Tumgik
#like i wouldnt want to date a fifteen year old either because of like different expierences and life styles etc
dumblesbiansworld · 1 year
Text
Uhhh im 20 now. If any my friends (ca. my age) decided to date a 30 yr old, I would seriously pull them aside and have a lil talk about having a toxic relationships and being manipulated. No one on this planet earth can actually convince me that this age gap is healthy.
0 notes
Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
"Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
I live in India and frequently travel to USA. And when I go rent a car, pay almost double the rental because I have to buy all the coverage. I was wondering if it is possible for me (or my company) to buy some sort of protection policy, using which I can rent the car and not have to buy insurance from them.
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
RELATED QUESTIONS: 
Best insurance for Male 18-24?
What is the best type of insurance for a male 18-24. There is a basic prepaid one for $1200 (upfront) but my rates double if I get a speeding ticket etc.. Then there is the traditional one from my bank but that's $300 a month and I can't do that. What type should I be looking for? Also, is it worth it to get the cheap insurance if my rates could potentially double? Could I fight them doubling my rates. I don't plan on speeding but wow. 04-06 Hyundai Elantra GLS/GT.""
Claiming Back car insurance?
Is it possible, i have been paying car insurance on my car for three months, while it has been out of use at the garage i purchased it from, due to the engine blowing! The garage have taken over 3 months to sort it under warranty, and the car is covered under there insurance, i didnt cancel the insurance due to thinking it wouldnt take this long! as i pay 140 a month it tolals up to alot and i was wondering if can claim any of the insurance premium back?? They still have the car useless Evans Halshaw be warned, only had the car 8 weeks..""
What is the average cost for insurance on a 2009 Yamaha R6?
Im going to get it tomorrow. I am almost 19, and i have one accident. I think it was a fault from both drivers. not sure. just let me know what you are paying and on what kind of bike thanks.""
Question about cheap health insurance??/?
i am looking to buy some health insurance that is affordable that will cover a tubal reversal surgery %100. I had my tubes ties or burned 5 years ago and now we would like to have another child but i just have medicaid and that wont cover it... Any ideas on some insurance plans that would cover a tubal reversal and pregnancy and where i can find a doctor that will do a tubal reversal with health insurance????/
Cheapest car insurance?
Does anyone know the best deals around for third party fire and theft? The quotes I have been given are ridiculous compared to last year, I'm sick of shopping around having to keep repeating the details then to find that the quote is as bad as the first! Thanks Guys if you can recommend....""
What are some affordable health insurance in the NJ area?
I am 25 years old and currently unemployed. I will be a student in the health care field and I'm required to purchase health insurance. I also have to get a physical exam along with vaccinations. I looked online for some insurance and I have to pay at least $250 a month which is too much for me. Are there any affordable health insurance?
Im 21 and in need of health insurance...?
My company offers it but its like $200/month and i cant afford that! Im a female, non smoker, and in good health. I just need basic health insurance that has dental and eye. What are some good options out there?""
Can I get my national insurance number at 15?
I've just turned fifteen three months ago and really need a job, Whsmith say they hire 13-16 year olds during times near Christmas but you need a national insurance number. I know you automatically receive it a few months before you're 16 but I'm wondering whether you can ring up and get one now? Thanks x""
How much is car insurance for a brand new HS 250h Premium Luxury lexus?
I'm 17, female, I live in St.John's NL and might do driving school""
How much insurance will I need to lease a car?
I want to lease a 2010 car. I want my insurance prices to be low, but who determines what kind and how much insurance I will need. Will my insurance be higher or lower than financing the car? What are some insurance things I SHOULD get once I lease? Any other info you can provide that I will NEED to know will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!""
""I am 66 years old, can I get health insurance??? how about medicare???} how dan I proceed?""
I am 66 years old, can I get health insurance??? how about medicare???} how dan I proceed?""
How much can I expect to receive in my auto accident settlement?
I was t-boned by an illegal mexican (in Phoenix, AZ, who'd have thought, right?) who was going 50 mph on my side of the car. There was 5K is damage to the car. Fortunately, I did not have any broken bones but the doctors STILL can't get my bones into correct position. I have been going to therapy for 4 going on 5 months. I am still attending therapy. I probably will do 6 months total in therapy. I am suing my own insurance company with Phillips & Associates. Can anyone tell me what would be reasonable amount to expect?""
""On an Annual basis, how much does health insurance cost in America?
I would like to know how much the average American citizen pays in Health Insurance per year please.
I dont really have the money to purchase car insurance before i take my driving test?
i dont have the money to get car insurance before i take my driving test. is there anyways possible to get around that? dont just ******* say, get insurance either . its a waste of my damn time. im taking it wednesday and its in urbana ohio.""
Whats a cheap affordable classic for a young man?
im 20 had my lisence for over two years but i can never afford insurance! i dont live with my mummy and daddy so i cant blag there insurance, and i also cant borrow money from them! so if you have ideaas for me i would prefer a TAX exempt classic? any ideas? thanks""
Car Insurance - Older owner still has insurance on it?
I had my car signed over to me on the 2nd November and received my V5 back on the 10th. I got the car insured ASAP as required on a daily basis. I have recently found out that the previous owner STILL has insurance on it and has arranged for it to be fully cancelled on the 1st December to collect their no claims bonus. Obviously I cannot make them cancel the policy but does this invalidate my insurance until the 1st Dec/make it illegal to use my car until this date?
How much is car insurance a month?
I am a female 21 yrs old that lives in Buffalo,ny. I wanna know how much per month will I have to pay for car insurance and if anyone suggests any car insurance companies for me.""
Does anyone know where i can get cheap and affordable health insurance from in wisconsin?
Im looking for cheap or affordable health insurance ,, sure cant seem to find any .. does anyone have an answer""
How much will my insurance go up?
I was trying to merge onto the freeway when the lady in front of me made an inexplicable complete stop on the on ramp. I slammed on my brakes and rode the ABS down to about 15MPH when I hit her. Turns out she was on heroine, and CHP arrested her at the scene. The chippy's were really cool and said my situation was totally understandable , but said my insurance may not see it that way. (the damage to the crack head's car was minimal, and she was not injured) I'm not going to claim the damage to my car. I can fix it myself. So lets say with a little paint and body work, her repair cost is $1000.......how much will my insurance go up? I am 23, and have a flawless driving record until today.""
How do I get medical insurance?
I am 20 years old and I need medical and dental insurance. I have tried medicade but I am to old and I don't have children. please help!!
How much does car insurance usually cost for female 20 year old in toronto area?
im a university student and really in need of a car the used car im thinking of buying is about $4000 rollars honda 1997 how much would insurance cost? i have my g2 and i got my in-class driving school certificate which guarantee upto 40% insurance discount thanks!
Car insurance for my daughter?
my 17 year old daughter wants to learn to drive in my car (citroen c3 2059plate) would anybody have an idea of how much it may cost me ! or does it pay to make her wait untill she has passed ? and any ideas on how much if she does pass.. ty .....
How much is motorcycle insurance?
I'm only 14 right now but when I hit 16 i'm planning on buying a motorcycle. Planning on buying a Kawasaki Ninja 300r 2013 around my birthday and I remembered a rough factor. How much would insurance be for a 16 year old on a sport bike like that? Don't refer me to a Quote site just a rough estimate I live in Illionois
What small cars are available as a convertible?
Now that a second child in our family has started to drive we think we need two smaller low insurance cars and I want to trade my large car in for one that my 20 year old can share with me. I have loved having a convertible and would still like that so was wondering if there is a car on the market that is: small low insurance convertible (preferably hard top) about 2-3 years old (pre-empting any ranters - I have no intention of letting my wildish 17 year old drive around in a convertible and my 20 year old girl is a good, tee-total driver who has now been driving 3 years.)""
Should I cancel my car insurance to save my money?
Currently, I'm living in WA, I have a car in TX. But my family member in TX driving it, and there names are under insure by my car insurance. If I want to save money on my car's insurance. I need to ask my insurance remove my name out of car insurance; is that right? or there is no difference between keep my name on car insurance and remove my name out of car's insurance? Thanks""
Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
I live in India and frequently travel to USA. And when I go rent a car, pay almost double the rental because I have to buy all the coverage. I was wondering if it is possible for me (or my company) to buy some sort of protection policy, using which I can rent the car and not have to buy insurance from them.
Is Geico a good car insurance company?
My car insurance policy is up for renewal, so I decided to do some comparison shopping. Geico quoted me a price that was $250-350/year less than any of the other companies. The coverage I selected is as good or better than what the other companies were offering. Would Geico be a good company to switch to, or should I go with someone else? If you have had any experience with Geico (good or bad), please share.""
Where can i get on birthcontrol cheap and without insurance in dc or md?
I really need to get on birthcontrol and i'm looking to get on the pill. i need something affordable and i dont have insurance. I also go to school in a different state than where i live so i would need to get it comehwere that allows me to pick it up from different pharmacies depending on where I am at the time.
Need the names of insurance companies for commercial trucks...NOT brokers...thanks?
Need the names of insurance companies for commercial trucks...NOT brokers...thanks?
""Speeding ticket, will it raise my insurance in texas?""
hey, I got a speeding ticket a few days ago and would like to take the defensive driving class instead, if the judge will let me. i really dont want to let my dad know about it and i am willing to pay all of it, i just dont want to have to deal with my dad. Will my insurance go up even if i do the defensive driving class? Thanks!""
Can you get a Drivers License and not have car insurance?
I dont plan to drive, but i do intend to get my license. Is it possible to not have to get car insurance with your license? Idont own any cars as well""
Where can i find really good dental insurance?
I am a mom of two and expecting. I can't work and I am looking for dental insurance that pays alot(almost everything). I live in Texas.
Cheapest Car Insurance Companies For A 17 Year Old Boy?
I've done a lot of research and can't find anything less than around 2500 a year, any good companies that can can give me a better quote? I'm thinking about getiing a Renault Clio or a VW Fox if that helps. Any tips or suggestions for good insurance companies would be much appreciated!""
What is a cheap car to insure for an 18yr old
and who does cheap insurance?
Other Drivers On Car Insurance Liability Policy?
