#literally the living embodiment of bisexual panic

[enchantedspoons]

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Monster of the Week: The Undead!

From spooky scary skeletons to the original zombies, let’s have a look at the undead who have risen around the globe! This will not include vampires (which I have already compiled a post on) or ghosts (which I plan to compile a post on.)

Note that many of these can best be understood -- or only understood -- in their original cultural context, and I encourage you to continue your research if the lore interests you.

Skeletons/Skeletal Creatures

I am, for whatever reason, enthusiastic about skeletons. There’s a drama to them. They look like they’re perpetually grinning, or grimacing, which makes them oddly relatable. As an artist, I’m always thinking about them as the framework for poses. 

More importantly, there’s one in all of us -- sorry if that made you uncomfortable -- which makes them a universally recurring being in global folklore. Let’s take a look at just a few.

Gashadokuro

Literally translating to “rattling skull,” the Gashadokuro is also called Odokoru (giant skull) or simply “the hungry skeleton.” That basically tells you all you need to know. 

These big boys (and I mean REALLY big) wander around the countryside at night. Their name derives from the eerie rattling noise produced by their giant skulls. As chill as this may sound, the Gashadokuro is not actually chill at all, and if you come across them they will not hesitate bite your head off. This may seem like a jerk move, since they don’t even have a stomach, but they need the energy of the living in order to sustain themselves.

Like most undead fellas on this list, the Gashadokuro has its origins in the real world. They are thought to originate from the mass-graves, usually of those who died under violent or inhumane circumstances, the supernatural byproduct of countless skeletons. 

The first Gashadokuro was thought to have originated after a specific bloody rebellion, in which the bereaved, sorceress daughter of a samurai summoned a giant skeleton from the mass grave of the rebelling soldiers and used it to attack the city. Queen behavior, if you ask me.

Santa Muerte

Image Source

Let’s conclude this portion with my favorite skeleton (excluding Baron Samedi, who doesn’t count, as he is often depicted as a man, or a man with a skull-like face), the goddess/folk saint Santa Muerte.  

I still have a lot to learn about the rich folklore surrounding Santa Muerte, but to my understanding, she was born of a combination of pre-Columbian Indigenous religions and Mexican-American folk Catholicism. 

Depicted as a skeleton in beautiful, feminine attire and considered to be embodiment of death, Santa Muerte is a healing and protective figure. She is beloved by legions of worshippers, despite condemnations from the Catholic church, and symbolizes a culturally positive relationship with death. 

Despite appearances, she is a life-affirming figure.

Zombies and Reanimated Corpses:

The Draugr

When we hear “zombie,” we don’t traditionally think of “Norse mythology.” And yet, the Nordics had their very own zombie mythos, boasting some truly terrifying undead.

It is said that they first emerge from their graves as little more than wisps of smoke and a stench of decay, before adopting a humanoid form that boasts superhuman strength, the ability to change size at will, and the ability to shape-shift. 

They aren’t mindless -- far from it. They boast an anthropomorphic intelligence, which makes them all the more dangerous.  

As to what drives them from their graves? Jealousy and bitterness towards the living. Relatable, honestly. 

The Jiangshi

(Note: I wish they were all as adorable as the one in this gif.)

This Chinese hopping corpse may have evolved into more of a vampire by Western influences, but it was originally far more zombie-like. And a unique zombie at that. 

Due to rigor mortis, the Jiangshi hops stiffly from place to place, holding its arms straight out. What’s even more singular is their origin. Try to guess. Go ahead, try. You won’t be able to.

The Jiangshi is what occurs when a bereaved family, lacking the proper funds to send their loved one’s body back to their ancestral land for burial, hires a necromancing corpse driver to reanimate the cadaver and guide it as it hops back to its resting place. They’d travel at night to avoid or minimize decay, either prodded by a stick or to the beat of a drum.

Other ways to create a Jiangshi include improper burial, suicide, or possession.

Looking upon a Jiangshi is said to be bad luck, and presumably very unpleasant. However, the real problem is their insatiable appetite. 

But fear not: if you see an unhealthy looking fellow hopping towards you with pasty, possibly decaying skin, you can protect yourself with mirrors, the hooves of a black donkey, or the wood of a peach tree. They can also be scared off by the sound of a crowing rooster, though that would require a bit of planning, and the cooperation of the rooster in question. Which, knowing roosters, is unlikely. 

