#like it would be edward elric and roy mustang level of cringe

[liquidjapanesetit]

I will forever mourn how we couldnt have an episode around draxum and donnie because i know it would be the most embarrasing battle of wits in the world because one of the participants is a 1 million year old failure of a man and the other is the world's most annoying 14 year old both of them are arch nemesis and none of them have anything better to do

[illusinia]

(Beginning of the FMA modern retelling attempt- sorry the dialogue is all exactly the same, but i do like the original dialogue and it fits well. A few notes: I'm assuming Armestris is an older, established country. I'm also treating it like a European country in terms of buildings and building trends- one that wasn't ravaged and half destroyed by war. I'm also assuming, like most countries in Europe, the train services are still active and were upgraded over time. Last, I'm assuming they had automail originally- otherwise Ed would be stuck with a shitty prosthetic. This is more or less the beginning of the first draft (the actual document is 6 pages and barely begun, but I've also never written for this fandom before so I'm trying to feel my way around.))

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“The Freezing Alchemist, really? He’s here?” questioned Roy, his eyes locked on the leader of their country, Fuhrer Bradley. 

The one-eyed man gave him a nod and picked up a remote and flicked on the TV mounted to the wall parallel to his desk. The screen flickered to life with a frozen CCTV video already loaded. “We have evidence that he managed to slip into Central a few days ago.”

With the press of another button, the video began to roll looking down a mostly empty street from an intersection. A few people were milling around outside of various bars- the only establishments open. The video timestamp showed that the footage was from around midnight the previous night. A soldier was walking down the street- more like stumbling, honestly- when something appeared to catch his eye in an alley located halfway down the street. He made a motion, said something, and moved to draw his weapon. A hand shot out of the alley before he could, grabbing his face and causing the man to freeze- literally. The soldier in question fell over and a man ducked out of the alley to grab the soldier and pull him into the shadows. A few seconds later, the man appeared again, dressed in a dark hoodie and pants. He looked down the street opposite the camera, then looked back again. Catching sight of the camera, he grabbed for his hood, moving to pull it up.

Fuhrer Bradley paused the video footage there, the image of a dark-haired man with a grim expression frozen in place. Tall, long face, black hair, ponytail. The CCTV footage was grainy, but clear enough to identify the man all the same. A man who had just turned a soldier into a decorative ice sculpture on screen.

Roy Mustang internally cringed. This was some Kimblee level crap. If the psycho weren't sitting behind bars in Central Prison, Roy might have thought that his deranged former-colleague had learned a new trick. "I see."

"That’s why I’ve summoned you here, Colonel," continued Bradley as he started up the footage again. Namely, the part where Issac threw a chunk of ice at the CCTV camera. "I need you and your men to smoke him out and bring him in.”

Roy nodded once with a grim expression. “Consider it done so.”

:read more:

“I’m glad you’re with us in Central here for a while, Mustang. It’s good to know I have people I can count on.” Fuhrer Bradley gave him a nod in return and hit play once more, watching the camera go black as the ice struck it.

“Sir.”

Flicking off the TV, Bradley turned back to Roy again. “Ah, one last thing. Our rising young star is here as well. I’m placing him at your disposal.”

Surprise shot through Roy, though he never let it show on his face. Bradley couldn’t mean- “Forgive me, Fuhrer Bradley, but just to be clear, are you referring to-”

As if reading Roy’s mind, the other mad nodded with a smile. “I am: the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric.”

Keeping his face carefully neutral, Roy nodded once more. “Yes, sir.”

“I look forward to your success, Colonel,” stated Bradley as he took a seat behind his desk, effectively dismissing Roy with that single gesture.

With one last nod, Roy turned and exited the room, cursing under his breath as soon as he was in the hallway. He didn’t particularly want Fullmetal involved in this fight- fighting other Alchemists was tricky and he wasn’t sure the young man was quite ready for that despite his amazing skills as an alchemist. However, it was clear that the Fuhrer was demanding that Fullmetal assist in hunting down the Freezing Alchemist all the same.

Pulling out his cellphone, he dialed Ed’s number as he headed to round up his own men. Fullmetal was not going to be happy about this delay, he just hoped the kid actually listened to him for a change. A huff of laughter escaped him at the very thought- yeah, right. And maybe Hawkeye would wear a mini-skirt to the office.

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“Damnit, the colonel’s never gonna let us out of here, is he?” asked Ed with a scowl as he shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked down towards the city streets below.

Beside him, his brother let out a distressed sound. He turned to look at Ed with large eyes- surprisingly realistic looking given his brother’s body was a transmuted suit of armor with skin stretched over it. The younger brother nearly loomed, Ed being unable to do anything about the size difference of the suit versus Al’s original body. “And we already bought our tickets to Liore. Does this mean we’re not going?”

“I don’t know Al,” replied Ed with a sigh as he stood up on the roof they were currently perched on. The boys had climbed onto the roof of one of Central Command’s buildings so they could get a little air- Central was suffocating compared to their home in the country and they needed to see the sky sometimes. It was hard with the light pollution, but at least on the roof it was a little better than the park-like grounds of the government building. Too bad their break had been ruined by Mustang’s call. Damn bastard said he was sending over an email, too. Something about a briefing. It didn’t matter- they would catch this guy so they could get their train and get to Liore- with luck. “Come on, let’s get this over with for now.

Al stood as well, taking one more look out at the sky to the full moon just rising over the horizon. “Lead the way, Brother.”