#krantt rant

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Even after all these years it makes me furious that you can't side with Wrex on Virmire. They don't even SUGGEST looking into a way to save the cure. They. Don't. Even. TRY!

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i hate myself and i don't want to be here anymore

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i want to die i wish i could 

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still... pretty sure... i should die 

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okay i’m making a separate post because i don’t want to derail the other one but i also want to talk about this lmao 

by “the other one” i mean the post about how black characters in video games are always “coincidentally” the ones that get the most hate in fandoms (this post here) 

which is 100% true, hence why i didn’t want to add this to that post and derail the conversation (esp since im white)

but it brought to mind the other characters (as far as bioware goes, i haven’t played fallout) that i see getting a lot of hate- autistic characters. 

the only examples i really have off the top of my head are sera from dragon age inquisition and peebee from mass effect andromeda, but i’m sure i could find more examples floating around if i had the energy for it lmao (and this isn’t even talking about bioware’s writing of canonically autistic characters... that’s another thing altogether) 

but look, these two characters just so happen to be autistic coded, and not only are they some of the most complained about characters in their games, the reasons people tend to give for disliking them are directly linked to autistic traits and it’s really tiring ?? 

first up is sera- and i’m way less invested in dragon age than i am in mass effect, but i still got a lot of feelings about the way the fandom treats sera. i played through less than 1 full playthrough of inquisition and didn’t buy trespasser and i played as a qunari so i didn’t get the elf dialogue that a lot of people are uncomfortable with, so i’m not talking about that; from what i do know, that seems like valid reasons to be upset (though i would argue it’s less a reflection of her character than her writing) 

but the rest of the hate i see from her is related to two things: her being a lesbian, and her being “weird” and “quirky” (and by this i mean autistic) 

this is not about lesbophobia so i’m not going to get into that too much here even though it does contribute to how the fandom treats her. that’s a conversation for another time and a lesbian would be a better person to talk about that anyway (i’m panromantic/asexual) 

but like i said, the MAJORITY of the hate i see about sera is directly related to the fact that she’s autistic/displays autistic traits. of course no one is outright saying “i hate sera because she’s autistic!” but the things that they point out and dislike/hate/mock her for ARE traits associated with autism 

her “weird” social quirks- “rude”/crude language, inappropriate (but blunt and honest) observations about others, not understanding others’ feelings, speech patterns that are slightly off or different, lack of understanding of social cues/conventions... this is all off the top of my head, and most of the hate for her is directly related to this. she’s “rude” or “mean” or “stupid”; she’s “self-absorbed” or “petty” or “disinterested”... she doesn’t fit in and doesn’t feel like others that she is supposed to be like (her issues with her heritage is a lot of internalized hatred, it’s because she knows she’s not what she’s “supposed” to be and it’s HARD to feel completely different). 

and then we move on to peebee, who i’ve already seen called “sera in space” (and... not in a good way lmao) but yeah, they do share a lot of similarities, now don’t they? it’s not a coincidence that the hate i see towards both of them tends to be pretty similar, too. 

“peebee should be NICER” is what i see a lot. which is? kinda absurd to me? like... i don’t remember a single time where she’s outwardly mean or hostile to ryder. she’s guarded and, like sera, she’s blunt and to the point. she doesn’t immediately trust ryder. but she was never mean. 

and, like sera, she’s “quirky” and “weird”, and the way she talks is a bit “off” or different. she gesticulates a lot and her inflections sometimes seem out of place,  she talks quickly, she doesn’t do a lot of standing still (literally or figuratively), she intentionally keeps people out, and guards herself. she has poor communication skills that cause other characters- and the fandom- to assume the worst. 

and people not calling her space sera are calling her liara 2.0, despite her personality being vastly different from liara’s. they don’t have similar personalities at all. (i could probably argue for liara being on the spectrum, too, but that’s a convo for another time). what they have in common is that they both had a specific special interest- liara had the protheans, and peebee has the remnant. (and i will be the first to say that it felt like peebee’s interests/goals were the same as liara’s at first, but as the game goes on it becomes clear that they really aren’t at all) 

this is, as you may have guessed, another common trait of autistic people; special interests that they research and want to know everything about, sometimes they overshare or forget to focus on anything else, not wanting to talk about most things but then when you talk to them about The Thing suddenly they can’t shut up... sounds familiar. 

peebee also shows overwhelm and sensory overload- it’s less blatant, but she shuts down or lashes out when she gets too overwhelmed by something. she sleeps away from the rest of the crew so she can have her own space. when she gets really overwhelmed she literally retreats to a sensory deprivation tank aka the zero g scene. she became overwhelmed and to stop that panic she literally, literally, sought out a vastly different sensory stimulation. this scene was really important to me because sensory issues are one of my biggest challenges as an autistic, and it really sealed the deal for me in regards to her being autistic, too. and before anyone tries to argue that she just wanted zero g sex- literally don’t. sex was clearly an idea she had while they were floating- after they had been floating for a while already. her first priority was to reach a safe space. once she was calmed down, she sought out sex. i also really love that peebee (and sera too) is autistic but still shown as sexual, just because most of the autistic characters i see are ace and/or aro. And like, as an ace autistic i’m not saying this is bad, i’m just pointing it out because of the stereotypes regarding disabled people as innately less/non-sexual 

so yeah long story short fandom is always targeting any characters that show signs of not being “normal” or that marginalized people can relate to, and i don’t see people talking about autistic-coded characters and how fandom treats them much at all 

if you have any questions about autism and my headcanons for these characters or something else related, my ask box is open! also to other autistics feel free to discuss with me of course. 

debate/discussion is fine but if you reblog and try to attack me or start drama i’m gonna block you.

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so im flying to Texas tomorrow to stay with @mythkin and their partner until my family shit straightens out because the other option was trying to kill myself. so yeah. scared but this is what i need to do i think

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the world would be the exact same without me

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Okay um I'm deleting the tumblr app from my phone until mass effect is out/I get to play it. I'm gonna unfollow for untagged spoilers INCLUDING romance options, and also for negative stuff that's not tagged with anything because I UNDERSTAND people have the right to be upset but this game is one of the few things I'm telling myself to live for right now and I just want to experience it for myself without it being torn apart before I can play it. Sorry guys I just really want to be excited for something in my life and the atmosphere here is really making me more anxious.

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when u lowkey want death and u highkey just want ur anxiety to s t o p

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why am i The Worst?

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i probably should die???

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fuckin wild that people are seriously out here acting like identifying as pan is inherently biphobic now

this is your reminder that i'm pan and you can gladly leave if you don't like that!

not every pan person identifies as pan because they have ever thought bisexuality doesn't include trans people

i can't honestly tell you why biromantic/bisexual has never quite felt right to me, but it hasn't. pan does. it's not fucking hurting anyone.

also, may i add that there literally ARE bi people who are attracted to multiple, but not all, genders. they exist. there IS a distinction between bi and pan. yeah, they overlap quite a bit, some peoples' experiences of bisexuality and others' experiences of pansexuality might be the same, but if you look at everyone who identifies as bi, and everyone who identifies as pan, the collective experiences are not identical.

it's not a bad thing to point out intercommunity issues, and it is important to understand that some pan people perpetuate biphobic and transphobic ideas. but immediately dismissing every single person who uses an identity as an awful person is ridiculous and unfair.

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i shouldve fucking killed myself lmao