cryingyetcourageous

[cryingyetcourageous]

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR! Original art by Hidekaz Himaruya

[cryingyetcourageous]

[[Hi. I know I haven't been on in uhhhh a while. and idk when I'll be back. I'm not permanently leaving this blog - I disappeared for 5 years before and ended up coming back, so I don't think I can ever be GONE gone - but I need a break for an unspecified length of time. Right now, my anxiety is just too damn high, I've seen some shit that makes me uncomfortable but don't wanna stir the pot (not anything that anyone I follow has done directly! but them being super friendly with people who uh... make me question some things), and general lack of new ideas.

When my anxiety is already high, publicly-visible RP makes it way worse because I am constantly nitpicking every little interaction. Who will see this post? What if it turns other people away from RPing with me because they didn't see the whole context? What if this long reply scares more casual people away? What if this more casual reply makes more prolific writers dismiss me? What if this shitpost makes people think I only do comedy and have no deeper thought (which kinda happened on my Alfred account, I think)? What if this serious plot makes people think I'm super angsty and not willing to goof around? Etc etc etc. On and on. Add on the constant worry of misrepresenting culture/history, and it's...

It's a lot. It's not because of roleplay itself, but it's a sub-symptom of larger anxiety issues that I've been dealing with on some level for my whole life, but on a new exacerbated level for quite a few months now.

I'm still available for private RP/brainstorming, though I'm gonna be kinda picky. I will be back to posting eventually.

[cryingyetcourageous]

ラト

[cryingyetcourageous]

[[GOD I want to rename this blog so badly. 9 years ago I chose this name, and while I kiiinda think it fits [esp including "courageous" in there because idc what anyone says, he's brave in his own way] but it still feels... meh. I'd want it to be a reference to a folksong, probably. But the pain of all those old @ s and tags no longer working... and the hope that some of my old RP partners from back in the day may return after so many years, just like I did, and recognize the username....]]

[cryingyetcourageous]

Is there anyone you get along with that might surprise others, a friend you have that people would never guess you'd be friends with?

Oh, probably Bela! Many people think she is scary, but if you actually know her, she's really funny. You just have to know her sense of humor. She's also loyal to her friends and will introduce you to all sorts of interesting hobbies and passions. Traveling with her is the best, because she somehow always knows about amazing places that aren't mentioned on tourist sites.

[cryingyetcourageous]

[oh god, he can barely understand him. As much as he would like to support him using his natural accent rather than dumbing himself down to something more standardized, he also can't parse out much of what he's saying. There's a bigger concern, though-]

I-I think you've had enough...

. . . Orrigh', so. Perhaps havin' the bigges' even' in American footbole 'appen on yor birthday issun' the wors' thing in the worl, righ'? I'd wager ih's pretty high up thare, for all the bare thare is to be had. Hic— h-have a pin'. 🍻

[cryingyetcourageous]

[[I FINISHED MY FIRST SCARF EVER!!! It's laying out to dry and flatten now, but AAAAAA!!! it's off to my friend in Lithuania first thing tomorrow along with the chicken, the chick, the friendship bracelet/bookmark, and some local chocolates, and I am already anxious about if I can afford the shipping 😅. Every day I resent the Atlantic Ocean. Every day I yearn for Pangaea. Those chickens better be ready to SQUISH.

I'm so excited!! Already planning on a harder pattern next time ✨ She makes me such cool and creative things, I can only hope this is, like, half as good as the things she does for me.]]

[cryingyetcourageous]

[that helps him relax a bit, lips twitching at the thought] Y-Yeah, you think? I think maybe it's that I... I trust you, so there's more chance that a quick hit will snap you out of it, you know? Slap some sense into you. Or, a... th-throat punch. Are you sure you are not wanting something to drink? I don't have water, but...

Hey, don't apologize for your startle response. You can't help that.

[He smiles a little] Though I suppose that says more about me that most people cause you to freeze, but your subconsciously sized me up and decided you could take me.