Haitian Zombies

All legends of the undead have roots in real tragedies, but this one is particularly upsetting -- and the source of the zombie legend in the Western world today.

The enslaved people of Haiti believed that death would set them free, sending them back to an idyllic version of their homeland unburdened by colonialism. But only if death came naturally. Suicide would turn them into mindless husks, carrying out the drudgery of their captors. A haunting parallel to the practice of slavery itself. 

The concept was introduced to a contemporary audience by the 1932 film White Zombie, which sees a white “voodoo master” (who clearly didn’t know anything about the actual Voodoo religion) using witchcraft to create obedient slaves. He eventually uses this (ahem) “”voodoo”” on a white woman to try and force her to fall in love with him. 

With the term “zombie” in public consciousness, it became an applicable allegory for all of society’s ills, and can now be used to refer to anything from mob mentality to consumerism. But few are as haunting and as disturbing as its origins.

Videos on zombies: 

The Origin of the Zombie, from Haiti to the US

Where Zombies Come From

100 Hundred Years of Zombie Evolution in Pop Culture

Best Contemporary Zombie Movies*

*That I know of. Will update with more.

Night of the Living Dead - Though White Zombie introduced the term, it was arguably this film that popularized zombies as we know them today, particularly as an allegory for herd mentality and consumerism. Its successors, including Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, prove similarly influential. 

The Evil Dead Trilogy - Established that zombies can be fun, while also serving as an allegory for various societal problems. Also features undead that are refreshingly ravenous and evil without necessarily being mindless.

The Re-Animator - These days, the average zombie movie pushes the bounds of creativity is “make ‘em faster!” The Re-Animator’s take on the genre, however, would make Mary Shelley proud. Based loosely on the Lovecraft story, “Herbert West - Reanimator,” the films greatest triumph is its ability to have fun with its grisly premise, and compel the audience to have fun, too. It’s also a cautionary tale about why it’s important to be careful while getting a roommate. 

Shaun of the Dead - I’m not kidding. This film is great, and shows that you don’t need a serious tone to be heartfelt, scary, or provide a thought-provoking social commentary. Way back when I was a sixteen-year-old college freshman, I turned up to class as a zombie cheerleader, and my psychology professor recommended Shaun of the Dead to me. She’s a woman of impeccable taste, and it did not disappoint. 

28 Days Later - Before Cillian Murphy gave us Tommy Shelby, a gangster so pretty he could give Al Capone a sexual identity crisis, he was proving his mettle in the zombie-addled UK. For 2020 reasons, watching him wander the abandoned streets of London with a questionable haircut feels very topical. Add a stellar performance from Naomie Harris, and there’s a reason it sent me into a bisexual panic it’s considered a modern classic of the genre. 

Little Monsters - An egregiously underrated flick, featuring a kindergarten teacher (who happens to be, you know, Lupita Nyong’o) protecting her class during a zombie outbreak. A must watch if you want a zombie movie with a powerhouse lead, a happy ending, and perhaps the most badass kindergarten teacher in cinematic history. 

[ohjinkiesxx]

this post contains trigger warning. read at your own discretion! 

since birth velma was a prodigy. she was always ahead of her grade level. even as an infant she began crawling and talking way sooner than the average child. her parents became ecstatic with what the future held for their daughter. But they pushed too hard.

Growing up Velma was in any and all extracurricular activities you could think of. Soccer, math and science club, debate club, band. If it was something that would look good on her college resume she was in it.

Velma spent her childhood being pushed to be the best version of herself. She wasn’t allowed to play with kids her own age  or relax and play video games. She had to focus on her studies constantly. There was always a new assignment, essay, and another chapter to read.

Velma thought that was normal though, she didn’t know any different. Until she met the mystery gang. she had friends and a new hobbies to explore that she actually took interest in!

She was introduced to ghost hunting by Freddy, at first she thought it was a bunch of mumbo gumbo. everything can be backed by science right? still there are things velma has experienced with the gang that she cannot not explain.

she’s the literal embodiment of Dana Scully from the X-Files. She’s skeptical of supernatural things, but she wants to believe and be proven wrong.

however velma had to sneak off to hang out with the gang if she wanted to spend time with them. once her parents found about the gang they tried to ground Velma from seeing them. Her parents saw them as a group of misfits, they weren’t good enough to hang around their scholar daughter. Little did they know that Velma had found her platonic soulmates because she was a misfit too.

