#like literally english ppl around here don't understand her. but i can speak in kind around her 😈

[jamesluckycl0ve]

am oan the westons but ❤️ if you follow me here and have been for some time. kissing u sloppy style 🤠,💪🏻

[irailleth-archive]

I'm guessing BPD is short for Borderline Personnality Disorder ? Didn't know the acronym in english. How does it manifest for you ? Cause I kinda self diagnosed it in me (yeah I know I shouldn't so I don't take it too seriously) but I figured it would be impossible for my friends to live a normal life if they were experiencing life the way I do.

 hi hi! Yeah it stands for Borderline Personality DisorderI’m gonna put it under a cut for ya bc it’s a bit long ^^”

**DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL OR ANYTHING. THIS IS FROM /MY/ PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH BPD AND I HAVE SPENT MORE THAN A YEAR ACTIVELY RESEARCHING ABOUT IT AND DOING A CHECKLIST OF THE CRITERIA FOR HAVING BPD.

First of all, there’s no problem with self-dx !! So long as you do your research and all that stuff (I have a bpd tag so you can check that out. There is also a criteria for it if you scroll a bit down in the first page so you can do a checklist ig) Though I’ve heard from a few ppl that it’s hard to get a proffessional dx if you’re under 18 due to your hormones and you still growing and your body changing or smth like that :///

Okay, so now to the important bit. My own BPD manifests itself in extremely intense emotions (ex: for a normal person, smth like getting cut in line for smth would just annoy them in a kind of minor way. For me I would absolutely scowl at the person and mutter things under my breath [like how I want smth bad to happen to them. This can be extreme in thoughts like ‘I hope they get mugged’ or ‘I hope they lose (insert important item here) and they have a shitty day’]. Same goes for when I get sad, happy, etc etc) [[**I’m probably gonna get shit on for this for having these thoughts so I’m just gonna say now that once I manage to calm down I apologize to the person in my head (even if I’m not near them anymore) and scold myself for having such thoughts. I TRY to not be a bad person and will always do my best to be nice to everyone I meet. I never act out on these thoughts to anyone and if I am angry the worst I can do is be passive-aggressive towards the person I am currently talking to (most likely a friend. If it is a stranger or acquiantance I will try my best to be polite)]]

Another way is me having my fp (favorite person) who is my girlfriend. Now before her I didn’t exactly have an fp and my last fp was my ex-datemate so for me, having an fp is usually the person who I’m dating. With me having an fp, for me it means I near constantly want their attention and validation and praise. I want them to talk to me and when they’re happy I’m very happy! But when they don’t respond for some time or sound monotone or uninterested I feel like they hate me and don’t want me around anymore. (Which is not true!! They are either busy or very tired/not okay/etc !!) My fp is like my entire world. I love them so much I would quite literally die for them.

Another thing is Black/White emotions/thinking. Now this is probably one of the more common ones you might have heard of. For me my black/white thinking mostly comes from my black/white emotions. To elaborate if someone who I consider a close friend does something and it hurts/upsets/annoys/etc. me to a great degree my entire mindset will shift and I will absolutely HATE them but even then I try to rationalize it and tell myself valid and completely rational reasons to not feel this upset/angry towards them. But most of the time it never really works bc my emotions are just too intense and strong and the best course of action here is to ask for some space so you don’t blow up in that persons face (I have neglected asking for space which resulted in me lashing out sometimes ://)

And speaking for b/w emotions, here comes my favorite part! (this is pure sarcasm. It’s absolute hell and I hate it) Splitting!! There’s a bpd masterpost in my bpd tag that talks about splitting and different ways but for me, my splitting comes in at angry splitting (anger has become my dominant emotion for when i get upset :”(( it’s not good and needs to be controlled so if you have a problem with it too try looking up solutions for trying to ease it a bit). I’m not quite sure how to describe my splitting but it’s kind of like... I’m angry at this person but I still want to talk to them but at the same time I kind of want to ignore them and just cut them off from myself so :/// I also!! recently noticed I split on myself as well !! It’s very hard to describe since I noticed it recently but it is a thing that happens w ppl who have BPD/symp of BPDRelationship Object Permanence. Now this one’s a HUGE fucking bitch to deal with, especially if you have a partner. It basically means ppl w BPD LACK this certain trait where we have a hard time understanding that our relationship (whether it be romantic or platonic) is still there even if that person doesn’t constantly reassure us that it is there. Which sucks bc then we’ll have to ask the person if they still love/like us so we get some validation and reassurance. This most especially happens with me and gf so.. it sucks.

Other ways is me having some kind of level of distrust with certain ppl (like friends) bc I’m afraid to ask them to give me reassurance that we’re still good and they like me, I WANT attention from my friends but I DON’T want to ask for it because I’ll feel manipulative/abusive (same goes for my gf), my mindset can go from ‘I’m the fucking best. I’m better than you I am a king a god I will Shatter all of you’ to ‘I’m the fucking worst i’m so disgusting and ugly why do I even have friends I’m complete shit they should just tell me to fuck off’, Me being apathetic to a lot of things even though I don’t want to be apathetic to it, there’s a whole bunch more but basically a lot of what’s in my bpd tag applies to me. Especially me having a HUGE fear that I’m being manipulative/abusive to my friends, and especially my girlfriend (at one point, before we were dating, I think I was rapidly apologizing to them for manipulating them into thinking I was a good person while I was having a breakdown so... yeah).

I hope this helps you a little bit!! If you have anymore specific questions you want to ask me just hmu!! (It might be better if you go off anon so we could keep our convo private :0c )