I want to add my little brother's car to my car insurance policy. If I add the car, under my name, but do not add the actual driver (my brother), what risks am I taking? If he is driving a car that is insured under my name and he gets in an accident where he is at fault, will the other person's damages still be covered by my insurance? I know that with liability insurance he would be SOL for his car, but I don't want to get stuck paying for someone else's car if he crashed and it was under my name. Please shine some light on this for me.""
My car insurance is $200 a month!?
I'm getting my license in less than a month, but my parents won't get me a car b/c they say I won't be driving alone anyway b/c the insurance is through the roof. We have Mamzy. Would it be cheaper if we switch our insurance? It'll go down once I've had my license for 6 months, but still, half a year is a long time to have to wait. :\ Thanksx.""
Does a junior instructor need insurance?
I have had a few people around my barn asking me to give lessons, just little beginner lessons, nothing major. The barn owner said if would be alright, but I had to look into what type of insurance I would need and so on. I am not exactley sure how much insurance would cost, and if I would even be making a huge profit. My question is, do you need insurance if you are under 18? Are you then considered a junior instructor and it is not needed? If it is, about how much is the average insurance?""
Do I automatically have to get car insurance right after I get my license?
I'm 18, I live with my parents...In order for me to get my license my mom wants me to pay for car insurance (since I'll be under her name) which is understandable, but I don't have a car yet, and I just want my license in case of an emergency...like I won't even be driving around her car rarely. She told me that even if I wanted to get my license and not get car insurance yet, I can't because I live in her house?? Does that sound right? Can't I just get my license without car insurance until I actually have my own car?""
Cheapest car insurance?
new drivers
How much on average does it cost to insure a 21 year old female driver with her G2?
I just bought a car and need to get insurance. I am 21 years old have my G2 currently but will be going for my full G in the next couple weeks. I have taken drivers ed in the past and I am a university student. Previously i was paying $50/month as a secondary driver under my dad and received a quote for $156/month as a primary driver is this a reasonable price?
Are home insurance rates more expensive on a townhouse than a single family home?
Are home insurance rates more expensive on a townhouse than a single family home?
Car Insurance quotes - when you get an online quote and it asks you?
how much your car is worth, do you quote the price you paid for it or its present price..? I ask because if you think about it you could have bought your car last year for 12, 000, and one year later it's worth 9,000. If you car is written off it isn't as ther inusrance company will pay out on the amount you paid for the car.. this happened to my brother and they only paid the value it was worth on the day of his crash which was considerably less....""
Is there some type of dental insurance that is affordable??
I am 38 y/o male who needs to finally look into some dental insurance that is affordable/ I have some teeth that needs to be fix ASAP thanks for your Help Bri
Renault clio? first time insurance how to get it cheap?
looking at a clio 1999-2003 model any hints on how to get cheaper? got a quote for 4000 today!
Does New York require lenders of leased cars to include GAP insurance within the cost of the lease itself?
Was under the impression that this was the case, however, after recently leasing a vehicle in NY, the dealership told me otherwise.""
Volvo S40 insurance cost?
I'm going to lease a new car soon and I had my heart set on a 2008 Volkswagen Jetta SE ($21,040), but yesterday I found an really good deal on a 2007 Volvo S40 ($20,800). It's never been sold so it's technically new (it was a dealer demo). I'm just wondering if the insurance on this car would be similar to that of the Jetta. It's the base model 2.4i with no options except the automatic transmission. Do you know if if the Volvo would be more costly to insure?""
How long before insurance premiums start to drop?
My family health insurance premiums are about to go up to $800 per month. I don't think we can afford that kind of premium on a $65K household income. Will it get better once the insurance exchanges kick in? Talking to friends, they're also seeing their premiums double in some cases.""
I rang up Tesco Car Insurance today and they sent me away?
Hello, I rang up Tesco Car Insurance today, this women spoke on the phone and her first question was asking for the policy number, and then I asked her a question why they increase my insurance and she said everywhere is the same, they are the cheapest, and then she told me to ring somewhere else to get a quote and then phone us back. Thats a good customer service. What do you guys think about this situation?""
Car insurance in someone else's name?
i own a car that I dont drive often. My car insurance is sky high and I'm thinking of not even having an insurance policy anymore. I'm wondering if it's unheard of to put the car in just my husbands name and drive the car when i need it? I have a license. I realize that there could be an issue if there was a car accident.
My car insurance monthly rate is $92 how much is my down payment?
i need to figure this out through here if possible, i will pay $92 a month, state farm wants a down payment though they haven't gotten back to me with how much I'm going to need - I was wondering if anyone here might possibly know. Thank you.""
How about Universal Auto insurance?
Universal Dental, universal home insurance, universal life insurance, universal pet medical insurance, universal flood insurance, universal renters insurance. Wouldn't it be a good idea to have the government provide all insurance to everybody? There couldn't be problems with that right? ( please note heavy sarcasm )""
Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
I live in India and frequently travel to USA. And when I go rent a car, pay almost double the rental because I have to buy all the coverage. I was wondering if it is possible for me (or my company) to buy some sort of protection policy, using which I can rent the car and not have to buy insurance from them.
Car insurance advice needed for a 17 year old?
As I said in my previous question. I recently bought a Citroen AX 988cc for 500 and paid 2800 insurance for a year. I thought It was really good as all of my mates had paid well over 3000 for their Fiestas etc. I got alot of answers saying I had been ripped off. I would be so happy if you could tell me of a better deal. I called a total of 46 insurance companies, and used comparison websites on a variety of insurance group 1 cars. And this was the very cheapest I could find. Initially Iwanted a VW Golf. (Not the GTI Version) But I was quoted 9000 a year, not bad but I dont earn that much yet. I have 3 jobs but all are minumum wage. (6-10am, 10am-6pm, 7pm-11.20pm). Could you give me a better deal. Where to go, what other car would be cheaper, and general advice on getting it as cheap as olot of people in my previous question told me they got it. Thanks.""
Why can't health insurance companies in one state cover individuals from other states?
United States
Massachusetts proof of car insurance while out of state?
OK. In Massachusetts, some car insurance companies don't give you/ offer a separate little card that serves as your proof of insurance; the licence plate/ your registration serves as your proof in MA. Now I was wondering. most other states have a requirement that you carry proof of insurance at all times while driving. In theory, if I was driving in another state, some distance from MA and therefore where the police are not familiar with how MA does things, and get pulled over, would the officer know that I was insured, even if I was unable to produce the little card, or would he always assume that without it, the driver is uninsured? the insurance is listed on the registration, but...""
Who pays $200.00 for car insurance?
I just got a Nationwide quote for car insurance and it was over $200.00 for the monthly payments. Im just now getting my own car/car insurance(in my name), Im a female in my mid-twenties, had my first two speeding tickets last year. Plan on getting a 2007 Pontiac G6, and I will be driving it to work and school. is $200.00 a normal monthly amount to be paid for me?""
I was rear ended. Does my insurance go up if I contact them?
I have Mercury Insurance and someone hit me in the back at a stop light. I got all of there info, but I was wondering if we went through this with our insurance companies would my rates go up? thanks :D""
Running costs for first time driver?
Hey, on average how much do you think running costs (insurance, servicing, petrol etc.) will be for me to drive a car per month? I'm planning to start learning to drive soon (I'm 20 and live in the suburbs- Essex/close to London) the car I'm looking to get would be one from insurance group 1 and I'll probably be doing about 12,000 miles a year, just driving to and from work and socially every now and then. Thanks for any help :)""
The world of car insurance?
the idea that dropping the price of car insurance for men a small amount and increasing the female amount a huge hike has nothing to do with gender that's the con it's the absolute greed of government and big business hand in hand raking in a fortune as they did when changing the  s p to the criminal decimal currency? the question is why do we Joe public put up with this crap
A renewal company for home insurance?
We've had three claims in 12 years with our insurance company and the company has put us in nonrenewal mode....is there an online company that will handle our insurance... home insurance....?
Should a person without children get life insurance?
Is life insurance important to a person without children? Could they just save enough in life to pay for the funeral costs and other expenses. I can see reasons like you have a disabled spouse, but in general do you think it is necessary or just a useless expense.""
Who has the best auto insurance?
from a price, service, quality perspective""
Cheaper on insurance 1980 lincoln or a 1995 blazer?
i have a 1980 lincoln mark VI it has a 351 (5.8 liter engine) and a 1995 chevy blazer im 16 and im trying to decide which one to drive they both get the same gas mialage about cause the blazer is an suv so im deciding which would be cheaper on insurance for a 16 year old i think the blazer but im sure hoping not cause the lincolns prettier lol
How's insurance for an old model Lexus SC300 or SC400 (1990-1995)?
I'm 17 and getting my first car. Im a good student. Ive picked out either a Lexus SC 300 or 400 around 1992ish. I like the car but I just want to know if insurance would be very costly for eiher of these, considering it is luxury. I know insurance for cars like the Nissan 300zx is really ridiculous. How would this insurance compare? And please, dont recommend other cars to me because I have already decided on one of these, just give me an idea of insurance costs. Thanks""
""Looking for a good car insurance agency but not too expensive, any advise ?""
Hi, i have been with allstate for over ten years for my car insurance but recently i just got a newer car and it sky-rocked and im looking for a better rate, if anyone would recommend some i would appreciate it so i can get some good rates to look at and compare, I don't know why it went up so high because i have had no tickets or accidents in fifteen years but they say they have not made any mistakes with it. Thanks for the advise Deb :)""
How much would insurance be?
my step dad is putting me on his insurance, he has a 2006 dodge caravan.. how much would it be for me ( a 17yr old girl) to get put on as an occasional driver?""
Whe will liberals admit the affordable health care act has made health care and health insurance?
More expensive already?
How much does minimum cover motorcycle insurance cost monthly in California if your 19 years of age?
How much does minimum cover motorcycle insurance cost monthly in California if your 19 years of age?
Car insurance after customization?
If I put a body kit, new wheels, etc... onto my car will it affect insurance? Do I need to let them know? Before? What about the warranty, I have bumper to bumper warranty.""
Accidently put wrong date of birth by 3 months on my car insurance?
Iv just accepted a quote online for car insurance without realizing my date of birth is wrong by 3 months, if i tell them to change this should it change the price of my insurance?""
My car is registered in wisconsin how can I get insurance in california?
