#my first mistake in life was not being born into generational wealth lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #323

“dehumanized upon a shell / we came to bleed it dry / obsessed with divine wealth / divide and multiply”

Have you ever drawn on someone’s face while they were sleeping? No. Would you scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? No thanks. What is your favorite slow song? There are so many, but one of the slowest and most beloved of mine is "Obstacles" by Syd Matters. It gives me goosebumps without fail. It's one song I know I want at my hypothetical wedding. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? I mean, yeah. I'd want to know their intentions. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? It'd be extremely difficult, but if I had any say in it, I absolutely would. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times it causes too much pain, depending on the pictures, of course. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? Definitely not. My life is painfully uneventful. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? I don't know. Do you have a house phone? No. Which fast food place do you eat at the most? McDonald's. Have you ever met someone on the Internet in real life? Yep. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Do you like being in pictures? No. Do you travel a lot? Essentially never, even though I'd love to. Do you play any sports? No. Do you like pickles? Yesssss. How many times have you been kicked out of a store? Never. Is there things you’ve told someone that you’ve NEVER told anyone else? Probably. When was the last time you had alcohol? My birthday dinner last month. Are you one to often make typos? No, except when I'm texting. I have autocorrect on for a reason. On a hot day, would you rather prefer ice cream or a popsicle? Ice cream. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, but I just didn't want to drink anymore at one point. I'm far from a lightweight, apparently. Have you played cards recently? No. Is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? Mother Mother immediately comes to mind, but not the main singer; he's great. The woman who occasionally joins in is fucking horrendous. Like, it hurts my ears. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't and never have really headbanged, surprisingly. It's a sure-fire way to make me dizzy. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I hope not... Sometimes I feel like it's time with photography, but I just. Can't. Have you ever captured a moth? I've raised a caterpillar into one before, then of course let it go. Is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway? Otep, noteably. When was the last time you wore earrings? It's been a long time. How many pairs of heels do you own? I don't think I have any. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? Uhhhh it's been at the very least a month, but I know more. Would you consider yourself to be physically strong? Absolutely not, especially my legs. I struggle to fucking walk because they're so weak. Have you ever painted a piece of furniture? Yes, actually. I helped Jason paint his shelf black. Do you have a really fat cat? No, we never have. We've always been good about keeping our pets at a healthy weight. Do your initials spell a word? No. When was the last time you went to a playground? A year or so ago when I was taking pictures of someone's son, as well as just general family photos. That same family just had another baby the other day. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No. Do you have a favorite curse word in a different language? No. Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multipication times tables? Lol not most of them, no... It's been way too long. Do you have a favorite font on the computer? Of the basic ones, probably Garamond. Are you good at creating logos? *shrugs* I've only ever really made my photography watermarks, and I only JUST made one I like pretty well. How about catch phrases? I don't make those. Have you ever been severely burned? Not severely, no. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I've actually had numerous dreams where I was pregnant, but I don't THINK I've had one where the baby was born yet. Do you or anyone you know have a rabbit? No. What was the weirdest thing you ever saw cross the road? Hm, nothing too weird, I think. Last song you got stuck in your head? "ALTÆR" by 3TEETH. Last song you listened to? ^ Favorite movie quote? I don't know. Maybe Rafiki's quote about the past hurting, but you should take that opportunity to learn. Favorite lyric? That is impossible. There are so, so very many that just like slather me in goosebumps. What magazine are you an avid reader to? None. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I have. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Man, take me the hell back to my WiiFit days. I was pretty damn fit. The last time I did it, it was seriously alarming how much I struggled doing things that were once pretty effortless. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? "Very" seems a bit too much, but Mom definitely kept it in order. How many watches do you own? None. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes. Emergencies happen. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes; my mom has a cousin who's gay. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? Not recently, no. If so, what was the reason? ^ What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? Oh, y'know, dropping out of college three fucking times. Once I pay my own bills and I truly understand finances, that's going to fucking wreck me. Do you like metal music? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeah. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Heavy and symphonic. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom for bringing home lunch recently. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Maybe like a month when I was technically homeless? How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? It was preeeetty rough. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? A microwavable breakfast bowl. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? Guess. Explain why you are single: Because I'm a very, very underdeveloped "adult" that has very little clue what she's doing. At my age, I and any potential partner should want someone with direction. What feature do you usually get most complimented on? My hair. Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? Well, I'm bi. I had this weird therapist once in middle school though who asked if I was a lesbian... Idk why she did? What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? I'm in an advanced ball python husbandry group, and while a lot of people there are utter, degrading elitists, they do have valuable information. Did you name all of your stuffed animals and dolls? I sure did as a kid. What would you have your bridesmaids wear? Probably black dresses, and I think it'd be really cool if I were to marry a woman, the bridesmaids wear checkered Converses colored into a rainbow pattern, or something like that. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? I think Alaska, if it was a good time to see the Northern Lights. Are you sick right now? No, thankfully. Do you feel loved? Yes. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? God no. I have such a flat ass. Are you ashamed of your faith? I'm assuming by this you mean religion, in which case, I don't have one and am not ashamed of that. Has anyone ever tried to force their beliefs on you? Yes. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? Again, I'm bisexual. I have never had a personal act of homophobia inflicted upon me, though. Have you ever been accused of being homophobic? Yes, because I was for most of my life. Fucking repulsive to remember. "Repulsive" is much too gentle a word, but yeah. It is so, so embarrassing to recall myself ever believing it was wrong because my then-religion said no-no. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two pets. I would be so, so lonely without any. :/ I've had pets my entire life. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. How long has it been since that last time you went on a date? Like two or so years. Do you think babies are cute? They can be, but I usually don't find them all that cute, honestly. Especially newborns/very young infants. They're usually hideous. My youngest niece is actually the only newborn that I remember seeing that I thought was absolultely precious. What is your favorite style of pants? Ripped skinny jeans. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. Who was the last person who broke your heart? Jason. ^Do you still miss this person? I'm sure I always will to some degree. Do you have someone to talk to and share your secrets with? Sara more than anyone, but Mom, too. Is there someone you feel extra shy around? Just men in general. Have you been hurt more by friend break-ups or romantic break-ups? Romantic. Closest living thing to you? My snake's terrarium is against the opposite wall. She's in her hide. Would you rather drown or burn alive? Drown. You go unconscious first, so. And I'd assume it to be faster than burning alive. Also me no like hot. :'''( Who is the last person you got really pissed off with? My stepmother posted some ignorant bullshit on Facebook about how people blow out of proportion our "supposed" environmental crisis. I nearly deleted her right then and there. I take that shit seriously. Most of her beliefs drive me insane, honestly, but she's a wonderful person at heart, so I just bit my tongue. Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt. What type of sushi do you like to eat? Never tried it, don't want to. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Yes. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Yes. Well, I took pictures for her family, anyway. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? Jesus, yes. My little sister. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither are "big" health freaks, especially not Dad when you consider he smokes and knows it'll be what kills him. My mom is diabetic though, so she's reasonably careful. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don't have any. Ma tries to keep snacks out of the house for both hers and my sake. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH BOY idk. I'd probably spend days planning the "perfect" thing. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I do. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep, my band teacher. He was incredibly loved by literally everyone. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither's. They both have brown eyes. What’s the best date movie? We gonna have a problem if you don't watch The Notebook w/ me if I have it on lmao. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Many years now. (: Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but I don't yell. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Andrea. If you were adopted, would you want to know? Yes. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't care less about someone's eyebrows. Do your pets chase after bugs? Oh yes, Roman certainly does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Hmmm... this actually happened recently, but I don't remember why... What is your mom’s favorite movie? I don't know, actually. I think it's some romance one. What TV family reminds you of your own family? None, really. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? One of my best high school friends Alon was like... just always pristinely beautiful, it seemed like. I haven't seen many pictures of her lately, but I'm sure that hasn't changed. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so once, yes. Who was the main character in the last book you read? A dragon named Sunny. Who are the last people you saw kiss? On the lips, I'm sure it woulda been my sister and her husband. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Clouds, I think. Well, it would depend on their design, I guess, and time of day. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Probably my mom. Does your best friend get along with their parents? She has a wonderful relationship with them. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? I was the fat, hideous, crying bridesmaid. ;x; Are you purposely hiding something from someone? No. What’s the most intimate thing you’ve discussed with a stranger? My suicide attempt with doctors. What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? I always get fries. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. Are you in an argument with anyone right now? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Yes. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? My grandmother. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. Have you friended your parents on FB? Mom, yes. Dad doesn't have one. What’s the last tourist area you visited? Chicago. Mice or roaches? Mice are precious, meanwhile I hate roaches. Did you give or get any Valentines this year? No. Well, Mom bought me and my sisters each a delicious candy apple, if that counts? What’s your homepage? Google. Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''altaer" by 3teeth

2 notes · View notes

luiscivious · 4 years

Text

— && guests may mistake me as ( hugh dancy ), but really i am ( luis cholmondeley + male + he/him ) and my DOB is ( 01/31/1979 ). i am a ( fashion designer ) and would like to stay in suite ( #313 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( + polished, meticulous, and incisive ), but i can also be ( - undemonstrative, rancorous, and fatalistic ) at times. personally, i like to ( read, listen to music alone, and solve puzzles ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( candied citrus peels ) to have in my suite. thank you for checking in!

i suddenly had an insatiable need to make a new muse for the rp. i hope you guys like him!! he’s a weird fusion between a very old muse of mine and a ton of new ideas! there’s also a tl;dr if you don’t wanna sit through all of it lol tw: cancer, tw: death mention

BACKSTORY AND SUMMARY

Luis was born in New Haven, Connecticut and is the third out of five children, as well as being the first of two sons in the family. His father was an American high profile defense attorney who has worked to absolve power-players in the government of any foul play before retirement. His mother is a British heiress to one of the largest cattle breeders in the world whose only work experience is managing hedge funds.

Needless to say, Luis and his siblings grew up without ever wanting for anything. Despite all being born in the US, the Cholmondeley family spent most of their time in Europe. Luis went to private schools in London, Paris, and Rolle, where he graduated from Institut Le Rosey at the top of his class in 1995.

After graduating, instead of taking a gap year as many his age did, Luis set out his applications and was accepted into several ivy leagues, but settled on Harvard as it was his parents’ desire to have their children aim for the stars. Luis and his closest sister in age above him were to study law and become president. At least, that was the plan. Academic rivals and all that. His sister went to Yale.

Luis thrived in university even better than he did in high school, but wound up finding more enjoyment out of medicine than he did his law classes. Considering how impossible it would be to go both pre-law and pre-med while balancing a myriad of extracurricular activities, he decided to forego his medical dreams for his undergraduate study and graduated summa cum laude with a major in Political Science and a minor in Biology, a fact that his mother was impressed with, even if his father found useless.

