#look at him! he's a doctor and he's thriving! he doesnt have to run two different hospitals on his own! love that for him

[firstofficerrose]

Is that Dr. Edgeware? But... happy???

[en241]

Wednesday, 8 April

WEEK 10: The Secret Garden: Chapters 9-17

Questions & Comments: 

So much this:

First, I would like to make a note about the garden. No wonder Mary had such a push to see the garden. I would have been exactly like her to see rosebushes as tall as trees. When Mary starts working in the closed, dead, and overgrown garden she becomes healthier and have something to look forward too as well as something to keep her busy and show affection too. I do relate personally to this garden. I think that most of us are experiencing a since of depression and looking for something to do.  I have been working in my gardens every day because it’s something to do, and if done with a little luck you will create life. I can really relate to what Mary is feeling.  

On the darker side, though:

Why does Colin constantly talk about death? A lot happened during these chapters. Many emotions were coming to mind while reading, but one part that made me happy was when Dickon became friends with Colin.

Illness and death is certainly something that comes up a lot. Seems wrong for a child to be obsessed with it, tho, amirite?

In these few chapters, you can see the turn of some of the adults. At first Ben is startled by the beauty and closeness of the robin. Then more of the adults start to turn to Mary to calm down Colin. This shows a real change in who is learning and depending on who. 

OK wait -- the adults are changing? I thought this was about the children, about Mary and her growth? 

Mary immediately trusts Dickon with the secret garden. It seems like children are better at reading what people are really like. She knew to trust Dickon and Martha but knew to wait on trusting Colin. Not only does this show children are able to see the truth, but she learns from the animals and how they trust Dickon. This shows that often animals are better at determining who to trust than humans. 

Trust. And if you were Mary wouldn’t you have trust issues? I know I would. And then Colin . . . 

I love the relationship between colin and mary chapter 14 was the most cutest moment when he tells the doctor that he forgets he is ill when he is around her. Mary used to be a colin like a figure and now she has shown him you don't have to be like that. It shows that there is really someone for everyone 

It can clearly be seen that Mary and Dickon were foil characters but then what does that make Colin. He is clearly another version of Mary. He is exactly like she was in the beginning and how she was in India. The book is showing that people can be both kinds of people. It also shows that sometimes all you need to understand a problem is to have someone who has gone through it. It took Mary yelling at Colin for him to start behaving and being a real child.

Very cool that you are seeing connections & comparison between Mary and Colin. And while I’m not a fan of the “foil characters” concept (because it tends to flatten characters and their relationships into a plot device) it’s really important to pay close attention to their relationship. It’s making me think of how we used the mature-o-meter in Treasure Island to compare Jim’s options for an ideal grownup. But also, could it be that we are seeing more than one maturation story at the same time in this book? 

Mary has finally made it to the garden and it doesn't disappoint. (I’m so glad!) When she arrives, a lot of the roses are dead. I think this is symbolic of the love that used to be there between Craven and his wife. I am curious as to the significance of Mary being the first one to discover the garden in ten years. I like that within minutes of being there, she refers to it as hers. She is very possessive. (Very true. What’s up with that?) I believe Mary likes gardening because it is the one thing she has control over in her life at this point. (Control issues? Mary? hmmmmm.) Her care for the garden shows that she isn't as sour as people think. She just struggles to connect with people due to her past and connecting with inanimate things is easier. (Excellent point) Another area of interest is the idea of the human interest in secrets? I believe that there is an inherent value in exclusivity so when things are secret, they are viewed as more special. (So how do the special nice secrets differ from the creepy mysterious secrets?) The children in this book always talk so formally that is strange to me. They seem like little grownups. (!!!) At one point, Dickon makes an analogy about how the strongest flowers thrive and the weakest die. To me, this represents Mary's family. She is the strongest since she survived and they didn't. Not only did she only survive, but she is becoming a better person in the process. (What kind of strength is this, and where does it come from? Certainly not from her parents.)  I find the contrast between Dickon and Colin interesting. Mary likes both of them, but they are quite different. With Dickon, she can work on her garden and more casual. (Work vs. Play. Aren’t kinds supposed to be playing?) With Colin, they share more deep bonds. Both boys provide her with different types of relationships. Dickon is more easygoing and happy while Colin is cynical and miserable. Mary gets along with them both well despite having issues liking people which is ironic. (A good kind of ironic, yes?) 

