#like im not even joking when i say regina george used to be my idol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

enashinonome · 2 months

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i post like an ISFJ and it kind of freaks me out. but the thing is when posting online you can edit before your post, and therefore soften or clarify or organize your thought properly before it is out in the world. which isn't the case in real life, unfortunately. i just say whatever. if i could do so in real life i would tag all of my quips and terrible ramblings with ♡ and ୨୧ and other such symbols just to be cute... i always feel like i'm lying to people when i post about the things i love and talk cutely on my blog but i'm not. i really do love my friends and frequently do self reflection and try to celebrate the little joys in my life but that's kind of reserved for my main blog and my journal... so this sweet side of me and the coarse 'other' are caught in two different realms and i know they can coexist because they do so within me but it's sooooo hard to like. integrate them for others to truly experience my whole self. the contrast is so jarring and i feel like most people wouldn't believe me when i say i'm an ENTP but i really am and have been for a long time...

#i've also just. become nicer. when i was younger i was kind of brutal and blunt and 'every man for himself'#and condescending and i had a terrible superiority complex #i mean i still have a superiority complex i just keep it in check. and it's now coupled with crazy impostor syndrome and such #like im not even joking when i say regina george used to be my idol #but now i think i understand kindness a little more...and it feels like i've betrayed my past values since i thought kindness was for soft #losers who chose their morals over winning #but kindness is just nice. maybe i gave in to peer pressure and care too much about whether i'm seen as a good person or not #or i really have grown as a person and have come to see value in kindness #whatever it is i do feel like i've gone soft LOL. way too soft for my ambitious and witty and cruel past self #and i'm still finding out if this is a positive development or not. haha #🐰

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