#kyungsoo ft. eden — thread vi.

[lilacsongs]

“hm…  i  wonder  where  i  learnt  that  from.”  kyungsoo  tilts  his  head,  pretending  as  though  he  is  in  wistful  contemplation.  he  smirks  from  eden’s  incessant  reminders.  “  —  what  exactly  was  i  begging  for?  i  have  no  memory  of  it.”  maybe  he  will  need  more  of  a  reminder  to  remember.  “it  is.  thanks,  baby.”  so  good  that  he’s  afraid  that  he’d  get  used  to  it.  isn’t  it  ironic?  to  be  loved  so  purely  and  fully,  yet  spend  so  much  of  his  days  worrying  over  the  potential  loss  of  it.  is  it  better  to  be  loved  then  lose  it  or  to  never  be  loved  at  all?  he  feels  like  a  fraud  and  it  is  only  a  matter  of  time  that  eden  finds  out  who  he  is  and  starts  running  for  the  hills.  his  lips  purse  together  from  eden’s  strict  words  and  his  heart  gets  heavier.  “you’re  not  a  shitty  person.”  he  tucks  a  stray  strand  behind  eden’s  ear  before  pressing  a  tender  kiss  to  his  forehead.  “you’re  the  best  thing  that’s  ever  happened  to  me.”  and  it’s  his  constant  fear  that  one  day  eden  will  wake  up  and  realise  the  opposite  is  true  about  him.  i  like  you  as  you  are.  simple  words  that  intend  to  soothe  only  makes  him  ache,  but  he  chooses  to  bring  eden  to  his  lap  instead  and  buries  his  head  on  the  nook  of  his  lover’s  neck.  i  don’t  think  you  have  a  clue  on  what  you’re  saying  is  what  he  thinks,  but  he  bites  his  lips  and  swallows  them.  “i  wouldn’t  know  what  to  do  without  you.”  isn’t  it  a  terrible  thing  to  admit?  he’s  a  grown  man  that’s  supposed  to  be  responsible  for  his  own  happiness,  yet  all  his  happy  memories  are  with  eden.  it’s  beyond  precarious,  but  he  wishes  that  the  tightrope  he’s  treading  will  never  break.  

@artisn

[fadinglights]

continued from here, @protcsts

the  look  he  gives  translates  his  skepticism  with  the  denial.  nevertheless  ,  eden  chooses  not  to  poke  at  the  metaphorical  bear  again.  he’s  endeared  ,  though.  so  utterly  endeared  with  that  side  of  kyungsoo  that  he’s  showing  him  more  of  every  single  day.  there’s  always  been  an  ease  to  their  bond.  the  two  seeking  one  another  ,  rather  than  ones  they  knew  longer  and  knew  them  better  ,  on  days  that  were  less  than  bright.  finding  more  comfort  in  one  another  —  even  when  staying  silent  ,  for  hours  sometimes —  than  anybody  else.  eden  gently  rubs  his  thumb  underneath  his  eye.  it’s  the  younger’s  way  of  providing  reassurance  ,  telling  his  lover  that  his  emotions  are  safe  to  be  shown  around  him.  “  who  would  have  ever  thought  you  could  be  so  sweet.  ”  he  did.  in  hindsight  ,  he  can’t  deny  the  glaringly  obvious  sweet  spot  the  older  has  always  had  for  him.  softer  in  his  interactions  with  him  ,  despite  the  constant  bickering  of  the  pair.  unbelievably  patient  when  dealing  with  a  neurotic  eden  and  never  failing  to  bringing  back  a  smile  on  his  face.  what  did  eden  do  to  deserve  him ?  “  you’ve  always  made  me  happy.  ”

“  i  still  very  much  want  to  tear  you  apart  ,  and  expect  you  to  make  it  up  to  me.  ”  unreasonable  ?  certainly.  would  eden  be  eden  if  he  reacted  any  other  way  ?  certainly  not.  “  it  was  … it  was  sort  of  pointed  out  to  me  ,  quite  a  while  back  ,  that  you  and  i  were  too  close  to  only  be  friends.  ”  he  consciously  chose  to  ignore  what  was  obvious  to  an  exterior  eye.  he  buried  his  head  deeper  in  the  sand  the  closer  they  got.  despite  the  pointlessness  of  what  ifs  ,  he  can’t  help  but  linger  on  what  could  have  been  had  he  put  on  his  big  boy  pants  much  earlier.  no  more  ignoring.  his  feelings  are  out  there  ,  spoken  loud  and  clear.  never  again  will  he  shield  his  heart  from  his  other  half.  eyes  fall  shut  with  the  sentiment  being  reciprocated  so  candidly  ,  and  repeatedly.  it  engulfs  him  in  the  warmest  and  safest  of  hugs.  in  such  moment  ,  he  finds  it  hard  to  remember  why  they  need  to  hide  when  it  feels  so  right  to  love  him  and  be  loved  by  him.  “  how  can  it  not  be  ? i  spend  so  many  months  persuading  myself  that  you  could  never  reciprocate  my  feelings  ,  that  i’d  have  to  keep  on  watching  you  being  with  all  these  other  people  —  ”  there’s  no  keeping  the  grimace  at  bay,  “  —  until  you  found  someone  to  fall  in  love  with.  i  thought  i’d  only  ever  be  your  friend.  ”  it  would  take  eden  some  time  to  get  used  to  the  new  normal  ,  but  the  gentle  affection  of  his  lover  tremendously  helps.  he  squeezes  at  his  waist.  “  remember  that  when  i’m  such  a  pain  in  your  ass  that  you  regret  ever  knowing  him.  ”  he  jokes.  “  i  love  you. ”  

