#haikyuu crack

[starjaeyun]

gatekeeper — tsukishima kei !

— tsukishima assures that he is not embarrassed of dating you, you think otherwise

warning/s : fem! reader, misunderstanding 😁 & a small fight at the beginning, profane language, tinsy bit of angst, fluff & crack from the second half ‘til it ends

note : had this little idea while writing a kageyama drabble so they might be quite similar

“just give up already”

y/n’s tip-toeing came to a stop. seriously? this was the 4th time this week! with an annoyed groan, she turns around, fists clenched, brows furrowed, and it looks as though a tick mark was formed on her forehead. behind her stood her oh so loving boyfriend, tsukishima kei, who somehow always catches her trying to sneak in the volleyball gym.

“oh c’mon kei! why won’t you let me watch your practice?!” tsukishima sighed, “we’ve talked about this” he grumbled, why does she have to be so stubborn?

“don’t talk like those romanticized, toxic boyfriends on wattpad!” y/n hits his arm, which barely does any damage to him, “and don’t act like them as well!”

tsukishima raises a hand to fix his glasses, “are you saying i’m toxic?”

“i never said that! i just said don’t talk and act like—”

“so you’re implying it?”

“well, you’re going to be if you carry on with that bullshit!” tsukishima grows silent and stares at y/n, who had seemed to be reaching the highest point of her annoyed meter, which would then slowly escalate into anger.

after a few seconds of silence, he spoke, “take these, don’t wait for me and go home. cool your head” in each of his hands were his hoodie and an umbrella, which he brought with him on the way to the gym incase it might rain before they’re able to go back to the locker rooms. with y/n giving no sign of taking it, he placed it on her foot and carried on walking past her.

“i don’t understand you” tsukishima comes to a halt, looking back almost immediately upon noticing y/n’s change of tone. crap, was i too harsh?

“why are you acting like that if you’re embarrassed of me?” he couldn’t tell whether she’s sad or angry.

“acting? acting like what? and what do you mean embarrassed?!” his tone immediately gave away his nervousness.

“in school or when you’re with someone else, you avoid and act like you don’t know me but when we’re alone, suddenly you’re taking care of me! make it clear whether you love me or not to save both our time because i am not about to start losing myself for a boy who can’t love me the way i deserve!” it’s clear that she wanted to say more so tsukishima stayed silent. “if you’re going to love me, at least be honest with me! am i embarrassing or not?!”

“of course not!”

“then why?!” it was a miracle that y/n was not crying nor shouting at the moment.

tsukishima fully turns his body this time, “what’s embarrassing is my explanation…” and the mood suddenly lightens.

“TSUKISHIMA, YOU BASTARD!” tanaka and nishinoya’s yelling made tsukishima sigh.

“you call me selfish but keep shimizu-senpai’s sister all to yourself” kageyama grumbles

tsukishima stands still. hands clasped together behind his back and head bowed down. he looks like a child getting a scolding, or how the the freak duo looks whenever daichi catches their slip ups.

nishinoya and tanaka kneels in front of the first year. head bowed down as if they were praising him, and that they are.

“on this day, we honor you. congratulations on getting a shimizu!” they say in unison.

“you’re overreacting” tsukishima simply says.

“nope, i, too, would congratulate you tsukki. no offense, but you’re not exactly the ideal boyfriend” yamaguchi says with a finger under his chin.

“mhm! so you better treat her right tsukishima! she’s like our little sister” sugawara’s smile does not look comforting at all.

“call me if you need help in buying gifts!” daichi volunteers happily.

“and me if you need advice!” asahi adds.

“why are you guys taking my job?” shimizu comments while giggling. “but, i do think that tsukishima is just right for my little sister” she turns to look at her sister who was now playing around with kageyama and hinata, “she’s as chaotic as those two, he’ll be able to handle her. so i trust that i won’t have to worry much?”

“of course” tsukishima didn’t seem like himself at the moment. his eyes seemed to have soften at the sight of his girlfriend. he smiled, though not too obvious.

“why are you smiling like a male lead in a drama?” tanaka teased. and though tsukishima hates expressing his emotions to his teammates, he certainly loves poking their annoyance scale, “because this is what it’s like to love and be loved”

“Why are you making it seem like kiyoko does not love me back! she does love me! right? right?” tanaka gave kiyoko hopeful eyes and received no response aside from her turning around.

