away the tears you’d shed.

He doesn’t say anything when your eyes lock onto his timidly, his expression seeming thoughtful, but no questions being raised as he leans forward once more to touch one last gentle kiss to your lips, before standing up and leaving the flowers in your grasp.

Its at that point that he seems to brace himself, and you feel tension fill you in reaction, waiting for whatever he was about to bring to the table.

‘I’m glad you think so. …Okay-‘

‘Namjoon, what?-‘ you go to ask, becoming uneasy with his stalling, before getting distracted by a new figure entering the library, and you narrow your eyes slightly as a white flag raises in your mind, your distant memory recognizing him in some way.

‘I wanted to tell you before I came, but I thought it was best to give you the flowers first as that was my original plan.’ He begins to explain, appearing a little frustrated by the unfolding events, and you frown in concern as you watch the figure come to a slow stop beside him, looking almost awkwardly between the two of you, despite his gaze lingering on you a little longer, and more curiously with each glance.

You remain silent as your brain processes his words and the appearance of this new guy, eyes grazing over him inquisitively as a multitude of resolutions begin listing themselves out to you in your head, but none of them filling the slot of explanation that your mind had set up ready as to why the guy was there.

‘Y/n, this is Jungkook.’ Namjoon begins, addressing you, but keeping his gaze locked on you as he switches stances, slipping into the seat beside you once more and reaching for your hand as a content, almost happily bemused smile creeps onto his face, and he addresses the other guy.

‘Jungkook, this is her…

...this is y/n.’

(T.B.C)