#literally a week after mania....i'm not ok T-T </3

[fantasticalleigh]

MAMI YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY CHAMPION NO MATTER WHAT<3

[xiaosweetheart]

‼TW‼ HEAVY talks of weed/weed use, e*ting d*sorders; mentions of a psychotic episode, hallucinations; overall neglectful parental themes ???

‼VENT BELOW THE CUT‼ DONT FEEL LIKE U HAVE TO READ THIS I JUST NEED TO BITCH AB MY MOM

so. for some context. the last time i had taken a t-break was in like. the last two weeks of july, a few days into august. since then i'd been high for literally three months straight, and i smoked Every Single Day in october (which lead to a psychotic episode, but thats a convo for a different day). (also i do not believe she knows i was high fkr 3 months straight and she Definitely doesnt know i smoked Every day in october which like ............ as a parent ............... shouldn't u have some sort of awareness ? or something ab that ????)

and so anyway, my parents r like genuinely neglectful yasss 😍😍 they think offering me weed will just fix ???? all my mental problems 😭 and so anyway, my dad was hinting to him leaving the bong outside and that i should go smoke and i was like "it's no weed november" and my mom goes oh my god GROW UP. bc i'd been "bitchy all of november" [i'd been sober for 18 days :( ] like ............. yeah girl i was high for three months straight ofc ur gonna see my sober personality now .................

but i cave and go out to smoke w my friend, who had just gotten here moments after her telling me to grow up, and so i get baked as fuck blah blah blah and anyway she was outside and i go up to here like "yeah ur right i needed this 🙁" and she lectures me ab how i shouldn't be totally sober and that if i need a tbreak then to only smoke once or twice a week and to jusy keep using weed as a medicine for when things r bad — which is mostly true i do use weed to medicate, but then that brings me to my next point

after that i had a v enlightening talk w my friend ab my only two options being manic and/or psychotic [weed induced] or hollow, empty, and numb. and how i'll start smoking when things get bad (empty) and that leads me to becoming dependent on it which leads to weed induced psychosis but its only bad when i'm alone so i enter a state of mania and become very people dependent and extroverted bc ill genuinely hallucinate when im alone 😭😭😭 i dont think this paragraph was actually necessary to include ? but im sharing it anyway 😍 to surmise, that convo brought many new symptoms to light and i realize that i am More Than Likely bipolar yasss slay 😍😍

after all that we go back inside i forget what happens leading up to this next convo, but we got onto the topic of ??????? them asking me what i want from store cause i was like "yall never buy me anything i like" and so my parents were like name one thing you've asked us to buy u so i go "oo poptarts ! the strawberry ones !!" and ............ oh lord. THIS IS WHERE THE CONVERSATION AB THE ED BEGINS.

my mom was like thats junk food those r literal trash im not buying u trash to eat and i said something is better than nothing (bc it literally is ??????) amd she said she doesnt care and i go "ok well ur not the one w an eating disorder" and then. THEN. she laughed at me amd said "[caligula] is always using threats whenever he doesn't get what he wants. fine whatever, waste yourself away." WHEN SHE KNOWS I HAVE AN ED ????????

AND LITERAL DAYS BEFORE THIS, whenever we went out to eat the other day i went to go piss like twice in 15 minutes bc i'd had two bigass things of spirte or whatever yk and then when we were leaving and getting in the car or whatever and my mom literally asked if i had made myself throw up in the bathroom ?????????

so. uhm. yeah thats it 🥰 anyway posessive hcs coming soon <3