“I’m not talking about platonic love”

“WHY YOU—“

“KEI!” apparently, while he successfully annoyed the second year, his girlfriend heard what he said and would definitely never let it go.

“when have you been so sweet?! love and be loved? seriously?!” she bounced up and down, hands on tsukishima’s shoulder for support.

“she’s no different from the freak duo, i’m afraid” sugawara comments and laughs along with the third years.

“but am i really that beautiful that you had to gatekeep me from your entire team?” she laughed, still bouncing, and tsukishima only stood there with his smile never seeming to fade.

“if that were me i’d be receiving his train of insults by now” hinata says, joining the rest of the team as they watched how tsukishima seemed to be a lot softer around y/n.

“you’re such a gatekeeper kei!” she teased, this time, she stopped bouncing and have started poking her boyfriend’s sides.

“that he is! how dare he gatekeep kiyoko-san’s sister?!” tanaka kneeled back down on one knee with a hand on his chest.

nishinoya followed suit, “and what’s annoying is that she reciprocated his love!”

© starjaeyun on tumblr | do not steal, copy, translate or repost

[kings-highway]

okay visualize a scene with me. shiratorizawa gym. someone is making fun of shirabu for being short. ha ha ha. tendou makes a joke. "'thats why you gotta grow taller. nobody can pick up me!" ha ha. ushijima picks him up. not gracefully. hands under his arms just up off the floor a foot. understandably, tendous brain shuts off a bit. he does nothing. ushijima does nothing. the rest of shiratorizawa is silent. ushijima begins to realize he might have misread the social situation. was that not a challenge? tendou should probably say something but his executive function is gone. he is in the air. ushijimas arms are getting sore. why has this happened? what folly of human nature have they stumbled into that has led to this? when will the nightmare end? Semi spots them as he is coming out of the locker room. "oh my god, put him down!" he declares, not unlike someone scolding a pet who has eaten something it should not eat. ushijima panics and drops tendou. tendou is unprepared and fully hits the floor. ushijima stares at him. someone should say something. "you are wrong" ushjima says. someone should have said something that isnt that. tendou is on the floor.

[splitontendo]

silly bf texts

ft seijoh boys <3 (oikawa t. iwaizumi h. matsukawa i. hanamaki t. and kyotani k.)

[leti666bigboss]

part 1

featuring: kuroo tetsuro, kozume kenma, yamamoto taketora, yaku morisuke, haiba lev, suna rintaro, the miya twins, terushima yuuji

genre: crack

warnings: terushima's might be just a liiiiiitle bit suggestive

[rishiguro]

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS AND THE FUNNY INSULTS THEY’D USE

“your birth certificate was a waste of paper”

TSUKISHIMA. iwaizumi. matsukawa. daichi. YAKU.

“somewhere on this world there’s a tree whose sole purpose is to replace the oxygen you waste. go find that tree and apologize for being the stupidest person i’ve ever met”

oikawa. KUROO. sugawara. akaashi.

“bread can mold, what can you do?”

tsukishima. kenma. SUNA. hanamaki.

“your mother should have swallowed you”

suna. osamu. TANAKA. tendou. yamaguchi.

“you are the human version of period cramps”

bokuto. KIYOKO. sugawara. kita. SAEKO. atsumu.

“yeah? well you smell like hotdog water”

HINATA. yamamoto. nishinoya. kageyama.

[hynko]

⋆.ೃ࿔*: HAIKYUU random texts :

pt. 2

pt 1 | m.list

GENRE: crack

TW: profanity

CHARACTERS: kags, ushi, terushima, sakusa, kogane, futakuchi,tsumu, kunimi, kyotani

[kitasgloves]

hq characters as me and my friends' text messages

part 2

— ♬ SFW purely crack & humor, platonic but can be perceived as romantic

Osamu & Sakusa

Iwaizumi & Suna

and yes my friend snitched on me for smoking inside his cousin's house >:(

Oikawa

my friend was out of the country last month and I was missing them lmao

Kita

this was me and one of my older guy friends, and no I don't have Spotify premium idgaf

[easybrainrot34]

He’s the kind of man that not only comes to girl's night out but is fully welcomed. Like POV he’s your boyfriend, you set up a girl's night, and he is fully integrated into girls night. He can be the DD, he can be the man who goes on a snack run, he can be the one who starts the evening by passing out shots like he can do it all. Oh you think you’re the host tonight ? Wrong. it’s him. If one of your friends becomes an emotional drunk, he becomes a therapist. If one of the girls is falling down drunk he’s giving piggyback rides. If it’s a girls night in and the charcuterie board runs low, he’s in the kitchen restocking it.