My mother bought me a car in wisconsin and i live in california, but the car is still registered in her name in WI. how do i get insurance coverage without having to register the car in my name? is it possible?""
Where is the best place to buy cheaper home insurance for the over 50s?
Where is the best place to buy cheaper home insurance for the over 50s?
What is the cheapest car insurance if you have bad credit and low income?
What to do if you can't afford car insurance
Can I go under my mum's fiance's car insurance?
I currently live in Glasgow and have one year left of college (after this one) before my family moves to England, due to my my mums fiance/my little sisters dad working down there. Once we move down there I will be doing my driving tests. So my question is would it be possible for me to be put under his car insurance policy even though we are not directly related and my mum has not married him yet? I will be living with him, working for him and he will be putting me through my lessons and also helping to support me as I continue my education down there (if i need support).""
How much is one months car insurance on average?
Driving a slightly older car (87 Tbird), newer driver; no faults fines or tickets. Resident of BC.""
How much would the insurance on my car be?
I'm 18. I just got my car. and I just got my license. and I have a 2001 Hyndai. I live if Fort Myers FL... How much would it be on my own? and How much could it be under my brother in laws name that has had his license for 5 years?
Who understands health insurances? please help?
Okay so im 22 and have no health insurance, i just started working, and at this company they offer health insurance for full time positions only and well i am part time. I have had swollen tonsils since i was fourteen and been hospitalized twice because it was so bad that literally both tonsils were smashed together (i know gross) well i guess the question is, i want to try to get a health insurance that will minimize extremely the cost of getting these suckers removed. I dont understand all the deductible talk. So which insurance do you think is affordable and might be the one for me and my need? Please any advice and suggestions will be appreciated. Its a constant pain to go to the doctors and just come out with antibiotics which i guess take the pain but im not lying when i say that they are everyday permanently swollen. Please and Thank you.""
Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
I live in India and frequently travel to USA. And when I go rent a car, pay almost double the rental because I have to buy all the coverage. I was wondering if it is possible for me (or my company) to buy some sort of protection policy, using which I can rent the car and not have to buy insurance from them.
What are some cheap auto insurance companies in florida for teenage drivers?
I am 17 years old. I currently have liberty mutual insurance with my parents for $5,901 annualy (about $550 per month for three cars). Is there any cheap car insurance?""
How can I prevent this girl from completely taking advantage of my insurance company?
A few nights ago I accidentally brushed the side of my neighbor's car with my front bumper (cause she was parked like an idiot as usual). I'm taking full responsibility of it cause it's my fault and I have no problem with that. Initially I was going to pay for the scrape to be compounded out and whatever else was wrong as a result of me hitting it. However, when I spoke to her, she started pointing out a ridiculous amount of things: there's a scratch in addition to the scrape (ok, sure), she says I cracked her light (maybe I did, it's possible) but she's also saying that I caused her tire to pop out and that there's tread missing from it (which makes absolutely no sense because I didn't hit the tire or rim or wheel well at all). Basically, she expects a whole new paint job and a set of tires which is ridiculous for the small amount of damage that was done. I want to make sure she isn't trying to take advantage of my insurance company and cause my rates to skyrocket as a result. The car is a complete piece of sh*t and she doesn't take care of it at all - the paint's dull, the rims are rusted - and I think she's trying to fix these things by making it like they were a result of me hitting her. I have no problem at all taking responsibility for the damage I did, but I do have a problem with her making things up and trying to fix other issues through my insurance company. The last claims representative I spoke with told me that I would not be contacted by the adjuster at all since there is no damage to my car. Since she's going to be talking with the adjuster and I won't, I'm afraid she's going to exaggerate the amount of damage. Should I call my insurance company and tell them this? Will they care? What can I do?""
Insurance help???!?!?!?
right, im a 17 year old male who passed my test in may 2010, however i now have enough money for a cheap car and insurance, but why is it so expensive?? cheapest i have found is like 4k so please if anyone can help what is the best cars to get cheap insurance, i have tried putting myself as a second driver but is still really expensive, i need some help where is the best place, what is the price you have? i just need helpp!!!! pleeasssee""
Trying to repeal the Healthcare law which is good for the American people the only thing republicans hope?
Trying to repeal the Healthcare law which is good for the American people the only thing republicans hope will put them back into the White House?
Car insurance and car note?
OK, I'm nineteen. I've been saving up for my first car. But the thing is, I have to pay insurance, and a car note on my own. My mother became homeless, and my father I do not know. My godparents took me in, and they can't afford to add me on their insurance. So, being that I have a part time job at McDonald's, and go to college, It seems as if I have no way of affording a car and insurance. I haven't checked the rates of insurance, but I do understand that they are high for teenage males, and always vary on the type of car you have. I don't want anything fancy, a four door car that gets me from A to B. Is there anyway I can afford this? Please and thanks!""
What is the best health insurance in california?
sould i go with the one that has deductible, and what it turns out that i have a cancer , m'i gonna be covered. i've been having this buzzing ear ( left) for few months and now i get dizzy when i look up and i started to feel oressure in my head and light headache. my emplyer's insurance start in 2 months and i need to be checked now, and i don't qualifie for medi cal any suggestion , advice?? thanks""
Which is cheaper for a 16 year old Car insurance or Motorcycle insurance?
Im thinking about getting either a car or a motorcycle it all depends on the insurance cost.
Health insurance?
how much does health insurance cost?
How Much is insurance on a fox body mustang?
I really want a fox body mustang and i want to see how much it would cost. It will be my first car and i really want to know before i go car shopping.
What auto insurance companies DON'T use a credit score when deciding rates?
I'm against the practice of using credit scores (i.e. insurance scores) to decide auto insurance rates. Does anyone know of a company in the U.S. that doesn't use the practice?
No Insurance!?
No Insurance!? How much do you think a tooth will cost to be pulled?
""Can I get a refund of life insurance premiums I paid? I set up a $100,000.00 life insurance policy?
August 2009. Monthly premiums were deducted automatically from my checking account. recently I had to change my checking account number because someone got access to my banking info. and made unauthorized deductions. This in turn caused my monthly insurance premiums from getting paid. The insurance Co. requested a substantial fee to reinstate my policy I cannot afford this fee can I get a refund of premiums paid and cancell the policy?
How much does an ER vist cost w/ no insurance?
I went to the ER the other day. I was there for a few hours and only have an IV. I dont have insurance...how much do you think this will cost?
Will my speeding Ticket affect my insurance rates?
I live in Iowa, I am 17 years old, and I just got a speeding ticket from a state trooper for going 84mph in a 65 zone. I am insured with State Farm and have no history of any accedents or tickets. Right now I am recieving the good students discount and the safe driver discount and I was woundering if this would affect my insurance rates on a 1996 Mercedes-Benz black with aproximately 210,000 miles. Thanks""
How much do you pay for car insurance?
how old are you? what company you with? what car you drive? are you the only driver under this insurance?
What the best insurance company that affordable to get for a new car?
looking for car insurance?
Where can I find super cheap auto insurance?
I just want something to cover me legally. I don't need any advice on why I should not get crap insurance, I literally would just like to know where to get great rates. I found ...show more""
Which cheap car insurance companies send the documantetion by Email only?
NOT by post, by EMAIL only""
Car Insurance?
Is it normal for a car insurance company to send a questioner to it's clients who had an accident? They asked the same questions I told them on the phone and I had to get the form notarized to send in with my answers. They we're asking what time, where it happened, who was I with, did I ever file a claim before, and the last two pages had to do with fraud.""
Do out of state residents need California SR22 insurance if they dont go back to California?
I am a permanent resident of AZ and have an AZ drivers license. While visiting California I had a DUI. I settled out of court but an insurance broker wants to sell me a California policy. Do I need California SR22 insurance if I don't plan to return to California? Is there any benefit?
Question about my Geico Car Insurance?
I've just registered my car for Geico car insurance today. On my confirmation statement it said that my insurance will be activated on March 15th, 2012. About 45 minutes away from now. Will I be able to drive my car at midnight? I want to be sure I'm completely safe. Thanks.""
What happens if to my insurance if i get married?
My parents pay for my insurance and ill have it till I'm 19 if I get married would I no longer have insurance?
Car Accident and Insurance?
On 7/24 I was at a Dairy Queen drive thru the person behind me hit the truck I was driving. I was looking at her in the rear view mirror the entire time. She had a cigarette hanging from her mouth that was unlit and she eventually backed up after hitting me. I got out of the truck and looked and I did not see any damage. She then said I didn't move you hit me I then told her No I did not hit you I am in front of you and this truck was never in reverse. Since there was no damage to the truck I did not bother getting any of her information since it was not my fault. On 7/27 I got a call from the police saying she told them I hit her. I gave them my side of the story and they said she had a witness who was a passenger in her car and they will be in touch. I also let them know I had a witness as well. The cop called me back yesterday and wanted to get my insurance information so her and I could exchange information. My question is do I have to give my insurance information to this cop? I did not hit this woman and I think she is trying to get one over on the insurance company. The cop said yesterday I'm surprised the truck does not have any damage because her car does have damage. This truck was a rental truck which was inspected at the time it was dropped back off at the rental company obviously there was no damage to it. This woman looked like she was on something to begin with and I'm guessing she was not paying attention probably looking for a lighter and let off the break and hit me. Which I still don't see how her car would be so damaged. I don't want this con artist having my information. So should I tell the cop I am not giving him my insurance information and tell her to take it to court? Should I get a lawyer? I'm not sure what to do I am 29 years old and I have never been in a accident so I am not sure how to go about this but I know this woman is trying to pull a fast one and I am not going to sit back and let it happen.
Does anyone know where I can find auto insurance to cover car parts?
I need new tires and brakes, and rather than paying for them I want to get insurance so all I'll have to pay is the deductible. Please help. Thanks.""
How much is car insurance on a new 911 gt2 Porsche?
I am a 25 year old who recently became very successful in the automotive industry and I decided I wanted to get a Porsche. Now i know about how much it is to keep a Porsche maintained because i have worked on them but i am not sure on the insurance. Please help anyway you can. And for the record i am not getting a quote from any website because i do not feel comfortable giving away personal information to an insurance company before i decide to use them.