[cryingyetcourageous]

I-Is not that you can't do that at all! Just, you know, be careful who with? Because s-some people have really strong fight-or-flight, so... I mean, u-usually I just freeze up, but I guess you had bad luck. I think it's, you know, it's depending on what someone first thinks of when something jumps out at them? If you're more used to those being pranks, that's one thing, but if it brings b-back bad memories, that's...

H-He shouldn't have hit you, and I shouldn't have, either. I really am sorry.

Yeah, it was all a prank. I played similar ones of my brother all the time growing up. He didn't usually hit me, though. Maybe he should have. I would have learned not to do that if he had.

[cryingyetcourageous]

I-I didn't mean to, um, y-you know... [he makes a vague jabby motion with a weakly closed fist, halfhearted to make sure it doesn't look like he's going for Alfred again.] Is there really nothing wrong with your heart, then? Was it all trick?

Alfijs, I have lived through too long and too much to pull those sorts of jokes. Loud noises are hard enough sometimes, b-but the - the snapping? A physically threatening thing? I know you only meant it as a game, but in - in the moment it feels way too real. So, um, please do not do stupid things in the future?

[cryingyetcourageous]

Alfijs, I have lived through too long and too much to pull those sorts of jokes. Loud noises are hard enough sometimes, b-but the - the snapping? A physically threatening thing? I know you only meant it as a game, but in - in the moment it feels way too real. So, um, please do not do stupid things in the future?

[Alfred waves him off, still coughing and choking on his words]

Shit, dude! [more gasping hacks] That's a- a hell of- a right hook.

[cryingyetcourageous]

[[Paying money on a broken code. Sounds about right. Love this hellsite

[cryingyetcourageous]

I... I can't? I mean, I'm not very strong with force, so is more, y-you know... placement? Knowing where to hit?

[A punch in the shoulder won't do nearly as much damage a poke in the eye with a fraction of the force.]

I-I've always had to be defending myself, but... 700 years ago, I guess? That would be when I st- when I started training much more often. What were you thinking, with a stunt like that?

[Alfred waves him off, still coughing and choking on his words]

Shit, dude! [more gasping hacks] That's a- a hell of- a right hook.

[cryingyetcourageous]

I, ah, th-than... thanks?

[He's flattered. He's concerned. He's mildly pissed but it's stifled under the weight of his worry. His knuckles kinda hurt and his heart is still racing]

Please sit down. D-Don't talk until you catch your breath. I am so sorry.

[Alfred waves him off, still coughing and choking on his words]

Shit, dude! [more gasping hacks] That's a- a hell of- a right hook.

[cryingyetcourageous]

[It takes a good few seconds to respond, not because he wants to let Alfred suffer, but because his nervous system is still rebooting. Even when he snaps out of it, his tremor and stutter are much more pronounced than before.]

B-Bāc! Are y-... are you okay!? I'm so sorry, oh god, um, s-sit down! Water? Do y-you need-? Let - Let me get, ah, geez- Can you breathe?

[The laughter abruptly stops as Raivis's fist connects with Alfred's throat. Al stumbles back, coughing and choking, very surprised that his "harmless" prank was met so aggressively.]

[cryingyetcourageous]

[His face is wide-eyed and frozen in shock, but his fist? It's flying. Directly at Alfred's throat. With all his might. Whether or not it hits is an opposed agility check at this point. Best of luck to Alfred]

[He's fallen right into Alfred's trap]

ARF!

[Alfred barks loudly and snaps his jaws at Raivis, then bursts out laughing]

[cryingyetcourageous]

Teeth don't get larger once they have grown in. They look the same to me...?

[He leans in, squinting. If he's stressed, he might be grinding his teeth, and if any of them chipped, that might feel bigger just because the shape feels wrong? Maybe? He's not a fucking dentist]

Not really. I think it mostly messed with my metabolism. And I’ve been sleepwalking more. Just the other day I woke up on my couch with a bunch of bones everywhere. I guess I sleep-ordered fried chicken or something.