His father’s disappointment only grew when Luis decided to enroll in Harvard Medical School rather than the law school. At this point, Luis had solidified himself as an individual. If the family wanted a president, his sister was more than willing to play the part.

Medical school was, of course, no different academically than his previous years of schooling. He graduated and immediately performed his residency at the John Hopkins Hospital, specializing in general medicine and shadowing underneath the general surgeon. While studying there, he took an interest in making his own clothes. It had started out as a hobby, but soon became a serious point of interest for the man. He ended getting so good at it, he would make articles of clothes for the other doctors. In the coming years, this would play a large part in his ultimate decision to part ways with John Hopkins.

This decision was also the last straw for Luis’ father. He was effectively ostracized, treated like a failure for pursuing a passion instead of doing something practical. To his father, it wasn’t enough to be rich. Power and influence meant so much more. Luis was left to fend for himself, though being the child of wealth didn’t mean much overall. He was able to use his family name and several connections to work with high end designers and wound up making a name for himself on his own. The first big jumping point in his career was when his pieces were featured on the bodies of Vogue cover models. He had finally done it, broken through.

Life hit hard immediately after. Luis was always prone to intrusive thoughts, but they were getting worse suddenly. His vision suffered, his morale and balance took a huge drop, and he didn’t need the doctor’s appointment to tell him something was wrong in his brain. They discovered that he had a cancerous tumor, Anaplastic astrocytoma, in his brain that would most likely kill him in less than five years if it wasn’t removed. They were unsure of how long he’d have if it were removed, however, as the cells could have spread elsewhere or could be incredibly aggressive.

Luis felt that the walls of his world were caving in, but he did what he knew best: compartmentalized it. Money handled the rest. He kept his treatments and eventual surgeries to himself, touting his shaved head as a fashion statement rather than anything serious. He hid it from the world as the world began to finally look at him as a celebrity stylist at the top of his game.

He never reconnected with his family during these dark times, choosing to face it all alone and hope to never drag anyone down with him. He had never been the brightest star in the sky, but he smiled less as time went on. He felt less too.

As of now, Luis has been in remission for several years. He doesn’t believe he’s beaten cancer forever, but that’s more pessimism that he masquerades as realism.

TLDR;

Luis is a famous fashion designer who came from wealth and is now at the Malnati. He’s a cancer survivor and a perpetual grump.

HEADCANONS

Luis’s accent is contentious. There are times where he sounds almost Mid-Atlantic and others where it’s so posh, it’s akin to the Queen’s English. He argues that his accent is a perfect blend of his parents, but he certainly leans more toward his mother’s accent.

Aside from English, Luis speaks German, French, and Italian fluently. He is conversational in Spanish, Portuguese, and Mandarin Chinese but don’t claim any as proficiencies.

He has a strong eidetic memory and a near photographic memory that is disturbingly accurate. This has helped him study in school, but has come in handy even more as an adult in expanding his visual bank for design options.

Luis isn’t very tall. Hugh Dancy is about 5′10″ ish, but Luis stands at 5′4″ in shoes. Flatfoot, would be almost a full inch or so shorter.

He suffers from a diagnosed anxiety disorder and that extends socially. This makes him a rather quiet person around others. However, if he’s put in a position where his rehearsed words aren’t easily applicable, Luis will get flustered very easily, which can cause him to stumble when speaking. He’s also been known to infodump if he’s particularly close to someone.

#╰ °✧ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ʙɪʀᴅ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ʙɪʀᴅ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴜʀᴛɪɴɢ ( intro. )#malnatiooc #tw cancer #tw death mention

5 notes · View notes

ofdaeseong · 5 years

Photo

— is that a bird or a plane ? nah , it’s just DAESEONG IM . word on the street is that the TWENTY-FIVE year old , CISMALE , looks an awful lot like MATTHEW KIM (BM) , but i just don’t see it . strangers believe them to be COMPETITIVE and IMPULSIVE , but their friends will tell you they’re GENEROUS and AFFECTIONATE . they associate themselves with missed calls at 3am , takes no shit , constantly has an extra helmet for his motorcycle , a teddy bear disguised as a lion .

i wanted to get something up quick so forgive any mistakes in this !! im v shy so feel free to message me first🙈🙈 if not, i’ll gather the courage and do it all tomorrow !!! also sTAN KARD THANK YOU

ok so daeseong was born in daegu but moved to los angeles at the age of 3, so he was americanised a LOT,, for the longest time, he spoke english better than korean and it was like that until he returned permanently to korea at the age of 16

they were always back and forth between the two over the years, but he still spent the majority of time in the states

they originally moved to los angeles because of his father’s job -- he was a producer for a big network and he got an opportunity in america so they took off !! the network got shut down years and years later and daeseong’s dad was like LOL YEET and moved the fam back to korea !!

being in america???? baby daeseong ate and aTE and was huge for his age,, it made him subject to a lot of abuse in elementary school -- all sorts of comments being thrown to lil daeseong about his weight, or how he spoke, or something even more racist,, so racism and discrimination is something he’s dealt with his entire life.

to americans, he wasn’t american and was clearly korean, and to koreans?? he was too american,, hE’S USED TO IT

it’s always been a push or pull sort of thing

but it made him v aggressive and angry as a kid. he didn’t understand why no one liked him, because he knew he had a lot to offer. he was a funny kid, and he wasn’t afraid to flaunt the wealth he had -- yet no one took notice.

he didn't really realise his weight was a huge issue until he was permanently back in korea at the age of 16/17,, aka it was him hitting the gym HARD and it took him two years to officially drop to a decent weight. but with him consistently going?? it created an obsession for him. for years, he’s taken crossfit serious, along with weight lifting,, so its something he’s v passionate about, but it’s still taking a toll on him.

at eighteen, he enrolled in daegu university for sports nutrition blahblahblah yall know the rest there, obv he did well with his enthusiasm

sO GOING BACK to the whole not feeling entirely korean, or american, he’s kinda always been a lone wolf, and the aggressive side of him can jump out at times,,, but deep down, and if you know him well enough?? he’s literally a sweetie,,, a giant teddy bear !!!!

he’s the stereotypical bad boy,,, but isn’t a bad boy lmao he loves driving on his motorcycle, loves wearing leather jackets, loves getting double takes as he enters a store just because he’s getting attention,,,, and not the bad type where he’s being bullied and picked on

much to his dismay, returning to korea at the age of 16 meant that he still had to serve for korea’s military because he wasn’t able to move back to america at the age of 18 and didn’t want to lose his citizenship,,, so he has been gone for the last two years !! and has only returned in the last few weeks. he had a year off from uni and then was off to serve,

first on his agenda: get a tattoo and go wild there !!! he’s always wanted to be covered in them,,, and he knows he’ll do it.

it kinda feels weird being back, but he’s getting used to it,,,, slowly but surely

i’ll prob add to this more tomorrow when it isn’t 3am and when i can actually think so i’ll surely do that and reblog it again,, i’m gonna fix up a stats page and an actual connections page then too, but for now, i’ve thought of a few lil things:

family members,,, p much explanatory

someone who used to pick on him?? like i said, he would have been back and forth from daegu and la, so if some characters have been there before,,, that’s perf,, and you can choose whether or not they’re completely intimidated by his new physique aksdjfjs

i would love if he was actually dating someone before he had to enlist,, because the pain of him thinking they’d be waiting for him?? when they weren’t???? OUCH,, he’s out here watching the people he lived with and loved for the last two years reunite with their loved ones and daeseong had no one??? omg my heart

the casual fwbs,, he prob has a few bc of the whole lone wolf image

a best friend?? he has to have someone who loves and cares for him bc he needs a lil bit of love,, there’s only so much he can take

a gym buddy?? someone he trains or trains with bc he’s there constantly

maybe someone is completely intimidated by him and he’s in normal daeseong mode like nO I WONT HURT YOU !!! and the teddy bear JUMPS OUT

#daegu:intro #tw mentions of racism

9 notes · View notes

96thdayofrage · 5 years

Text

Here’s a little secret. It’s going to sound obvious and trite, but I don’t think it is. You be the judge, by the end of this essay. Liberalism and conservatism won’t get to social democracy, but America’s — and the world’s — choice is social democracy or collapse. Sounds absurdly, almost childishly tautological, doesn’t it? And yet one of the most fundamental myths that many of us believe is that “progress” comes from pitting “liberalism” against “conservatism”, over and over again, forever, like beating a head against two brick walls. Somehow, these two poles, in opposition, we’re told, lead societies forwards— only no one really examines how, or why, or even if. We just believe it. But is it really true?

What’s going wrong with the world is in a way very simple to understand. Huge surpluses have piled up at the top of the global economy. So vast that there is nothing left to do with them except pile them up offshore, hide them like buried treasure. These fortunes have been earned, mostly, by doing nothing of benefit to societies, people, and the planet whatseover — merely exploiting all three ruinously. Without a way for those surpluses piled up at the top to find themselves back in the hands of the average person, discontent, rage, and fury will continue to grow, as people lose hope, faith, and belief in their systems, societies, and futures. Those sentiments and passions will fold back upon themselves, becoming extremism, fanaticism, fascism. That way lies a new dark age.

All this is precisely what happened in the 1930s — the only thing that has really changed is that nations aren’t indebted to each other, so much as average people are indebted to a class of hidden, shadowy ultra-rich, who have come to own the critical systems and structures in entire economies. That imbalance produces just the same social tensions, though, as during the 1930s — fury, panic, a sense that people are just barely hanging on, redirected at the easiest targets, the powerless, who are then scapegoated, hunted, and demonized.

Hence, the world needs more social democracy, and it needs it now. Societies like America that don’t have it, which have never had it, need to develop it in spades. Societies like Europe that do have it need badly to strengthen and recommit to it, maybe even to rediscover its values and principles, which is what I’d say the Gilets Jaunes protests are really about.

Now. The question is this. If the world needs more social democracy, then can liberalism and conservatism get it there? It’s pretty easy to answer this question, and I’d bet you already know the answer, even if part of you fights against knowing it, so let’s think about it anyways.

Which country never joined the global movement towards social democracy, that roared across rich countries after the last world war? America, of course. America’s politics, uniquely, remained stuck, split, in a weird, binary way, between “liberals” and “conservatives” — mostly because America was clinging on to old notions of supremacy, still institutionalized in segregation, which ruled out any kind of social democracy absolutely.