Is it possible to buy a car insurance without owning a car, and then use it for renting a car?
I live in India and frequently travel to USA. And when I go rent a car, pay almost double the rental because I have to buy all the coverage. I was wondering if it is possible for me (or my company) to buy some sort of protection policy, using which I can rent the car and not have to buy insurance from them.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-wrecked-my-car-wasnt-fault-want-totaled-insurance-company-chavez/"
27 notes · View notes
samanthasroberts · 7 years
Text
Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship
Id call it time traveling. Most of the time I didnt know I was doing it until I was already in too deep. It didnt matter the day of the week or the time, or who I was with. I was just as capable of bending time alone, as I was with a handful of friends.
There was no such thing as one or two or three drinks. Just like a two headed giraffe didnt exist, neither did grabbing a couple of drinks. Its that simple. I really cant explain it any other way. My average was a drink every fifteen minutes. I never thought about that. I didnt brag about it or work towards it or talk about it, my rhythm just happened. The drink was in my hand and I drank it. I didnt think of slowing down or having an empty hand.
Id start somewhere- at an apartment or at dinner or a happy hour or on a date and Id arm myself with whatever I was in the mood for. There were the regular players: Jack Daniels and diet coke, chardonnay, Redbull and vodka, Blue Moon and those few years in my early 20s where I thought the only two drinks on the planet was a Sex On The Beach and Cosmo. Drink menus were for amateurs.
Never red wine though. It stained my teeth and lips, Id explain when asked, and respond with my quirky I only drink it alone and in the dark answer. Theyd always laugh.
For a long time the only shot I tossed back was Patron XO. Lemon drops and Kamikazes were too collegiate for me. I was smart enough to know that I always got sick after Whiskey. That was my kryptonite. It didnt stop me from drinking it again (and again), just in case getting sick was a one time thing. Spoiler alert: it wasnt.
So that was me, always, from the first time I got drunk during a party at 16 years old to my four day New Years Eve bender at age 30. But lets not call it a bender, or else my parents will worry. It was celebrating a new year with friends. It was a vacation and a belated birthday. It was me letting present, in the moment Diana take the wheel for a few days.
By the time YOLO was on T-shirts I had carpe diem booze down to a science.
It was all so normal and always OK: competing with friends how many guys we can make out with in one night (one of my favorite games), bouncing around speakeasys in the East Village, sneaking into the high end member only clubs in the Meatpacking District, 4am pancakes at a diner then going home with the cutest guy there, leaving without paying your tab, putting your drinks on a strangers tab, hooking up with your friends crush, sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend (what, he had an accent, ok?), telling work you have a doctors appointment when you need an extra hour of sleep, telling work youre sick when youre too hungover to get out of bed, napping in the bathroom stall at work when you realize you went to work still drunk.
Theres wasnt a problem with any of this. I could go to six bars in a night and only remember two of them (seetime traveling). Others had different, less poetic names for it- like graying out or even more ominous, going black out. But lets not talk about that. Those words are scary.
It all just made so much sense to me. I had a desperate thirst for life, for new experiences and stories that were only mine and drinking was my very own special key to open that door. I dont remember being trained but I knew this truth: that I needed to drink- to have fun, to meet a guy, to de-stress, to celebrate, after a bad day, after a good day, when its more than 50 degrees out, when its under 15 degrees, because its Monday.
Its dramatic sounding, I know, but when I was drinking, like really in the middle of a good run, I was untouchable. My thoughts evened out and worries were left at the coat check. I was charming and funny. I was weightless and sexy. Nothing could ground me.
I wasnt stupid. I knew what was happening. There wasnt a river in Egypt. The biggest part was the after, when Morning Diana gradually and reluctantly pixelated back into place ready to droop down into the exorcist-like hangover.
When I was in college my hangover cure was strawberries and chocolate milk. After I received my diploma I graduated to well-done bacon, coffee, Mimosas. Water never entered the equation.
Sometime in my mid-twenties while I was gripping on to my spinning couch, I googled hangover and depression and was so relieved when I read the phrase emotional hangover. I immediately felt better seeing the feeling I felt printed on my screen. It was a relief: I wasnt alone in this feeling and it had a name. Urban Dictionary knows about it so it must be OK. Ill finish my bacon and chocolate milkshake and be just ducky.
The recovery time was always different- sometimes I could slide out of bed and be partially human the next day and other times I needed a day alone to stew in a mental playback of the night before. During those days the biggest challenge was the trek from my bedroom to couch. No matter how I recouped I never thought it was bad. I thought my friends were doing it too.
Country songs and Van Wilder confirmed for me that getting drunk and hangovers were a part of life. I never raised my hand to question it. So, about the men. I bet you thought it was hard to find a man with all this time zig zagging and space jumping but it wasnt. Lets go back ten years again and Ill tell you about all the threesomes I had. It was me, the guy, and alcohol.
It was how I flirted, played, connected, and bonded with men, always. If the boyfriend had a bad day wed start downing drinks in the hopes that hed open up and talk to me. To flirt with the new cute coworker Id suggest we play beer after work. Hed find it charming and cute and wed drunkenly made out in the corner of the bar after swapping 1st pet names and office gossip. I had a fling with a British banker off and on for 3 years and when wed meet late night hed pour us shots of tequila first. It was our thing. Our inside joke with Don Julio.We didnt know each others last names but we shared an appreciation for top shelf tequila at 3am before having sex. Im a romantic, I know.
My favorite three words when I was with a guy were Want another round?
During each encounter, each date, I wouldnt feel satisfied until I heard those words. He could shout it or whisper it in my ear, either way I wanted those words. It meant: he liked me, hes having a good time, and he wanted to keep spending time with me. He didnt want the night to end. It meant intimacy, it meant hand holding and flirty eyes and of course, sex.
I could count the number of times I had sober sex on one hand. I didnt enjoy it. To avoid it, Id explain that I simply didnt like morning sex. Most of the time Id be too hungover to move from a fetal position so it wasnt pursued for long on his end anyway. Hooking up drunk was sexy and fun. We could let our inhibitions go and really connect. Fun was had by all. I wasnt worried about any of it.
Theres unfortunately worse parts. Im not going to tell them to you though. Mostly because my mother may read this. But also because I was once told that you dont need to go all the way to the bottom floor in order to get off the elevator. So lets baby step off the lift, shall we?
I was in one of my first sessions with my new therapist when she told me I repeated the word untouchable a lot and made me explain why I thought that was a good word. (See all of the above for my response). Valentines Day was two weeks away and I was mentally preparing to be single again during my least favorite holiday of the year.
I wasnt too worried though because Id participate in my friends annual BOVD- Black Out Valentines Day. The year before included colorful fish bowls and sushi till 2am. Problem solved. I was talking but realizing more and more how much she looked like Lily Tomlin when she put a piece paper down in front of me. It was a wordy contract with bullet points in the middle and a blank line next to my name at the bottom.
I was supposed to go a week without drinking. Thats a lie. I could drink. But only three glasses of beer or wine, two different nights. If I broke the contract I had to give $100 to her. Lily was crazy. How was this legal? I couldnt do this. Fact. I shouldnt have even been there. I wanted to deal with this but apparently not by actually dealing with it. I argued with her and left the session with the unsigned document squished to the bottom of my purse. That night I didnt sleep and express ordered Alan Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Problem solved. I went out drinking all week. And I drank like no one was watching.
Then I signed the contract. And then when week one ended, I signed the next contract. Was it easy? Fuck no. Did I have to write some checks to my therapist? Yes. Did I cry? Did I rant? Did my hands and mind twitch and turn during dinners with friends as I stared at my 1 drink for the night? Hell to the yes. Most nights all I could think about was my hand stammering under the table and how much I wanted and needed another drink.
I thought of the contract and Lilys annoying face staring down at me. I thought of how I felt when I was hungover. I thought of the fuzzy nights. I thought of the fuzzy years. I cried a lot. I stayed in and watched Netflix even more. I watched Vampire Diaries starting at season 1, many times. In therapy I compared my drunk self to being a vampire with no soul. There are many different points of view on vampire rule and regulations but most of them agree that the creatures of the night have no soul. Stick with me here. In Vampire Diaries the rule of thumb is that vampires can turn this soul switch off and on. When its on they feel everything, when its off they feel nothing and become untouchable. Follow me now? The easy way to live is to keep the switch off. I did that, over and over again. I was tired of it and wanted to be in the world of the living again. I didnt decide this overnight. It took months, a lot more episodes of Vampire Diaries and most of 2015. Something weird happened around the same time I switched to watching new episodes of Arrow that wouldve really pissed off my 23 year old Cosmo drinking self- I stopped enjoying drinking.
By November I was completely sober and joined a boxing ring. I could get up in the morning and exercise. I didnt need to sign a contract anymore. I sober dated. I sober celebrated friends birthdays. I sober had a fun Thursday night. I went to AA meetings sometimes and spent most of the meeting listening and nodding my head. I was funny and smart and friendly during the day and I was funny and smart and friendly at night. I added to my own life and stopped letting drinking take away from it. I started a social group. I started a book club. I started.
Sometime between the last crippling snow storm of last year and planning my 31st birthday, I stopped wanting to go to Edit Undo. I re-entered my own life. I went through those years and theyre a part of me for worse or worser. I went through it before knowing there was another side. I hit my rock bottoms (yes, there was more than one). Im still learning how to talk about it- what I want to say about it and to who. But the further I get from the person I was then, the more I like who Im turning into now. But letting go of her seemed like an impossible ask that the tiny tired voice deep inside me was begging for.
If I stopped drinking Id lose all of me, not just a part. I was terrified as if I was going to lose a limb or my hearing. My life would be filled withwhat? Id have no buoy or security blanket or man behind the curtain. Id be dry, unfilled, just curved edges and rims. The thought paralyzed me.
Now, Im at this other side. Im still learning what this other side is like and who I am in it. But I do know this- Im more now than I was before. Im more me and more strong and more present. I feel more and I listen to me more.
Days are now broken up between feeling this raw, strength of life and connection to people and namastes and really fantastic Im part of the universe and not from vibes to a total, giant uncertainty and instability, and anger and exhaustion. I never knew I could get tired of feelings. Weve moved in together, you see. We wake up together and go to bed together and they insist on forming an invisible fanny pack around my waist during the day. Hello intimacy, party of two. Theyre normally the big spoon. My thoughts continue from one moment to the next and connect without taking breaks. I had years and years of turning myself on and off and more off and now I just want to be on.
