#kirkfluff

[kaitymccoy123]

A Haphazard Approach

Intro: So this is just another little (yet not so little) fic that I wrote, the idea just popping into my head one day. 

Pairing: Kirk x Reader

Word Count: 3718

Triggers: anxiety attack, (that’s about it)

Summary: Jim is having an anxiety attack and though you have only been dating for a few weeks, you are called in to help.  But you are unsure of what to do to make him feel better.  I’m sure you can find something... (not that kind of something!  get your minds out of the gutter)

ALSO: I know anxiety attacks are terrifying and debilitating, and writing this I found out how hard it is do describe someone else having an anxiety attack so I gave it my best shot - please be gentle.

-Enjoy!-

You were waist deep in a control panel when you heard your com beep.  You'd left it on the table outside the control panel in case it got caught or broke while you were working. You decided to ignore it and soon the beeping stopped.  It was probably just Uhura wondering if you wanted to get lunch together or something.  

You worked for a few more minutes, reattaching wires and setting up new circuits with ease.  Then your com beeped again.  

You huffed with annoyance and yelled, "Hey, Keenser!"

A moment later his little green face appeared at the entrance to the control panel, by your feet, and he looked up at you with his cute little eyes.  

"Would you mind passing me my com?" You asked him and he nodded and reached for it on the table.

You wedged your arm down between the console and your body and he passed the com to you and you flipped it open even before you had squeezed your arm back up so the com could be near your face. 

"Y/N here." You said as you finally were able to wretch your arm up. 

"Oh thank god." It was Uhura's voice on the other side of the com. 

"Uhura, I told you this morning that I wouldn't be able to meet for lunch today, that Scotty had too much for me to do.  And you caught me at a really bad time, I am currently wedged into one of the central processors..." You rambled, hoping that she would get the message and end the call, but instead she interrupted you. 

"No, Y/N," she began, suddenly sounding serious, "it's not about lunch.  It's about Jim."

That piqued your interest.  You and Uhura talked about Jim a lot, but usually in the privacy of your shared quarters, and never in public. 

"What about him?" You asked, not sure whether to be concerned or joking, "what did he do now?  Did he turn off the power to Checkov's navigator panel again?  I told him not to..."

"Y/N, you know I love you but for once in your life will you shut up?" Uhura really sounded serious now.

You gulped and were about to reply when Uhura continued, "Jim's acting really strange right now, and Spock agrees.  We think he is having an anxiety attack."

That got your attention.  You straightened up suddenly and hit your elbow off a metal bar, sending pain shooting down your arm.  You hissed at the pain but forced yourself to focus on the situation.  

"How bad is it?  You didn't let Spock tell him he is having an anxiety attack, did you?!  That would make things 100 times worse!" You spat out quickly, the whole scenario running through your head.  

Jim freaking out, Spock telling him that he is having an anxiety attack and is not fit for duty in his matter-of-fact way, and them Jim punching him across the jaw.  Not good. 

"No, thank the stars," Uhura responded, and you let out a breath that you didn't know you'd been holding, "but I don't think I can hold him off for much longer.  You know Vulcan's and their cannot-lie thing." "Okay." You responded quietly, dreading the words that came next. 

"I think he needs you, Y/N." Uhura said. 

You felt a rush of adrenaline and swallowed the lump that had been forming in your throat.  

"I know." You answered, "I'll be right there, Nyota."

"Okay, Y/N, you better hurry." Uhura responded and the com ended.  

Your hand trembling unintentionally, you closed your fist around the com and brought it tensely to your forehead.  You could do this.  

You reached up and haphazardly tied two loose end of wiring together to hold them in place for when you got back. You forced your limbs to move and you worked your way out of the tight space inside the control panel, finally able to pull yourself out, the bright lights of the engineering room blinding you for a moment.  

You made your way to Scotty's work space, where he had his feet up on the table and was eating a doughnut.  He heard you approach and quickly slipped his feet off the table and shoved the rest of the doughnut in his mouth, as if trying to hide the fact that he had been slacking. 

"Y/N!" Scotty said with a mouthful of doughnut, so the syllables weren't clear, and he swallowed before continuing, "done with the compressor already?  I know you are a bright young lass, but that was fast." "No, Scotty, I..." You sputtered, unsure of how much to tell Scotty, "It's Jim."

Scotty's face turned concerned, matching your facial expression, "Is he alright?  Did he get himself injured?  That boy..."

Scotty started to get up from his chair, leaning over his desk. 

