#like you fucker realize that YOU were my drug dealer it was YOUR oxy and vicodin I was stealing

[splitposting2501]

I AM BECOMING UNREASONABLE.

Hate hate hate this morning. I got a fucking bill that was 200$ higher than my last, because my father lied about taking care of rehab and now I owe even more money because those greedy fuckers charge interest on FUCKING HEALTHCARE. So today I’m be emotional, rage, cry etc., then tomorrow get back on the fucking wagon.

[vexture]

AU Idea

Me and a friend were messing round and she got emailed by a sketchy drug company and she’s like “..I'm bewildered and frightened- I don’t even do drugs.”

I then had an idea (which if you ever talk to me, you’d know that’s never a good thing) so I was like “..HOLD UP- JIMMY WOULD BE A DOOR TO DOOR DRUG DEALER.”

She hyped me up and was like “.. ‘Hey guy wanna buy some xannies??’ - ‘Jimmy please stop.’..”

I said “..waIT THAT'S HOW THEY MEET- like Jimmy’s selling Oxy or whatever and he tortures Edgar once he realizes he’s Christian by just- being a huge annoyance with satanic themed visits lol. Like ‘Hey man- this is Satan’s personal favorite, Valium- wanny buy?’ - ‘Please leave me alone.’..”

And so I asked her how the fic I was gonna write was gonna start and she said “..Have Edgar wake up to Jimmy aggressively knocking on the door.”

So this is the start of the fic under the cut so it doesn’t clog your guy’s feed-

A/N: AU in which Jimmy is a door to door drug salesman and poor Edgar is his unwilling victim to satanic themed harassment. Believe it or not this’ll be plot heavy.

-

There was a sort of comfort knowing you knew no one who would be banging on your door at 6:45 in the morning.

In theory, Edgar could just ignore the knocking, which he should have- but the fear this guy was actually going to break himself and the door was too much.

Getting up and putting on his pants and shirt, Edgar made his way to the guy at his door. He hoped he wouldn’t have to clean up blood from his porch. That’s really the only reason someone would be banging on his door. Right?

Oh how could’ve Edgar been so wrong in his life?

When he opened the door, he expected this guy’s guts out. What he got was an annoyed looking goth kid with a duffel bag in his hands. Great.

“Hey! You fuckin’ finally got up- Jesus- were you hungover? Was that why you took so long to open up?”

Edgar rubbed his face, he hadn’t drank in years but if faking being hungover would help this guy leave then he’d overdo it.

Though he wasn’t given any time to respond, only because the topic of his cross came into play.

“You sleep with that thing?”

Edgar looked at where the guy was pointing and nodded, “I really only take it off when I need to.”

The guy snickered, “Well ok, Bible fucker- my name’s Jimmy but people call me Darkness. I got some good stuff today. Y'interested in some Xanny’s?”

Edgar became more and more concerned at each word that came out of Jimmy’s mouth. Nevermind the religious jab. Edgar was more confused at the fact that Jimmy may be a literal AVON salesperson but for drugs.

Jimmy lifted his duffel and looked around in it. 

“See- I got other shit too. Though just for you, I can make like-..a bundle ‘n shit.”

Edgar only let this absurdity go on because he didn’t know what to say to make it stop honestly.

______________________

So I stopped there because I passed out and now I need motivation to write this again so if anyone wants to help that’d be cool lol