I wish I could say that when I wake up sober now, Im not depressed anymore or lonely, my friends became better friends, I became the perfect best friend, sister and daughter, and my love life came together Prince Charming Cinderella style. But becoming more sober didnt mean everything clicked into place, it just means I see the pieces more clearly and I dont hide from the messy parts.
So now whatdo I become resentful and guilty and depressed thinking about the years I spent avoiding intimacy and feelings and honesty and fuck, concrete memories? Do I think those years dont count? Do I blame my bad habits on the constant excess of New York City? Do I blame the alcoholic-like attributes that run in my blood line? Do I blame my friends? Or the work hard play hard Don Draper industry I work in? Do I blame shitty men boys?
Yes, to all of the above. I point the finger at all of them and then back at me, and then at them and back at me. Lily says hi.
Ive had men yell at me, not being able to grasp the idea of my moderated drinking habits, insisting that Im just pretending I dont drink because I wanted them to buy me drinks. I dont get it either. No means no guys. My friendships have changed, my god have my friendships changed. One friend who pre-games with a bottle of wine (a standard respectable approach I once followed), on multiple occasions, dumped her wine into my water when she realized I wasnt drunk like she was. Yeah, I dont spend time with her anymore.
I went sixty days without drinking before I decided to drink again. For me it was like breaking up with a boyfriend and then meeting up again two months later. Never a good idea. Youll never want to be just friends who catch every up every now and then. I drank Vueve Clicquot and it didnt make the night better but it didnt make it worse. I didnt gray out. I didnt break down. That night isnt fuzzy. I could wake up in the morning.
Theres been other times when I drank recently and couldnt move far from the couch. Those times are a quick, slap in the face of what not to do. But old feelings and doubts still come flooding back in. Will I always want another drink? Why cant I just stay sober? Why does everyone make it look so easy? Is my therapist actually Lily Tomlin?
Deep down I know the majority of my problems start and stop with alcohol. Drinking will always be a part of my life whether Im drinking or not. Itd be easier to figure out if I wasnt both the variable and constant in this little conundrum of mine.
Today, I stare all the feels in the face, and make sure they know the last sixteen years matter but the last thirteen months matter even more. Im not her anymore, Im a different, more me now.
Im not 100% sober and I dont know if I ever will be. One day, maybe sooner rather than later, I could decide to sign up for a sober lifestyle again. But right now, I cant imagine midnight on New Years Eve without a champagne toast. I can do without five toasts but one still feels OK to me. So yeahmy relationship with drinking? We file it under Its complicated.
The good news is, Ive learned how to unwind on a Friday night without the trifecta of a bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix. My secret is just pizza and Netflix.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/
0 notes
adambstingus · 7 years
Text
Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship
Id call it time traveling. Most of the time I didnt know I was doing it until I was already in too deep. It didnt matter the day of the week or the time, or who I was with. I was just as capable of bending time alone, as I was with a handful of friends.
There was no such thing as one or two or three drinks. Just like a two headed giraffe didnt exist, neither did grabbing a couple of drinks. Its that simple. I really cant explain it any other way. My average was a drink every fifteen minutes. I never thought about that. I didnt brag about it or work towards it or talk about it, my rhythm just happened. The drink was in my hand and I drank it. I didnt think of slowing down or having an empty hand.
Id start somewhere- at an apartment or at dinner or a happy hour or on a date and Id arm myself with whatever I was in the mood for. There were the regular players: Jack Daniels and diet coke, chardonnay, Redbull and vodka, Blue Moon and those few years in my early 20s where I thought the only two drinks on the planet was a Sex On The Beach and Cosmo. Drink menus were for amateurs.
Never red wine though. It stained my teeth and lips, Id explain when asked, and respond with my quirky I only drink it alone and in the dark answer. Theyd always laugh.
For a long time the only shot I tossed back was Patron XO. Lemon drops and Kamikazes were too collegiate for me. I was smart enough to know that I always got sick after Whiskey. That was my kryptonite. It didnt stop me from drinking it again (and again), just in case getting sick was a one time thing. Spoiler alert: it wasnt.
So that was me, always, from the first time I got drunk during a party at 16 years old to my four day New Years Eve bender at age 30. But lets not call it a bender, or else my parents will worry. It was celebrating a new year with friends. It was a vacation and a belated birthday. It was me letting present, in the moment Diana take the wheel for a few days.
By the time YOLO was on T-shirts I had carpe diem booze down to a science.
It was all so normal and always OK: competing with friends how many guys we can make out with in one night (one of my favorite games), bouncing around speakeasys in the East Village, sneaking into the high end member only clubs in the Meatpacking District, 4am pancakes at a diner then going home with the cutest guy there, leaving without paying your tab, putting your drinks on a strangers tab, hooking up with your friends crush, sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend (what, he had an accent, ok?), telling work you have a doctors appointment when you need an extra hour of sleep, telling work youre sick when youre too hungover to get out of bed, napping in the bathroom stall at work when you realize you went to work still drunk.
Theres wasnt a problem with any of this. I could go to six bars in a night and only remember two of them (seetime traveling). Others had different, less poetic names for it- like graying out or even more ominous, going black out. But lets not talk about that. Those words are scary.
It all just made so much sense to me. I had a desperate thirst for life, for new experiences and stories that were only mine and drinking was my very own special key to open that door. I dont remember being trained but I knew this truth: that I needed to drink- to have fun, to meet a guy, to de-stress, to celebrate, after a bad day, after a good day, when its more than 50 degrees out, when its under 15 degrees, because its Monday.
Its dramatic sounding, I know, but when I was drinking, like really in the middle of a good run, I was untouchable. My thoughts evened out and worries were left at the coat check. I was charming and funny. I was weightless and sexy. Nothing could ground me.
I wasnt stupid. I knew what was happening. There wasnt a river in Egypt. The biggest part was the after, when Morning Diana gradually and reluctantly pixelated back into place ready to droop down into the exorcist-like hangover.
When I was in college my hangover cure was strawberries and chocolate milk. After I received my diploma I graduated to well-done bacon, coffee, Mimosas. Water never entered the equation.
Sometime in my mid-twenties while I was gripping on to my spinning couch, I googled hangover and depression and was so relieved when I read the phrase emotional hangover. I immediately felt better seeing the feeling I felt printed on my screen. It was a relief: I wasnt alone in this feeling and it had a name. Urban Dictionary knows about it so it must be OK. Ill finish my bacon and chocolate milkshake and be just ducky.
The recovery time was always different- sometimes I could slide out of bed and be partially human the next day and other times I needed a day alone to stew in a mental playback of the night before. During those days the biggest challenge was the trek from my bedroom to couch. No matter how I recouped I never thought it was bad. I thought my friends were doing it too.
Country songs and Van Wilder confirmed for me that getting drunk and hangovers were a part of life. I never raised my hand to question it. So, about the men. I bet you thought it was hard to find a man with all this time zig zagging and space jumping but it wasnt. Lets go back ten years again and Ill tell you about all the threesomes I had. It was me, the guy, and alcohol.
It was how I flirted, played, connected, and bonded with men, always. If the boyfriend had a bad day wed start downing drinks in the hopes that hed open up and talk to me. To flirt with the new cute coworker Id suggest we play beer after work. Hed find it charming and cute and wed drunkenly made out in the corner of the bar after swapping 1st pet names and office gossip. I had a fling with a British banker off and on for 3 years and when wed meet late night hed pour us shots of tequila first. It was our thing. Our inside joke with Don Julio.We didnt know each others last names but we shared an appreciation for top shelf tequila at 3am before having sex. Im a romantic, I know.
My favorite three words when I was with a guy were Want another round?
During each encounter, each date, I wouldnt feel satisfied until I heard those words. He could shout it or whisper it in my ear, either way I wanted those words. It meant: he liked me, hes having a good time, and he wanted to keep spending time with me. He didnt want the night to end. It meant intimacy, it meant hand holding and flirty eyes and of course, sex.
I could count the number of times I had sober sex on one hand. I didnt enjoy it. To avoid it, Id explain that I simply didnt like morning sex. Most of the time Id be too hungover to move from a fetal position so it wasnt pursued for long on his end anyway. Hooking up drunk was sexy and fun. We could let our inhibitions go and really connect. Fun was had by all. I wasnt worried about any of it.
Theres unfortunately worse parts. Im not going to tell them to you though. Mostly because my mother may read this. But also because I was once told that you dont need to go all the way to the bottom floor in order to get off the elevator. So lets baby step off the lift, shall we?
I was in one of my first sessions with my new therapist when she told me I repeated the word untouchable a lot and made me explain why I thought that was a good word. (See all of the above for my response). Valentines Day was two weeks away and I was mentally preparing to be single again during my least favorite holiday of the year.
I wasnt too worried though because Id participate in my friends annual BOVD- Black Out Valentines Day. The year before included colorful fish bowls and sushi till 2am. Problem solved. I was talking but realizing more and more how much she looked like Lily Tomlin when she put a piece paper down in front of me. It was a wordy contract with bullet points in the middle and a blank line next to my name at the bottom.
I was supposed to go a week without drinking. Thats a lie. I could drink. But only three glasses of beer or wine, two different nights. If I broke the contract I had to give $100 to her. Lily was crazy. How was this legal? I couldnt do this. Fact. I shouldnt have even been there. I wanted to deal with this but apparently not by actually dealing with it. I argued with her and left the session with the unsigned document squished to the bottom of my purse. That night I didnt sleep and express ordered Alan Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Problem solved. I went out drinking all week. And I drank like no one was watching.
Then I signed the contract. And then when week one ended, I signed the next contract. Was it easy? Fuck no. Did I have to write some checks to my therapist? Yes. Did I cry? Did I rant? Did my hands and mind twitch and turn during dinners with friends as I stared at my 1 drink for the night? Hell to the yes. Most nights all I could think about was my hand stammering under the table and how much I wanted and needed another drink.
