#linguini the jackass

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You'd think that the dialogue David Bowie had to do in The Linguini Incident was a bit too stereotypical and ridiculous, but then you remember that David Bowie himself would say shit like "Oh, I ADORE Jackass!"

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Instead of Doing My Homework I Have Opted to Write Four Pages of Notes and Analysis for the 2007 Film Ratatouille. You Are Welcome.

Ratatouille, Released: on June 29, 2007

Directed by: Brad Bird

Notes and Analysis:

Describes the garbage as ‘close to godliness’ as a direct metaphor to the film as a whole

Fan Theory:

The lightning strike at the beginning turned them into gods

Remy fears no god, bitch went into the kitchen

Old lady is a redneck with a gun

The hero’s journey as shown through Remy’s life from the start of the film to the end is a beautiful example of the archetype along with being a metaphor for human life and human nature.

Gusteau is Remy’s god like figure

Gusteau = Christ Figure????

The old lady doesn’t fear death

The rat society we see at the start of the film is remarkably advanced with escape boats and plan, proving both Remy’s dad’s prowess as a leader, and the fact that Remy is an angsty unappreciative little shit

Look up probability of a rat surviving being washed down a storm drain

Results: everyone who studies rats hates them but still uses cute pictures also pretty damn good

Similar to in the Epic of Gilgamesh, Remy latches onto the book as Gilgamesh did to Enkidu, for he has lost his family and friends and refuses to leave the spot he washed up on

Remy is inspired after speaking to Gusteau

Shadow of dog looks like the one in Up

No really go look it does

THE BITCHES NAME IS LINGUINI FUCKING LINGUINI

‘What can I do I’m a figment of your imagination’ Fake angel shoulder Gusteau is a fucking icon

Brain power of a rat look up

The title of an article that I didn’t read was ‘Rats can be Smarter than People’ so I think they’re at least better at geometry than me

How distracted is a chef look up

Due to my laziness results were inconclusive but from first hand observation I’d say very

Can a rat do acrobatics?

LINGUINI HAS A FUCKING GOATEE

BITCH GRABBED A FLAMETHROWER TO KILL A RAT

Linguini watches trash tv

Trash tv used to set the scene

Linguini wanted to put a rat near his dick. Linguini is kinky as fuck.

Everyone thinks Linguini was screaming at the veggies in the fridge

The head chef has a past with vegetables as concluded from his comment ‘one can get too familiar with vegetables’ the head chef is kinky as fuck

The french are kinky as fuck.

Linguini got that BREAD

Colette is a hardcore feminist and I am HERE for it

On the letter it has Linguini's mothers last name as Linguini which means his last name is Linguini which means THIS BITCH HAS A FIRST NAME AND THEY ALL WILLINGLY CALL HIM LINGUINI THAT OR THIS HOES REAL NAME IS FUCKING LINGUINI LINGUINI

The sue chef is not to be fucked with

Everyone in the kitchen should be in jail

Paradise: Remme at the old lady’s house

Paradise lost: Remme losing his family

Paradise: Remme working in the kitchen

Edit: Paradise lost: Linguini is a rich dick

The racks in the kitchen can support the weight of a grown man (the head chef) the fuck are they doing to reinforce those

Fan Theory:

The head chef is a midget which is why he’s so angry

Remy gives into temptation and rejects his morals

Remy’s brother is the real god like figure, an icon, a rat for the people

That musical rat is only plucking on that paper clip yet he still holds it up to his mouth as if that will do something

There’s a rat band which means there are rat musicians which means there are a wide range of professions in the rat world so Remy’s chef dream shouldn’t be as controversial as it is portrayed as being

Remy is deadass a savage

Remy is stirring nothing and Colette doesn’t notice

Colette thinks first that Linguini has an STD and then that he’s crazy

Again: the french are kinky as fuck

Remy is #1 wing man

Tall dark and daddy issues critic guy is named ‘The Grim Eater’ and I’m now able to commit un-oxygen

*spits wine* *looks at label* *swallows the rest* that kids is a prime example of a big mood

The Grim Eater is the blatant symbol of death in name and character design

Colette needs to calm the fuck down with that spoon

From the spoon in question we now know Colette is a thot to be slain

Remy is driving the poor man insane (head chef)

Remy and Linguini are horrible

THE MAN'S NAME IS LINGUINI

lInGuInI

Remy experiences peer pressure

This is hilarious

Emile is a both a Christ figure and the antichrist

Emile is a little shit

Alfredo, as seen in the fucking letter from his mom to the head chef, this fucking cunt’s name, is, cannonly, Alfredo Linguini

I'm done

I’m so done

The chef is a reckless driver

Either the chef is a slow driver or Remme is Ratisn Bolt

No one gave Linguini a better picture for the paper

Linguini is suddenly a millionaire

That one cook is a pyromaniac

he only thing Linguini can do is rollerblade

Remy suddenly wants recognition

Linguini is a jackass

Remme is a jealous hoe

The Grim Eater real name and translation

Maybe I just didn’t dig deep enough because there’s nothing

“If I don't like I don't swallow”

THE GRIM EATER DOESNT SWALLOW AHAHAHHAHAHA

Kill me

The head chef when seeing Linguini yelling at a rat doesn't immediately think he's insane, and without context of it to suspect, on the spot concludes this rat is the chef

Remy is a vindictive asshole and the rats are amazingly well organized

Rat special ops exists fight me in that fact

Remy and Linguini are both horrible

Emile is the antichrist

Emile is literally the cause of most problems

Emile is a little shit

Linguini has anxiety fight me in that too

How many traps did the head chef set and how many other rats did he catch before Remy??

