#like well val is dead bc he fucked with the wrong bitch

[darlingod]

Cardan and his gang of gremlins in tcp were so sensitive. Like they react so extreme because they think “who are you to mess with us?” But like… they go so overboard, proving how weak and fragile they are

Jude: puts salt in their sandwiches

Their revenge: a very possible death in the lake

[lassieposting]

Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢

Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat

Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"

Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:

Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party

Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.

"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.

Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0

Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.

Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.

The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.

Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.

Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for

Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.

Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.

so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye

(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)

[swearronchanel]

8.07

Well, damn

the girls looking so good 😭😍💖 fashion queens

“Sometimes, we simply see each other through fresh eyes and there’s joy it in”

The Turner’s poppin bottles in the house

I still love Mother Mildred she’s wild

Poor sister Frances, literally the new sister Winnifred 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now she’ll have her “first birth experience” and will have the “I’m a midwife, I can do it” epiphany lmao

Sister Hilda has some good lines lol

Hard boiled eggs yum 😂😂 LMAO ew who wants that as an appetizer or hor d’oeuvre

aw there’s baby teddy, the writers remembered his existence this time

small dry sherry pls

Set aside the bottles we are popping birth control pills ladies, on the daily so they work

violet is me in some situations like great idea but who is paying? 😂😂

POSEIDON’S HIPPYCAMP LMAOOO WHAT?

I love sister Monica Joan

Does England have any gold Olympic medals? 😂 no shade I’m just curious

Silver is still good lol but sister MJ ain’t about it

I would like to join the Phyllis Crane fan club thanks

Ofc they were right there’s like single young moms every other episode

So she’s got an STD

Are we guessing her husband is cheating? Cause I am

THE PRIDE OF THE NATION IS AT STAKE LMAOOO SHE’S SCOUTING THE KIDS FOR FUTURE ATHLETES

I want some chips even tho I still can’t used to calling them chips

YAS Mother Mildred Lmaoo tell sister J about it

Sister J has been pushed the side this series and then they give her a time to make a point and nothing lmao, the same lines she said 3 series ago about the pill

I’m offended write sister J better pls

Val spilling family tea

Her poor grandmother tho 💔 so glad a lot has changed in 60 years (even tho more still needs to change )

Miss Higgins and Phyllis is the duo I didn’t realize I wanted to see? Give us more

I knew he was cheating !! Trash

Fountain of all wisdom😂

LMAO Mother Mildred knows Phyllis isn’t down for him

Gonorrhea,,, shit

(chlamydia is the clap tho? do british people call both the clap?)

Not a chartreuse fan but cute coat for shelagh

“Nice to see you kid” pure 😭

PHYLLIS’ CRINGE at the comment I love Lucille tho lmao

“WE’VE ALL HAD A DOSE” SJSJSJ BRO ACTUALLY WE HAVEN’T LMAO

He said he paid for it so casually, why are a lot of men trash?🤦🏼‍♀️

!Courage and humility! We know this, esp humility lmaooo

This other husband seems better

Shelagh’s plaid pants Yass i love

I hope they show the Turner’s talking to the kids, as sad as it is you gotta shed light all the harsher reality side to fostering kids

My best friends’ growing up parents’ fostered so many kids throughout our childhood is was always sad watching kids come and go

“Bribery and corruption?” I love Beatrix 😂 I love when her series 1 playful/jokester self shines through

Ok but not gonna lie I LOVE Bingo LMAO

“Miss Anderson” 😭😍 pure af and she looks so pretty

Where was sister MJ when I was having nervous breakdowns failing all my math courses? 😭

An enema sounds like a nightmare Lmaoo

Aw here comes the talk 😭

Not “the talk” but that would actually be SO funny omg imagine LMAO

Idk why I expected the little kids to say something lol but at least they showed it 😭poor Tim tho

Trixie looks so good serving some mod 60s realness!!

Val’s outfit is cute too

Damn it there was the chance to bring back “children are more resilient than you think” !! (Sister B said that right?)

The fear of God “I’ve already got that” LMAOO sister Frances

My fam loves bingo we play it at my grandma’s I miss it 😂 this caller isn’t that exciting tho

also am an active player of bingo when we go on cruises bc once again YES, I am actually a 60 year old woman

“WAS SHE WORTH IT?” LMAOO

Why didn’t he yell BINGO in confused? LMAO is this british? Who says house??

