#later fading into partially regained awareness and able to start active grounding. catatonic still until very last parts
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#today; tripped programming. very bad episode but ended up able to slowly get out of it after 6-8 hours. rather than usual days to. months#disorganised speech from. lockdown and. possessive blurring#main presences rabbit /deerest/ at start. noticing presences of holy beast and mainly coal black prince with fear then fading into fullblown#programmed behaviours. unable to interrupt at all. most likely woods or even trees (likeliest/blurring of the two) influence#most afraid of trees and coal black prince#later fading into partially regained awareness and able to start active grounding. catatonic still until very last parts#initial lesser lockdown started and slowly worsened over time. tipping point should have been last breakdown where we posted on sideblog#involvement of wolf at some point but very faded. mainly wolfs young but already traumatised counterpart/form#-> ruled by holy beast#later wolf (less present than usual) acting as gatekeeper#allowing for slow grounding into anp state and forgetting emotional cores of experience#faded and out of it but present. switching headache. worst of it over and managed to prevent failsafe tripping#howlings
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