I thought of the contract and Lilys annoying face staring down at me. I thought of how I felt when I was hungover. I thought of the fuzzy nights. I thought of the fuzzy years. I cried a lot. I stayed in and watched Netflix even more. I watched Vampire Diaries starting at season 1, many times. In therapy I compared my drunk self to being a vampire with no soul. There are many different points of view on vampire rule and regulations but most of them agree that the creatures of the night have no soul. Stick with me here. In Vampire Diaries the rule of thumb is that vampires can turn this soul switch off and on. When its on they feel everything, when its off they feel nothing and become untouchable. Follow me now? The easy way to live is to keep the switch off. I did that, over and over again. I was tired of it and wanted to be in the world of the living again. I didnt decide this overnight. It took months, a lot more episodes of Vampire Diaries and most of 2015. Something weird happened around the same time I switched to watching new episodes of Arrow that wouldve really pissed off my 23 year old Cosmo drinking self- I stopped enjoying drinking.
By November I was completely sober and joined a boxing ring. I could get up in the morning and exercise. I didnt need to sign a contract anymore. I sober dated. I sober celebrated friends birthdays. I sober had a fun Thursday night. I went to AA meetings sometimes and spent most of the meeting listening and nodding my head. I was funny and smart and friendly during the day and I was funny and smart and friendly at night. I added to my own life and stopped letting drinking take away from it. I started a social group. I started a book club. I started.
Sometime between the last crippling snow storm of last year and planning my 31st birthday, I stopped wanting to go to Edit Undo. I re-entered my own life. I went through those years and theyre a part of me for worse or worser. I went through it before knowing there was another side. I hit my rock bottoms (yes, there was more than one). Im still learning how to talk about it- what I want to say about it and to who. But the further I get from the person I was then, the more I like who Im turning into now. But letting go of her seemed like an impossible ask that the tiny tired voice deep inside me was begging for.
If I stopped drinking Id lose all of me, not just a part. I was terrified as if I was going to lose a limb or my hearing. My life would be filled withwhat? Id have no buoy or security blanket or man behind the curtain. Id be dry, unfilled, just curved edges and rims. The thought paralyzed me.
Now, Im at this other side. Im still learning what this other side is like and who I am in it. But I do know this- Im more now than I was before. Im more me and more strong and more present. I feel more and I listen to me more.
Days are now broken up between feeling this raw, strength of life and connection to people and namastes and really fantastic Im part of the universe and not from vibes to a total, giant uncertainty and instability, and anger and exhaustion. I never knew I could get tired of feelings. Weve moved in together, you see. We wake up together and go to bed together and they insist on forming an invisible fanny pack around my waist during the day. Hello intimacy, party of two. Theyre normally the big spoon. My thoughts continue from one moment to the next and connect without taking breaks. I had years and years of turning myself on and off and more off and now I just want to be on.
I wish I could say that when I wake up sober now, Im not depressed anymore or lonely, my friends became better friends, I became the perfect best friend, sister and daughter, and my love life came together Prince Charming Cinderella style. But becoming more sober didnt mean everything clicked into place, it just means I see the pieces more clearly and I dont hide from the messy parts.
So now whatdo I become resentful and guilty and depressed thinking about the years I spent avoiding intimacy and feelings and honesty and fuck, concrete memories? Do I think those years dont count? Do I blame my bad habits on the constant excess of New York City? Do I blame the alcoholic-like attributes that run in my blood line? Do I blame my friends? Or the work hard play hard Don Draper industry I work in? Do I blame shitty men boys?
Yes, to all of the above. I point the finger at all of them and then back at me, and then at them and back at me. Lily says hi.
Ive had men yell at me, not being able to grasp the idea of my moderated drinking habits, insisting that Im just pretending I dont drink because I wanted them to buy me drinks. I dont get it either. No means no guys. My friendships have changed, my god have my friendships changed. One friend who pre-games with a bottle of wine (a standard respectable approach I once followed), on multiple occasions, dumped her wine into my water when she realized I wasnt drunk like she was. Yeah, I dont spend time with her anymore.
I went sixty days without drinking before I decided to drink again. For me it was like breaking up with a boyfriend and then meeting up again two months later. Never a good idea. Youll never want to be just friends who catch every up every now and then. I drank Vueve Clicquot and it didnt make the night better but it didnt make it worse. I didnt gray out. I didnt break down. That night isnt fuzzy. I could wake up in the morning.
Theres been other times when I drank recently and couldnt move far from the couch. Those times are a quick, slap in the face of what not to do. But old feelings and doubts still come flooding back in. Will I always want another drink? Why cant I just stay sober? Why does everyone make it look so easy? Is my therapist actually Lily Tomlin?
Deep down I know the majority of my problems start and stop with alcohol. Drinking will always be a part of my life whether Im drinking or not. Itd be easier to figure out if I wasnt both the variable and constant in this little conundrum of mine.
Today, I stare all the feels in the face, and make sure they know the last sixteen years matter but the last thirteen months matter even more. Im not her anymore, Im a different, more me now.
Im not 100% sober and I dont know if I ever will be. One day, maybe sooner rather than later, I could decide to sign up for a sober lifestyle again. But right now, I cant imagine midnight on New Years Eve without a champagne toast. I can do without five toasts but one still feels OK to me. So yeahmy relationship with drinking? We file it under Its complicated.
The good news is, Ive learned how to unwind on a Friday night without the trifecta of a bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix. My secret is just pizza and Netflix.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/167431371812
0 notes
allofbeercom · 7 years
Text
Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship
Id call it time traveling. Most of the time I didnt know I was doing it until I was already in too deep. It didnt matter the day of the week or the time, or who I was with. I was just as capable of bending time alone, as I was with a handful of friends.
There was no such thing as one or two or three drinks. Just like a two headed giraffe didnt exist, neither did grabbing a couple of drinks. Its that simple. I really cant explain it any other way. My average was a drink every fifteen minutes. I never thought about that. I didnt brag about it or work towards it or talk about it, my rhythm just happened. The drink was in my hand and I drank it. I didnt think of slowing down or having an empty hand.
Id start somewhere- at an apartment or at dinner or a happy hour or on a date and Id arm myself with whatever I was in the mood for. There were the regular players: Jack Daniels and diet coke, chardonnay, Redbull and vodka, Blue Moon and those few years in my early 20s where I thought the only two drinks on the planet was a Sex On The Beach and Cosmo. Drink menus were for amateurs.
Never red wine though. It stained my teeth and lips, Id explain when asked, and respond with my quirky I only drink it alone and in the dark answer. Theyd always laugh.
For a long time the only shot I tossed back was Patron XO. Lemon drops and Kamikazes were too collegiate for me. I was smart enough to know that I always got sick after Whiskey. That was my kryptonite. It didnt stop me from drinking it again (and again), just in case getting sick was a one time thing. Spoiler alert: it wasnt.
So that was me, always, from the first time I got drunk during a party at 16 years old to my four day New Years Eve bender at age 30. But lets not call it a bender, or else my parents will worry. It was celebrating a new year with friends. It was a vacation and a belated birthday. It was me letting present, in the moment Diana take the wheel for a few days.
By the time YOLO was on T-shirts I had carpe diem booze down to a science.
It was all so normal and always OK: competing with friends how many guys we can make out with in one night (one of my favorite games), bouncing around speakeasys in the East Village, sneaking into the high end member only clubs in the Meatpacking District, 4am pancakes at a diner then going home with the cutest guy there, leaving without paying your tab, putting your drinks on a strangers tab, hooking up with your friends crush, sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend (what, he had an accent, ok?), telling work you have a doctors appointment when you need an extra hour of sleep, telling work youre sick when youre too hungover to get out of bed, napping in the bathroom stall at work when you realize you went to work still drunk.
Theres wasnt a problem with any of this. I could go to six bars in a night and only remember two of them (seetime traveling). Others had different, less poetic names for it- like graying out or even more ominous, going black out. But lets not talk about that. Those words are scary.
It all just made so much sense to me. I had a desperate thirst for life, for new experiences and stories that were only mine and drinking was my very own special key to open that door. I dont remember being trained but I knew this truth: that I needed to drink- to have fun, to meet a guy, to de-stress, to celebrate, after a bad day, after a good day, when its more than 50 degrees out, when its under 15 degrees, because its Monday.
Its dramatic sounding, I know, but when I was drinking, like really in the middle of a good run, I was untouchable. My thoughts evened out and worries were left at the coat check. I was charming and funny. I was weightless and sexy. Nothing could ground me.
I wasnt stupid. I knew what was happening. There wasnt a river in Egypt. The biggest part was the after, when Morning Diana gradually and reluctantly pixelated back into place ready to droop down into the exorcist-like hangover.
When I was in college my hangover cure was strawberries and chocolate milk. After I received my diploma I graduated to well-done bacon, coffee, Mimosas. Water never entered the equation.
Sometime in my mid-twenties while I was gripping on to my spinning couch, I googled hangover and depression and was so relieved when I read the phrase emotional hangover. I immediately felt better seeing the feeling I felt printed on my screen. It was a relief: I wasnt alone in this feeling and it had a name. Urban Dictionary knows about it so it must be OK. Ill finish my bacon and chocolate milkshake and be just ducky.
The recovery time was always different- sometimes I could slide out of bed and be partially human the next day and other times I needed a day alone to stew in a mental playback of the night before. During those days the biggest challenge was the trek from my bedroom to couch. No matter how I recouped I never thought it was bad. I thought my friends were doing it too.
Country songs and Van Wilder confirmed for me that getting drunk and hangovers were a part of life. I never raised my hand to question it. So, about the men. I bet you thought it was hard to find a man with all this time zig zagging and space jumping but it wasnt. Lets go back ten years again and Ill tell you about all the threesomes I had. It was me, the guy, and alcohol.
It was how I flirted, played, connected, and bonded with men, always. If the boyfriend had a bad day wed start downing drinks in the hopes that hed open up and talk to me. To flirt with the new cute coworker Id suggest we play beer after work. Hed find it charming and cute and wed drunkenly made out in the corner of the bar after swapping 1st pet names and office gossip. I had a fling with a British banker off and on for 3 years and when wed meet late night hed pour us shots of tequila first. It was our thing. Our inside joke with Don Julio.We didnt know each others last names but we shared an appreciation for top shelf tequila at 3am before having sex. Im a romantic, I know.