Velma’s natural hair color is deep chocolate brown, but she dyes it alot. she wasn’t allowed to when she was living with her parents so now she makes up for it by bleaching it platinum blonde with some sort of bright color for highlights. She usually goes for orange or pink.

Velma has never experienced independency or her own freedom until she moved to Elias.

(tw) When she first came to Elias she had extreme anxiety about her grades. If she didn’t make a mark that wasn’t perfect her parents would scold her for it through furious phone calls and treat her like a child. Kiara and Shaggy would help keep her panic attacks at bay.

She doesn’t get panic attacks much anymore, every once in awhile she’ll get that impending doom feeling but overall she’s learned not to care what her parents think or want for her. It Velma’s life and she should be able to make her own decisions for herself.

Shaggy & Velma have only recently made it official, and while Velma is the happiest she’s ever been she knows how fast news travels. It’s only a matter of time before she gets an angry phone call from her parents. Velma is preparing herself for the worst.

Velma is bisexual! She hasn’t told anyone yet though.

her comfort shows are doctor who and the x-files and most law and order/medical shows. They’re practically soap opera’s but she find them entertaining.

Velma also likes collecting enamel pins. whether its from her favorite shows, comics, just a cute characters she’s got em’.

Velma is a tutor on the side of her own academic studies.

her favorite type of perfume is something citrusy, especially oranges.

(tw) the cause for Velma’s infertility is that she has PCOS, but since most symptoms she had for it were undetectable it went undiagnosed for years until it was too late.

[longroadstonowhere]

welp

i was debating to myself whether i wanted to dive into the manga for bloom into you or just keep an eye out for the next season of the anime, but that anime ending is evil and i dunno if i could wait for like months or however long it would be to get more of the story

(by evil i mean incredibly sweet and charming and leaving so many plot hooks dangling that i can’t help but want to see what comes next)

anyway, i have a lot of feelings about bloom into you - key amongst them being ‘i can’t believe i’m actually watching an anime with a demisexual lesbian protagonist’ (follow below the cut for long rambly thought trains full of spoilers for both bloom into you and strawberry panic - although if you haven’t seen strawberry panic by this point in life there’s probably no reason to)

gods, if this anime had existed a decade ago it would have blown my mind for so many reasons, but i think the scene with maki where he’s imagining himself as sitting in a movie theater, watching other people’s lives? that would have absolutely changed my life, because that’s exactly how i’ve settled into my identity now - i can’t truly rule out the possibility of being sexually or romantically attracted to people, but i so prefer to just be a spectator to other people’s lives and i can’t imagine becoming a part of anything like a love story myself

honestly, the conversation between him and yuu during the sports festival was so emotionally satisfying for me because they’re just two high school kids who don’t personally grok the drive for love that everyone around them seems obsessed with, and they get to connect with each other in that way, and then maki realizes ‘she’s like me, but not exactly’ because he’s aro ace and she’s demisexual and it’s just..... it’s really fucking good and i cannot believe that scene exists in the world and i love it so much

gods

anyway

i love how nanami and saeki embody the crucial differences between ‘useless lesbian’ and ‘baby gay’ (respectively of course), like they are both so great and so dumb, i love them both a lot, especially how saeki’s.... not perfect in her crush? like she gets jealous when nanami’s spending time with yuu and she gets smug when it looks like she’s getting closer to nanami again, she’s just good and i love her

i feel like i’m comparing her to tomoko from cardcaptor sakura and tamao from strawberry panic because that is basically the archetype she’s encompassing - the girl who’s truly in love with her best friend that is in love with someone else - but where tomoko and tamao were generally gracious about not having that relationship, saeki’s feelings are so real, in like bad ways sometimes because that’s what emotions do but also she does truly love nanami and wants nanami’s happiness (it’s just that nobody knows what nanami’s happiness really looks like, especially nanami)

speaking of nanami not knowing happiness, dear gods is this whole play thing just literally her working through her trauma - this is actually where i keep coming back to the strawberry panic comparisons, funnily enough, because in both shows the sempai love interest is dealing with the past death of someone they loved very deeply, and part of the show is them working through that trauma

