#like the scholarship money and my goddamn bachelor's degree | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marcholasmoth · 3 years

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OSRR: 2640

it is so fucking hot in here i am roasting in my skin. the heater can't be closed, and it can't be covered, so the window is open above it for the time being. joel has the brain cell, so he was the one who said "just do this" and opened the window. what would i do without him.

the heat, unfortunately, goes off and on intermittently, and i can't predict when it'll come on.

i miss my air conditioner. my room. my bed. my fan.

alas.

i cannot return until i am tested.

i worked from home today, and i need to send out emails in the morning to do the same about tomorrow, and i need to make a decision about where i'll be and what i'm gonna do about this week. i'm also flat broke, and i won't get paid for another ten days or so, so i need to keep driving to a minimum until i get paid, then i'll be able to fill my bank account again and not have to worry about it.

that is, until december.

i'm not going to be able to afford anything. ever again.

i need to get those scholarship applications done. if i don't and if i don't get anything, i can't go to school next semester. and that'll fuck with my schedule and throw it off by another two years. which is not something i want to happen.

i don't wanna need to ask for money. i hate that i've dug myself into this goddamn hole in the first place. i never should've gone to disney. i'd still have money to pay my bills for january if i hadn't. and probably december, too. fuck. why did i spend so much money. what did i even buy. why are pins so goddamn expensive. i hate capitalism.

i'm so stressed. jesus christ.

and i don't know what to do about it, and i don't know what i can do about it.

i need a better job. i need a less chaotic schedule. i need a full degree in something useful. i need to go back twelve years and tell myself a shitload of stuff. maybe if i started therapy earlier i'd have a better grasp on it earlier so i wouldn't still be going for a bachelor's degree ten years into my academic career. maybe i wouldn't be so financially fucked for the rest of my goddamn existence.

maybe i wouldn't have a headache right now.

god i hate this.

i'm a little miserable right now.

i need someone to leave me three hundred thousand dollars. please. i beg of you. i just. i hate this. if i didn't have so much fucking debt hanging over my head like a sword i'd be much less stressed. i wouldn't have a million bills to pay each month. i wouldn't have anxiety attacks about thinking about student loan payments. i'm just. fucking. i'm a mess.

i'm so stressed out.

and this isn't even about my day. which was also stressful but i was more tired than anything. i met with students to varying degrees of success. we got longhorn for dinner, which i needed to pick up because i was the one who wasn't sick, but i double masked and washed my hands like seven times so i didn't even slightly breathe on the guy who brought out the food. im just. im so stressed about so many things and i just want to fuckin like. sit in a bookstore for six hours. eat a cupcake. buy some books. im just.

dead here.

i also watched naruto while i did my laundry. worth it.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2600s #sunshine boy

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ofxcxdemics · 5 years

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( fergie vc ) guess who’s so 2000 and late ? i am so so so sorry for the latenes of this ! with being in the worst timezone, having dkjgfd a lot happening at home alongside running the main, it’s been full on ! also warning in advance i don’t think anything makes sense, BUT ALAS. howdy y’all, the name’s lilac, the game is causing all my ocs unimaginable pain dkfgjdf. under the cut you’ll find more about my boi nathaniel, who is ‘ the academic ’ ! and hey-yo let me warn you that this gif is probably the only time you’ll see him smile. we in the business like to call him... mr grumpy gills. ( if you don’t believe me then please know i’m listening to a youtube video called ‘sad melancholy songs to write to’ as i type this up lmfao ). but if you wanna learn about the wreck that is nate, definitely click below. 👁 *evil cackles to set the tone*

NATHANIEL BALLANTYNE

an artillery of books as turrets of knowledge, the expanse of an empty sky, the noose of a tie around your neck, ineligible scribble in notebooks, the companionship of shadows, barbed words and malignant glares, a blackboard spilling with equations, russian literature and blackened coffee, a corner of library that only you have touched, an insatiable thirst to know everything, ink stains on your hands, an empty address book.

faceclaim: bill skarsgård

skeleton: the academic

age: twenty three

major: astrophysics ( phd )

clubs: chess, book club ( former )

employment: teacher’s assistant at st etienne university

HISTORY

nathaniel ( known endearingly as nate to those close to him, so literally no one kdgfjdf ) was born the first child to one of the most wealthy families in ashmont

the ballantynes have been a foundation to the town’s high society for years. they were overjoyed at a male heir to inherit the riches, and much hope was rested onto the shoulders of a young nathaniel ballantyne, even from birth

it was clear very early on that nate wasn’t like other kids. elective solitude, piercing glances, and his only retort to playmates being the question of why or how whenever anything was presented to him. would have more conversations with a beetle in his backyard than he would anyone his age. even his nannies were fascinated by him. at the beginning of his life many believed he would not amount to much, as it took him nearly twice as long as a normal child to begin speaking. this could speak to the attention that was given to him as a baby, or it could be indicative of the racing mind hidden behind a pair of icy blue eyes.

