#little raggedy goblin deer we hit it off well

[thetradeway]

Session 21: 28 Nov 2020

What were we doing? Oh right, looking for Raeph. He’s NOT Tarragon’s boyfriend, GODDDDD. We are headed toward Eihshara, in the High Forest. We take a long rest, phew!

Melaina and Gunna lead the charge, as Gunna has been making maps and Melaina is from here. Apparently Ahleqs is still blue, and will be until he either sneezes or the Remove Curse spell is cast on him. (Nope - the beard of feathers lasts until he sneezes. He has not done so.) 

We reach the High Forest. We spend the day walking through it; any gathering done in here yields an extra 1 of whatever you’re gathering as the forest is so rich. Gunna asks Tarragon if she can keep an eye out for a certain sort of hallucinogenic mushrooms; she agrees.

As we eat, Tarragon hears something scrabbling; it doesn’t sound like an animal. She goes to investigate. She can’t see anything but goes back to the group. We continue on but quietly; Melaina climbs a tree and has a look - she sees a giant owl with a small figure on the back. It is watching us, but hasn’t seen Melaina. It’s circling around under the canopy of the giant trees. She shouts: “WHO ARE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING”, makes a performance check and rolls a 3.

The figure still doesn’t seem to notice her. We decide to make ourselves known; no point the thing hunting us if we know it’s there.

The owl alights - there is a gnome on its back. Tarragon: ‘Eyyyy!’ His name is Fidget. 

He nods at us, but seems wary of Kessler. (Mina isn’t here yet.) Melaina tells her to stop swearing and put her clothes back on. He doesn’t want to see her Muppet Babies tattoo. (That’s canon now.) We all start singing the only bit of the Muppet Babies theme we can remember; the bit that goes “Muppet Babies”.

We’re going the right way toward Eihshara, continue on up the Unicorn Run for a few more days. Fidget gives Tarragon a little mechanical bug. He says to follow the green lights and the mechanical bug will lead us to Fidget’s town, and we can resupply if Tarragon will vouch for Kessler (gnomes don’t generally trust goblins). It’s enchanted to be hidden, as gnomish settlements tend to be.

Mina arrives and Kessler promises to be on her best behaviour; she even sets her armour to stealth mode so it’s less scary to look at.

Tarragon starts to spot some green lights in the trees. We follow them until we arrive at a clearing with a river. The village materialises in front of us. Fidget and his owl approach and welcome us to Finkletoog.

Ahleqs asks if there’s a tavern, as he quite fancies either a ploughman’s or scampi and chips. Definitely not a pickled egg in a packet of crisps though. (The smell still haunts Matthew in his nightmares.)

Ahleqs has a thought and goes off to check if everything’s blue; he comes back and is quiet for a bit.

Ahleqs and Melaina; ale and pie of the day, Kessler: ale, pie and chips, Gunna: ale and meat cheese and bread no salad. Totally zero salad, not even a garnish. Tarragon promises to pass on his request, and remove the garnish if it is ignored. She has a vegetable pie.

We sit outside to eat as the bigjobs won’t fit. We look around and see a lot of shops including a tinkerer’s shop. The gnomes are polite but they all give Kessler wary looks. Nobody is rude, however. She smiles and waves whenever she catches someone’s eye; the smiles are warily returned.

Some of us get rations from the inn. Tarragon doesn’t intend to, until Ahleqs comes back out with some potato salad in his; she goes in and buys two days’ worth. Gunna buys us all drinks in our first chance to make merry since the misery house, to thank us all for stopping him from being dead.

These gnomes know how to drink; a regular ale is regular sized. Gunna says he may get another round in. Ahleqs and Tarragon go to the tinkerer’s to buy potions. The shopkeeper comes out to greet us since Ahleqs won’t fit.

Tarragon buys a couple of vials of anti-toxin; Ahleqs has to pass a persuasion check to get his healing potions for the same price offered to Tarragon. (lol.)

Kessler wants to buy some Greater healing potions, but they are 250gp each so she gets some regulars instead.

Gideon arrives and does a massive burp.

Melaina asks to buy 10 Regular Healing Potions for 300 gold and rolls 18 Persuasion. Woohoo! Gunna pitches in 100, as does Kessler. We all pitch in to cover the rest.

Melaina buys some arrows and haggles over them. (Apparently she is this group’s Vex’ahlia. Somewhere, Laura Bailey approves.)

Kessler buys some silvered arrows.

As we go to leave, Fidget tells Tarragon she can keep the bug in case we ever come back.

Follow Unicorn Run NE to halfling village Halfstone Coppice. Follow river toward mountains and we will reach Eihshara.

Kessler asks Tarragon as we leave if she did okay; Tarragon tells her that yes she did and that she’s proud of her. Kessler immediately ruins it by trying to bite Gideon. Ahleqs has named his donkey Clarence, and doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.