At least every girl has at least told you twice that they wish they wish there was a clone of your man. But if one of the girls is being suss, you know getting a little too flirty trying to get a little too close to him, he gently reminds them that he is wifey’d up. He also knows all the tea, all the drama, and is fully giving out advice (but if you don’t want advice, he’ll just let u rant).

- Bokuto, Kuroo, Daichi (specifically with him, he’s the kind of man to take everyone’s keys before the drinking starts), Mattsun, Iwazumi (although he has made everyone swear up-and-down that they would never tell Oikawa about girls nights, because he’s just not dealing with that), Ushijima (yes, he’s very stoic, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know how to have fun), Tendou (if somebody tries to mess with any of you at the bar, he’ll fight a bitch) , and of course, Atsumu

‼️sidenote, I typically write head cannons in a genderless way so you don’t have to be female presenting for this it’s just basically anybody but men because the boys night would be totally different lol‼️

Ps my request are open :)

[lilacrwses]

▸ someone asks his s/o out

ft. multiple characters

genre: fluff, crack

notes:reblogs are a big help:>

Would probably be the most calm among them. He would let you talk to the stranger, would be there if you'll be needing help. If the person asking you is persistent...then let's just say he's gonna be less as calm as before.

“I'm not sorry but my s/o has already told you that they're not interested. Why don't you go ahead and flirt with somebody that isn't taken, hm?”

AKAASHI, TSUKISHIMA, Sugawara, Suna, KITA, Asahi, Megumi, Terushima,

He'd be the one to give the stranger a unfriendly smile. I'll tell ya he has his eyes closed in a smile, it's probably creeping the stranger out. So before you could even reject him he'd be already scratching his nape in embarrassment slowly walking away from you.

“Well would you look at that, It hasn't even been that long since I've left you alone but you already have some ugly ass strangers flirting at you? Better keep you by my side baby, wouldn't want you to be with anyone else would I?”

KUROO, Tendou, Tsukishima, ATSUMU, Gojo, Geto, OIKAWA, Suna,

This mf doesn't even know that someone is flirting with you. You already told the stranger no multiple times but he wouldn't just go away. You'll either go to your boyfriend's arm and cling onto him or he would finally notice and teach the mf a lesson.

“What's up darling?-- Oh hello..? , I don't remember you being anyone of my s/o's friends, and I don't really know why you keep on bugging on my s/o either-- Although I appreciate it but you should be apologizing to my s/o not to me.”

Bokuto, USHIJIMA, Kenma, Sakusa, IWAIZUMI, Kageyama, NANAMI, Kita, Itadori, YUTA, Yaku

The moment the stranger steps closer to you it’s already finished. If the stranger would forcefully grab your hands he wouldn’t hesitate to throw a punch for you. Convinces himself that it’s self defense, probably would regret it a bit when he gets in trouble for that. But Hey! At least you’re safe.

“I hope that there won’t be a next time but if you even try to think about it I’ll be sure that you’re nose isn’t gonna be the only one that’s bloody.”

Osamu, MEGUMI, Atsumu, BOKUTO, Daichi, Geto, TANAKA, Ushijima, KYOTANI, Matsukawa

Would film the whole situation and would report it to the station after. The stranger apologizes but he’ll still report it.💀

“What am I doing? I’m obviously documenting this. You’re harassing an innocent citizen. Yeah you’re sorry, but I’m not. — Hey baby, are you ok?

SUNA

[emmyrosee]

“How did you get in my house?”

Your voice is anything but surprised to see the familiar intruder to your home, your eyes rolling into your skull as the one and only Atsumu Miya stands, happily, casually, in front of the fridge with his lips tucked into the spout of strawberry milk.