as a child he was a little eccentric, and a little introverted, but for a time - nathaniel was a normal kid. he had a handful of friends, could find little joys in the world around him... he certainly was more ‘bookish’ than most, but that wasn’t strange at all.

but to digress for a moment, his last name sound familiar ?? yeah ??? you may be acquainted with one edward ballantyne... nate’s younger brother

despite being the eldest, the smartest, the tallest, the.... no matter what nate did, it was never enough to be more in his parents’ eyes. like they’d had a portrait painted of the child they desired before nate’s birth, and couldn’t help but compare nate to it long after he was born. on top of that, edward inherited all the charms, wit and characteristics the family could hope for. many other people in their lives felt the same. and since a child, nate couldn’t help but more at home in the shadows than he did with anyone in his family. a manor of that size it was easy to be a stranger with the people he lived with. however, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt a young nathaniel.

pls don’t be sad for him though, because this is nate’s villain origin stories, and he’s a fucking douche nozzle

after a tragic incident [ redacted... because secret ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o) ] at the age of thirteen, it was like a switch flipped inside nate’s brain

the introverted kid soon completely isolated himself. what warmth he had in his heart that was filled with curiosity and a willingness to learn about the world calcified into bitter contempt for those around him

he became cynical, cruel, apathetic. a beautiful lil nihilist. he hates absolutely everything. and if he doesn’t hate something, he will research it extensively until he finds a reason to

( sidebar: everything except.... the environment. that’s right folks. the guy who hates everything hates green house gas emissions and oil spills more than anything. part of this is through his work in the scientific field he has formed very strong opinions of the selfish people who pollute the planet. he also will take any excuse he can to hate his fellow man dgkfj. )

but for years nate had already felt the resentment brewing inside the family home, but after this point, he knew it to be fact. he hardly spoke to either of his parents, and he seldom attended any functions anymore. regardless of the accolades named in nate’s honour earned for his academic merit, he became a blight to the family. so much so that many new acquaintances to the family didn’t even know he existed.

from that point onwards at least, nate never felt alone. he made sure he didn’t, as he drowned himself in academia, befriended scholars beyond this world and time, and sought to improve himself by amassing a wealth of knowledge that no amount of charm or money could buy. he had to be the best. [spongebob vc smitty werbenjagermanjensen, he was number one]

in his endevours to learn, well, everything, some could say it was romantic that nate related to the stars, and that’s how his love of astrophysics and astronomy was born. maybe it was more that he felt he could relate to an alien more than an actual human being dkjfgdf. in either case, growing up as a teenager he would sometimes lay out there in the snow to the brink of illness, lost in the sights of what was above. no one was going to stop him, after all. and he had to memorise it all, bit by bit.

regardless, as nate grew older, it was clear he was gifted. eidetic memory, an iq over 160, voracious reader, a world ranked chess player. he truly is ‘the academic’. as a teenager, he excelled. his vices were limited to coffee and classical music ( for he was too afraid to risk his mental acuity by ever trying alcohol, and cared too much about his health to try smoking ), and for many none had heard his voice for the 4 years he attended high school.

to that end, despite his parents forcing him to any gathering his brother would attend growing up, to keep face and remind others that hey, the ballantynes actually had two sons, nate always found a way to wander off and muse to himself - a flavoursome preference to any ‘monotonous conversation’. what many believe to be intruding or snooping was simply nate doing what he does best - avoiding people.

speaking of conversations, nate is known to be blunt. his social skills are so far receded to the point that he has no concept of the hurt some words can do. many people believe nate to be a deliberately cruel person, but the reality is that nate is just heartbreakingly honest and curious, and he doesn’t understand the power words have over people

however, it will be said... nate is not a nice person

like i won’t lie he’s borderline sociopathic djkgfdf, and somewhat masochistic. he does what he can to feel superior at times.

but for someone so absorbed into scholarly endevours, he is still human. he can’t help the kick of exhilaration he feels when he sees a poor reaction to words that he says. the flicker in someone’s eyes as his words course through their veins. nate wants to understand everything, and he can’t help be fascinated by the journey a cruel comment can make. it’s not that he wants to make people feel bad, he wants to understand how it happens.