Tarragon forages and Gunna hunts a deer and is successful, possibly only because Tarragon casts Entangle on Ahleqs to keep him from crashing around the forest and scaring all the animals. The deer is large enough that there is food for the meat eaters and some over to smoke and add to his rations. Tarragon finds enough berries that she can add some to her rations as well. She doesn’t find any of Gunna’s mushrooms though. Ahleqs is still Entangled when she arrives back to drop the spell, having accepted his fate.

Kessler sets up her alarm spell and takes first watch, which passes uneventfully. She wakes Tarragon politely, and everyone is pleased. Nothing concerning on watch 2; Tarragon spots some fey creatures, but nothing threatening. Melaina is next, and gets advantage on Perception as she’s on her home ground. Again, nothing threatening.

We set off the next morning and follow the river. In the afternoon, we see what we assume is the halfling village. Ahleqs announces that his bum hurts; he’s got saddle sores.

Melaina and Tarragon see tiny figures (halflings) running into the houses and shutting the doors and others chasing them with weapons. They are goblins. Gasp!

Kessler mentions spit-roasting; well, that’s twenty minutes of arsing about right there. We pull ourselves together and rush toward the peril.

Gideon sees some of the halflings through a window; they look more rough and ready than the halflings we’re used to seeing in the cities. More feral.

Kessler goes first; she shouts in Goblin and asks to speak to their leader. It asks why she’s with us; she tells it that we work for her. It indicates Gideon and says that goblins never work with (mountain scum? Or something). Gideon’s ears prick up even though he doesn’t speak goblin; it’s as if someone’s called him that before.

Kessler offers to help the goblins. (Oh fuck.) Nat 20 on persuasion. It says it will take her to its leader if she agrees to tie up Gideon; she refuses. She wants it to bring the leader here; dirty 20. The goblin agrees to go and speak to his boss. She has successfully Karen’ed the situation. Gunna follows Kessler’s lead as instructed, speaking pidgin goblin and doing a gross dance.

She asks us not to attack unless they do; Gideon (OOC) screams “FIREBALL!!!”

Popcorn holds an attack; Tarragon hears a female voice asking for help in gnomish in her head (Are these halflings Ghostwise?), and holds Entangle for any evidence that the goblins are attacking the halflings. Gideon shuffles his feet in the dirt, waiting for something to happen.

A bloodied and injured boar comes running up to Kessler - it bites her. Tarragon hears the voice in her head again - but it seems to be coming from the boar. Huh?

Ahleqs casts Mage Armor. Melaina readies her longbow for if the tide turns and it becomes apparent that we are fighting.

One of the goblins shoots at the boar. This is all very confusing. Joe’s audio drops out, but the boar transforms into a female figure - a tiny, raggedy, red headed halfling. Druids, then? Also possibly ghostwise? (How did I not think of Druids… honestly.)

Gunna peers through a window to see a little halfling couple cowering. In his head he hears the girl begging for help; she says the goblins are slavers. That might change things. Gunna thinks really hard with his mind, using all of his magical psychic northman-ness (of which he has none), “I’m gonna help you, we’ll protect you, there’s a plan I’m pretty sure, just hide, hide and we’ll make sure that you’re not dead”. He stands guard by the door until he realises it’s a window, then edges a little closer to the door, making his presence known. He readies an attack if the goblins try to enter the building. However, the warg and its rider are already scratching at the door. He does a thousand-yard Paddington stare at it. He adjusts his triggering condition - if the door breaks, he will attack. He tells Kessler that he hates her plan.

(Ed has been making mead; it turns out that it’s a little stronger than he thought it was. He apologises in advance.)

The goblin returns and says that the boss won’t come and speak to us unless Kessler’s ‘servants’ are restrained. Kessler shoots a lightning bolt at it. And the fight begins in earnest!

Tarragon goes bear and eats a goblin; Kessler is offended so she spits the bits out. Gideon roasts three more with a Scorching Ray. There’s a lot of drunken rambling; Gideon considers fragging Kessler - ‘it’ll be just like Vietnam, no-one will notice’.

Ahleqs casts Eldritch Blast with ToC and natty 20’s it. He maximises the damage of the next spell  - “MR. PICKLES, WITNESS ME!!!!”

Melaina hides and shoots a warg with sharpshooter and hits. 26 damage and kills it. Woohoo!

The warg reconsiders its life choices as it dies; says a few words to its mum and passes with gratitude. The last few months, his heart hasn’t been in it.

Gunna wants to kill a goblin with another goblin; he decides to attack with a longsword instead. 12 hits, but just. He chops it in half, spraying the yellow flowers in the window box with icky green blood. He roars in triumph.

Bear-Tarragon moves south and finds an ogre with a fortification strapped to it, and a bunch of goblins hanging out of that. Well, that’ll be fun for next week!

Gideon Chill-Touches a goblin. it takes 2 necrotic damage.

AHLEQS DOES MAX DAMAGE ON HIS NEXT ATTACK but Duncan is away next weekend and can’t play. Saturday? Saturday? Everyone else good for Saturday? Right, good. Duncan hands Ahleqs’s reins to Matthew.