#like so so so sad but sigh i'm teaching 3rd grade

[saintgale]

I don't know if I'll have time to finish this but gosh I'm so so so happy to see him animated at last

Just a sloppy work in progress

[mxtcha-tea]

Truly Greg

✎desc; haikyuu as Danny Gonzalez quotes (out of context)

✎pairing[s]; haikyuu x reader (platonic? romantic? who knows)

✎genre; crack

✎languange[s]; english

✎chef note; self explanatory (also using text type dividers cause this is gonna be so much)

✎warning; cursing, mentions of death, pulling out your organs (one time only), beating up someone, degrading and bad sex jokes(?)

Yamagata:"WHERE ARE THE GIRLS"

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Atsumu:"What's up guys, I've finally escaped from the serial killer! My life's in serious jeopardy right now so make sure you smash that like button guys!"

»»---------------------►

Terushima:"Don't worry," *smirk* "We're the good guys ehehe—"

»»---------------------►

Daichi:"If we don't see anything in that basement, you better get your ass back in that house and you're gonna stop complaining, alright?!"

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Hoshiumi:"FUCK THAT ALLIGATOR"

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Tsukishima:"You fucking bitch. You think anyone could ever love you? YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DIE BEFORE ANYONE LOVES YOU! NO ONE, WOULD EVER LOVE YOU. UGLY BABY, UGLY BABY!" *menacingly points at a child*

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Ennoshita:"Basically, if you're not normal, you're gonna fucking suck at everything. You're not going to be able to do, all the other things people could do. Basically, what's gonna happen is that you're gonna lose at everything all the time and we're making this movie, to children, to introduce you to that harsh reality, right away"

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Suga:"I have always dreamed about water, living in it, tasting it, BREATHING IT, LOVING IT, LOVING THE WATER—"

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Konoha:"Holy shit, this room's small as hell. Hey, try not to be an anti social little bitch the whole time, alright?"

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[y/n]:"Excuse me, can I go to the bathroom?"

The whole Shiratorizawa:*GASPS*

Yamagata:"WHAT THE FUCK—" *looking around in fear*

Semi:"The bathroom..?"

Kawanishi:"I haven't seen anyone gone to the bathroom in 15 years..."

Tendou:"Why would anyone go to the bathroom??"

Reon:"This doesn't make any sense!"

Goshiki:"Guys, my bones are getting squishy" *flailing his arms around*

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Bokuto:"Akaashi, you forgot to pay the electricity bill again!" *trying to turn on the lights but missing everytime*

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Kenma:"END THE SCENE, END IT NOW!"

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Kiyoko:"Suga, she's trying to teach them on how to be ladies. Do not tell them about butts, ladies are not suppose to know about butts"

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Mattsun:"Now, this is your side of the room. I've leave it completely untouched, I didn't go over your closet and smell your clothes and rub my bare butt all over your bed. So you don't have to worry about any of that"

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Tendou:"Sex mode activated!" *spins with flashing lights around* "It's fucking time!"

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Sakusa(?):"No girls, no parties and no fun. You're not allowed to date anyone while I make this app, [y/n]. You're mine, [y/n]"

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Yamamoto:"THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, KENMA! DON'T YOU GET IT?!" *runs towards Kenma and passive aggressively hold his shoulders* "THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, THEY'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I EVER SEEN! AND THEY DOES LAUNDRY, KENMA. THAT'S THE ONLY THING I KNOW ABOUT THEM, KENMA!"

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Suna:"Okay, I'm gonna say the 'c' word, everybody ready? Commitment!"

Atsumu:"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Osamu:"NO—

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Asahi:"I hope this is a 'smooth' ride, ehehe..I just genuinely hope, that it is a smooth ride. And I don't know anything, that will lead me to believe, that it won't be"

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Yaku:"[y/n]?? On an app?? Meeting people?? Nuh uh"

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Bokuto:*standing while smiling at the camera*

Bokuto, a few minutes later:*started looking dripping af with a backward cap and sunglasses, cake getting bigger while still smiling at the camera*

Bokuto, in another few minutes later:*Is now a wizard with a big cake while still smiling at the camera*

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Fukunaga:"Oh, look at this! Look at this lady getting shot right in front of me, that's kinda fun"

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Oikawa:"Alright gang, let's punch this bitch" *started punching a bitch with rhythm* "And one! And two!"