Why is it hilarious to me that the hookers know Dr Turner?😂

elbow first?? Whatttt the hell

There’s the little fish looking baby 😂

Aww she’s all crusty but reminds me how excited I am to meet my niece when I get back to the states 😭

There’s the new instilled confidence lol predictable af but still sweet

Nosy bitches, I’d be so catty and just start calling people out on their issues lmao

oh yikes that’s a nasty boil

They’re having a whole party 😂

and now the party’s over

Passing the magazine that’s so cute

“What an honor” uhhh

“Hope my Val is like you” pure 😭😭

Omg she wanted to be a nurse my heart stop I’ll tear up

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Mr Pugh? Bc I don’t (am I being insensitive idk tbh)

baby girls are winning tonight

aw she’s so tiny

“You are Artemis” YAS love that greek mythology😂😭 I will scream it everywhere I love sister MJ

Who thought making “Aunt Flo” a character was ok LMAO

IF GRAN IS DEAD IM SUING OMG SJKJKJK

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

Was not expecting that. what the fuck

And sister Mildred’s leaving aw 😭I’ll miss her

she’s like sister Evangelina but on another level lmaoo 

Why is she leaving mysteriously after her “work” is done like a magical movie nanny?  lollll

I guess this isn’t the best time to say it but this shuts down the speculations that Val had an abortion?

Ok Agnes is an ugly name but do you

this is so so sad 😭😭 this is why safe abortions need to accessible bc this is how it happens when it’s illegal

burning the fucking money, this is so heavy

They both have points tho so you can’t even point fingers at who is right or wrong in this situation. There’s no good or bad, it just is

Honestly the real one in the wrong here is the damn government who fails the state when they don’t give a damn about women and don’t provide access to legal & safe abortions and just overall make women (esp poor women)’s lives so freaking difficult !!

is Val going to call the cops? I know this isn’t the end of it

There’s Britain’s gold tho 😂

“We can never foretell when our fortunes will turn or when the story will change. Sometimes we see each other through fresh eyes and there’s no joy at all. We see what was concealed and what is shameful. We see what is true, and nothing familiar remains...”

Damn this was heartbreaking but also the best episode this weekend.

[happywitch416]

I'm going to keep asking you: Josephine, idk if I asked about Sebastian or not but if not then it's happening now, Cullen, Sera, Alistair, and Cassandra. I already know your feelings on most but my dude, your opinion is so important to me and also your posts are hilarious.

Did a Seb!

Josephine

How I feel about this character

Josie is that elegant, well spoken lady I dreamed of growing up to be when I was a wee punk. She has mystery! A good heart! Golden. Ruffles. The noble eldest of her family, saving them from doom. I think its fair obvious I am heart eyes gaga over Josie. And she's a gossip! True story, my favorite kind of person. Tell me all the things. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Leliana and Josie is probs my favorite ship for Josie. Next would be the not romance with Blackwall. I don't think I have a specific Inquisitor romance for that i like. But imagining her with an ex carta dwarf lady makes my heart feel fluffy. Val may get a cousin.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Also Leliana, i love their friendship? How they pick on Cullen and Cassandra. You know the shopkeepers cry in terror and joy when they arrive. Like yes a sale but oh the standard they demand.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't think I have one. Hm. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon 

I am actually good with her canon. A marriage would be nice in Trespasser. Oh that would be glorious. The flowers alone. 

Cullen

How I feel about this character

Cullen is. He is not my favorite normally. Fandom ruined him for me, #notsorry. Now. I do think he is a character with great potential. I also want that furry cloak thing. I need it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I dont have specific ship but there are a couple, as in literally 2, specific pairings that I read. But its more because I love friends writing then because I am googly eyed over noodle head. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Therapy. He needs it. Do they have lyrium anonymous? That's what he needs.

My unpopular opinion about this character

That is not a redemption arc. He definitely becomes more selective with his mage distrust/hate. But he doesn't really change from his all mages can't be trusted stance. And the templars were poor mistreated puppies! Yeah no they problematic to bud.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Him interacting with now ex templars. Growth beyond the dogma and the addictions. It needed more. But kore isn't for boys who are pretty i guess 

Sera

How I feel about this character

Sera is a disaster and I love her. Sera is all of us who saw a qunari lady and also went woof. I like that she's nobody compared to most of your companions. She's a real people. Also eat the rich mentality is just yes. Throw them into the pit. And she brings the inquisitor in as a red jenny? Who else goes after this life, let's have another for you let's go. Her friendship is also so sweet? For all her friends, I don't think she gets friend friends until she's with the inquisition. Also, I totally get how she talks, train of thought is relatable. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Dagna!!!! They are just so damn cute. I am also partial to her and my Asa. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Iron Bull. Mayhem. I also love her and Blackwall. She gets him. He gets her. Dick jokes. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

She is perfect. And has a valid point. If there is a golden throne whats worse? An ass in it or it being empty? I also like that shes not an elfy elf. So many are doom gloom our lost cause. From like...over a thousand years ago. Can we grow pls

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want to be a wingman on a Sera and Dagna date. Let me set up my explosions are for bonding lesbians. 

