#literally sitting here bawling over how hopeless i feel and then the 'disobedience that holds us together' line hit me and made me do a
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mummy dust cured my depression
#vaaya moodu#ghost#'he is' also did. in a different way#while i dont believe in satan as an actual being or whatever i find a deep comfort in the notion of satan#in paradise lost. in faust. in ghost. in most depictions of him over time#literally sitting here bawling over how hopeless i feel and then the 'disobedience that holds us together' line hit me and made me do a#complete 180 emotionally#i felt so powerful. i felt like someone had my BACK#and then i burst out laughing bc THIS MUST BE HOW RELIGIOUS PEOPLE FEEL EVERYDAY#then i realized that to me satan is a personification of everything that's got me to the point i am right now. everything about myself that#has kept me alive#and if i believe in nothing i believe in that at least. in a weird twisted way because of satan i believe in myself#that feels WEIRD TO SAY ON ITS OWN. 'i believe in myself'#i dont think ive ever believed in myself in the way most people do#but from this angle i do. its hard to explain but it feels like a tenaciousness i have no choice but to have. but at least i have it. and i#believe in it#religion
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