#listen Lizo….I love you. but this and who by water BROKE me

[that-golden-lyre]

Am I writing this now because I know @ladynestaarcheron will be awake soon, or am I just a forgetful hoe? ITS ANYONES GUESS! 🥳

It’s day 10 everyone and I am once again simping for this woman’s writing, because that’s my job and I can’t help it. (Literally, I have no control over my actions/reactions from here on out. It’s gonna be a mess).

This story is just…so much. @ladynestaarcheron and I have had many a conversation discussing Nesta’s “addiction” and “recovery” that should have happened but never did. When I tell you that this re-write makes my sound ACTUALLY sing? When this chapter in particular came out, I quite literally lost my mind so badly I commented on it twice. The detail that this fic goes into explaining the FEELING of where you’re at when you can’t see anything but darkness but you’re trying SO desperately to get out and yet you don’t have the energy to. The way that funeral scene reached into my body and said “go to therapy and get some closure bitch”. As a person who has gone through alcohol withdrawal, sj/m making Nesta an alcoholic was a BIT personal to me. So when there was no follow through with that I was….how you say…PISSED. They was Nesta gets her autonomy stripped from her when she apparently isn’t even addicted to alcohol (because she has no fucking withdrawal) was a fucking sucker punch to the gut for me. So to have a fic not only address that, but to make it a central path into Nesta’s psyche? 💋🤌🏾perfect🤌🏾💋. The way that Cassian is NOT perfect in this but tries so much harder to simply understand, even if it doesn’t further the healing. (Here it comes Lizo). There’s this Hozier song that he never released that encapsulates the way this reads SO WELL, it honestly makes me cry a little. “It ain’t the being alone. it ain’t the empty home. You know I’m good on my own…it’s more the being unknown.” And honestly, that’s what Nessian really was at the end of the day. It’s not the need of each other, it’s the need for someone to see you as you are and love you anyways. To choose to love you at your worst and want to love you more because of it. And this fic is really just Cassian realizing that for all his grandstanding, all that either of them want is to know the other. It’s not that they NEED each other, it’s that they know the other chooses to know them and that makes them want the same. Sure, is Nesta going THROUGH it, yes, but that doesn’t mean that she needs romance. Having Gwyn and Emerie choose the same as Cassian helps her choose herself too and it’s so fucking poetic. Ok now before I absolutely RUIN this fic, go read, oh my fucking god, PLEASE go read it. Thanks to @ladynestaarcheron again for sharing ❤️‍🔥

P.s @ladynestaarcheron I’m still waiting on part two of who by water and I WILL bully you with my TEARS to get that fic out of you…TEARS LIZO! TEARS!!