"No, none of that." You wrung your hands as Scotty settled himself back into his chair, "Uhura and Spock think that he his having an anxiety attack.  And I need to go up there to help him."

Scotty's mouth formed a little 'o', and he rested his hands gently on the table, "Alright, lassie, you go on up, I'll get someone else to finish the compressor.  Go take care of him."

All you could do was nod and you dashed off in the direction of the bridge.  As you jogged, your mind raced as to what you were going to do with a panicked Jim.  

You two had only been dating for a few weeks now, and though it had been wonderful, you didn't feel nearly close to prepared to know what to do if he was having an anxiety attack.  

You had never in a million light years thought that Captain James T. Kirk would ever be interested in you, but after you'd fixed things in the bridge a couple times (mostly due to him fiddling with stuff), you'd gotten to chatting and had met at the bar a few times.  He'd kissed you on the first date, like the cocky bastard he was, and even thinking about his hands on your body made you feel shivery and excited all over.  And he was incredibly smart.  Like knows-every-type-of-nut-and-bolt-that-holds-this-ship-together kinda smart.  And you found that extremely sexy, especially being an engineer.  

But this was not kissing or teasing each other or drinking a little too much together.  This was a real couple situation and you didn't know if you would be able to help him.  

Your heart was racing as you rode the lift up to the bridge, and as the doors slid open you wished you were back tucked into the compressor, safe and happy among your wires and steel.  

You heard Jim before you saw him. 

"Spock, I am fine!" You heard Jim yell, and now saw the two of them, standing next to the captain's chair, facing each other and looking very angry.

You locked eyes with Uhura who was at her station and she mouthed the word 'sorry' to you, you pursed your lips and shrugged in response. 

Jim's back was to you and you could tell by his stance that something was wrong.  His shoulders were hunched, his arms were flailing angrily, and his hands seemed to be trembling. 

"Captain, I know the signs of an anxiety attack and you are having one, now step down..." Spock retorted and you wanted to rip the bangs off his stupid Vulcan face. 

"Permission to come on the bridge?" You asked, your voice louder and more calm than you thought it would be. 

Jim spun around at the sound of your voice.  Locking eyes with him you saw his face change from anger to desperation, and his hands dropped to his sides in defeat. 

"Y/N?  What are you doing here?" Jim asked, no longer yelling, "I mean... granted... you can come on the bridge."

You walked up to him and gave him a weak smile, reaching up on your tip-toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, "Just wanted to say hi." Jim looked incredulous and his brows pulled together in confusion.  

"Did someone call you?" Jim accused, now spinning back to Spock, "Because he is lying, I'm fine." He spun back to face you, "I'm fine, Y/N."

"I know, Jim." You tried your best to keep your voice steady, "Like I said I just wanted to say hi."

His mouth opened like he was going to say something else but you spoke first. 

"So what are you working on right now?" You asked, gesturing to the endless stream of stars and darkness in the window of the bridge. 

"Ummm..." He paused, as if contemplating what they had been working on, "we are trying to set a course for Haven, but we don't know whether to go around the meteorite belt or try to go through it."

"Interesting!" You said with fake enthusiasm, "What are the pros and cons of each route?"

You had read in one of your medical textbooks from the Academy that a way to help people having an anxiety attack was to get them to focus on something or recite something to you, like a speech they had memorized or read something out loud. 

Suddenly Spock reappeared beside Kirk and said, looking down at you, "I don't think the Captain is in the right frame of mind to..."

"Spock, I need you over here." You heard Uhura's voice from her spot by the communication's board.

"Lieutenant, I just checked the communications board, it is functioning adequately..." Spock responded but Uhura interrupted. 

"Spock.  I need you over here. Now." You could hear the attitude in Uhura's voice and Spock looked paler than usual as he turned to stride over to Uhura.

Jim turned to follow him but you grabbed his arm, and lead him to sit in his chair. 

"Tell me about the routes." You insisted, squatting down beside the chair so you could be more level with Jim's face. 

It was now you saw how awful he looked.  His eyes were sunken into his face and the dark circles under his eyes looked like they were painted there.  He looked sweaty and his eyes didn't seem to be focusing on anything, and he shakily gripped the end of the arms of his chair with white knuckles.  Your heart hurt for him.  You had had a few anxiety attacks in your life, so you knew just how awful they could be.  

Jim started explaining the courses, but his voice sounded strained and he kept stopping to take in raspy breaths and lick his lips.  When he had trailed off on whatever he was talking about you decided to speak. 