My favorite three words when I was with a guy were Want another round?
During each encounter, each date, I wouldnt feel satisfied until I heard those words. He could shout it or whisper it in my ear, either way I wanted those words. It meant: he liked me, hes having a good time, and he wanted to keep spending time with me. He didnt want the night to end. It meant intimacy, it meant hand holding and flirty eyes and of course, sex.
I could count the number of times I had sober sex on one hand. I didnt enjoy it. To avoid it, Id explain that I simply didnt like morning sex. Most of the time Id be too hungover to move from a fetal position so it wasnt pursued for long on his end anyway. Hooking up drunk was sexy and fun. We could let our inhibitions go and really connect. Fun was had by all. I wasnt worried about any of it.
Theres unfortunately worse parts. Im not going to tell them to you though. Mostly because my mother may read this. But also because I was once told that you dont need to go all the way to the bottom floor in order to get off the elevator. So lets baby step off the lift, shall we?
I was in one of my first sessions with my new therapist when she told me I repeated the word untouchable a lot and made me explain why I thought that was a good word. (See all of the above for my response). Valentines Day was two weeks away and I was mentally preparing to be single again during my least favorite holiday of the year.
I wasnt too worried though because Id participate in my friends annual BOVD- Black Out Valentines Day. The year before included colorful fish bowls and sushi till 2am. Problem solved. I was talking but realizing more and more how much she looked like Lily Tomlin when she put a piece paper down in front of me. It was a wordy contract with bullet points in the middle and a blank line next to my name at the bottom.
I was supposed to go a week without drinking. Thats a lie. I could drink. But only three glasses of beer or wine, two different nights. If I broke the contract I had to give $100 to her. Lily was crazy. How was this legal? I couldnt do this. Fact. I shouldnt have even been there. I wanted to deal with this but apparently not by actually dealing with it. I argued with her and left the session with the unsigned document squished to the bottom of my purse. That night I didnt sleep and express ordered Alan Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Problem solved. I went out drinking all week. And I drank like no one was watching.
Then I signed the contract. And then when week one ended, I signed the next contract. Was it easy? Fuck no. Did I have to write some checks to my therapist? Yes. Did I cry? Did I rant? Did my hands and mind twitch and turn during dinners with friends as I stared at my 1 drink for the night? Hell to the yes. Most nights all I could think about was my hand stammering under the table and how much I wanted and needed another drink.
I thought of the contract and Lilys annoying face staring down at me. I thought of how I felt when I was hungover. I thought of the fuzzy nights. I thought of the fuzzy years. I cried a lot. I stayed in and watched Netflix even more. I watched Vampire Diaries starting at season 1, many times. In therapy I compared my drunk self to being a vampire with no soul. There are many different points of view on vampire rule and regulations but most of them agree that the creatures of the night have no soul. Stick with me here. In Vampire Diaries the rule of thumb is that vampires can turn this soul switch off and on. When its on they feel everything, when its off they feel nothing and become untouchable. Follow me now? The easy way to live is to keep the switch off. I did that, over and over again. I was tired of it and wanted to be in the world of the living again. I didnt decide this overnight. It took months, a lot more episodes of Vampire Diaries and most of 2015. Something weird happened around the same time I switched to watching new episodes of Arrow that wouldve really pissed off my 23 year old Cosmo drinking self- I stopped enjoying drinking.
By November I was completely sober and joined a boxing ring. I could get up in the morning and exercise. I didnt need to sign a contract anymore. I sober dated. I sober celebrated friends birthdays. I sober had a fun Thursday night. I went to AA meetings sometimes and spent most of the meeting listening and nodding my head. I was funny and smart and friendly during the day and I was funny and smart and friendly at night. I added to my own life and stopped letting drinking take away from it. I started a social group. I started a book club. I started.
Sometime between the last crippling snow storm of last year and planning my 31st birthday, I stopped wanting to go to Edit Undo. I re-entered my own life. I went through those years and theyre a part of me for worse or worser. I went through it before knowing there was another side. I hit my rock bottoms (yes, there was more than one). Im still learning how to talk about it- what I want to say about it and to who. But the further I get from the person I was then, the more I like who Im turning into now. But letting go of her seemed like an impossible ask that the tiny tired voice deep inside me was begging for.
If I stopped drinking Id lose all of me, not just a part. I was terrified as if I was going to lose a limb or my hearing. My life would be filled withwhat? Id have no buoy or security blanket or man behind the curtain. Id be dry, unfilled, just curved edges and rims. The thought paralyzed me.
Now, Im at this other side. Im still learning what this other side is like and who I am in it. But I do know this- Im more now than I was before. Im more me and more strong and more present. I feel more and I listen to me more.
Days are now broken up between feeling this raw, strength of life and connection to people and namastes and really fantastic Im part of the universe and not from vibes to a total, giant uncertainty and instability, and anger and exhaustion. I never knew I could get tired of feelings. Weve moved in together, you see. We wake up together and go to bed together and they insist on forming an invisible fanny pack around my waist during the day. Hello intimacy, party of two. Theyre normally the big spoon. My thoughts continue from one moment to the next and connect without taking breaks. I had years and years of turning myself on and off and more off and now I just want to be on.
I wish I could say that when I wake up sober now, Im not depressed anymore or lonely, my friends became better friends, I became the perfect best friend, sister and daughter, and my love life came together Prince Charming Cinderella style. But becoming more sober didnt mean everything clicked into place, it just means I see the pieces more clearly and I dont hide from the messy parts.
So now whatdo I become resentful and guilty and depressed thinking about the years I spent avoiding intimacy and feelings and honesty and fuck, concrete memories? Do I think those years dont count? Do I blame my bad habits on the constant excess of New York City? Do I blame the alcoholic-like attributes that run in my blood line? Do I blame my friends? Or the work hard play hard Don Draper industry I work in? Do I blame shitty men boys?
Yes, to all of the above. I point the finger at all of them and then back at me, and then at them and back at me. Lily says hi.
Ive had men yell at me, not being able to grasp the idea of my moderated drinking habits, insisting that Im just pretending I dont drink because I wanted them to buy me drinks. I dont get it either. No means no guys. My friendships have changed, my god have my friendships changed. One friend who pre-games with a bottle of wine (a standard respectable approach I once followed), on multiple occasions, dumped her wine into my water when she realized I wasnt drunk like she was. Yeah, I dont spend time with her anymore.
I went sixty days without drinking before I decided to drink again. For me it was like breaking up with a boyfriend and then meeting up again two months later. Never a good idea. Youll never want to be just friends who catch every up every now and then. I drank Vueve Clicquot and it didnt make the night better but it didnt make it worse. I didnt gray out. I didnt break down. That night isnt fuzzy. I could wake up in the morning.
Theres been other times when I drank recently and couldnt move far from the couch. Those times are a quick, slap in the face of what not to do. But old feelings and doubts still come flooding back in. Will I always want another drink? Why cant I just stay sober? Why does everyone make it look so easy? Is my therapist actually Lily Tomlin?
Deep down I know the majority of my problems start and stop with alcohol. Drinking will always be a part of my life whether Im drinking or not. Itd be easier to figure out if I wasnt both the variable and constant in this little conundrum of mine.
Today, I stare all the feels in the face, and make sure they know the last sixteen years matter but the last thirteen months matter even more. Im not her anymore, Im a different, more me now.
Im not 100% sober and I dont know if I ever will be. One day, maybe sooner rather than later, I could decide to sign up for a sober lifestyle again. But right now, I cant imagine midnight on New Years Eve without a champagne toast. I can do without five toasts but one still feels OK to me. So yeahmy relationship with drinking? We file it under Its complicated.
The good news is, Ive learned how to unwind on a Friday night without the trifecta of a bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix. My secret is just pizza and Netflix.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/
0 notes
viralhottopics · 8 years
Text
Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship
Id call it time traveling. Most of the time I didnt know I was doing it until I was already in too deep. It didnt matter the day of the week or the time, or who I was with. I was just as capable of bending time alone, as I was with a handful of friends.
There was no such thing as one or two or three drinks. Just like a two headed giraffe didnt exist, neither did grabbing a couple of drinks. Its that simple. I really cant explain it any other way. My average was a drink every fifteen minutes. I never thought about that. I didnt brag about it or work towards it or talk about it, my rhythm just happened. The drink was in my hand and I drank it. I didnt think of slowing down or having an empty hand.
Id start somewhere- at an apartment or at dinner or a happy hour or on a date and Id arm myself with whatever I was in the mood for. There were the regular players: Jack Daniels and diet coke, chardonnay, Redbull and vodka, Blue Moon and those few years in my early 20s where I thought the only two drinks on the planet was a Sex On The Beach and Cosmo. Drink menus were for amateurs.
Never red wine though. It stained my teeth and lips, Id explain when asked, and respond with my quirky I only drink it alone and in the dark answer. Theyd always laugh.
For a long time the only shot I tossed back was Patron XO. Lemon drops and Kamikazes were too collegiate for me. I was smart enough to know that I always got sick after Whiskey. That was my kryptonite. It didnt stop me from drinking it again (and again), just in case getting sick was a one time thing. Spoiler alert: it wasnt.
So that was me, always, from the first time I got drunk during a party at 16 years old to my four day New Years Eve bender at age 30. But lets not call it a bender, or else my parents will worry. It was celebrating a new year with friends. It was a vacation and a belated birthday. It was me letting present, in the moment Diana take the wheel for a few days.
By the time YOLO was on T-shirts I had carpe diem booze down to a science.
It was all so normal and always OK: competing with friends how many guys we can make out with in one night (one of my favorite games), bouncing around speakeasys in the East Village, sneaking into the high end member only clubs in the Meatpacking District, 4am pancakes at a diner then going home with the cutest guy there, leaving without paying your tab, putting your drinks on a strangers tab, hooking up with your friends crush, sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend (what, he had an accent, ok?), telling work you have a doctors appointment when you need an extra hour of sleep, telling work youre sick when youre too hungover to get out of bed, napping in the bathroom stall at work when you realize you went to work still drunk.
Theres wasnt a problem with any of this. I could go to six bars in a night and only remember two of them (seetime traveling). Others had different, less poetic names for it- like graying out or even more ominous, going black out. But lets not talk about that. Those words are scary.