“You gave me a key, ‘member?” He hums, putting the milk away and closing the door. “Me and ‘Samu, for emergencies.”

“No, I gave you both a key to water my plants,” you grumble, tossing your own keys on the table and clutching the small bag in your hand closer to your chest. “Besides, I don’t know if craving strawberry milk classifies as an ‘emergency’.” Your protection over the bag only makes him tilt his head in interest, and you hate how cute you find the action. “What’re you looking at?”

“What’s in the bag?” He asks, pointing rudely at the pink bag in your grasp. “I thought we were going shopping together this weekend.”

“We are,” you say, voice lacking confidence. “But I needed… something for tomorrow night.”

“Like what?”

You feel your temple throb at his persistence, “‘Tsumu, don’t you have someone else to bother?”

“Not until practice tomorrow.”

“Well can you go bother your brother?”

“Your boyfriend told me to scram so he could plan out the menu for your date tomorrow night, try again.”

“Dear god,” you snarl, but you shake your head and plant a kiss to his cheek, watching him smile happily at the simple affection, “fine, you know where the snacks are, just… just give me like. 15 minutes, I need to call Rintaro.”

“Oo!” He says eagerly, “can I come! I haven’t talked to Suna in a while!”

“Absolutely not,” you answer promptly, and Atsumu deflates. “You, sit and stay. I just need his opinion on something.”

“Woah woah woah!” Atsumu interjects, watching you in betrayal.

“What?” You scoff, a brow cocking at his audacity and arms crossing over your chest. He looks at you incredulously, “uh, I don’t know; don’t you want my opinion on it?”

“Not really,” you deadpan, and this clearly doesn’t sit well with the blonde twin, as he scoffs and throws his head back, pawing at you and the bags dejectedly.

“Come on, I’m your best friend!” Atsumu whines, smiling hopefully. “Doesn’t my opinion matter to ya? Especially if it’s got somethin’ to do with your date with ‘Samu. Ain’t I the one to ask?”

The way your upper lip snarls makes Atsumu flinch back, but you know the brother of Osamu goddamned Miya is not about to backdown from your secrecy, so- against your better judgement, perhaps- you cave.

“Oh, yes, okay,” you clear your throat and reach in the bag to pull out the two sets of lingerie, blinking innocent at the bottle blonde whose eyes nearly bug from his skull. “Best friend, which one of these do you think would make me look hotter, so your twin brother would want to plow me?”

His jaw moves, but no sound comes out as you raise your brow expectantly. A smirk spreads over your lips as honey-colored eyes shift from one fabric to the other, and finally he clears his throat and plops back down on your couch. His cheeks are scarlet and he’s doing all he can to avoid your gaze, and it fills you with joy to know you’ve won this one.

“The blue one…” he mumbles shyly.

You quirk your jaw at him dominantly, “that’s what I thought, Miya.”

[lees-chaotic-brain]

Atsumu has a question, and you have no idea why he's asking it

CW: swearing, talk of hypothetical drinking, hypothetical accidental cheating, texting au

Taglist: @arlerts-angel @ponderingmoonlight

Haikyuu Masterlist | Blog Navigation

Note: this is my first time writing a smau, so we'll see how this goes. let me know if you want part two!!!! also, please do not pay attention to the time stamps lol. the last one is from atsumu's pov

[splitontendo]

HAIKYUU CHARACTER ON TWT!!

(tw) ft: yachi, yamaguchi, miya a, hanamaki, lev, semi, bokuto, kuroo, suna & kita.

[leti666bigboss]

featuring: the majority of karasuno

genre: crack mainly

warnings: cussing

[lemon-pie-enjoyer]

Kageyama: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to his chest*

Hinata: We have heart?

Kageyama: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

[hynko]

HAIKYUU AS TWEETS PT. 1

tw: profanity / crude humor

ft: tsukishima, yaku, oikawa, osamu, lev, noya, tanaka, bokuto, & daishou

hynko est 2021-2023 do not repost, translate or copy.

[wonderoustime]

you: i love smart people, smart is sexy! tell me a fun fact!

them: lobsters communicate by pissing on ea-

you: shut up shut up shut up

tsukishima, bokuto (he just learned this), oikawa, kuroo, saeko, kita (he secretly likes teasing and annoying you with stuff like this)