"Jim, look at me."  You whispered and he swiveled his head to meet your eyes.   His pupils were dilated and his forehead shimmered with sweat.  You wanted to wrap him up in a protective blanket and hug him.   "Hi." You said gently.  "Hi."  He breathed, looking at you as if he'd just noticed you were there.  You furrowed your brow and tilted your head at him.  His face suddenly contorted and he looked like he was in pain, and his breathing was jagged and laboured. "Y/N, I.... I don't feel good." He said breathlessly. "Alright, I know.  Lets get out of here." You suggested and wanted to cry at the look of vulnerability on his face.  

When he didn't move you reached to grab his hand and pulled him to stand with you.  He was steady on his feet considering he wasn't breathing well, but you could see his eyes were unfocused and his hands were trembling.  

Looking around you realized that the bridge had gone silent and everyone was turned, watching you and Jim.  You looked around, shooting glares of desperation for everyone to look away.  Finally they all seemed to get the memo and turned back to their work.  You pulled Jim by the hand and went into the lift.   Once the doors slid shut, Jim broke down.  He squatted down and let out a gasp of air, and you saw tears streaming down his face now.  You knew you needed to give Jim some time so you pressed the stop button on the lift and it halted.  You could see Jim trembling and your heart broke.  You knelt down beside him.  

"Jim, I'm here, how can I help?" You asked gently and laid a hand on his shoulder.  

Jim leaned into your touch and you responded by wrapping your arms around him as best you could due to his squatted position.  He leaned his forehead into the curve of your neck and you could feel his breath on your chest.  

You fought back tears as the lump in your throat grew bigger but you knew that now was not a time for you to be weak.  Jim needed you.  

"Do you want to go back to my room?" You asked leaning your head against his. 

Jim exhaled and nodded.  You knew he was holding himself together with duct tape and safety pins and it was only a matter of time before he really broke down. 

You stood up and pressed a button so the lift continued on its downwards journey.  Jim stood shakily and you went right to his side, his arm wrapping around your shoulders and yours around his waist.  

When the lift doors finally opened you knew it was only a short journey to you room but you wished it was shorter.  You led Jim down the hall and quickly opened the door to your room.  You led him over to your bed and he sat down haphazardly, nearling toppling over.  

His breathing started getting really raspy and laboured, and you watched as his shoulders heaved up and down, as wave after wave of anxiety took over the usually stoic captain. 

Now you felt helpless.  You didn't know what to say or do to help him, and you definitely didn't want to make anything worse.  

You went over and sat beside him on the bed, the mattress tilting as it adjusted to your added weight. 

Jim shook his head furiously, his usually fluffy golden hair looking dull and lifeless as it moved.  He finally settled his head in his hands and you could hear the devastating gasps and sobs coming from him.  

You reached out your hand to stroke the back of his neck but he pulled away sharply, still keeping his head down. 

"I can't... Y/N... I can't...." He rattled between gasps and your mind raced as to what to say or do to help him.  

"I know, Jim.  I'm here." You spoke softly and wanted to reach for him but you didn't know if you should or if he would recoil again.  

It felt like minutes were hours as you sat there, listing to Jim's agony.  You looked around your room for any ideas or something that could help him but came up blank.  Until your eyes fell on a hand-made daisy that was made of cotton balls and a straw.   You couldn't help but let out a laugh as you walked over to your desk where it sat in your pencil holder and picked it up.  Jim lifted his head to see what you were doing, and you saw his eyes were puffy and rimmed with red. 

"Do you remember this?" You asked as you plucked the poorly-made flower out of it's container and spun it around in your fingers.  

You looked back at Jim with a smile, but the sight of his panicked features made you scrunch your face up in concern. 

You walked back over to the bed, settling back down beside him, spinning the daisy lazily between your fingers.   "That... from our...first date." Jim gasped, so quietly that you barely heard him.  

"Yeah, it was." You responded, smiling fondly at the flower. 

Jim took a few more raspy breaths before he spoke again, "It was... a sucky gift."

"No way!" You quickly retorted, clutching the flower to your chest, "I love it!  Where else are you going to get a flower in the middle of space, huh?  It is 100 times better because you took the time to make it for me."

That got a huff of laughter from Jim, but he still had his forehead pressed into his hands and was leaning over his knees.  

You shifted so you were sitting cross-legged on the bed, your knee gently resting against Jim's hunched form. 

"Oh that was one special date..." You reminisced, thinking about it. 

"Tell me about it." Jim said, his words half hidden by his gulping of air, "Tell me the story of our first date." 

You smiled.  It was the perfect thing to distract him from his panic.  