So what did decades of binary liberalism versus conservatism accomplish for America? Did the dialectic lead to progress? Not at all. It led to stagnation. The answer to what did liberalism and conservatism achieve for America is: precisely nothing. Less than nothing, in fact, one could argue. This is the point at which Americans will cry, “there goes Umair! Being hyperbolic again!!” Ah, but am I? What does the evidence say? The average American’s life isn’t more prosperous today than yesterday — it’s less so. Life expectancy is falling. His income is less than his grandfather’s. He’s broke, though he works longer hours, at a less stable job. Suicides are soaring — and maybe he himself is giving up on life. Who could blame him? He faces bizarre, weird, and gruesome problems, like his kids being shot at school, and having to beg strangers for money for healthcare online. He spends sleepless night wondering he ended up impoverished, despite playing by the rules — maybe not quite understanding that the rules were designed to exploit him.

Decades of liberalism versus conservatism didn’t lead America forward — they turned it into a surreal, bizarre dystopia. The empirical reality of American living standards is this: they haven’t risen during our adult lifetimes. They’ve imploded, to the point that Americans live lives of indignity, shame, fear, and rage. That’s vivid evidence that liberalism versus conservatism accomplished precisely nothing for Americans. (Nothing positive, that is. They accomplished plenty of wasteful, stupid things. Fake wars. Tax cuts for the rich. Weird “market-based” healthcare systems that worked for no one. Bailing out banks. And so forth. They accomplished a lot — for capitalists. By siphoning off everyone else’s money, power, and possibility.)

Why didn’t liberalism and conservatism lead to progress? Well, because in America, they converged to two flavours of largely the same thing — “neoliberalism” and “neoconservatism.” Neoconservatism was a little more trigger happy, always ready to start a war, and neoliberalism was a little more utopian, but their foundational precepts didn’t end up being very different. Wealth would trickle down. Trade should be free, but movement shouldn’t. A person’s worth was how much money they made. And, most crucially of all, given these first three — society must never, ever invest in itself.

Hence, this fatal convergence of “neos”, of liberalism and conservatism to the same lowest-common-denominator, produced modern American dystopia: a rich society of impoverished people, a powerful one of powerless people, a generally decent one somehow ruled by bigots, fools, and ignoramuses. It’s a place in which people are quite literally left to fend for themselves, as best they can, with zero support, investment, care, or consideration. In fact, Americans are taught from the day they are born that caring for their neighbours, society, planet, or even themselves, is something to be scorned: a moral weakness, a social shame, a cultural crime, and an intellectual mistake.

Yet despite all that, many — maybe most — Americans are emerging social democrats. They might not know it — but when 70% of them want public healthcare and debt-free education and safety nets and so forth, that is precisely what they are. They don’t know it, at least many of them, because American pundits and intellectuals act like it’s still 1962, and act as if social democracy never happened, still pitting “socialism” against “capitalism” in a Cold War that no one really won — unless the wrecked state of America today means “winning” to you. So Americans are emerging social democrats despite the tremendous stigma, misinformation, and baffling stupidity that’s become commonplace in America’s public sphere — which is a good thing.

The problem is that while many Americans are emerging social democrats, nobody, really, represents them. The GOP obviously doesn’t — it represents the poor deluded fool who wants to rewind to 1862, more or less. But neither do the Democrats. They are still focused on the same old half-baked, ill-thought-out “compromises” of neoliberalism. For Democrats, markets still trump public goods, social investment, and national institutions, every single time.

But that is precisely why liberalism and conservatism can’t get you to social democracy. Neither one has any interest whatsoever in rewriting a social contract that isn’t severely compromised. Both quite happily put profit before people, capital over society, money over meaning, accumulation before justice, speculation before investment, concentration before distribution, and the same old hierarchies above genuine equality. But what we’ve seen in America is the ruinous consequences of these beliefs — they are mistakes, which lead nowhere but downwards and backwards. Yet how can two ideologies which believe in all the same mistakes at root make any progress?

Let me put that more bluntly. Liberalism can free you — and conservatism can protect you — if you’re a rich white dude, sure. But what if you’re a poor white dude — or an even poorer brown woman? What good are “self-reliance” and “personal responsibility” to you? What if you’re a family who’s a member of the people formerly known as the middle class — does being able to buy little a Johnny a cheap Chinese-made toy, aka “free trade”, make you any better off when you can’t give him decent healthcare or an education? If you’re any of these people — which is to say, 90% of society, at this point — then you need investment in you, by everyone else, and everyone else needs just the same thing. You need healthcare, education, retirement, a decent job, savings, a sense that your life matters, that you belong, and so forth — but you can never have any of those unless everyone agrees to provide them to everyone else. The other 10% — the capitalists, the dynasties, predators, and so forth — aren’t ever going to give them to you, except at the cost of everything you will ever make, money, time, ideas, imagination, life savings. That is precisely the trap the average American is in today — why he is broke, going nowhere, stuck, and losing hope.

Do you see my point yet? Let me make it clearer. The fundamental beliefs of liberalism and conservatism, their mistaken and impoverished priorities and notions, mostly boil down to the same thing, in slightly different ways. Only the strong should survive, eliminate the weak — everyone will be better off! Exploitation will lead to prosperity for all! (Hence, time and again, soon enough degenerate into outright violence.) If one person in a society has lots of money — then we can call the whole thing a success!!

LOL. These are not just strange and foolish beliefs, my friends — they are also obviously false ones. Nobody much was made better off by enacting them. America is vivid proof of the failure of both liberalism and conservatism, and the unworkable compromises they forge. Both are now badly obsolete — maybe they worked in feudal, agrarian, or industrial societies, to better the relative lot of some, at the price of others, through things like slavery, segregation, and today’s predatory capitalism, but that work having been done, they will not work any longer in this century.

At this point, a better, fairer, wiser social contract is precisely what the world needs, or else. Or else what? Or else climate meltdown, inequality, extremism, fascism, and various flavors of collapse and implosion do. To make that point clear, let’s look at America again.

The result of relying on liberalism and conservatism as the sole engines of forward motion that progress in America is stuck, stalled, that America is in stalemate. But stalemate means collapse, because societies need ongoing tending and cultivation, just like a garden. Yet maybe no further progress is possible at all, without a genuinely social democratic movement. And whether or not the Democratic Socialists are such a thing still remains to be seen — because they seem to be focused more on pie-in-the-sky ideas than simply proposing an American NHS, BBC, or retirement system, imitating what works, improving upon it. That’s OK — they’re young, and they haven’t studied the world enough yet. Time will tell if that familiar American arrogance comes to be their undoing, too.

The lesson is very simple. Liberalism versus conservatism ends in collapse, via stalemate, not progress. It’s one of the most fundamental myths that we believe, perhaps, is that progress is only ever the result of these ideologies “compromising”, or “battling”, or “debating.” But it’s not true. Liberalism and conversatism do indeed compromise — in fatally impoverished ways. By making it impossible for people to make shared investments, for societies to measure anything other than money, by assigning life, work, being, no inherent worth, purpose, or meaning, they reduce and abstract away what matters, and privilege and protect exploitation — of people, of democracy, of nature, of the future, of life — and in that way, settlements between them are compromised things to begin with. Both are altogether too comfortable with, reliant on, exploitation to be engines of prosperity in a century where abundance can no longer come so easily from exploitation. All that is what the American example proves, in no uncertain terms.

The greatest discovery of the 20th century was social democracy. Prosperity with a minimum of exploitation, of violence, of domination. All those things are human moments, chances, possibilities, that can be put to better, wiser, truer use. It is just that simple. That insight, that breakthrough, is what made decades of peace, progress, and stability possible, and led to the highest living standards in human history. Yet it’s equally great lesson, which we are still struggling to learn, wasn’t that the future is made by pitting liberalism against conservatism. It was that the future is made by transcending both, and building societies that can invest in themselves, in order to overcome and undo the old ways of violence, dominance, and control, with true freedom, equality, and worth.

3 notes · View notes

galadrieljones · 6 years

Note

Writing question time! I remember you said at one point that you use Abelas as a foil for Solas. Can you elaborate on that? What does a 'foil' mean, technically? How do you go about developing a character to fill that role? And, expanding further, how do you develop characters to be complementary to each other? Is there certain steps you think of, or does it come naturally? I am thinking of Revesan and Rasha, and also of Mythal and Lea? (and personally, I need a friend for Iwyn in modern AUs)

Hey! Yay thank you for the writing question. I am all about this!

A foil is basically a character that is, in some way, complimentary to the protagonist, or just to any other main character in a story. They can be dramatic opposites in many ways, or they can be very alike but just dissimilar in really key ways. The point is that the foil’s traits, in some way, highlight certain important traits in the character they’re foiling. I actually just looked it up on Wikipedia to learn the etymology of the word, and it seems to come from an old-fashioned method of placing foil behind gems inside of jewelry, to make them shine more brightly.

In terms of inventing and developing strong, interesting complimentary characters, here’s one way to boil it down:

You realize that a main character needs to change, or their character needs to be developed in some way You might not even know how they need these things, but you just know they need them. Change and development don’t have to be dramatic. This can just be about deepening character development in some way.

So you introduce a new character (or you reintroduce an old character) as a way of propagating that change/development in some way, as a foil. Usually they come bearing a veiled choice of some sort, or a question, or an opportunity, though not always. They could merely be a consequence of circumstance.

BUT, and this is the really important part: you MUST give the foil character their own life and characterization, independent of the main character. They must be given traits and development of their own, even if it is minor. They must not exist solely for the development of the main character. They cannot be made JUST for the story. They must be a character of their own–one that can also be “foiled.”

The easy mistake to make: The problem with a lot of foil characters is that, too often, they don’t seem to exist for any other reason than to compliment the main character. This sort of thing can be found in a lot of romantic comedies, ie: the “best friend” character. The best friend usually exists only as a sounding board, to offer encouragement and resources to the leading lady, and to be a quirky, off-beat comparison who never exists in competition. She is not a true foil, though she’s acting like one in the story. But she has no actual characterization of her own (beyond the most surface-level traits). So she’s not really a character at all. She’s just like, a symbol. She’s just furniture. Very comfy furniture for the leading lady to sit on whenever times get rough.

How I write complimentary characters: I am usually, to some extent, aware of how characters foil each other when I write them. Especially in the beginning. I develop the relationship between the two characters using scenes in which they talk and cooperate, sometimes in which they argue, depending on their dynamic and/or where we are in the plot of the story. I am usually pretty conscious of what kinds of characterization I need to develop with each scene, as well as what kinds of plot or actions I need to address, and so I choose the situation for each scene pretty carefully, and I try to vary my scenes as much as possible, and also to choose off, unexpected situations for my scenes, as a way of exploring characterization in new, challenging ways. So like, not every scene can be a conversation over a meal, or driving in a car. There has to be something else. I also pay close attention to the dialogue between foil characters, to make sure that they’re not just talking back and forth, answering each other one-to-one, but that they speak in accordance with their own individual agendas and interests.