There is underlying racism in the 2007 film Ratatouille. In this three part essay I will prove-

He's not a rat he's not a human

He's a god

[doesfruitdance]

Tagged by @queenredhead !!

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 people you would like to know better

A - age: 22

B - birthplace: A hospital!! (in Ontario)

C - current time: 1:58pm

D - drink you last had: Water

E - easiest person to talk to: Red! And also Pax!

F - favourite song: oh geez uhh??? I flop back and forth between songs and genres on a daily basis so. Really, my favourite song depends on what scenario I’ve chosen to daydream about????

G - grossest memory: (also one of my earliest sad memories). I was still a kid, like maybe eight? and my parents and I were camping and decided to go for a bike ride/hike around the forest trails. And at one point, one of the trails led to a rocky beach on the lake, so we explored and poked around in the shallows for a bit. Keep in mind the rocks are slippery and you cant really step between them. So I’m walking around carefully, and out of literally nowhere, a frog jumps up onto the rock where I’m about to put my foot. The step is already in motion. There is nowhere else to go and not enough time to react. So I accidentally crushed the poor frog, and I thought it was dead, and I was crying. But it wasn’t dead and it started crawling, and its insides were spilling out onto the rock, and oh my god. I just felt so horrible for the poor frog, and I know it was an accident, but accidental murder is a big deal for a soft-hearted child.

H - horror yes or horror no: horror yes but only in the daytime and never by myself, because im a huge weenie. (Red when we move in together we should watch horror movies together!!!)

I - in love?: OH BOY. UM. ITS REALLY COMPLICATED BECAUSE FEELINGS ARE HARD. I REALLY LOVE BOTH OF MY FRIENDS BUt i dont know where the line between platonic and romantic is, or if im ust not capable of romantic love, and then there are my nonexistent sexual feelings which may just be a side effect of my medications and- so I mean, short answer? Maybe. If I leave my current feelings to fester for a while longer, then yes.

J - jealous of people?: not jealous per se? I get envious of people who are able to do things that I’m not (like work, and leave the house without panicking), but when it comes to people, I mostly get possessive. Not in a dangerous and problematic way? But more so I feel inadequate, and need to constantly remind myself that my friends can have other friends, and it doesnt mean they love me less, it just means they are loving lots of people, because love is infinite.

L - love at first sight or should I walk by again?: You’re gonna have to walk by multiple times, hold a few conversations, and get to know each other, before love comes into the equation.

M - middle name: Kristen

N - number of siblings: I mean, technically i have an older half-sister? I’ve kind of disowned her, because shes a racist, homophobic jackass.

O - one wish: to be able to do things without anxiety and depression constantly dragging me down.

P - person you last called: I DONT USE THE PHONE BECAUSE ANXIETY. its literally been so long since i called someone, i cant remember.

Q - question you are always asked: “So what’s new?” The answer is always ‘nothing’.

R - reason to smile: My family (friends, parents, cousins, cats), dumb youtube videos, the maladaptive daydream scenarios i think up-

S - song you last sang: Eivør - Í Tokuni

T - time you woke up: the fuck asscrack of dawn

U - underwear colour: SIKE, IM NOT WEARING UNDIES

V - vacation destination: I wanna hike across europe!!

W - worst habit: i dont shower often.I pretty much just rinse my hair and wash my bits* so i dont stink. But like, its pretty rare that i actually go into the shower and scrub my legs and arms and all that stuff. (*’bits’ includes pits and intimate pieces)

X - x-rays: Several over the years. Some to check my ankles and toes for breaks, stomach for ulcers, to take a look at my teeth. Nothing super serious though.

Y - your favorite food: LINGUINI NOODLES WITH ROSEE SAUCE AND PARMESEAN AND CHICKEN AND BASIL

Z - zodiac sign: cancer

Here are the people I’ll tag- but im shy so nope!

[badlydrawngegattandlinguini]

[ snf snfnfnfnfn snnNNIFFFF sNNIIFFFF ]

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How does he do that (2)

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How does he do that

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[ Woody Woodpecker headass ]

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“Kinda forgot we had a son… Man I hope he’s not upset about our inactivity or something haha”

[badlydrawngegattandlinguini]

Happy Belated Valentines Day!

You can't have more belated than us!

yeah its like almost V-Day 2022 .

[badlydrawngegattandlinguini]

Buzz look an alien!

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Wha- you can't just not accept a declaration of war!

fight by yourself, clown

[badlydrawngegattandlinguini]