"Okay, well we both got dressed up all fancy and met at this beautiful restaurant during shore leave..." 

"That's not what happened." Jim interrupted and you laughed.

"Tell the real story." Jim prompted and you couldn't help but notice his breathing was becoming more even. 

"Okay fine, but let me tell you, it was a disaster." Jim laughed at that and you continued, "So let me start by saying that you asked me to go to the bar after my shift, during my shift that day, so I was completely not mentally prepared.  But I said yes because you are the Captain, and you are extremely hot." Another chuckle of laughter from Jim. "Anyway, I didn't think I would have time to go back to my quarters to get dressed so I headed straight for the bar, all exhausted and covered in grease from the engineering room and waited for you to get there."

Jim groaned, knowing what was coming next. 

"And when did you show up?" You asked matter-of-factly.

"2 hours late..." Jim said, and his head hung in his hand from embarrassment, and you noticed his shoulders were starting to relax. 

"2 HOURS LATE!" You almost shouted, the comedy of it all making this more fun to tell. 

"But I waited," you continued and almost flinched in surprise when Jim's hand found your knee, and he rested it there, "I waited for 2 whole hours because who in their right mind blows off a date with the Captain?"

Jim chuckled and groaned softly again, "I'm sorry..."

"Nope.  But then you showed up and you looked like you had gotten into a fight with a Teenaxian or something.  Your shirt was ripped and your hair had a weird looking goo in it..." "I think you are blowing it a little out of proportion, I didn't look that bad..." Jim chuckled again and you reached and took his hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. 

"Yes you did, and this is my side of the story so shhhh...." You chastised and stroked his still trembling hand with your thumb.

"And you showed up with this little white cotton-ball flower that looked like a child had made..." "Hey! You just said you liked it!" Jim complained and you pressed a finger to his lips when he lifted his head to argue with you. 

"You handed it to me and... oh what did you say again?" You asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at Jim as he pecked a kiss to the tip of your finger. 

"I said that I am terribly sorry that I was late and..." Jim started, now turning his body to face yours. 

"No that's not what you said it went more like..." You interrupted, and suddenly Jim grabbed both of your hands and interlocked his fingers with yours, the flower dropping from your hands unceremoniously. 

"Nuh'uh." Jim grunted in disagreement, "I said: my fair lady, I ask forgiveness for my tardiness, what ever shall I do to repay you?"

You let out a laugh at that and leaned toward Jim, bringing your clasped hands up to his face and stoking a line down each side of his cheeks with one extended finger.  

"That's not what I remember." You whispered, shaking your head slightly. 

Jim unlocked his fingers from yours and rested his hands on the back of your neck, gently tugging your face towards his.  Your heart thrummed in your throat at his touch. 

"Yeah, well, it's what I should have said." Jim said softly, and you shifted closer, folding your crossed legs from underneath you and kneeling beside him. 

"You also should have not been two hours late." You teased and ran your fingers through his hair, trying to comb it gently so it didn't fall into his eyes.  

"I know." He now moved his hands down your sides, tickling your ribs and resting his hands on your waist.  He wouldn't meet your eyes. 

"Hey." You breathed and lifted a hand to tilt his chin up so you met his eyes. "You definitely made up for it with one hell of a first kiss, though."

He smiled at that and slowly leaned his head towards you.  You closed the gap quickly and pressed your lips to his.  

The kiss was slow and leisurely, his hands spreading fire and sparks down your spine, his lips caressing yours smoothly.  Soon you found yourself on your back, pinned down by Jim's body and your hands firmly entangled in his hair.  He left your mouth and set your jaw and neck to flames as he pressed kisses there.  

Before he returned to your mouth he paused above you, looking down at you with a smile.  He leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours, 

"Thank you, Y/N." He whispered, his breath soft on your lips. 

You responded by pressing a sweet kiss to his lips and smiled up at him. 

Suddenly there was a soft knock at the door. 

Jim groaned and pulled back to move off you but you kept him in place by pulling on the front of his shirt and he froze a couple of inches above you. 

"Hello?" You yelled, but you knew who it was. 

"Y/N?  Can I come in?  Is Jim alright?" Uhura asked softly. 

"Jim is fine, Nyota, and no, please don't come in." You responded and silently begged her to leave. 

"Okay, just wanted to check..." She said but you didn't hear the rest as Jim's lips found yours again and you were lost in the heat and electricity of him. 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoyed it!  Now I am going to work on some requests and some challenge stuff that I am participating in!  Have a nice night! -