#like i felt the strongest most intense sense of impending doom I've ever felt in my life and I've had quite a lot of panic attacks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

featherymainffins · 5 months

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One thing about me is I don't understand why people say that you should never try even one cigarette because they all got addicted after one. I had the worst fucking nightmare experience with my first cigarette you couldn't pay me to smoke one of these again.

#like my friend always offers everyone cigarettes and i had always declined but one time i decided to try it because i was #feeling suicidal and went 'you know what yeah whatever. maybe this will fix me' so i accepted. and it was absolutely fucking horrible #like i felt the strongest most intense sense of impending doom I've ever felt in my life and I've had quite a lot of panic attacks #and i felt like there was danger everywhere and i needed to run away immediately. i also felt very unpleasant tension in my body #like physically not psychically. i had to start grinding my teeth hard as fuck and flexing all my muscles to at least prevent #myself from actually running around the block. Which i didn't want to do because it would have been weird and also it was 3 am #but yeah 0/10 stars sucked about as much as eating boiled and dried fly agaric.#actually this sucked more because while i technically had this cigarette for free you do pay for cigarettes. whereas if you want fly agaric #you just visit the woods. and you can sell fly agaric. probably. and it's tasty.#which reminds me that if i boil the dried ones i have again and then one more time and then dry them again they should actually #be a better experience. i mean. not for me because the 'desired' effects are literally just me when I'm dissociating.#but like if someone else wanted to try it wouldn't make them nauseous anymore. which is good.#if you boil it just once and dry you will get nauseous. but the book i have didn't state that if you boil them several times over #it shouldn't happen anymore. it treated the nausea as an inevitability.

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