Sometimes, I also develop my characters and their relationships by having them do something very mundane together, something that’s off-topic, occupying themselves, but together. Being alone together, and letting their actions communicate their individual characteristics, and how those characteristics are complimentary to one another. Sometimes, you can have a third character there as a sort of anchor. This kind of scene, I’ve found, is especially useful when writing romantic relationships–making sure that complimentary characters exist independently, without constant verbal interaction, and developing their complimentary traits via action, and also separately, not always in conversation with one another. Even if characters are talking to each other, they can be doing separate things. This is a really good way to make sure that foils (and secondary characters in general) are not just like, sounding boards there to serve the main character.

Basically, at some point, foils must be more than foils in order to be interesting. They must be real. They must have backstories and lives, wants and desires and fears, even if those things are only implied in small ways. I think that’s the hardest part, and the part to be most aware of when writing ALL characters, ie: to NOT just think of them as foils, but as simply characters. Most characters are complimentary to the protagonist, and to each other, in SOME way.

Abelas and Solas

Abelas is a foil for Solas because he is a lot like Solas, but he is drastically different from Solas in very important ways that call attention to Solas’s vulnerabilities. Both Solas and Abelas were recruited by Mythal when they were teenagers. They are huge ancient elves with a lot of power, and they have tragic backstories involving the deaths of one or more immediate family members. They were ranked #1 and #2 in Mythal’s armies during the Great War of Elvhenan, and in The Dead Season, they are both, at some point in the story, attracted to Sene. One could also argue that Sene is attracted to them both at some point as well. They both abuse substances to cope with their problems, and they both have a lot of trauma that they’re trying to overcome.

But Abelas is simpler than Solas. At some point, Mythal describes him as a “uncomplicated.” She says that “he is not like Solas” because “he sees things for what they are, and he goes right to them. He is practical.” Abelas is hyper-literal, where Solas hyper-analytical. Abelas knows how to let go of control. He understands that happiness is a state of mind, and that all he must do is reach that state of mind, and then, he can be happy. Solas is highly controlling. He overanalyzes every last step he must take on his journey toward happiness, and he must do this because it allows him to feel in control. So when Abelas and Solas meet in Crestwood, and Abelas begins interrogating Solas on what is going on with this Dalish girl, he is literally just asking. He just wants to know. But Solas is overanalyzing the entire situation, and he’s reading all sorts of things into Abelas’s questions. He distrusts Abelas, becomes defensive, gets angry, then realizes he has lost, and gives up. These are vulnerable moments for Solas. It was hard for me to write Solas’s vulnerabilities at first, because he’s so confident in his exterior, and so charming and intelligent, and so strong. But when seated across from Abelas, who is exactly like him in almost every way, except for in this one key way–his ability to just see and deal with things for what they are, WITHOUT over-complicating–he turns to mush in like half a scene. It felt great to write it lol.

Revasan and Rasha

With Revasan and Rasha–they are foils for one another, because Rasha is HIGHLY docile where Revasan is HIGHLY willful. Also, Rasha is incredibly patient where Rev is incredibly impatient. With her, however, he is suddenly both calm and patient. She brings out the best in him, or at least the quiet. Meanwhile, Revasan is a challenge for Rasha. She is a little too submissive at times, too indecisive, too unsure of herself. But Rev is assertive and confident, and he believes in her, and she wants to meet his hopes and appreciation for her hidden strengths, because she loves him, so with him, she is stronger.

Lea and Mythal

Lea and Mythal are also good foils. They are very similar in many ways. Both were born into extraordinary wealth and bred to be the heads of their houses. But where Mythal took up her mantle, forgoing love and a normal life for status and power, Lea escaped, giving up her and status and power for love. Meanwhile, Lea is funny and lighthearted and playful, where Mythal is serious and dour and easily offended. Lea is practical where Mythal is highly impractical, and extremely high maintenance. Lea makes Mythal laugh and provides her with perspective on her petty dramas, while Mythal allows Lea to feel needed (a compulsion just like her son’s), and her seriousness reminds Lea that all they have experienced is real, and that she cannot hide forever behind her humor and her charm. Mythal is a reminder of Lea’s particular darkness as well–maybe more so to the reader. Lea is an evanuris, and while she may have been hidden away in the attic before, she lives now, full power in a world that, if they knew everything, would fear her. Meanwhile, for Mythal, Lea is a reminder that life is full of second chances–something that Mythal desperately needs to believe if she is to go on. They are foils.

Random foil-y scenes from The Dead Season that come to mind:

Solas and Abelas (first meeting in Crestwood) - Abelas is foiling Solas

Sene, Solas, and Kieran (peeling potatoes at Suledin Keep) - Kieran is foiling them both

Sene and Solas (right before closing the rift in Crestwood) - Solas is foiling Sene

Solas and Dorian (at the tavern in Sahrnia) - Solas is foiling Dorian

Solas and Daniel (outside the Hanged Man in Kirkwall) - Daniel is foiling Solas

Solas and Deshanna (at the Lavellan farm in Ansburg) - Deshanna is foiling Solas

Solas and Revasan (at the Lavellan farm in Ansburg) - Revasan is foiling the literal shit out of Solas

21 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1108

[created by: vyvyan86]

What did you think you were good at, until you saw someone else do it? Probably at being detail-oriented. I’ve always held secretarial positions so I knew I was somewhat good at it, but my manager is far more capable than me to a ridiculous extent; she’s great at catching mistakes or knowing the right questions to ask.

What's a fun fact you tell in social situations? About me? The go-to fact that has never failed me before is that I don’t like fruits. Alllllllways riles up an entire crowd, and it’s such an easy way to break the ice hahaha.

What's something you're positive that only you do? I don’t enjoy chicken meat too much, so when I eat fried chicken I usually tear off the chicken skin (the only part I like) and give the rest of the meat to whoever wants it - usually my parents, or my dogs if they’re around.

What is something nice going on in your life right now? I’ve been feeling more free than lonely, which is a crucial mindset shift I needed in order to start healing.

What was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child? Probably Lisa Frank merchandise, or a Speed Stack set.

What's something that you hate, but can't live without? Delayed flights are extremely inconvenient especially when I’m already itching to be back home, and they’re bound to happen every now and then, so.

What skill do you not talk about, because you feel it sounds like bragging? I’m not sure if I can say anything in the field of skills, but there are topics outside of talents that I do shy away from talking about because I don’t want to sound like I’m showing off. One of them is certain relatives I have.

What is an absolute 100% fact? I have work tomorrow and I’m dreading it as always because Monday. I already have 11 items lined up on my to-do list and it’s making my stomach turn.

What's the most useless thing you've memorized? Multiple episodes of Friends in their entirety.

What is your personal curse? My...what?

Who's the worst person you've encountered on the Internet? The trolls/bots employed to praise the government.

Do you ever stop and think, “what the hell am I doing with my life?” Just every once in a while. I don’t run into this crisis too often, and most of the time I always have a reason to be satisfied with where I happen to be in life.

What are some of the small things in life you enjoy? Feeling fresh after a shower; the scent that wafts from the kitchen when my parents have started cooking or baking something; lightning-speed internet; and driving at night.

What happened recently that made you really happy? I took myself out on a self-date for the first time last night. I’ve taken myself out before, but it was always at some coffee shop where I can stay for a few hours and take a survey or two – and people are usually alone there, anyway. I’ve never eaten out on my own, or went beyond getting coffee, before. I feel like last night was such an important mark for my newfound independence, and I let myself be emotional while I was downing my ramen. I can’t believe I’m getting better; I never thought I’d see the day. :)

If death wasn't a consequence, what would you try? Probably touching stuff that aren’t meant to be touched to know how they’d feel like, like lava.

What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say? Superlatives are always hard to determine...but I’ll be happy to refer you to most of the quotes Duterte has said over the last five years of his presidency.

What is the worst smell you can remember? The sour stench of rotten food always gets me. Other than that, my stomach is a bit of a trooper when it comes to smells so I haven’t smelled a lot of stuff I’ve found to be terrible.

What's something you want that doesn't exist yet? Some kind of invention that lets you Control+F in real life. I can’t even begin to imagine how infinitely convenient this would make things.

Where is your happy place? In my car, driving at night with the right mix of songs to accompany me.

What song gets better the louder it gets? Born For This by Paramore or New Day by The Bouncing Souls.

What's the most deceptive advertising you've seen? Menu items, mostly. Like the one time a local pancake joint promoted their limited edition red velvet pancakes; I was big on red velvet at the time so I hurriedly ordered it, excited to see how they applied it to pancakes; but was disappointed to see that they were only about the size of my palm.

I honestly don’t mind deceptive advertising for fast food since people should really expect to get what they pay for - so for the most part I don’t find myself feeling betrayed by sloppy-looking Big Macs hahaha - but the pancake place I was referring to was a sit-down restaurant so I did feel a bit upset seeing how sad and tiny my pancakes looked.

What's a joke you always tell people you meet for the first time? Back when I still went to school and we were required to introduce ourselves on the first day of classes, my go-to line was a joke in itself. I liked saying, “Hi, my name is Robyn. You can call me Robyn,” because for some reason it was the quickest way to get chuckles out of my classmates. I guess it’s in the way I deliver the line, but yeah that’s my way of breaking the ice.

What's the biggest inconvenience that does NOT ruin your day? When my dogs do their business somewhere they’re not supposed to. My dogs are my babies haha, so it’s easy to forgive them.

What's your best wrong number story? I don’t know if I have one. I usually ignore/block wrong numbers lol.

What's something everybody should know how to do? Approach intersections slowly, whether they’re walking or driving.

What is a great movie no one knows about? I suppose it’s quite known given the cast is has and the awards it got to have or be nominated for, but no one in my circle knows about it - Revolutionary Road.

What type of person could the world use less of? People who spit in public.

What makes you think, 'Oh dear, I'm old...'? Erm, maybe the fact that you can ask some kids if they know who Hannah Montana or Drake and Josh are, and it’s very likely that they would say no. Also, the fact that current college students were born in the 2000s.

What is one food that you hated as a kid, but love now? Vegetables and my grandma’s chicken curry.

What makes you tingle? Whispering in my ear.

What was your travel nightmare? Any time our flight would get delayed 2-3 times and we have to wait an extra hour per announcement. Even worse if the plane itself takes foreverrrrrrrrr to get clearance to take off.

What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? Nacho’s wifi was “Yell ‘Bayani si Marcos’ for password,” which is “Yell “Marcos is a hero” for password.” It’s in reference to Ferdinand Marcos, a former president who doubled as a murderous dictator and thief and is of course not a hero, but for some weird reason is still revered like a god by people from his hometown, including my mom and grandmother. I’ve kept his wifi name on file on my laptop and have no plans to delete it.

