#like. forcing myself to write? goes back to feelings of inadequacy. talking to friends? drains my energy n causes inescapable overthinking.
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#boy howdy is thinking a bad thing for me to do!#i was so tired earlier so i thought i would sleep easy but nope! still up!#knocking some fics off my 'to read' list so that's been good at least#but in between chapters im alone w my thoughts again and there's just this. crippling feeling of inadequacy and doubt and anger.#everything just feels like it sucks so much and im stuck in this loop of making myself miserable and i don't even know how to stop#i know i can. ive done it before. but anything i can muster up the energy to try fails or worse backfires#like. forcing myself to write? goes back to feelings of inadequacy. talking to friends? drains my energy n causes inescapable overthinking.#calling a crisis line? i cant be honest enough for it to help n ends w me not taking any of the advice because i don't have the energy to.#i don't know why it's gotten so bad again. i don't see things moving back up like before.#i want it to. but i can't force it to happen and it's killing me.#they speak!#ignore this#anyways back to more fluffy modern aus! woohoo escapism.
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