in addition to that, nate feels as though, despite the slights of his life being minuscule compared to what many others deal with, it is justified his behaviour. a form of revenge. not only is he tarnishing the precious image his family has always tried to cultivate without him, it felt good to know that other people can hurt too.

with this in mind, nate does have some good qualities. he is perseverant, and he is curious. the word no means nothing to him, and reaches beyond it every day. he has a hard time to trusting people, but for the 3 people in his inner circle, he is an excellent ally to have. sometimes he is selfless without realising it, and always is honest. he also has a very dry sense of humour. and for those that way inclined, he most definitely is loaded kdjgffd.

but with little in the way of friends, nathaniel graduated high school knowing he wanted to be an astrophysict. without the athletic acumen to ever be an astronaut of any kind, he relished the hopes of research that would be the first of its kind, to break boundaries. with his scores nate could attend any damn college he pleased. his eyes were heavily affixed to oxford. despite the wealth in the ballantyne bank and the trustfund affixed to his name, nate was swimming in scholarships.

but it wasn’t enough for him. it would never be enough for him.

nathaniel stayed in ashmont. he attended st etienne. to others, he says he needs to show his parents what he’s capable of. to remind them he exists. that he’s better than everyone in the goddamn town he hates more than anything. the truth was though, for all his attributes, nate had never been good with change. he wasn’t brave.

so we arrive to the now, where nate is currently studying his doctorate, after having graduated with his bachelor degree. he still intends to move away, very far away, once his degree is done. will it happen though ? we just don’t know !

as for the murder investigation, bIG FAT YIKES

and as you may know, daisey rutherford was nate’s brother’s fiance. nate does not like his brother. so to end this i... i’m just putting that out there. *evil cackle here* (◕‿◕✿)

PLOTS & CONNECTIONS

plotting with nate... will be interesting. he isn’t the nicest person going around dkgjdf, so if you want someone for any negative/enemy type plots, i volunteer as tribute ! and with that in mind, i hope to see nate develop over the course of veritas, and i’d be so honoured if you’re willing to have your muse be part of nate’s journey ! below i have a few REALLY TERRIBLE plot ideas listed, but please give this post a phat LIKE and i’ll come to your tumblr or discord messages and maybe we can plot something out ! i am so so excited to write with all you lovely people, and i hope you give my dgkfdj terrifying son and myself a chance. <3

DINNER PARTY ( plot ) || given that there are a lot of rich socialite families here, i figure that nate’s family is bound to know a few of the other wealthy families !! a fun lil thread we could possibly do is have the pair run into each other at one of these galas. maybe it’s a run-of-the-mill affair, maybe it’s something run by the rutherfords that these two happen to both be attending, maybe it’s run through the university. maybe it’s a charity gala. they could be friendly somewhat, maybe they hate each other, maybe they’re childhood friends. let’s discuss. >:)

STARS ABOVE ( plot ) || as a major of astrophysics and heading towards his phd, nate loves the stars. it’s probably the only positive emotion he has kjgfdkjgdf. so i dont know HOW this would work, but perhaps nate and someone else look for the stars together. nate has a whole professional set up and is like,,, a total nerd so he’s not fooled by the mysticism or, admittedly, the romance of it. maybe your character is high and happens upon him at night, maybe your muse thinks that nate is the killer ( lmao ) and wants to investigate, maybe your muse is a fellow chess member and wants to get to know this billy goat gruff.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE ( connection )|| nate is a perfect person to fulfill everyone’s favourite trope of ‘the good person wanting their love to transform the bad person into a good person’. maybe it’s platonic, maybe it’s romantic, but someone wants to make nate a better man. what i say to them - good luck lmfao. however i’d love to plot this out as it could go literally anyway !!

ENEMIES ( connection )|| fuck, i need nate to have all the enemy connections. i figure most people will dislike him on principle anyway bc he’s human rubbish kgjkdf BUT maybe they are academic rivals ? maybe they grew up together and have always been competing ? maybe they used to be friends and they fell out ? maybe nate said something horrible to them and they were never forgiven ? maybe they are super close with nate’s brother and since nate dfkgjdf dislikes him, they are enemies by consequence ?

HATESHIP ( connection ) || i can’t decide what i want more kdjfgdkf but basically ??? this friendship is of two people who don’t like each other, but they hate literally everyone else so they join together in their mutual hatred. maybe they actually bond more over time, maybe their somewhat petty rant sessions about everyone else never change. either way, it would be super fun to have nate be in a 70 year old woman dynamic with someone dkfjgd.