What weird thing turns you on? Haha I don’t think anything I’m into can fall under ‘weird.’ I’m not into anything much in the first place.

What's easy to learn, but hard to master? Any sport.

What's something you've changed your opinion on? Certain politicians I used to look up to, but have since learned that they have unfavorable tendencies or traits as well.

Describe your favorite movie as obscurely as possible: A couple drives for the entire movie.

What's the most satisfying thing you've ever felt? So at work I have to use this extension called YAMM and it’s basically a way to be able to mass-send emails to hundreds and even thousands of recipients. I use it regularly to send press releases to media, and it makes me anxious every single time because one mistake can fuck up the spelling of names or the order of email addresses. Every time I accomplish a YAMM send-out without any mistakes I exhale a giant ass sigh of relief.

If you had a refilling bowl, what would you want it to contain? Money or macarons.

Where do you mostly live? In the past, the present or the future? Up until recently, I used to think a lot about the future; in the latest ~chapter of my life I had been finishing up college, figuring out what job.I wanted, and was in a long-term relationship, so it was inevitable for me to think about next steps. Now that I’ve gone/am going through all these massive changes, I’ve found that this time around it’s a lot healthier for me to stay in the present and be happy with what and who I have.

What is more important to you, the way you look or the ideas you present? The ideas and thoughts I have to offer, of course. The current generation doesn’t care as much for physical looks anymore, which I’d say is a great improvement from before.

What don't people get about what it's like to be you? I’m not that rare a snowflake lol, but I guess when it comes to certain things, like my breakup, I’ve since preferred to be insanely private about them (except on here, of course) so that I don’t have to take the whole neighborhood along in my healing process.

If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? Another country, a coffee shop, and a beach.

How is parallel universe you doing? I hope she’s happier when it comes to love.

Which historical event should be the next huge television series? I’ve always wanted a fictionalized take on the British royal family, so The Crown already works out pretty well for me, actually.

What country should fictional villains be from? Any answer to this would be offensive lmao, so pass.

What is your imaginary Eden? Living conveniently in the condo of my dreams, making enough money to live comfortably and having easy access to whatever food I’m craving at any given moment.

Which Disney princess would make the best villain? I haven’t seen all the princess movies, so I’m not so sure if I can judge well on this.

You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I’d probably just ask Angie Sage if movie adaptations for Septimus Heap will still push through because I’ve been waiting on them since I was a lot younger.

Would you want a rewind or a pause button for your life? Why that one? Pause. So that if I’m feeling happy, I have the option to stay there longer if I want.

Are you worth your weight in gold? Idk.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

shakingsphere · 3 years

Text

i just like doing these

1. Do you like who you are? no ive never liked myself very much

2. What would people say about you at your funeral? i don’t know probably something about being smart and honest

3. What would you regret not doing in your life? i dont like thinking about my past but many not trying hard enough the first time i tried to od...

4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? idk

5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? it took me a long time to learn when to quit

6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? they dont and i take too much lexapro to worry these days

7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? i’d probably just travel

8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? i don’t think about money a lot as long as i can buy nic and coffee

9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? no. i dont thinks there’s a thing as a ‘true self’ just different versions of yourself

10. What are you grateful for? financial stability and being able to go to college

11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? nope!

12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? i doubt it!

13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? i’d just go to bed no point asking questions

14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? yes.

15. How would you describe yourself? depressed. but funny and smart ig

16. Do you take people’s advice? sometimes but i think taking advice is hard because im so bad at giving the full picture

17. Do you get quickly offended? not really, it depends

18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? no lol

19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? hard work i dont know

20. Are you enriching the lives of others? i doubt it

21. Are you living a meaningful life? no

22. What makes a meaningful life? contributing something and being happy

23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? depends on the person

24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? what do you mean? i’d pay higher taxes and stuff

25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? i wouldn’t want that

26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? no.

27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? i need to stop being sad

28. What brings you down the most often? boredom

29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? yes

30. Where do you find peace? sitting by streams

31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? sense of humor

32. What is your biggest dream in life? to be successful and respected

33. What is your biggest fear? failure

34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? it literally wouldn’t. my parents wouldn’t have daughters i guess.

35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? i was a child i needed to learn first.

36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? join the track team

37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? bedtime

38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? depends on the director

39. What does success mean to you? i feel like i already answered this

40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? yes

41. What was the best day of your life? Why? i dont know probably my last real date with my ex...

42. What do you look forward to most in life? being happy one day

43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? i want to start keeping my room clean

44. Who do you look up to and why? my mom, shes just really hard working

45. Do you know your partners love language? i dont have a partner

46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? im sure they do

47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? yeah

48. What do you owe yourself? sleep

49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? a MA!

50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? yes, i dont get offered things very often so sometimes i feel like i have to say yes

51. What did you learn yesterday? i think my childhood friend is hot and we like the same anime lmao

52. What do you like about yourself? im smart

53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? yeah

54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? yes ofc

55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? ugh i should probably quite vaping but maybe start working out again

56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? too many

57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? im literally suicidal

58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? yes because they’re things i would have had to start when i was younger but thats not important anymore.

59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? redistribute wealth probably

60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? like a few hours a week. im not very social

61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? the east coast :)

62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? everyones life is

63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? bitch idk

64. What stresses you out? my sister

65. What makes life easier? having stuff i have to do

66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? occasionally

67. What is your greatest challenge? mental illness luv

68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? idk idk

69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? i dont have anything to say to the world. maybe redistribute the wealth?

70. What do you most regret never telling someone? that i loved them.

71. When was the last time you tried something new? sucking balls

72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? no

73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? no

74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? probably

75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? i dont

76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? some do some don’t

77. How often do you make excuses? i try not to

78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? dating someone who couldn’t really commit then

79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot? never trying

80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? the challenges

81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? no what a pointless life.

82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? time and hard work!

83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? i dont

84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? no

85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? no

86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? because its a sucky feeling and its embarassing to want something and not be able to get it

87. What could you pay more attention to in life? my cats

88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? sad maybe

89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? idk i’ve never tried. maybe ill start a vlog channel on youtube

90. What have you given up on? eating more than 2x a day

91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? 4 or 5 and idk not worrying them

92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? i think asking questions is a good thing

93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? tiktok

94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? i think i would be bored

95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? a baby

96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? to be good at math

97. What inspires you in life? idk art

98. What can you not live without the most? water

99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? sleeping

100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? i dont know

101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? the actual life i live

#personal

0 notes

supergirlimaginesfic-blog · 7 years

Text

Lena Luthor x reader (Yesterday, our history; today, for now)

Request: Lena x reader : lena gets jealous after seeing someone kiss you at one of her gala

a/n: guess which garbage monster decided to make a little childhood friends to present time drabble. THIS garbage monster decided to make a childhood friends fic, because I want it and I think it kinda fit this particular scenario. You’re a little bit of a big time fairtrade coffee mogul, it’s obscure and I’m craving coffee currently, so naturally this is what I come up with. Forgive me if it seems like I’m just spouting out terms... it is most definitely because that’s exactly what I’m doing LOL

For SOME reason I was in some grand mood to write something a little angsty and piney... for what reason? I truly could not tell you. Apparently I’m due for one of those again. Thanks for reading y’all!! :D

- - - - -

If you were to be candid and outright, you would readily admit that you resented the business world. You’re self-aware enough to understand the privilege of working hard and watching it pay off, and living comfortably is something that’s never been foreign to you.

You weren’t born into all the wealth you had now - you were proud to say you toiled for what you could call your own. In spite of the leg up you knew you got from certain family members, it humbled you and you never took your gains for granted.

As you found yourself standing in a giant room among the people who you should consider your peers, it went without saying you were jaded and unimpressed.

Where you could, you tried to withhold judgement; after all, not everybody was insufferable and irritating with their prestige, though you also knew a lot of them believed they were destined for it.

Self-worth is a subjective commodity, and where one person draws motivation could be quite strikingly different from the next. Still, you had enough interactions (far too many, you concede) with these kinds of people to be intimately aware of a certain unspoken but commonly held truth: if they’d lost all their money and power in an instant, it would be more than their net worth that’s lost.

Even so, you didn’t necessarily loathe the wealthy elite so much as you just can’t find many people worth respecting despite the all-encompassing competitiveness to have the unwarranted abundance of it.

Life, you know, is saturated with this mentality in general, and it only aggravated you now because you knew you were intended to befriend these people and maintain good rapport.

You wish it wasn’t so easy to give in to the sentiment of othering yourself whenever you contemplated your fortunate circumstances, yet you could count on your one hand the number of true allies you could rely on and vouch for personally.

When you glanced at the L-Corp gala invitation that you found in your mail, it was not your first thought to dread another night of reluctant obligation, but rather of one old friend you were much too aware of not having seen in years.

You wouldn’t say you were avoiding her - not entirely, anyway. You were simply distracted with the course of your life and needing to better it for yourself. You had a never-settling unease about not being good enough, and though this was a noble insecurity to have, it proved relentless and omnipresent.

Throughout your boarding school experience, Lena Luthor was as unassuming as she was brilliant. Though now, you surmise, she entertains the facade of grandeur, and you’ve still yet to put together how to reconcile what you know of a young Lena and what you’ve seen of her now.

You’ve always admired her from afar; that much wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise, however, was the inexplicable draw that possessed the two of you and created an otherwise unlikely alliance of mutual understanding.

You were the new kid of freshman year, having missed three months of the beginning of school to relocating with your aunt and her family from Central City. Lena was the youngest acquisition of the Luthor family, and that particular news followed her like a shadow.

Still, you watched as she prospered in spite of it and just as you felt yourself falling into her gravity, you also somehow caught her in your orbit.

The two of you were an anomalous pair, you in your modest willingness to remain indeterminate and ordinary and her with the effortless dancing on the precipice of obscurity and greatness.

Even then at that young age, you had the distinct notion of not wanting to hinder her in any way you possibly could - even then, she would scoff at your foolishness. For as much as a friend could love you, she did. And for as much as you were pining for her successes and happiness, you did.

You dreamed often and you played often together, and as much as you did you also studied and philosophized and aspired. The adventure of youth was indeed a journey, and you would never change the reality of having Lena in your corner for those formative years if you were faced with the decision to start over.

You hadn’t thought much of it then, but the only time you ever stood up against anyone or anything was when someone by the likes of Veronica Sinclair gave Lena trouble; and there is much that could be said about that now in retrospect.

Lena gave you loyalty as fierce as your own, and though it often went unspoken, you knew you’d both felt it.

It was only with little sadness that you watched awe-struck and proud as she walked to the podium to receive her diploma, and you knew she would be heading off to MIT.

As for yourself, you would charter the route that just like any other wide-eyed, hopeful teen your age imagined for themselves would most benefit from in the long run. Your aunt, with her modest conglomerate of companies in a wide array of sectors, only asked of you to do what you could do best.

