#like. it doesn't mean to just eat folks who landed in a nice spot making art or a nice job who could afford a house and a yard

[dragonlights]

Sometimes you see a post that makes you want to sleep for a century cause of the sheer 'missing the point' of it all.

[pick-em-pool]

WEEK 5

The madness doesn't stop people! 💣💥🤯 five weeks in and folks are still flying up and down the rankings like Juliette flies up and down the pool 🥽 One thing is for certain this season: no one is safe 😨 so if you want your share of the $350 prize pool, it's time to shoot for the moon, and if you miss you will land among the stars might end up in last like Abby, so don't get crazy 🤨

PEYTON - 12 POINTS

It was a VERY strong week for a lot of people, and Peyton was no exception, pulling off the highest point total of the season. In addition, he mercilessly knocked Juliette out of the top spot 😳 Here is a football reenactment of Peyton's flying kick to Juliette's face 👟👟

JJ - 12 POINTS

Do my eyes deceive me, or has the legendary, Stanley Cup winning, guitar playing, golf ball slicing Jean Jacques Francais Escargo Baguette Daigneault reeled off TWELE POINTS THIS WEEK 🔥🔥🔥 He absolutely REFUSES to get last place this season, mercilessly tossing Daigneault home-team favorite Pittsburgh under the bus in favor of Buffalo 🚌🚌🚌 Get your tickets now people, because the JJ revenge tour is in full swing 🎟🎫🎫

RUSTY - 12 POINTS

lets. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 📯📯📯 Rusty and JJ have swung from the Boys in the Back to the Boys Who Will Beat Yo Sorry A#% (They are now a gangster rap group, apparently 🎤) 🥊🥊🥊 Either way, Rusty is willing to do anything to win now, even if it means sabotaging the other players. Just this week he sent me 10 metric tons of barbeque he cooked. Obviously, I had to eat it all in one sitting... The food coma lasted 3 days 🤢🥴 Not cool Rusty. Not. Cool.

LOGAN - 12 POINTS

Our fearless commissioner is as talented as he is handsome, racking up 12 points this week in style. Honestly, it's amazing he finds time at all to even make the picks, much less the write-ups 😎 Seriously, how does he fit all of this into his packed schedule:

JANIE - 12 POINTS

You know what, I'm sick of Janie! She gets to score 12 FREAKING points again, and she's MAKING HER PICKS FROM A BEACH RIGHT NOW 😒😠😡 She's watching football, drinking margaritas, eating chicken wings, and soaking up the sun in Daytona. She's literally living MY dream and she's doing it BETTER than me 👆👆👆 (This will have to do because there is no middle finger emoji, UGH) Congrats, Janie, I GUESS

GABBY - 12 POINTS

And rounding out our 12 pointers is the ever lovey GABRIELLE 👏👏👏 This girl doesn't just pick teams, she IS a team 🏐🏐🏐 This one-woman volleyball squad has been serving up TROUBLE for opponents the past couple weeks 😍 She serves, she digs, she sets, she... doesn't really spike the ball because she has a 0.3 centimeter vertical jump 🦘 Seriously people Gabby is what you would get if you combined the raw power and athleticism of a Bengali Tiger with the jumping ability of a tortoise 🐢🐅

LISA - 11 POINTS

Not far behind, Big Mamma racked up 11 points with nice picks on New Orleans and New England 👌👌👌. And now she's helping out the great commish with picking out a friend's wedding present. That is most appreciated because there is just a slight difference in gift-selecting ability between these two:

Lisa: I got you this beautiful bike that you have wanted since you were 6, hand made because I know you love bespoke items. It has your name engraved and a custom drink holder for your favorite water bottle, and a 5000 year warranty that I negotiated myself

Logan: I got you a can of lima beans

JULIETTE - 8 POINTS

The Daytona Diver had an OFF week for sure this time 😨😬 dropping her down to 3rd place. We'll have to wait and see if her first place was deserved or just a mirage 🏝🏝🏝 Me, I'm not too worried. Juju leaves no TikTok undanced and no Team unpicked. I'm just waiting for her to reclaim her spot. Go off queen 👑👑👑 hmm, yeah I'm definitely not cool enough to pull off 'Go off queen'. Go get 'em tiger 🐯 OK that's 10 times worse, I'll get back to everyone next week on this 🥴

ABBY - 8 PIONTS

it's only 5 weeks in but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Abby's hopes for a victory this season are already on life support 😢😢 Even worse, she didn't send me her picks until about 10 PM on Sunday. I GAVE her the chance to sneak a peek at the scores. My weakness for my own SISTER meant she had the chance to do amazing this week 😨😨😨 it was right there on a silver platter! And what happened? she got an 8. Here's a live look at Abby's pick-em-pool chances after this week:

VAL - 6 POINTS

Val is a woman of many talents. She makes (for real) the best margarita I have ever had. She is going to law school on a scholarship 🤓 She is going to defend me in court when I'm taken to trial for embezzling the pick-em-pool money. She got to a hospital by HERSELF when her appendix tried to pearl harbor sneak attack her in her sleep. SHE BOWLED A 140. But folks... I have to say 😞😢 we all have our weaknesses. Even superman has his kryptonite. Val's weakness - understanding the game of football 🏈 SIX POINTS LMAOOO WHO EVEN DOES THAT BAD (ignore my score from last week 🤐)

Folks I have to thank you for keeping it interesting 😵 with all these wild scores. I never know what to expect, but one thing I'm sure of is someone is walking home with HUNDREDS 💸💸💸 at the end of this season. So never give up, never surrender AND I WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK 💰