#liseproblems

[veliseraptor]

the weird schrödinger's emotion that is "that character death was narratively satisfying and emotionally impactful and ultimately the best way to handle their character arc" simultaneously with "noooo but I wanted them to live :( :( :("

[veliseraptor]

i do not need more teapots. but sometimes i see a teapot and it's so pretty and my brain just goes. "but what if you did need more teapots"

[veliseraptor]

every time there is yi city things and xue yang isn't in it i get sad. just sitting there like "but where. where is my boy. :( where is he"

this is a me problem

[veliseraptor]

sometimes i manage to be like "i need to rest in order to restore myself so that i can continue to create" and then i inevitably end up going "okay!!! rest faster! restore faster! chop chop!" about it which probably defeats the purpose

[veliseraptor]

i crave whump soooo bad. there has not been enough whump for my faves lately and i'm suffering about it. do i have to do everything myself

[veliseraptor]

every time someone mentions a felix, anywhere, my brain goes "harrowgate?"

it's almost never felix harrowgate.

[veliseraptor]

there are many things i emphatically do not miss about living in nyc but. i do miss the nypl's massive collection of academic books. now i have to go begging in interlibrary loan forms. like a peon.

[veliseraptor]

just read "jta" as "jewish transit authority".......

[veliseraptor]

sometimes I read the words "I don't excuse [x]" about fictional characters and a little part of my brain just goes "well I do!"

[veliseraptor]

i was correct about there not being fic for my new blorbo/problematic threesome, by the way. in fact, there appears to be no fic for the fandom at all. which is not surprising necessarily but still upsetting to me

[veliseraptor]

it would please me to buy an olive tree...but i'm not sure it's a wise financial decision...but they're on sale right now

[veliseraptor]

man if I had $4000 just lying around...

[veliseraptor]

have a whole free afternoon ahead of me and I'm terrified if I stop moving that I'm going to, like the proverbial shark, die. but I'm also paralyzed by an excess of possible things that I could do. walk to the library to drop off a bunch of books? read? write? edit? play some baldur's gate? read something else? work out? some combination of the above in an order as yet to be determined?

and now I'm stressed about my luxurious free time, which is possibly the most me thing that's happened to me in a while

[veliseraptor]

maybe this will be the convention where i find xuexiao merch

[veliseraptor]

need to finish watching iwtv season 2 but also watch downfall but also watch my stand in but also watch mysterious lotus casebook but also keep up with meet you at the blossom but also

forced to work

[veliseraptor]

there is nothing quite like stepping into a new fandom to confront you facefirst with the forceful knowledge that most other people want something very different than you do