You’d graduate from an Honours International Development Studies program and sought after your pipe dream to not change the world, but to merely help it.

For years, you would hear stories from the wind of the Luthor scion and Jack Spheer trying to find the ever elusive cure to cancer, and you’d heard that they were making breakthroughs with their nanotechnology.

Even then, you’d felt rather inadequate, and much to your displeasure you found that in a room full off big business moguls and politicians you still felt just as small as you always had.

It was with great bemusement that you remember you’d finally accepted an invitation from L-Corp as you looked around you at the filling ballroom, and you’re usually not so absent of mind.

You begin to realize just how out of place you feel as you watch pairs of people filing through the entrance, all figures of prominence and varying levels of affluence trying to take up the most space in the room. You feel so very unprepared and not at all in your element and you almost regret your decision to go about this event alone.

It’s only for a few hours, you concede, and you’ll take your leave the very second it’s socially acceptable to do so. You wonder if you can even evade Lena again, though it’s becoming more and more evident how unlikely that will be. You don’t have the excuse of being in another country altogether to justify your absences.

Perhaps you’ve made a big mistake by coming here tonight.

You don’t have the time to ponder it further, however, when you feel a presence sidle up beside you.

“Now, I don’t usually act so brash and forward, but I must simply know why exactly it is you are without company this evening.”

You don’t recognize the woman when you turn to face her. At first glance you see she is conventionally beautiful with her dark brown eyes and an angular face.

She’s wearing a deep green gown and she seems the epitome of refinement. She seems rather young, perhaps only a few years older than you, and somehow much more... everything.

“That is, unless it’s only a matter of time before she makes her appearance and I learn yet another lesson regarding my presumptuous inclinations,” she adds.

You smile politely and already feel yourself get reluctantly pulled forward into the game of social obligation. Still, you are curious.

“Well, Miss... you would be correct in your observations. I’m afraid I don’t recognize you, and if I ought to then I apologize-”

“Beckett, and it’s absolutely divine to make your acquaintance.”

You have exactly milliseconds to both process and react to her moving in close to kiss you just near the corner of your mouth, and if there’s any look of astonishment and utter confusion on your face, she’s ignorant to the display.

You’re left stuttering and stumbling on words, and you’re vexed at just how out of touch you are with how to behave in these events and how to deal with such forwardness in general.

“Miss-”

“Oh, please, call me Alona, we can allow ourselves to be on a first name basis.”

“Right, yeah- okay-”

“I confess, I know quite a lot about you, (Y/N). You’re making rather significant waves that are crossing into my circles. I am most curious about your story.”

You’re still silent, standing before a woman and her force of nature as she glides easily from thought to thought, almost taunting you in a way to keep up.

“It’s the most inspirational anecdote. Your aunt, Theresa Everett, she’s such a character too. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing her while she was still active and the most prominent in 2013. And now, you’re an entrepreneur! You’ve really separated yourself from all that, haven’t you?”

You inhale shakily as you scramble to recollect your thoughts - there’s very little reference points you can bounce off of, but you force yourself to believe it’s enough. Having to talk about your work, at least, is something you enjoy and you don’t have to think too hard about that.

“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily word it like that. It’s not so much of a rebranding as it is just really focusing and cutting back the excess of resources at my disposal. I’ll take what I need and no more or less, and it’s proven to have worked out if the exponential growth of the farms I’ve overseen is any indication.”

For her part, Alona looks attentively at you, and if you weren’t so overwhelmed by her larger than life introduction you would perhaps be more than willing to indulge her conversation and speak in depth of your work.

You think there’s a hint of impudence to her when she smiles at you, but the observation is moot by the time you’ve detected it.

“I’ve always thought so highly of you, and it is so refreshing to see I’m not wrong in my high regards. What is it now, you have locations in Peru, Guatemala, Colombia if I recall correctly?

“I truly, truly commend you for your upholding the ethical crusade. It’s apparent that every single one present in this room has something similar in common with another, and perhaps this is what you and Ms. Luthor share; the unfailing resilience to chase a simple dream.”

Your eyebrows furrow slightly in contemplation and you regard the woman carefully. There’s an agenda hidden somewhere - there always is, and you’re just about close to scratching the surface of it. You’re suspicious, and part of this game is to do everything you can to make sure you don’t show it. You consider your next words as carefully as you can, but you’re just steps over the edge.

“And still I wholeheartedly believe a simple dream is the one distinctive catalyst that provides solutions where there might be questions, and curates possibilities where there are only hypotheticals.”

You inhale sharply and feel the broiling of your intensity and mild agitation. You think to try to reel yourself in - you’re well aware of the flurry you become when you get going about correcting people who are just so very wrong.

“But respectfully, I decline your belief in my upholding some crusade of ethics - as far as I’m concerned it’s pretty rudimentary that we treat every individual involved in our business relationships with the same amount of respect as we are given by default as the ones with the monetary resources. Business is a mutual give and take. It’s our responsibility to foster all aspects of the whole to benefit from the sum of all the little parts.”

Alona smiles at you again, and you’ve no doubt now it’s positively devilish in its scheming.

“I am so awed by your passion, how remarkably you guard your tenets. That tenacity should be harnessed. If you need any assistance in the form of governmental influence, which I’m sure you will no doubt encounter if you haven’t already, I will personally see to it that I have some sway in your favour.”

“Thank you so much, Miss Beckett, I can assure you we are quite self-sustaining at this time and it’s actually beneficial that we’re on the fringes of politics-”

Suddenly, you think you feel the air escape your lungs and your eyes widen almost comically. There’s a far off part of your brain that’s mostly shut off currently, but you can hear a distant echo of this is some bullshit movie moment, come from the depths of your mind when you finally see her.

You begin to think just how wrong you were to ever have stayed away from her. You think you should be rewarded for your ability to have ever done so at all.

Lena is so much more than you ever remembered of her. You’re only minutely aware of being cut off mid-sentence before you realize it was you who stopped talking altogether. You think you feel your jaw go slack, and Alona at least takes note when she acknowledges the new presence.

“Lena, you’ve outdone yourself as always.”

“Alona, your attendance always pleases me,” she says in greeting.

You can feel the distinct tension of various things left unsaid in your little trio, and when neither woman broaches the physical boundary tethering you all together, it’s Lena who decides to start severing the tie.

“How is Mr. Conroy? I’m sure Johnathan is doing well?”

“Yes, quite. He almost didn’t want to make it today, I’m sure you can understand, what with the last L-Corp event being quite the target for trouble.”

Alona smirks mischievously in delight and you can only watch in slight horror at the show you’ve inadvertently become an audience for.

“Of course, that’s justifiable. I almost thought it’d been best if we all just stayed home,” Lena says cuttingly.

“Oh, but here we are. Your bravery has always impressed me, Lena.”

Lena just smiles sweetly and she’s a considerable distance away from you - at least, as much as what you perceive suggests. You can just feel the tug of her and not a single part of her body is touching yours, and yet you feel the fire of your skin ablaze by her presence alone. She might as well have been playing matches on your being.

Somehow, and this has always amused you, watching people recognize the notion that they’re not wanted anymore becomes potent enough to become an entirely new entity, and you love watching how they react.

Alona decides to take her leave, but not before she kisses you on the cheek in departure and bids you a good evening, and you really wish you’d learned to expect the unexpected as if you hadn’t experience this same conundrum just several minutes ago.

You barely register that Lena’s sweet smile falls into a scowl. You’re not quite sure why exactly it is she has such a disapproving glare. You refuse to indulge the possible reasons why it would be there.

Even after Alona is gone, you and Lena don’t share a word for the next few moments.

When she finally looks up at you, she’s no longer glowering at some inconsequential woman you happened to have encountered, and you can see the imperceptible widening of her eyes as if she’s really taking you in.

You wonder if you should assure her that your presence isn’t a trick of reality - you can hardly believe it yourself, but Lena breaks the silence.

“You’re a lot taller than I remember,” she mutters teasingly.

“And you’re more radiant than ever.”

In spite of the long years absent from each other’s lives, the familiarity of Lena makes you feel both parts nostalgic and something akin to a return - like a conversation that picks up where you’ve left it as if it never ceased at all, and in a way, that’s exactly what you two are.

“It’s good to see you’re just as much of a kiss-ass as you’ve always been.”

You smile at her remark, and it’s decisively more than you can ever say you’ve had as of late; this alone should be cause for alarm.

“Naturally,” you grin. “To what do I owe this pleasure of your exclusive attention?”

“Don’t you know I only ever host these events to draw you out of whatever cave it is you’ve hidden in all these years? I should be asking you that same question.”

You see a flash of something like hurt and hesitance in Lena’s eyes. You know it because you felt it yourself. You think perhaps she can see it in you too.

There’s a compulsion in you to apologize, but for what, you couldn’t even begin to articulate.

There’s just too much and all the same, there’s very little to answer for at all. You wouldn’t change the way your life has turned out. Though, you can’t speak for Lena.

“I’ve been away,” is all you supply, and you marvel at your uselessness.

Lena smiles at you in a way that you can very much tell says, well no shit, but the fondness that’s there regardless has distracted you.

“Of course,” she says, and then, “how’s Theresa doing? She’s well, I take it?”

You’re thankful for the cop out and you take it.

“Yeah, she’s thriving as always. She asks about you often still.”

You barely register what you’ve said before you can even think to take it back.

Lena looks rueful when she replies, “I’d almost be shocked if she hasn’t kept up with the news as everyone else has.”

It takes everything of your being to will yourself not to hug her.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I do.”

You begin to realize the depths of your struggle, and the profoundly evident lack of knowledge you once had of your best friend’s life makes itself ever present all in one booming crash in your chest.

You grapple for something, anything to reach out to her.

“So... how’s Jack?”

Lena inhales sharply and her lips purse slightly, “he passed away.”

You feel it more than you hear it - the fall of something in your gut hanging in suspension in your lower torso.

“Fuck, I’m sorry-”

“It was either him or Supergirl,” she states softly.

You fiddle with your hands awkwardly. You’re becoming painfully aware of just how invasive your entire body feels in relation to Lena, and you wish you could just disappear or at least transport your being to some other timeline that has nothing to do with the current one.

You think to blame yourself entirely, of course when you concede that Lena has finally found someone worthy of her, the universe decides to muddle it up eventually.

You worry about just what that could mean for you.

“That must have been almost half a year ago. Often I wonder just how much more I can be put through the wringer before I snap. It feels like it’s simply a matter of time before I become everything I’ve always feared.”

You snap out of your reverie of contrite at Lena’s admission.

“You know you’ve always been above that. Plenty of times, you could have done just that, but you never have. And I think it’s because you’re just not capable of it. I’ve never once seen something you weren’t capable of handling.”