Alistair

How I feel about this character

I was too old for Alistair when I first met him. He's a child. Literally. He's like 19. Thats a baby adult, the boy who didn't want to be king. Also i found this lone blossoming rose amongst the dead things so i took it..for being chantry raised he is not very understanding of miracles. And you gift him dolls. Why did duncan go oh yeah i'll take this one to probably die young. Like why dude. He could have left the chantry with alistair and been like okay here's 100 gold and go that way. You have a good sword arm, become a guard somewhere. Instead of feed the child blood... I also really hate how he treats Morrigan. Wtf man. And yes, she is mean back but to say he was inappropriate when they first met would be an understatement. I'd be a bitch to him to.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No ships. Oops.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Wynne, he needs a mother. So badly. He needs cookies and hugs and stories. He may not be a child by age, but definitely by maturity. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Like. My whole ass opinion lol

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want him and Leliana to discuss that rose lol but i want alistair to grow a spine. He doesn't want to be king. His uncle treated him like shit, tell him no? Walk out on that king deal? Like thats barring sparing loghain bc he does sorta grow a pair then but abandons his duty that supposedly means so much. Why couldn't he have been like nah Anora is the queen why should i take her spot? That i don't want? 

Cassandra

How I feel about this character

I like that Cass is so Cass. Okay. She will fucking punch you in the face but also reads smut. I have found my people. She tries to right her wrongs, and the orders. She is also willing to eat her own words. She believes in people and goodness. While also maybe stabbing people. But she is also so naive? She believes Varric. Honey. Sweetie. He's full of shit and your full of shit meter is broken.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don't really have a ship for Cass. Bear with me here, she is married to her work. She believes in it with every fiber in her soul. If she had to choose between romance and what she felt called to, what was right? She would let go of the romance. Which is supported by canon if you romance her and she becomes divine. Love only in glances. The world needs saving after all. And for cass it won't ever stop needing to be saved.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cullen. She is a good influence on him, that he can do better if he tries, that he is better than he thinks. Also Dorian, their love of books would be a good start for a friendship. You know they read a lot of similar smut, especially if it's terrible. How else do you be mean to it.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I am angry she tried to murder my dwarf. We will go rounds lady. In her defense, I understand why she wanted to stove his head in lol and that's why I don't ship them. To antagonistic for me.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I am pretty happy with her canon.

[lassieposting]

How do you think skul and Val will realise their feelings towards each other, from skuls POV then vals POV ?? Xx

im sorry this took so long i was debating whether to even write it. shame headcanon of shame.

this is nsfw and is the closest to porn ive ever written and you can blame @runningwithbats 

val

it takes fuckin ages for her to figure it out. 

she develops a crush on skulduggery around like, book two, early book three. that’s all it is, a crush. she’s thirteen. he’s older, and powerful, and has that voice and somehow manages to be attractive even though he’s dead and a skeleton and she doesn’t even want to think about how gross that must make her, but it doesn’t matter because he’s also completely unattainable.

it’s the valkyrie equivalent of crushing on a teacher, or a dance coach, or a hot neighbour. it’s never going to happen, so she’s free to look and have occasional weird vaguely adult daydreams when he’s not paying attention. it’s cool.

but the crush doesn’t go away. she pushes it to the back of her mind eventually, because he’s never gonna feel like that about her and it’s best she just gets tf over it. she starts dating fletcher, because fletcher is hot and funny sometimes and also only annoying half the time (as opposed to certain people she could mention, who are annoying every waking second), and alive. her first kiss is with fletcher. she loses her virginity with fletcher. she never loves fletcher.

she knows she should. she knows he loves her. but she just…doesn’t. he’s not…something…enough. she’s not sure what it is. he’s taller than her when they begin dating, but by the time they split she’s on par with him and for some reason that begins to bug her. when he kisses her, when they sleep together, she doesn’t really feel anything. she feels bad about it

when she goes to caelan, she expects to find what she’s been looking for. after all, she doesn’t get the hot rip-his-clothes-off lust with fletcher that she does with caelan. but it’s still not the same. he complains all the time about how he’s a monster, but it’s like it’s only surface deep. she could never go to him about the darquesse thing. he’d never understand. she’s a real monster. how can she ever be happy with someone who doesn’t get that?

it finally happens some time around her eighteenth birthday. she’s alone, in her room, and her parents have gone out, and she’s getting herself off, because it’s not often she gets time to herself where she’s free to make as much noise as she likes. her mind wanders through the people who should get her off - fletcher, because even if they haven’t been together for some time now, he’s still hot; caelan, that one with a pinch of guilt; that hot guy who plays thor in the avengers films; the cute guy at college she remembers from stephanie’s memories - again, the guilt with that one; dexter vex…china? it’s not happening for her, and she’s frustrated as all hell. she’ll take anything at this point.

