#listen I'm not immune to doing dumb shit in the game i play

[violet-dragongirl]

If anybody were to ask me why I'm a combat medic in a game I like but also hate (total 50/50 love hate for this game there's no compromise to either side) as matchmade players expect me to resurrect them with ease every time knowing that the game's mechanics of how my ult works to it's humanly possible maximum efficiency, still cannot keep up with nearly ANY player being in the area of Only Gonks And Showboats go to die (where enemies spawn, which is opposite/adjacent of wherever the builder is)

¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

[keiachi-chan]

My greatest skill is my impeccable hindsight. I've developed it after years of not thinking for a second about the dumb shit I say in public until afterwards, including but not limited to;

(there's a lot)

"They're kissing and I'm grossed out. Not because they're both girls, but because they're THOSE girls."

"I think I should have more rights than you"

"Someone at game freak keeps letting the team furry design the starters"

"Horrid Henry transed my gender"

"I don't think there's a reason for you to do. Anything, ever, actually. I think you're just wrong"

[At my friend:] "I'm getting you a valentines day card that says 'cease and desist, love Kay' and you get me one that just says 'die' okay?"

[My teacher: "Kay, give us a fun fact"] "HEY GUYS did you know that in terms of male human female pokemon-"

"I think I would be able to drown you in a plate of spaghetti"

[While pulling a banana out of my sleeve] does THIS answer your question!? [Nobody asked me anything]

"Non-consensual friendship"

"I'm immune to dad jokes because my dad doesn't love me" [My friend: "I'll tell you dad jokes"] "Does that make you my daddy" ["Wh- No! Also you're older than me!"]

[At a random kid in my class:] "catboy catboy catboy catboy catboy ca"

[Friend: "Okay I'll give him cat mint"] "and I'll give him weed"

"Ever wanna listen to your favourite song for the first time again? Now you can! Sign up for my free lobotomy! I am not a surgeon but there's a 100% money back guarantee."

"Don't worry its not bullying if your friends I stabbed him as a JOKE"

"Hold on maybe I can scrub our melanin out with a sponge"

[The school's afternoon show intro plays] "This song sounds how McDonald's Sprite tastes"

"I think we could bury you alive in here wanna try?" [I proceed to grab my classmate by the arm]

"I am going to Walt your Disneys"

"Hold on let me see how you taste"

"You have to learn from your mistakes so you can grow as a person. That's why the catboy over there is so short"

"Your height has many deciding factors. One is how early on in life your parents got divorced. Which for me, is before I was born.."

"I can tell with one glance who's dads don't love them" ["friend: does your dad love you?"] "No, that's how I can tell"

"Hold on you're light, let me try suplexing you"

"A word of advice. If you stop being a fucking dumbass, life gets easier."

"Breaking news; Russia!" [6th grader: "breaking news; russia invades me"] "Lopunny" [Friend: "Breaking news: Lopunny invades Lucas"] "NO"

[Friend: *shakes sparkling water, the bubbles turn it white*] "Shake it until you get the sticky white liquid"

"Today seems like a nice day to have an existential crisis"

"Haha nooo don't get atomized you're so sexy"

[Classmate: "They're already in gym."] "Who is jim and why are they inside him"

"Question; you're wrong actually"

[Literally watching a movie about Jackie Robinson] "She's gonna blow his Celestica Flute"

"I am going to put beans inside your computer"

"Orphans are immune to Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes; but at what cost?"

[Friend: "today's the anniversary of when my cat died."] "Rip that.. Ayy.."