but like, in strawberry panic it took like a good third of the show to find out that the sempai’s first girlfriend had died, whereas here it was, what, the second or third episode where we learn about her sister’s death? and it’s also not like ‘hey, my sister died and i’m just generically sad about it’, it actually traumatized her and she’s reacting in ways that are honestly really scary (which is part of why i feel like i need to continue the story now because i want her to continue working through what she’s just starting to see now and i want her to be happy, truly happy, whatever that means for her)

it’s really just the slow burn shoujo ai story of my dreams and i’m so happy it exists

other, less substantial thoughts: i fricking love the cafe manager and the teacher so so so so much, they have such a good relationship and it gets demonstrated in just these beautiful small moments that don’t overshadow the students’ stories, and i love how the cafe manager and saeki got to tease each other while nanami was completely oblivious about it, and how riko-sensei is bisexual and the hilarious conversation that’s part of because they love each other and it’s good, so good, love this show, love them

also i love how the cafe manager is like ‘i have adopted this baby gay and i am evidently going to learn all about the high school lesbian drama because they have chosen my cafe as their home away from home.... excellent’ and riko-sensei is just so despairing at how her students are coming to her girlfriend’s cafe all the time now

doujima is hilarious and i appreciate how he has no idea what is happening at any point, token straight boy as comic relief is great

honestly just all the non-main characters are good and fun, i love that yuu has friends outside of the lesbian drama circle she’s falling into, and her family dynamic is just interesting enough to feel real without needing to be the center of attention (and it contrasts so well with nanami’s family situation, where we’ve only seen her with her family twice and yet it’s obviously so tense because of her sister’s death, and they care about her but she sees their care as an attack because she thinks she needs this coping mechanism to have a reason to live and uuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh i love her)

just, man, i’m almost sad that all i’ve seen on tumblr thus far were a couple of scenes with saeki because the show is a thousand times more than the clips i’ve seen (which really says more about the show because those clips were absolutely incredible, it’s just that they’re not even the tip of the iceberg really)

basically bloom into you hits me right in the extremely personal feels and i’m so glad it exists

[faaltuprem]

March 11, 2021 We are getting I told sunset about you part 2 and this is the first time I have processed the calendar year as a real thing that I am looking forward to.  Here are some deeply personal thoughts I must expel into the world but are definitely not worth reading. Yes it is vague because I don't want strangers knowing the details. 

THIS SHOW BLEW ME UP INSIDE! 

Currently I'm in my senior year of university, applying to graduate schools, living with my girlfriend in New York, experiencing a Saturn conjuncting the Saturn in my chart, halfway through its first cycle in my life and my priorities are so deeply disorganized, waiting to be reorganized. 

Watching I Told Sunset About You in the middle of all this really did blow me up inside, because it exploded the senior year of high school that I had put off processing fully until March this year (when the pandemic had me move back in with my parents for seven months and suddenly I was watching thai BLs, animes, etc. again and deeply regretting not having gone to art school). It was in 2016-17 I had suddenly moved to Thailand, living in Nonthaburi outside of Bangkok, really fucking alone except the one bi white friend I had who moved with me for similar reasons, whom I had confessed feelings for before the summer that changed our lives quite a bit, who left me hanging and ran away in gay panic. In my senior year, I was so confused about whether I would get into university, especially art school because my family didn't fully support or encourage me, I was deeply behind in studies, I was isolated from everything in the awful gated expat neighborhood separating me from the beautiful Nonthaburi, and the one new friend I had made -- we flirted and then it didn't lead anywhere but then she also didn't care to stay friends when I had no one in that isolated place. 

When I finally got through that year, getting into universities but not for art, not doing as well as I wanted in my art classes, feeling totally unlovable and friendless in a place where everyone passed time partying and being in relationships, I had gathered the hobby of spending weekends in the city with my friend who I moved with until she had to leave the country. I became attached to the city, it was the only friend I had for a while -- I put everything into just going into the city, wasting time walking around and doing shenanigans, meeting people I disliked or who had discarded me so I had excuses to go to cafes.  Until my friends from junior year and a best friend from middle school flew over for a "senior trip" that I went on with them and my whole ass family to Krabi. I was feeling love, feeling really free, mourning a crush on a straight friend, and just really fucking having a good time finally laughing and just feeling like I had footing and horizon to look to. Krabi felt sacred to me, it is sacred to me. 