and then her phone rings.

and it’s skulduggery, and he’s called her purely to bitch about something that’s gone wrong in his day. let’s say he’s complaining bc the dry cleaners fucked up and now one of his suits is ruined (there’s a small tear, ghastly can fix it, he intends to throw a temper tantrum about it regardless) and THE WORLD IS ENDING, VALKYRIE, and it’s really the sort of conversation where she only really has to add the odd “uh-huh” or “mmm” in appropriate places while the man who seems to have conveniently forgotten that he was literally tortured to death rants about how nothing as awful as his dry cleaner mishap has ever happened to anyone before ever, so she figures she can let him get on with it and keep going with what she’s doing at the same time, he’ll never notice. no point stopping when she’s halfway there already

and his voice does it for her. 

he’s talking about something completely fucking innocuous but if she pairs his voice in her mind with the way he kept putting his hand on her lower back at the requiem ball and the way he tilts his head at her and tells her she’s beautiful, it works.

because it’s him. he’s what’s been missing. fletcher wasn’t skulduggery. caelan wasn’t skulduggery. all the things that bothered her about the other guys - not tall enough, not funny enough, not as dark as she is…they were all him.

“….is this a bad time?”

she panics, realises she might have just let a tiny noise slip out, and clears her throat, trying to cover it up as a cough. she tells him he’s fine, keep talking, what were you saying? - and he launches right back into close the store’s new manager was to tears when skulduggery was done with him

some time later, he says goodnight - thank god, valkyrie thinks, she wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyway - and she throws the phone down on the bed beside her and gets back to giving herself her full attention, and gets off almost immediately, accidentally moans his name.

before he hangs up the phone.

he hears everything. and awkwardly realises that she was doing that the whole time, and while he noticed she was distracted and out of breath, it never clicked what she was up to. it’s been too long, he figures. it never even occurred to him that she might think of him that way. he’d pretty much resigned himself a while back to spending the rest of his life never saying anything, keeping his feelings to himself, watching her bounce from relationship to relationship until she finally found someone who matched her, who could give her all the things he couldn’t

and then, resigned himself to the fact that he’d lose her for good

he gives her half an hour to sort herself out, have a snack, whatever it is people do after a good orgasm - jesus, he doesn’t even remember - and then he calls her back and asks her to come over. they’ve got a chat they need to have.

(meanwhile val is over here like. dying of embarrassment. and not quite able to believe that she just did that. thinking about him. and having to confront a whole lot of awkward feelings that she’s had and ignored for a very long time.)

skul

not nsfw. it simply occurs to him one day that they behave like a couple already. and that if he were still living in the 1600s, the era in which he grew up, the way he behaves towards her would definitely be seen as a man courting. he provides for her - good lord, does he provide for her, he thinks, wondering just how many thousands of euros down he is from buying her shit. he protects her. he does pretty much anything she wants him to do because he loves to make her smile. his home is now essentially her home - she came in and put her sticky mitts all over it and now he can’t go anywhere without seeing her. she picked out all the stuff in the kitchen, the bathroom has all her beauty products and nice-smelling shampoo and the tube of toothpaste that she always leaves uncapped and then whines when it goes dry. she leaves her shit everywhere, confident that he’ll pick up after her. she doesn’t treat his house like she’s a guest, she treats it like she lives there. 

and he realises that he did all that, the renovations, the weeks of having to wear a full disguise around his own home because of the builders, the hundreds of thousands now missing from his bank account, because he wants her to live there. with him. like…a couple.

and there’s a point - him. she’s changed him, who he is, fundamentally, as a person. he smiles more easily now - well. technically, he’s always smiling. but on the face he no longer has, which he can still see in his mind, he smiles more. he laughs more often, and it’s usually at her, or with her, at something she said. his self-preservation instinct, centuries forgotten, is starting to kick back in, because he can’t go and get himself killed again, not now. he can’t do that to her. he’d never leave her. he’s almost like himself again - his old self, the self who fell in love once before, and he tries to remember what that felt like, so many years ago, to work out if it’s happening to him again

he thinks it might be. how damned inconvenient.

and then she wanders out of her bedroom in a rumpled football jersey and shorts, yawns without covering her mouth with her hand, mutters something that’s supposed to be morning but comes out like merh as she passes him, and absent-mindedly runs her hand across the top of his skull as she passes. She does that, sometimes. If he had a face, she’d be running her fingers through his hair. 

And if that isn’t a couple thing to do, he doesn’t know what is.