#lilithfirsthouse

[gshshxn]

Me✌🏾

First blog✍🏾

Lunar eclipse in libra and I’ve never felt more alone (lmao i always feel alone)

Lilith in first house is like living in the body of a reject. Rejected by both parents and always rubbing friends the wrong way (like I’m competition) rlly makes me beat myself up esp when it’s my friend who has this “stay in your own lane” mentality or “No I don’t want you up there on stage with me”, “I do this so you can’t” (all her words) knowing damn well we like that same shit and have similar goals that’s why we friends (I’m a Singer/Actress)🧍🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ it’s so opposite of me and my way of life guess what happens next? Identity. Crisis. I eat, drink, and breathe identity crisis. That probably made no sense but a Lilith first house stellium will do that. Doesn’t help that Neptune is in my 11th house along with mars so I put MY ALL into my friends. whether martyr are fighter I will always support or take the fall for my friends. A lil too unconditional here which is why in the past I’ve experienced being cheated out of what’s mine, what I deserve.. (stolen dance move, stolen makeup after SHARING, stolen baby doll after SHARING etc) I can’t even cry on the phone to my friend at 2am (I only have 1 friend) but she has the space to do so which I’ve created and she’s dumped, cried and ranted bout her relationships many many many times and I was always there with kindness compassion and words of affirmation. But what do I get in return. Even tho I hardly ever express that side it’s usually so self centered nobody wants to hear because I’m my own problem. I censor myself so my friends don’t feel a type of way. I self sabotage and block opportunities to appease another’s insecurities and I’m ashamed of myself for that. Like you can’t do anything else but put yourself down..? But it’s because I care and I don’t wanna be alone or rejected once I bring out my baddest bitch. I read a post that Lilith ruffles peoples feathers and I couldn’t agree more cuz I haven’t even done anything yet and this girl has over 2k followers, a million friends, a whole ass fanbase ( she’s a rapper/model) 5 good ass songs I promise you’d like and music videos has done fashion shows, lingerie shows, flys out to perform and so much shit. I have 250 followers on insta and no presence and no other friends and has done no shows or photoshoots. Actually my first fashion show was in April 23, they seen her backstage with me and she ended up walking too so I got no pics of me which actually broke my heart cuz I’m the first one to take care of that for my friends and I wanted memories and good pics of me to post. But also irritated me cuz why am I “competition” when you can walk into a fashion shows and instantly be noticed, picked and apart of the show the day of. Like. Be.for.fucking.real. I almost feel like it boosts her ego having me around cuz I’m not getting anywhere with my career or life because of how bad I’m self sabotaging and in constant state of depression and crisis (literally homeless this year) lol but anywayz this way too long, probably gonna rant on another post lmao