At the end of my first semester freshman year, my parents were still in Nonthaburi, I had moved to New York and met my girlfriend and even though shit was rocky I was slowly figuring out things for myself. Including the fact that I was never really bisexual I was a lesbian and that came with mourning the heterosexual ending to my gay 20s that I had always imagined I would need to compromise to keep my family intact. I flew back to Bangkok really really changed but still wounded and got further wounded when on New Years I came out to my parents in an explosive fight, while my girlfriend and I were separated by timezones and depression habits. That explosion, that feeling that everything is gone to hell and you are so alone that was stuck in the air in Nonthaburi became flammable. 

It finally exploded summer 2018, when I had discovered that I could still make friends in my hometown while being out and I had been radicalized and politicized and that exactly what I wanted was finally within reach, just strings to pull together rather than a giant leap that would kill me. But my confession to my parents ended in them moving away from Thailand and back to the US because they felt my hometown would not be safe for me as a lesbian. It sacrificed the scholarship that had made me feel less guilty about coming to New York and it made being in America a permanent and non-negotiable outcome, heavy with my parents sacrifices and all the unknown consequences I had not counted on. Suddenly, I was leaving Nonthaburi and Thailand without having processed everything I experienced, owed to, and learned from over there. (The reckless) part of me still wants to move back because that's where I really did learn to rely on myself at my lowest because I didn't have so many people rallying for me and that is where I had made bad decisions and hurt myself. The only way out is to repair over there, to redo it all and do it better. 

But I managed to keep all of it quiet and go on with sophomore year and then junior year, forgetting the flammable feelings inside me but surrounded by warmth and whole new sets of problems. A righteous anger for justice, stronger than before. A self-doubt coming from principles stronger than before. A new fork in the road that I needed steady ground to contemplate and prepare for. But suddenly, March 2020, I was suddenly leaving New York behind, without any say, just like in 2016. And the match was really really lit. 

I've basically been shifting in and out of the growing pains, the trauma, and the really really really intense nostalgia that has rained down on me since then. I cannot explain how deeply I Told the Sunset About You has effected me -- I feel so soothed. I feel like I've lived their lives and they have lived mine even though its soooooooooo totally different for us. I absolutely LOVE romance and to be inside those deep friendships and all that love I feel so honored and so relieved. Just like Krabi, this show feels sacred. I felt every moment of that show in my body. Justin Sinseri from the Polyvagal Podcast has been helping me understand my embodied anxiety, depression, maybe attention disorder, and some of the trauma buried within. He explains that we are all just nervous systems interacting with each other, co-regulating according to perceived danger and safe and social conditions. When I'm in my head and my trauma unlatching my body, the flame burning within my gut (And yes it literally feels like my body is overheating and my gut is on fire and the only way out is to shut down). 

The night before last night, I had finally finished my first graduate school application through all the fucking turmoil. I feel like I have fallen behind in my classes as a sign of failure, I have dropped off of the face of the earth and left behind so much that I have as familiar to me. I am grateful to all the people who support me but I constantly feel like I don't deserve it. And after going through some gender realizations, home has become an even more alien space to me than it had already been. Last night, i was seeking for co-regulation, but something so deep that a person can't give it to me alone. I started watching the show with my girlfriend, and as someone who finds so much solace in artistry, in music, in Krabi and hearing the Thai language, in thinking about and looking at life that is similar toa place I called home (what could have been), I was feeling sooooo soothed. 

I am grateful for all the ways in which that show was attentive to friendship. The ways in which the actors were attentive to pain and love and joy. I am grateful for the care that comes through in that movie. I am grateful that it doesn't attempt to traumatize me, trigger me into seeking comfort. I am grateful that is as soft as the shores where the sea meets Krabi and as radiant as the sun enveloping the sky over Krabi. It made me absolve so much of my childhood in the ways that I wanted them absolved. It made me happy about the life I have. It made me happy about having lived, indebted to, the places which I called home and call to for home. It actually made me even forgive and miss my parents a little. It made me reaaaalllllyyy start to forgive myself (rather than just letting myself off the hook). It made me want to want what I want with the whole heart. It made me want to be in right relationship with land and sea and sky (and the Ocean who I write to in my journals) Damn. I could go on though. Dear ITSAY creators, team, lil parallel universe where this story was realized, you spoke to me.