It all just made so much sense to me. I had a desperate thirst for life, for new experiences and stories that were only mine and drinking was my very own special key to open that door. I dont remember being trained but I knew this truth: that I needed to drink- to have fun, to meet a guy, to de-stress, to celebrate, after a bad day, after a good day, when its more than 50 degrees out, when its under 15 degrees, because its Monday.
Its dramatic sounding, I know, but when I was drinking, like really in the middle of a good run, I was untouchable. My thoughts evened out and worries were left at the coat check. I was charming and funny. I was weightless and sexy. Nothing could ground me.
I wasnt stupid. I knew what was happening. There wasnt a river in Egypt. The biggest part was the after, when Morning Diana gradually and reluctantly pixelated back into place ready to droop down into the exorcist-like hangover.
When I was in college my hangover cure was strawberries and chocolate milk. After I received my diploma I graduated to well-done bacon, coffee, Mimosas. Water never entered the equation.
Sometime in my mid-twenties while I was gripping on to my spinning couch, I googled hangover and depression and was so relieved when I read the phrase emotional hangover. I immediately felt better seeing the feeling I felt printed on my screen. It was a relief: I wasnt alone in this feeling and it had a name. Urban Dictionary knows about it so it must be OK. Ill finish my bacon and chocolate milkshake and be just ducky.
The recovery time was always different- sometimes I could slide out of bed and be partially human the next day and other times I needed a day alone to stew in a mental playback of the night before. During those days the biggest challenge was the trek from my bedroom to couch. No matter how I recouped I never thought it was bad. I thought my friends were doing it too.
Country songs and Van Wilder confirmed for me that getting drunk and hangovers were a part of life. I never raised my hand to question it. So, about the men. I bet you thought it was hard to find a man with all this time zig zagging and space jumping but it wasnt. Lets go back ten years again and Ill tell you about all the threesomes I had. It was me, the guy, and alcohol.
It was how I flirted, played, connected, and bonded with men, always. If the boyfriend had a bad day wed start downing drinks in the hopes that hed open up and talk to me. To flirt with the new cute coworker Id suggest we play beer after work. Hed find it charming and cute and wed drunkenly made out in the corner of the bar after swapping 1st pet names and office gossip. I had a fling with a British banker off and on for 3 years and when wed meet late night hed pour us shots of tequila first. It was our thing. Our inside joke with Don Julio.We didnt know each others last names but we shared an appreciation for top shelf tequila at 3am before having sex. Im a romantic, I know.
My favorite three words when I was with a guy were Want another round?
During each encounter, each date, I wouldnt feel satisfied until I heard those words. He could shout it or whisper it in my ear, either way I wanted those words. It meant: he liked me, hes having a good time, and he wanted to keep spending time with me. He didnt want the night to end. It meant intimacy, it meant hand holding and flirty eyes and of course, sex.
I could count the number of times I had sober sex on one hand. I didnt enjoy it. To avoid it, Id explain that I simply didnt like morning sex. Most of the time Id be too hungover to move from a fetal position so it wasnt pursued for long on his end anyway. Hooking up drunk was sexy and fun. We could let our inhibitions go and really connect. Fun was had by all. I wasnt worried about any of it.
Theres unfortunately worse parts. Im not going to tell them to you though. Mostly because my mother may read this. But also because I was once told that you dont need to go all the way to the bottom floor in order to get off the elevator. So lets baby step off the lift, shall we?
I was in one of my first sessions with my new therapist when she told me I repeated the word untouchable a lot and made me explain why I thought that was a good word. (See all of the above for my response). Valentines Day was two weeks away and I was mentally preparing to be single again during my least favorite holiday of the year.
I wasnt too worried though because Id participate in my friends annual BOVD- Black Out Valentines Day. The year before included colorful fish bowls and sushi till 2am. Problem solved. I was talking but realizing more and more how much she looked like Lily Tomlin when she put a piece paper down in front of me. It was a wordy contract with bullet points in the middle and a blank line next to my name at the bottom.
I was supposed to go a week without drinking. Thats a lie. I could drink. But only three glasses of beer or wine, two different nights. If I broke the contract I had to give $100 to her. Lily was crazy. How was this legal? I couldnt do this. Fact. I shouldnt have even been there. I wanted to deal with this but apparently not by actually dealing with it. I argued with her and left the session with the unsigned document squished to the bottom of my purse. That night I didnt sleep and express ordered Alan Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Problem solved. I went out drinking all week. And I drank like no one was watching.
Then I signed the contract. And then when week one ended, I signed the next contract. Was it easy? Fuck no. Did I have to write some checks to my therapist? Yes. Did I cry? Did I rant? Did my hands and mind twitch and turn during dinners with friends as I stared at my 1 drink for the night? Hell to the yes. Most nights all I could think about was my hand stammering under the table and how much I wanted and needed another drink.
I thought of the contract and Lilys annoying face staring down at me. I thought of how I felt when I was hungover. I thought of the fuzzy nights. I thought of the fuzzy years. I cried a lot. I stayed in and watched Netflix even more. I watched Vampire Diaries starting at season 1, many times. In therapy I compared my drunk self to being a vampire with no soul. There are many different points of view on vampire rule and regulations but most of them agree that the creatures of the night have no soul. Stick with me here. In Vampire Diaries the rule of thumb is that vampires can turn this soul switch off and on. When its on they feel everything, when its off they feel nothing and become untouchable. Follow me now? The easy way to live is to keep the switch off. I did that, over and over again. I was tired of it and wanted to be in the world of the living again. I didnt decide this overnight. It took months, a lot more episodes of Vampire Diaries and most of 2015. Something weird happened around the same time I switched to watching new episodes of Arrow that wouldve really pissed off my 23 year old Cosmo drinking self- I stopped enjoying drinking.
By November I was completely sober and joined a boxing ring. I could get up in the morning and exercise. I didnt need to sign a contract anymore. I sober dated. I sober celebrated friends birthdays. I sober had a fun Thursday night. I went to AA meetings sometimes and spent most of the meeting listening and nodding my head. I was funny and smart and friendly during the day and I was funny and smart and friendly at night. I added to my own life and stopped letting drinking take away from it. I started a social group. I started a book club. I started.
Sometime between the last crippling snow storm of last year and planning my 31st birthday, I stopped wanting to go to Edit Undo. I re-entered my own life. I went through those years and theyre a part of me for worse or worser. I went through it before knowing there was another side. I hit my rock bottoms (yes, there was more than one). Im still learning how to talk about it- what I want to say about it and to who. But the further I get from the person I was then, the more I like who Im turning into now. But letting go of her seemed like an impossible ask that the tiny tired voice deep inside me was begging for.
If I stopped drinking Id lose all of me, not just a part. I was terrified as if I was going to lose a limb or my hearing. My life would be filled withwhat? Id have no buoy or security blanket or man behind the curtain. Id be dry, unfilled, just curved edges and rims. The thought paralyzed me.
Now, Im at this other side. Im still learning what this other side is like and who I am in it. But I do know this- Im more now than I was before. Im more me and more strong and more present. I feel more and I listen to me more.
Days are now broken up between feeling this raw, strength of life and connection to people and namastes and really fantastic Im part of the universe and not from vibes to a total, giant uncertainty and instability, and anger and exhaustion. I never knew I could get tired of feelings. Weve moved in together, you see. We wake up together and go to bed together and they insist on forming an invisible fanny pack around my waist during the day. Hello intimacy, party of two. Theyre normally the big spoon. My thoughts continue from one moment to the next and connect without taking breaks. I had years and years of turning myself on and off and more off and now I just want to be on.
I wish I could say that when I wake up sober now, Im not depressed anymore or lonely, my friends became better friends, I became the perfect best friend, sister and daughter, and my love life came together Prince Charming Cinderella style. But becoming more sober didnt mean everything clicked into place, it just means I see the pieces more clearly and I dont hide from the messy parts.
So now whatdo I become resentful and guilty and depressed thinking about the years I spent avoiding intimacy and feelings and honesty and fuck, concrete memories? Do I think those years dont count? Do I blame my bad habits on the constant excess of New York City? Do I blame the alcoholic-like attributes that run in my blood line? Do I blame my friends? Or the work hard play hard Don Draper industry I work in? Do I blame shitty men boys?
Yes, to all of the above. I point the finger at all of them and then back at me, and then at them and back at me. Lily says hi.
Ive had men yell at me, not being able to grasp the idea of my moderated drinking habits, insisting that Im just pretending I dont drink because I wanted them to buy me drinks. I dont get it either. No means no guys. My friendships have changed, my god have my friendships changed. One friend who pre-games with a bottle of wine (a standard respectable approach I once followed), on multiple occasions, dumped her wine into my water when she realized I wasnt drunk like she was. Yeah, I dont spend time with her anymore.
I went sixty days without drinking before I decided to drink again. For me it was like breaking up with a boyfriend and then meeting up again two months later. Never a good idea. Youll never want to be just friends who catch every up every now and then. I drank Vueve Clicquot and it didnt make the night better but it didnt make it worse. I didnt gray out. I didnt break down. That night isnt fuzzy. I could wake up in the morning.
Theres been other times when I drank recently and couldnt move far from the couch. Those times are a quick, slap in the face of what not to do. But old feelings and doubts still come flooding back in. Will I always want another drink? Why cant I just stay sober? Why does everyone make it look so easy? Is my therapist actually Lily Tomlin?
Deep down I know the majority of my problems start and stop with alcohol. Drinking will always be a part of my life whether Im drinking or not. Itd be easier to figure out if I wasnt both the variable and constant in this little conundrum of mine.
Today, I stare all the feels in the face, and make sure they know the last sixteen years matter but the last thirteen months matter even more. Im not her anymore, Im a different, more me now.
Im not 100% sober and I dont know if I ever will be. One day, maybe sooner rather than later, I could decide to sign up for a sober lifestyle again. But right now, I cant imagine midnight on New Years Eve without a champagne toast. I can do without five toasts but one still feels OK to me. So yeahmy relationship with drinking? We file it under Its complicated.
The good news is, Ive learned how to unwind on a Friday night without the trifecta of a bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix. My secret is just pizza and Netflix.
Read more: http://ift.tt/2iTRz6N
from Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship
0 notes