A central theme that seems to be devolving more in this section of the book is the theme of "trust". Trust is shown between Mary and Dickon, Colin, and even the robin. Mary seems to thrive on developing quick but solid trust to ensure that her secrets remain a secret and her friendships are genuine. Trust allows her to feel safe, confident and alive. Somehow she has trust "radar" because she quickly decides who to let in to her innermost thoughts and desires. Trust is symbolized by mere physical gestures such as putting her hand on Dickon's arm, for reassurance as well as things like the missel thrush and it's indication that Dickon will keep her secret as well as return to the garden. She develops a trust with Colin, on the night she goes to his room because she relates to his situation because of the similarities to her life in India. Even though she didn't reveal that she had actually been in the garden, she trusted Colin enough to tell him a version of the story that she felt he could understand.  She devised a plan on how he and she could get in sometime if he kept the whole idea a secret for now.  Mary, Dickon and Colin seem to share the same understanding of nature, secrecy and loyalty.

Nice! trust, reassurance, relating, revelation -- nature, secrecy, loyalty -- and making plans -- these are all good things to notice.  

In chapters nine through seventeen of the secret garden you can see Mary moving up on the mature-o-meter since she discovered the garden. This development is highlighted be two quotes from chapter ten of The Secret Garden. The first quote "Mary was an odd, determined little person, and now she had something interesting to be determined about, she was very much absorbed, indeed. She worked and dug and pulled up weeds steadily, only becoming more pleased with her work every hour instead of tiring of it.” shows Mary maturing because she has the motivation and focus to work on something and to work hard like an adult would rather than put no effort in and give up like a child would. Another quote from chapter ten ”because she disliked people and things so much. But now the world seemed to be changing and getting nicer." shows Mary maturing because she is noticing change in the world and showing positive feelings to other things and people than herself. She’s also becoming less quick to judge and showing interest in learning about a person or topic before judging it. She is not even close to fully mature as shown by her increased curiosity, but Mary is significantly less selfish and negative, and has higher work ethic than she did at the beginning of the book.

I really like the use of quotations as evidence here -- and the careful attention to maturity as something with multiple dimensions. Maturation doesn’t all happen at once, does it? That’s too simple. 

It seems that Mary is really fond of Dickon sense she speaks of him all the time and at one point mentioned he was beautiful. I like how keeping secrets is such a thrill, like with the garden and the visits with Colin until soon later the staff finds out. I believe that Colin thinks he's going to die because everyone believes he will. His imagination is running wild like the hunch back idea but is soon cleared by Mary stating that his back is straight. The question is, is he really sick or are they keeping him inside making him sick? If that makes any sense... It doesnt help when Colin uses his " sickness" as an advantage of what he wants and getting it, like the incident of becoming jealous with Dickon and Mary spending more time with each other. Mary is helping him in a way to see that he is acting like a spoiled child and that he is not going to die, all he needs is some sunlight and fresh air. In a way their friendship is really close to a point where they are both helping each other out in so many ways. 

Yes -- yes -- Mary & Colin are helping each other! 

another illustration by Inga Moore 

[justforbullshit]

period au (vitri, renmink also austin and abe r in the mix lol)

virus’ family (pre nobu/beni being past a month old at this time) is easily the richest around besides the shigures (they’re just slightly above), who are at the time still pretty fucked up with akira around ruining lives of young farmers. virus is the epitome of an aristocratic young bachelor and hangs around austin, who is not nearly as sought after but always tries to get him dates which austin is way too embarrassed about (esp bc he just wants to get plowed by the town smith/carpenter and keeps going there for hand-crafted tools or repairs on things that are only minorly damaged). virus loves sneaking into seedy areas of the town though and let loose at bars and just sneak back into his house super late or at 4am. he gets thirsty as hell for trip, who likes starting fights and does some underground boxing matches, which virus likes watching because trips Incredible looking and keeps talking to austin about his tight slacks and amazing chest and austins like ....ok........ virus definitely coaxes trip into like an alleyway fuck bc he likes to be unhinged sometimes too within his otherwise pristine lifestyle.

trip is the definition of disaster. his parents know it and they can never stop him. he looks totally different all cleaned up, so hes not really known to be that person much. his family is exhausting and horrible and richard can Barely stand talking to them but he has to play nice for parties. trip’s dad is Constantly trying to one-up richard, but that’ll never happen. trip and virus meet at a ball again and trip encourages doing things like getting frisky in public or being super obvious about flirting because hes a Horrible influence. it makes trip’s dad look horrible though bc the bons already like....have a rep for same-sex long term “””””Friendships”””””””” so its not weird for their fam.