Seijoh 3rd year and [y/n]:*doing the same* "And one! And two!"

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Ushijima:"Bounce and have fun, I don't care. Yeah you found a trampoline, who gives a shit? Just bounce and have fun. You don't have to tell me everytime you found a bounce here"

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Futakuchi:"Oh yeah daddy" *snickers* "Oh yeah daddy, chase me down the streets!"

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Kuroo:"Come come everybody just come, JUST COME! Don't ask any questions, let's together bath"

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Akagi:"Kechaw!"

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Kyoutani:"Hey can I rip up your stomach and pull out your kidney?"

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Aran:"Ah, I'm a busy businessman, gonna drink some water" *taking a sip*

Atsumu:*with his shirt half up* "I can suck your dick"

Aran:*chokes on water*

»»---------------------►

Inuoka:"Wait, that's not papa. Who the fuck is that? DID THEY GET RID OF PAPA?? DID THEY GET A DIVORCE OR SOMETHING?? YOU'RE NOT PAPA, WHERE'S PAPA???"

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Semi:"Listen to this song, vibe it. Really, really dig on it, chew it, munch munch crunch it, throw it up, groove with it"

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Noya:"[y/n]'s cooking me dinner? And now they're sitting??" *Laughs*

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Lev:"Think you ain't beautiful? Stop that! Stop it right now! You think you're not beautiful?" *pauses while thinking* "Stop that!"

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Koganegawa:"I will pay, 20 thousand yen, for whoever can find me [y/n]—"

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Aone:"You beautiful, you strong, you healthy, you, good grades, handsome"

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Makki:"Oh no! Oh, dammit! This really ruins my whole day! My friend breaking his neck and shit. Oh no..."

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Kageyama:"GIVE ME THAT, FUCKING ICE CREAM"

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Akaashi:"I was a perfectly frozen statue! Nothing could hurt me, I was basically in a coma! But then you kids had to come and touch me, and now I can't go two seconds without falling out of a wall and shattering into pieces. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be an egg? No, you've never been an egg in your life! Next time I shatter, can you just let me die? Don't get the horses and the men, don't get the rabbit or the mouse, just let me die, please"

»»---------------------►

Hinata:"Mmn, men's tea" *sipping tea with his pants on fire* "This is what I wanted"

»»---------------------►

Takehito:"Oh hey man, huh"

Kamasaki:*menacingly jogging towards him*

Takehito:"Hey dude! Good to see you" *waving his hand*

Kamasaki:*Keeps jogging*

Takehito:*smile slowly turns into a frown* "Oh no..."

Kamasaki:*grinning scarily at him while STILL jogging*

Takehito:"Oh, no, no, GOD NO, NO!"

Kamasaki:*pushes him and started punching him*

Takehito:"WHY???"

Kamasaki:*kept on punching* "You're my best, friend!"

»»---------------------►

Hirugami:"Hey dude, you really need to turn your life around. You're making everybody sad, watching you. You can stop that"

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Kindaichi:"I'm gone, I'm GONE, I'M GONE"

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Yamaguchi:"Alright, let's try onnnnn" *put the mirror in front of a figurine* "this guy" *holds it up*

[y/n]:*pops up in the scene*

*eerie music starts*

Yamaguchi:*smile flatters*

[y/n]:*looks at yamaguchi and stopped smiling* "You can see me..."

Yamaguchi:"...what?"

[y/n]:"You...you can see me" *points at themself*

Yamaguchi:*shaking slightly* "Who are you...?"

[y/n]:"Finally...."

Yamaguchi:"Huh..."

[y/n]:"FINALLY, I'M A REAL PERSON!—"

Yamaguchi:*puts the mirror down as the figurine turns back to normal* *sighs* *looks back at the camera* "It didn't work"