#like he does NOT think with his dick like those idiots 😒

[willowser]

katsuki blames the alcohol for making him stupid.

really stupid.

not that he's had a lot, but his tolerance is low for a guy of his size, and he can feel the edges of his inhibitions dulling with every drink of whatever denki has shoved in his hand. it doesn't taste like absolute shit, which is rare enough to have him indulging, just a bit, for the agency halloween party.

another sip has his head feeling a little swimmy, and before he knows it, his eyes are trailing across the room until they find you. again.

whatever the hell you're supposed to be tonight—a witch, or something else in a pointy hat—is really fucking with him, and has since you walked in. the costume isn't revealing in a sense that it's inappropriate for a work event, but it's...hugging you in all the right places. in every single one of them.

without tights, it would be on the too-short side, but—and no, katsuki can't fucking explain this—something about them is making everything worse. and your calf-high boots ain't helping, either.

it's just—your fucking—hips.

katsuki couldn't tell you what song is playing, but you're swaying back and forth to the tune and one of his canines digs into the plastic of his cup, so deeply that it makes a terrible creaking sound and dents beneath the pressure—and that's when a sharp elbow is delivered to the center of his chest.

mina is at his side when he looks, and her wide, freaky eyes scan his face before narrowing in her little shit-eating way.

"you're a pig."

katsuki chokes, and the little freak takes that as an admission of some kind.

"oh my god," she gasps, mouth falling in all her disgust and awe. "you can't even deny it!" and then she laughs, high and chirpy, and there's no way you can't hear her. "oh, you're down bad."

"cram it," he snaps, sinking his scowl into his cup. "i dunno what the hell you're talkin' about."

"you know i really thought better of you," mina sniffs effectively, turning her face up and away. "not the type to be blantly checking out somebody's ass."

katsuki bristles, and his aggrivation growns until the plastic in his hands starts to melt. "i wasn't—"

"i'm kidding!" mina snorts before flicking him in the nose, narrowly dodging the hand he swipes out at her. "quit being a baby and go shoot your shot already."

"piss. off."

but the hero is unaffected by him, simply scrunching up her face in response before turning on her heel to disappear further into the party.

she's wrong, katsuki thinks, because he's not a pig like sero or fucking dunce face or even kirishima, from time to time, who gets red in the face over a low cut shirt and a pair of tits.

fucking ridiculous, katsuki thinks, because he's way better than that.

it's just—the alcohol. that's making his lids heavy and his thoughts dark and his face hot. has him peeking at you over the lip of his cup, has him picturing you in his head when he's forced to look away.

and, well, maybe, the short cut of your dress has a little something to do with it, too—but he's keeping that shit to himself.

taking it to the grave, even.

[waynes-multiverse]

Oh, Wayne - this was GLORIOUS!!! This is the first time I’ve laughed today, and I needed it so bad! Starting with “Seth Rogen” I get it - looks may fade, but sarcasm? That shit is forever! Intelligence and personality means far more than a pretty face.

And I swear you were reading my mind in this! “Yep, Dean fucking Winchester – God of all Gods, monster hunter extraordinaire, hero of all innocent damsels, and idiotic clown of all clowns, shamelessly stole her heart since… well, pretty much the minute they met and she first laid eyes on him.” Yep, this is so me - have tried to deny love at first sight, but Han Solo and Dean Winchester - I was a goner at first sight! And “Dear fucking God, why did she have to fall in love with that dork? Why can’t it be some nice, normal guy without an abundance of commitment issues?” Again?!?! Get. Out. Of. My. Head - It’s scary in here! (But then again, I have more issues than a magazine stand - but then again, so do the real and fictional men I love, sooo…but I digress)

You made me laugh so hard with the collision and Dean’s reactions: ““Baseball, Sam drinking green smoothies, a scratch on Baby’s new coat of paint…” “We should, uh, probably, uhm, detangle…” “His dick is an escaped zoo animal and clearly on the prowl tonight.” BWAHAHAHA!!!! All three dogs were passed out, so all three got treats thanks to your glorious sense of humor! (Quinn says thanks again, BTW)

“It’s-, uhm, it’s okay,” she says surprisingly,”. Damn right it is! (Or maybe left). “Or that… you could do that…”. Yes, yes he could - all damn day…and night…and…oh, wait, where was I? And “Well, uhm, like I said – not that long… Just a very short period of time… Like, since November 29th… 2012,” I’m sure if we give it a couple more years, I’ll be completely over you.” AWWWW!!! I love bashful, silly Dean. But I love her response even more: “Uhm, well… is that something you would like? I mean, to get-, uh, would you wanna get under me?” Girl, I would have stood up and clapped, because that is a total boss move, but I’d drop my phone! In a million years I’d never be brave enough to do that, or “No, I think we’ve been taking things slow for long enough.” QUEEN! She needs to be worshipped for her quick wit and bountiful blessings she is about to receive!

And then I’m giggling again at “Jesus, Y/N… Going in for the kill, huh? You can’t say stuff like that to a man in a compromising position,” and “grabbing her a little tighter before bolting down the bunker hallway like a little kid on Christmas morning.” Then right back to sweetness with “he hopes the thing does as advertised and fucking remembers her forever.” That was just so perfect!

And that thorough fucking? “Wow” indeed! How could you not be after something like that with someone like him? But him asking if she was lonely, then straight to moving into his room - so damn sweet!

And the sass with the whole scene with Sam’s return and knocking him out of bed? Bwahahaha!!! “Oh, because I’m gonna rail Y/N in every room we have.” HELL YEAH!! Yeah, book that room, Sammy - right after your therapy session! This was SO DAMN GOOD! I needed this silliness and sweetness today more than you know. Thank you so much for this wonderful, hysterical, hot ride!! Happy Unattached Drifter Christmas to you ❤️

Are you aiming for a best reader award? What’s happening? 😳 Also, I literally love you to death for this 😘❤️ Here’s your award. You may take the boy and the prize:

And yes, thank you! Humor and personality is so important! I don’t wanna be bored to death for the rest of my life 😂 And who wouldn’t love this adorable idiot?

Besides, who’d want a perfect person? The pressure! Like, I don’t trust those motherfuckers. Nuh-uh, if you don’t have obvious flaws, you’re definitely a psycho and I don’t wanna be dismembered and buried in your yard 😒

Hahaha and well, that thorough fucking came from my prompt in the initial request (“soft love making”). You know me well enough by now to know I just run with that shit 😂🖤

And yeah, I guess Sam thought they were like Ross and Rachel, buy really they turned out to be Monica and Chandler 🤣

So happy I made your day a bit better with a few laughs, hun! And thank you for this amazing ask! Love you 🥰❤️😘