Lena sighs deeply, “I don’t think I want to find that breaking point.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to,” you say affirmatively.

You’re both silent in contemplation. Lena looks softer, and you wonder about it as you parse through the memories of the Lena you once knew and what you’re getting now.

Even if you didn’t know her as you did, you still believe entirely that she looks absolutely magnificent. She can fill an entire room without a single word, and you realize then with sneaking suspicion this is just how she’s managed to infiltrate every corner of your life you thought you’d abandoned.

The familiar sensation of pride swells in you again, and a sort of daze falls on you as you smile at the contentedness it gives you. It’s almost enough to distract you from the sad exhaustion you can see hiding just barely veiled within her eyes.

“So, coffee is it?” she asks.

“What?” you think you feel your entire body snap into another awakening as you hurl back into the conversation.

You see the slight uptick of her lips form into a smirk, and you don’t bother to resist thinking about how much you’ve missed it.

“Your business? Fairtrade coffee now, I suppose you never really intended to succeed your aunt?” she prompts, slightly teasingly.

You think you can smack yourself for your misgivings.

“Yeah, that- yeah. Right. I mean, I wasn’t always so deeply taken by what she had her companies’ shares in. It could be said that I’ve rebuilt, but really I’ve just tried to involve myself in areas that interest me and I can invest entirely in; not just monetarily either. My whole heart’s in it, and it’s much easier that way.”

Lena looks contemplative as she deliberates your words, and then, “it seems if it becomes personal that the stakes are so much more higher and there’s so much more at risk, do you find that to be the case?”

You tilt your head in consideration, you try to not give credence to the inexplicable longing you suddenly feel at having Lena so close, yet so very far.

“Arguably, maybe people’s expectations of me have deviated. The risks are only as substantial as the reward. The company’s interests may be refocused, but mine, at least, remain unchanged.”

Lena studies you meaningfully and you feel your body come alive under the weight of her gaze.

“I have always admired your determination to chase after your aspirations. I’ve also always envied your freedom to do so,” she says wryly.

You give her a small smile, “it took me a while to get where I am now. I haven’t always gone after what I really desired.”

Lena glances at you, and when you catch her eyes you hurry to distract yourself with more words, anything to keep you from falling apart for just a little bit longer.

“It takes a lot of trial and error, and without a doubt it’s taken its time... though it goes without saying that the answer sometimes has been right in front of you all along.”

At some point, you think your words have stopped having a singular meaning and you think they’ve become latent with more complex, underlying feelings you feel the least bit prepared to address.

You add hastily, knowing you ought to say it if it weren’t already evident, “for what it’s worth, Lena, it seems as though you’re doing great for yourself.”

Perhaps, you believe, she’s always appreciated your uncanny ability to understand what she needs to hear, to listen to what goes unsaid for her. Even now, you think you’re not just imagining it anymore and you can see the vulnerable adoration in her eyes.

Lena smiles at you, muted with the quiet tones of a lament for time lost and of time yet to lose. Still, you see the endless gratitude that goes unuttered but entirely indisputable.

“When will you be flying off again?” she asks.

“Not for another few weeks.”

I missed you, goes unsaid.

“If it weren’t already plain, it should be mentioned just how much my evening has been made now that I got to see you.”

I’m proud of you, goes unsaid.

“Well, rest assured I feel exactly the same way,” you say earnestly.

I thought I’d lost you, goes unsaid.

There’s a tension palpable enough to cut through, and you feel it stifling you quickly, filling you like concrete.

You’re tired of the feeling of having unfinished business with Lena - for as long as you can remember, your story has never felt quite finished, and you don’t suspect either of you are willing to let it get to that.

“(Y/N), this doesn’t have to be farewell.”

The sentiment doesn’t help in maintaining your pretense of composure.

“No, I don’t want it to be.”

Not again, goes unsaid.

“Then why waste any more time? We may not know the future, but at least we have now.”

I won’t give in to the fear of having lost you wilfully again, goes unsaid.

Lena’s eyes make a slow descent from your eyes to your lips, and you can feel the slow drag of them trail to your bowtie. She lifts her hands and fixes it, taking gentle care in lingering more than a stranger would.

Lena’s not a stranger though, not entirely.

She’s grinning fondly at some secret joke.

“You always refused to wear just a regular tie. You thought it was too conventional.”

You grin at her observation, “I was a pretty pretentious kid.”

“Well, that’s quite alright, you looked much better in these anyway,” she smirks.

You feel the rising warmth of a blush rushing to your cheeks. Somehow, you think you’ve experienced equal parts death and renewal all at once. Somehow, you know you’ll both do better this time.

#lena luthor x reader #lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor fic #katie mcgrath #lena luthor fanfic #katie mcgrath imagine #dating lena luthor #supercorp #supercorp fic #supercorp fanfic #supergirl imagine #lena luthor x you #supergirl imagines

328 notes · View notes

captaindoubled · 6 years

Text

Long ass post but I’m in mobile so forgive me: Hella Black Panther spoilers below

It’s been long enough I think so Black Panther Hot Take (tm) that i haven’t seen yet (direct me to someone’s posts/article if they are on the same track) :

It was about terrorism. Or, more the making of terrorists. Sure they had criminals and thieves with Klaue (or however Becky Sue white way they spelled it) but Erik was basically Wakanda’s first terrorist.

The language they used to describe his father was very much in line with they way folks describe terrorists, being “radicalized”. It’s always used in news to mean “when they they turned crazy” when it’s always been “when the straw finally broke and they demand change by any means, even violent ones”

Black Panther didn’t treat terrorist as faceless bad guys to pop off like in other movies and something they “””tried””” to do a bit in the other marvel movies to an extent but failed. Erik was a terrorist with a face. Erik was family. He was rightfully part of that community, Wakandan royalty really (the only way he could be closer to new King T’Challa was to be his brother but that woulda been corny) and through isolation and loss funneled his hurt into anger into violence. Sure he hated Wakanda for what it did (or didn’t do) to help black people around the world but he deep down hated what it did to him. He was left an orphan without guidance. Many terrorist learn what they do from “””legitimate””” state militaries, and so did Erik. Old Tolkien White even seemed slightly proud when he announced that Erik was “one of there” as far as a military person and the skills they trained into him. Being in the military only radicalized him more, like many other terrorist.

People were hot brink mad over “Killmonger was right” because Nakia was right and they felt it ignored her and i get that buuuut, I’ll throw in that Nakia would have never been listened to, even with T’Challa head over foot for her, without Erik. He was Wakanda’s mistake. Their near fatal flaw. It took one person, first his dad, then him, to break Wakanda down to the ground. Poor oppressed people around the world are sad to look at sure, but by Wakanda isolationist principles, they are not their problem and so they only have to worry about their own country (America first anyone??) They were fine with the rest of the world thinking it was a dirty dust bowl because it kept them safe. But all it took was for one person to know about Wakanda, it’s wealth and it’s ability to help the rest of the black people they just let, suffer by hands of the rest of the world and people within Africa.

Nakia was radicalized in her own way because she just did not live in Wakanda the same way people just give their shit away and live on nothing and devote their entire life, body and soul to helping. They are helping people but Nakia was putting herself in unbelievable danger to fight the entire world alone and that’s not good for her. But because she lived in Wakanda, her actions were on aid because she had the means.

Erik had nothin, was shooting hoops in a milk crate and the higher he climbed, the harder it was for anyone bring him back down.

All it took for T’Chaka to decide that Erik wasn’t worthy was for him to be born outside of Wakanda. Isolation is a major contributor to people becoming terrorist. And yes, even white boy terrorist as awful as their are, people pray on their isolation. First generation, second gen, American born immigrants deal with the isolation of their family original homes as well as isolation and oppression from their communities and turn to people that promise that the people that hurt them will pay.

I saw a post a day or so back criticizing the idea that Erik was a product of toxic masculinity and I’d have to agree and disagree with them. When you see just looking at Erik as a dude, sure, that’s not all enough to say the reason he’s the way he is was just toxic masculinity, but when you look at him as a terrorist then yes! He’s absolutely the product of toxic masculinity.

Just breaking it down in girl/boy binary, girls tend to talk through their problems (which can leads to rumination [[which is probably the word lots of folks are looking for when they critique “”tumblr’s”” anti recovery culture]] which is bad and prevents recovery but gives them a chance to vent out some stress) or they internalize which leads them to just hurt themselves (Nakia putting her self in straight danger on the regular to help people [[The fact that T’Challa made her the head of the Wakanda outreach center basically in my opinion will save her life because she’d end up dead at a young age in the way she was going]])

While dudes external, which everyone knows, but also they internalize as well, which starts the whole thing in the first place. Toxic masculinity says don’t reach out for help, or talk to anyone and internet conversations that are basically anonymous give them a place to vent without feeling judged and that’s where a lot of radicalization happens now a days. Erik didn’t talk to nor really trust anyone with his plans and even at the end, he was still in so much pain that and anger and fear to do better or that it could be better, he decided to die instead.

But my biggest biggest support for the idea that it was about terrorism was M’Kabi. He was, as the movie progressed, being radicalized into being a terrorist. All he needed was for someone, anyone, to give him some justice for what was done to him (again framed around the criminal Klawfoot and what he did to Wakanda but really, what he did to my family). M’Kabi wasn’t so far gone because he had people that loved him, and he still loved Wakanda and so he was able to stand down, and even with the people not liking his character I found him just as sympathetic as Erik or another other character because he was hurting, and redirected his energy into someone he thought would change things. (Why we have trump tbh. So many Bernie voters when he lost the primary switched to Trump because they wanted changed, stupid but I understand).

Hell, even if Civil War hadn’t intended it, they got half right the plot line that set up for Black Panther with him and the dude that set in motion the movie ( like I said earlier with MCU tried but failed). He understood WHY he did it, they framed his conversation in a weird way, but I think that showed before he was going to be able to understand Erik in Black Panther because that’s old dude was another terrorist, Erik this time was just very close to home and family.