BETTER MAN ( connection ) || so many people love to reveal the ‘heart of gold’ underneath someone surly and temperamental. it happens all the time. for some reason unbeknowst to anyone, someone takes an interest in nate for some reason. sees more to him than is strictly there. wants to see him become a better person. jokes on them, nate probably won’t develop kdgfjdf BUT it could be a really fun connection to play out ! it could be extra spicy if we add a dash of kjdgdf romance to it too somehow !

okay this was a huge ass mess. i usually go to bed at 9pm every night ( IM NOT KIDDING ) and its currently 12:44am my time so dkfgjdf. i am going to leave this here. i hope this makes sense ??? but thank you so much for reading. remember to like this if you wanna plot, but either way i look forward to seeing you on the dash !! <3 <3

#veritasintro #( nate ; development ! )#( ooc ; be the google to my bing )#THIS WAS A MESS I APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE

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gunaerystargarygun · 6 years

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hey, so as someone from europe I’ve been discussing tuition costs and generally colleges and how they work in the us, and while from what I know it’s app a huge money cost, my mom says it’s not that big a deal. so, as an american person who knows about this stuff, can you share your opinions and make us a bit less ignorant?

oh boy, so here we go:college is expensive here. it varies on institution, state and level (undergrad or graduate). community colleges are your best bet for not going into debt straight away, classes are cheaper and associates degrees can be completed at one usually, but bachelors have to be a 4 year college. but all colleges also have fees. Band fee, athletic fee (yes, you pay a fee for the football players!) gym fee, library fee, technology fee. these alone can add up to be about 1K or more. my debt for four years at an undergrad college was 15K. that’s not as bad as others, believe me. but that’s a lot. friends of mine have gone 30K+ trying to get an education. colleges do have school scholarships but they’re competitive and not everyone gets one, the FAFSA is dependent on your family’s income. even if it looks like you make a lot on paper but have a lot of bills, you’re not going to get a lot of aid. Not to mention this past year, FAFSA fucked up and a lot of people at my college LOST their aid due to it coming in so late, as in it was the governments fault for fucking up and my friends lost their aid to go to school.my opinion? it’s priced way too goddamn high. there’s scholarships, yes, but not as many as you think and they’re usually extremely competitive. if you have any specific questions, i’ll gladly answer them

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ghostbustinggays · 7 years

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just gonna rant for a bit about personal things because i’m so done with this shit

my sister’s paycheck was literally double mine for the past two weeks, and we’ve both been working full time. it obviously bothers me a bit and i’m jealous but i wasnt blaming her obviously, because she just has a way better paying job than me and she deserves how much she makes.......

and then today she was being so fucking arrogant and entitled and i can tell that she doesn’t appreciate just how much fucking money she’s making and how lucky she is and NOW i’m pissed at her because i don’t care that she’s making so much more than me but i DO care if she’s gonna be ungrateful and act like i could have the exact same opportunities as her and be making that much if i tried which is BLATANTLY NOT TRUE. she just happened to get hired by the parks and rec dept. five years ago and has worked her way up the ranks and pay scale so like, no, i couldn’t just magically get the job she has????

anyways i found out today that she’s got $10,000 saved and sitting around and meanwhile i’m $30,000 in debt because of university and all my health issues and apparently the only job i’m qualified to get rn is this minimum wage, physically demanding garbage and OBVIOUSLY it’s super fucking frustrating that with a bachelor’s degree this is the best i can do, yet i’m still grateful that i have a job at all because i know how brutal the job market is????? and any little bit of money helps rn (even if my paycheck doesn’t even cover a month of rent at the new place i’m moving into in a month). but meanwhile she’s comes home every day complaining up the wall about her job and how sucky it is and i’m like jesus fucking christ you’re 18 and making $1,400 a paycheck at a M-F, 9-5 summer job, you can suck it up for that holy fuck

this is just fucking like when she came home whining about getting a $12,000 scholarship for her university because she COULD have got a $30,000 one and i was like are you FUCKING kidding me???????? if i got even a $1,000 scholarship right now, or hell, ANY SCHOLARSHIP, i would literally cry because of the difference in my life it would make????? and you’re going to pout about twelve fucking thousand dollars????????????? honestly i’m so done with her entitled shit. i’m not saying she doesn’t work hard for her money, even the scholarship which was academic based, but JESUS she could show some goddamn appreciation for what she has and realize that not everyone can be in her position if they work hard because guess what i’m working my ass off as well for the past 5 years and yeah i’m $30,000 in debt and that number is only going to increase over the next year because with only four more weeks of work before i move, i’m only going to make enough to be able to afford approximately one month. maybe two. and that’s not counting tuition.

so yeah, i’m done with this shit. i’m mostly frustrated at myself and my situation but having her parading around with so much money and not seeming to appreciate it at all.....it’s not fucking helping.

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