#like dude acknowledging my disability isn't being negative it's being realistic

[tj-crochets]

In response to the gravel thing, big wheels are the only thing that's gonna work in gravel. Little wheels tend to get stuck, which is why that all terrain rollater that the other anon shared had such big back wheels.

In terms of people not being jerks about it, i think that a rollator (like one of the reds ones with the solid wheels) is the one that's least likely to have people being jerks about it.

Also, In my experience, making it look like it's for a young person (like if you put stickers and stuff all over it like you were talking about doing), it will make it very clear it's yours and make you seem 'inspirational' to ignorant people rather than anger inducing.

When I used one of my grandfather's old canes when I was 13, random people, particularly old people, got very mad at me and told me that 'i was so young, i should enjoy it, not be using a cane.'

But when I got a new child-sized pink cane and put lisa frank stickers and chibi cephalopod stickers on it and got a little sparkly tassel on the wriststrap, all of a sudden I was 'so brave' and they were 'so proud of me.'

Thanks! I think I'm probably going to end up with one that can't really do gravel, but if it can handle grass and occasionally like dirt paths I think it'll work out? As much as I'd like to do the whole picnics in the park thing, realistically I'm going to use it most often in like grocery stores and stuff like that And oof, I never really thought of that as the trade off, but it is a really good suggestion. I was going to put stickers on it anyway (because I can and also why not lol) but making it look obviously mine instead of my dad's will probably help a lot. I've only had people call me brave or inspirational for like...existing with health issues a few times? And it was uncomfortable and weird every time! but honestly less disruptive to my day than the angry people I got the "you're too young, enjoy life while you can" thing too!! I was in a rented wheelchair at the state fair because I'd just gotten through with a full month of bedrest from having a very bad case of mono and my resting heart rate would not come down from the 140s! Same hat! But like, terrible same hat, sorry you had to deal with it. There should be a thing for same hat, but the hat was bad lol

[cryingyetcourageous]

Headcanon: Essential Tremor

One of my favorite ways to make headcanons is to overanalyze canon and keep extending it to realistic conclusions. Like, Raivis shakes a lot. He's the only one I'm aware of where, rather than it being for a quick bit joke, it carries on and is seen in many interactions, even being acknowledged by other characters. It could easily be dismissed as "lol, lil scared guy is shaky, haha, he's so nervous" but guys-

He has also, canonically, had his spine crushed so severely that it's stunted his growth. Dude has nerve damage. Can you imagine what being pushed down on for centuries to the point of reducing someone's height by no less than 10 cm would do to the central nervous system? He's not scared all the time: he's got an injury-induced disability (not that shaking solely due to mental illness would be any less valid; Anxiety is a diagnosis, not a moral failure).

So, I carry that further-

In a situation like that, it makes sense that heightened emotions would worsen symptoms, but it probably wouldn't be limited to anxiety: being excited/happy or angry would exacerbate it, too. Any swing of the pendulum away from "neutral/calm" would excite his nervous system and make the shakiness more noticeable, as would physical activity. He's just as likely to shake when he's excited to see an old friend again as he is when an asshole driver nearly hits him as he's crossing the street. Positive emotions can be just as strong and, technically, just as disruptive.

But he's also found ways to manage, some healthy, some less so. At home, he probably uses a lot of wooden, metal, or plastic dishware. Personally, I lean towards him preferring wooden for bowls/plates and reusable plastic for cups... but he still has ceramic mugs. He will risk them shattering because it feels wrong to drink tea in anything else, and besides, he gets free mugs from events all the time.

He writes a bit more slowly than some people, and rather than fighting himself on trying to make smooth, coherent lines/curves, he instead "sketches" his letters. Multiple short strokes. He's tried typing instead, but for him personally, that's slower. For particularly long meetings, he does his best, but usually gets copies of notes from Liet or Eesti. (He used to make audio recordings, but between the background noise of people speaking over the presentations and the security risk, that's not a great option.)

For hobbies, he's found work-arounds. Playing the kokle is the one that took the longest to adjust to since it relies so heavily on fine motor skills, but because his tremor is usually rhythmic/consistent, he's learned to work with it so long as he doesn't play for too long, which tends to make it more exaggerated and less predictable. Crochet and knitting are much the same - short sessions with breaks. Singing isn't too affected as long as, again, he doesn't overdo it. Other hobbies aren't really impacted much.

I usually write him with a stutter, which is less because of nerves themselves and more because his voice wavers and, when it does so, he has a habit of trying to say the word/syllable again. Some sounds are more difficult than others, like "y". I don't know how to explain it except that y moves from one part of the mouth to another, and that "movement" gives a lot of room to extend too far. It also tends to be worse at the beginnings of sentences or directly after pauses. When he's really deep in thought and sort of thinking outloud, he stutters less because he's too distracted to notice his voice wavering. When he's more excited, positively or negatively, it often worsens because he's trying to get this thought/idea/feeling across and is more aware of every little "slip up" in his delivery, more likely to stumble over himself.

He's noted to have an alcohol tolerance that should be physically impossible for someone his size (40 "glasses" of alcohol. It doesn't specify kind, but regardless, that would give someone his size a BAC of 1.74 [beer] to 13.95 [spirits]). It's not a stretch to think of it as self-medicating, both in response to mental health because he has put up with so much shit jfc give him a break and also because alcohol is... a depressant! Alcohol is proven to reduce essential tremors. However, this is a very shitty fix because alcohol withdrawals significantly exacerbate them, so it's not great.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TEDtalk