inevitably,  he  melts  under  eden’s  touch.  it  feels  natural  to  want  to  be  near  him  —  it  has  always  been  like  this  from  day  one.  everything  his  best  friend  said  he  loved  about  eden,  he  can  see  it  with  overwhelming  clarity.  “why  are  you  acting  like  i’ve  never  said  a  sweet  thing  to  you?”  it  would  be  heartbreaking  if  all  that  he’s  told  eden  prior  slipped  from  his  mind,  when  he  can  hardly  recall  the  last  time  he  fell  quite  as  hard  for  someone  else.  has  he  ever?  it  is  terrifying  to  think  too  much  about  it,  about  how  this  is  irreplaceable  when  he  has  always  been  too  comfortable  hiding  his  heart  from  the  world.  you’ve  always  made  me  happy.  his  lips  lift  into  a  small  smile,  the  previous  tension  in  his  chest  from  the  earlier  dispute  dissipating.  “good.”  his  lips  press  on  top  of  eden’s  forehead,  as  gently  as  it  is  humanly  possible.  “i  plan  on  continuing  it.”  for  a  long,  long  time.  perhaps,  for  the  rest  of  his  life  if  he  is  allowed.  but  it  is  too  early  for  grand  promises  and  he’s  always  been  warned  that  he  falls  too  hard  and  too  fast.  

“i’ll  give  you  everything  you  want,  baby.”  he  promises  in  a  whisper  to  eden’s  ear,  before  he  pulls  away  slightly  and  curiosity  replaces  the  lust  that  sparks  in  his  eyes.  “by  who?”  maybe  they  were  much  worse  actors  that  they  think  they  are,  though  he  must  admit  that  it  is  increasingly  hard  to  keep  his  mind  off  someone  with  such  significance  in  his  life.  i  spent  so  many  months  persuading  myself  that  you  could  never  reciprocate  my  feelings  —  “when  did  you...  start  feeling  this  way  for  me?”  he  asks,  his  tone  sincere  before  his  lips  close  again.  it  takes  him  some  time  to  dare  and  tell  the  truth.  “...  i  never  wanted  to  be  your  friend.”  not  just  friends.  yes,  it  does  make  him  sound  that  much  more  terrible  when  he  confesses  it  aloud,  but  it’s  bound  to  come  out  sooner  or  later.  he  was  drawn  the  moment  he  saw  him  and  every  day  was  torture  —  to  know  that  he’s  in  love  with  someone  as  close  to  him  as  a  brother.  “you  know  that  you’re  a  pain  in  the  ass?  wow,  that’s  new  to  me.  congrats  on  your  newfound  self-awareness.”  he  teases,  though  he  leans  closer  nonetheless.  “i  love  you  more.”

[nouvelis]

the sun gleams on a cloudless sky and drenches the beachside bar in gold, casting a pleasing warmth on his sleeveless arms. though the bar is beloved by the residents of the seaside town, it has been a quiet day with only a few regulars chattering away in the cosy space. the wind chimes sing, an indicator of new visitors ambling in, and the bartender greets the approaching customers with his warm, charismatic smile. he doesn’t expect the sight  to push all air out of his lungs, the same shine in those bright brown eyes as eden’s laugh fills the room — the way it did the first time their paths crossed. now, look at where they are. three years later and miles away from the city they fell in love, yet the sound of his laugh still rushes kyungsoo’s heart into a maddening flutter. kyungsoo blinks again — no, it can’t be. but the hour is a little to late for dreaming and his breath is already caught in his throat. it gets worse when the man catches his gaze, too, and purposefully strides to sit on the stool facing him. come on now, it has got to be a dream. “hello there.” words fall the moment he forces himself to regain his voice and he wonders if he sounds as breathless as he feels, his mind caught in a dazzling haze in the most blissful way possible. on his sun-kissed, still-boyish features, a beam grows like the shadows that chase the sun outside. “you look like someone i know.”

ft. eden kwon, @protcsts​