Before the NSA or FBI come knocking st my door, I’m writing this last part as a analysis of Black Panther in comparison to the US, leave me be please:

The US and other “first world counties” are just going to have more terrorist, either home grown ones are from abroad because they have the means to fix the root cause of problems, but choose not to. And that’s way creates terrorist. Like, even if they brought Erik to Wakanda, what if Nakia never came back to Wakanda and had a child outside of the country, what would happen to her child? What about another Wakandan? The problem was Wakanda’s isolation, not who the person was. The problem was the have the means as ability to help all of Africa for one, but chose not to for their own protection. People that either need help in the way of resources, mental health care, or just respect and assurance that they have the right to exist and not have these ideal capitalist life styles shoved in their face and are failures when they can’t change it. (America creates a shit ton of white cishet male terrorist, they know it, they just redirect their anger to brown and black and lgbt folk and disabled folk and Jewish or Muslim folk in hopes their guns won’t turn back in them. They tell white cishet men that they see infallibly right and all they have to do is achieve this goal post in life to also be the masters of the universe but even they are subjected to goal post moving or literally no ball to get into the goal and they are told as men that it’s because they are failures and not a strategic plan to make more white terrorist to terrorize “other” into submission and do their dirty work of policing “others” for them without legal consequences. Basically how white people got doped as sharecroppers to not side with free blacks against the people who were oppressing them both! That’s why white terrorist groups don’t go anyway, and even with gun violence they should 2nd amendment, because they are a low key state sponsored milita)

Like, again, I get why people were pissed at “Killmonger was right” 1) because Nakia existed and 2) they just probably weren’t in on the joke lol 3) it feels weird to sympathize with a terrorist. But that was the point. And B Jordan acted his ass off to make Erik an unironiclly sympathetic villain. His last line when he died still brings me to tears because that’s such a unique African Slave Trade Dysphoria pain that other people don’t understand. (Which I will rant on that at the bottom because Im pissed at someone’s comment on it)

It is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would be morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard.

MLk, Jr quote on riots that in sure most folk know but I wanted it here in relation to Erik. He did what he knew and you cans abhor the violence but also you have to condemn the conditions that made him Killmonger.

Cause, like I understood Erik’s reasons, his actions were wrong and innocent people suffered. So he’s wrong in that way. But just like in movies and real life, you can sympathize and understand what brought people to those actions. It doesn’t make you wrong or weak or a bad person to want to change what caused a criminal to be a criminal. If anything, the vilifying and pathologizing of criminals prevents real reforms in society that could have prevented their crime. And we are all guilty as fuck of that. (And no, I’m not saying you have to be nice and forgiving and never be angry at criminals because they still did the crime [[most of the time, bias in the law make this hard to deal with sometimes]] but immediately distancing them from “normal people” makes it so the reason they are they way they are never get fixed. We all are the attack dogs against state reform and prision reform because we throw away criminals instead of fixing the world that made them because “I loved a hard life and I turned out fine, what’s their excuse”, different biology for one and modeling of how to deal with stress from family or peers but another rant for another day). But thats why I brought up white Boy terrorist, probably too much for anyone’s liking; there is an underlying reason to their actions and it isn’t just, toxic masculinity or them being entitled or mental illness or whatever other buzz word, but a country that mass produced them and trains them like dogs and sends them off on anyone they think is in their way of their goal. Republicans are always trying to do that by building a divide between Black Americans and Latinx (American or Immigrants) as a way to sick Black people on Latinx if that’s easy to swallow. They do the same with Asian Americans against Black and Latinx people. Give a crumb and say that person is why you don’t have a full cake, the cake they are fucking eating!

That’s how we get respectably politics because it keeps black people from uniting against the folks that are the ones disrespecting them and making black fight fight for scraps of respect. Or African shitting in AfAms or other way around or throw in some Afro Carribaians into the mix and you’ve got three groups pointing fingers at each other while someone robs them all blind

Like Erik may not be dealing with some of those intra group politics going on since his beef was with Wakanda and not the US but he learned how to hate like that, and learned how to external and divide and conquer from the best in the business at that, living in the US. So it’s still relevant on the creation of terrorist.

At the end, T’Challa made a speech that all nations should make, to commit to helping, really helping, because for him, one Killmonger was enough. He would have loved to welcome him into the family as a cousin and not an enemy.

So Dee’s Hot Fresh Take (Tm): Black Panther was about terrorism and what creates terrorist and I think that umbrella covers shit like toxic masculinity and isolationism and Trans Atlantic dysphoira and racial injustice and the like. Don’t gotta agree, all my sources are in my head because I’m on an adderall fuled typing fest on my phone but it’s solid enough. I like this interpretation anyway lol.

———————————

Side rant in Erik’s words, a Household name activist took offense to it (won’t say who they are because I’m not that messy) but suffice it to say, they said something along the lines of celebrating the slaves that made it snd made change and their resilience. Which, you know, dope, but it doesn’t work for Erik nor his story. And I think it takes away a big part of the strength of slaves who ended their lives or the lives of their children rather than suffer they way they did. There is a reason that many black people cant swim, we all know that! It’s because slave owners beat the fear of water into them and the tradition just kept up, more switching to prevent black peoples from enjoying the bounties of nature (and as more research on nature and mental health, a way of preventing black folk healing) but it was to stop slaves from trying to escape AND dying as a form of resistance. When hoteps say the Bible was used to oppression black people and it being the white man’s religion they are only like, part right, like 3% on the mark, because using the Bible, suicide was something punishable in the after life as well and so that prevented a lot of suicides. Abortions fucking crippled plantations sometimes because when the trading stopped, they needed more slaves but women were just not having children as a form of resistance. Death and life has always been a part of resistance and it’s so disengenous to ignore all the slaves that died for the freedom of others, or their faith said that the water would take them back home Igbo Landing Story). People in extreme conditions like they have to always be prepared to die because there lives are always on the line either way. If there Death is meaningful or a mother has to abort every child they have, consentual or not, it’s part of the resistance. And the trauma of it all. We still feel echos of the past in the present but we are so far removed from that very specific pain sometimes that it’s easy to focus on the ones that lived, the heroes, because it gives us hope that it will get better, or we can mobilize for folks that had their life stolen from them because they had more life to live but we sweep the ones that took their own life as if it was the cowards way when we never walked in their shows. And for the writers of black Panther to acknowledge them in the creation of a character like Erik makes me cry. I know when I was younger u tried to separate myself from slavery because it was painful and I heard the Igbo Landing in elementary school and it hurt me so badly I was the only person in my class just uncontrollably balling but I’m older and I respect those people, myth or real, so much. Tbh! In reference to what Erik said, and why slaves drowned themselves to go home, Erik wanted to be burred at sea to return home, to the dead land area, with his dad in their little apartment because Wakanda was nice but he’d never see it as home.

#black panther spoilers #bp spoilers #suicide mention

1 note · View note

mixedharmonysimz · 7 years

Note

20-45 for Anastasia

Thanks for asking :] sorry their a day late tho :/ and sorry if some of them don’t actually answer the question to the fullest i tried my best 👀

20.) In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Anastasia doesn’t compare herself to anyone, she feels as tho no one should compare themselves to anyone because everyone is amazing in their ways. and as for the second question she doesn’t do this for any reason she just feels that way

21.) If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Anastasia believes everything happens for a reason but she’ll dwell on it after it happens asking herself why did it happen to her? could she have prevented it..she deserved it because of some of the things she’s done in the past sorta like karma catching up on her...

22.) What does your character like in other people?

She loves chill personalities people who aren’t not always being about the “turn up” or wanting to shake some ass..people she generally feels like has good energy and positive vibes.. and will occasionally love a good turn up lol

23.) What does your character dislike in other people?

She dislikes anyone who has a bad attitude or just give off this aura of nastiness that some people give off when you typically first meet them, but that doesn’t usually sway her opinion cuz everything is not what it seems,, but if the assumption is true she wont fuck with you.

24.) How quick is your character to trust someone else?

She’s doesn’t typically trust anyone as quickly due to some things in her past that have shown her not to trust anyone unless they’ve given her a good enough reason to like their actions and what not...

25.) How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

She’s not really quick to suspect anyone unless she giving a reason to suspect them of anything... and yes it does change how close she is with the person shell tend to keep her distance but she’ll be cordial when she see’s them. 26.) How does your character behave around children?

Idk how to answer this lol but i guess she behaves like any normal person would around kids.. she’ll be like aww cute kid and interact with said kid.

27.) How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

She tries everything to be calm cool and serene cuz now-a-days nobody fights fair they either try to jump you or they pull out some sort of weapon out to have an advantage..

28.) How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

She’s quick to resort to physical violence if she has to but she’ll try and mediate the situation because she don’t have time to fight.. she likes to think she’s classy enough to not have to fight a person, but again she’ll take it there if she has to lol she doesn’t throw drinks she throws hands.

29.) What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

She naturally wanted to be a singer she loved singing and dancing when she was little. Yes that dream came true when she was 14 her first album come out when she was 15..

30.) What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

People who chews with their mouth open lol... or talks with food in their mouths lol

31.) Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

She’s most comfortable at home where she’s not in the public eye not being scrutinized bout the things she wears inside the house just being her goofy ass self around Chris lol..

32.) Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

She’ll never admit it to anyone but she gets extremely uncomfortable around huge ass families because it was just her and Faith growing up so it can really make her feel out of place and she tends to be quiet most the time unless spoken too..

33.) In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

She takes the criticism very well and will improve every chance she can it makes he strive to be the best she can be..

34.) Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

If at first you don’t succeed dust your self off and and try again is her motto..

35.) How does your character behave around people they like?

She’s goofy around the people she likes she loves to have fun with them act goofy as hell be herself and enjoy each other’s company.

36.) How does your character behave around people they dislike?

She’s fake lol she’ll wave and just to piss them off because she knows they don’t fuck with her she’s kinda like a little troll sometimes haha...

37.) Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

It’s kinda both she has a reputation to uphold as fair as status goes her grandmother did it, so Anastasia does it to sometimes without even noticing, then sometimes she has to defend her honor like for example the tattoo of Lucious’s name she had to defend her choice getting his stating that’s the man she loved and will always love to an extant lol, he was her first everything and she refuses to get it removed or covered up it’s not a mistake in her or his mind when people ask about it..

38.) Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

She’ll remove the problem if it’s a huge issue.

39.) Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

She has yet to be bitten by an animal in her lifetime..

40.) How does your character treat people in service jobs?

She gives people in the service industry the same way she want’s respect, she maybe from a fabulously wealthy family but she’s humble and respects everyone equally.

41.) Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

She feels she deserves everything she has, and wants, she’s worked hard for it career wise.. now material possessions she’s gotten over the years form being so wealthy she feels the same way she was born with the silver spoon in her mouth but she’s humble and doesn’t flash her wealth around..

42.) Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Honestly not really.. not even the family friend her grandmother entrusted her with when her grandmother moved her away so she wouldn’t cause any harm to the families good name cuz she was always in trouble when it came to her hanging out with Lucious.. ((her grandmother hated lucious she thought Anastasia could do so much better lol))

43.) Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Nope..

44.) How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s somewhat difficult for her to say, but when she says it she means it completely she’ll love you till the death of her be that in the form of friendship family or in a relationship..

45.) What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Anastasia believes in reincarnation she thinks that your soul never truly dies even though your soul dies, you simply come back as a baby no memory of your past life what so ever.. it doesn’t scare her.

1 note · View note