--

austin’s fam is pretty well off, though his father is actually the one who married into wealth since austin’s mom was lucky to have a generous father who gave her his money after he died. austin is Super thirsty for abe but never says anything even though abe absolutely knows because austin isn’t exactly subtle. he totally thrives on any physical attention though and admits to virus that he could be totally content with the simple thrill of abe’s basic attention for the rest of his life and he’d be more than happy. he’s very nervous about what his parents think, but his mother and father are more supportive than abe’s parents would ever be. if anything, austin is More worried that they won’t like abe bc he’s poor but they like him a lot since austin is always very obviously chipper after he returns home from repairs. also everything in the house is practically top notch bc of him lmfaooooo.

--

ren was an urchin before tae plucked him off the streets and taught him some very advanced medical practices. despite being a good doctor now, ren is still poor as hell and doesnt TECHNICALLY have a license. aoba and sei are always commented on for being super beautiful and “wasted” on the streets, but most of ren and tae’s money goes to food and school aoba is friends with koujaku, who runs away from home a lot but never tells aoba why and just likes finding aoba to get hugs and to tell her nice stories. they’re super good friends with zuki, who’s born female but is both raised as and chooses to be a boy. he’s raised by two maids in a household where an old guy took him in and plans to leave everything to zuki. mizuki is luckily in contact with zuki though so they get to play. 

the kudavus are extremely successful doctors with a huge hospital practice and some pretty advanced medical practices. on top of that they run a school for doctors, which is tough to get into but ren passed the entrance exam with the highest marks the kudavus have ever seen, even getting two points better than mink. he rides his bike there all the time and is kind of comparatively grubby since many people here are higher class citizens. ren is basically here on scholarship. mink is probably an instructor or a co-instructor for a new class and he likes to challenge ren with medical scenarios and argue with him because ren is the only person a. not scared of mink, and b. can keep up banter. ren is also very openly honest both verbally and physically because mink can just read ren like an open book if ren doesnt Say something he’s feeling. they spend a ton of time together which initially catches suspicions but people start to realize that theyre the only ones who can keep up with one another. poor ren is fucking thirsty as hell though and has a horrible Staring habit bc he doesnt know how to tell a boy he likes him.

[ircmeltdown]

two efnet nerds lose their shit over a dead channel

so are you gonna tell me what killed the channel and show? i havent been around to see

or are you still a banhappy pissbaby

basically we don't want you around because you are a pernicious negative influence and that won't ever change

"we"

find some new people to hang out with, mark

that's ll

speak for yourself and only yourself

you are not a spokesperson

this is the reason your channel and show has died

now i know the answer

When I say we I mean

the vast majority of chatters there

I spend the most time there

I talk to everyone

I have a pretty good finger on where people are at

you mean the 200 idlers and bots and the 6 people who are too scared to say the show is shit now

Just find your own shit

you can waste as much time as you want here

but you're talking to a wall

a wall that begs

fucking mendicant

like are you enjoying yourself right now

if not

why not do something you do enjoy

i enjoy telling faggots what a fucking disaster they are

ok, well you keep doing that

but the odds of me ever giving a shit again are very slim

it would be a lot better if you just moved on

but understood if you can't

who needs you to give a shit, who the fuck even are you?

a conman who begs from people poorer than him

there is no respect for you to lose

if you think that

i do

then find somewhere else to frequent

i have, and i pointed my head into the old haunt

you're only wasting your time here

and it was empty

k

and dead

and the show was the worst it has ever been

good job

great job

you did all that on your own

never mention the GNAA again you fucking fraud

and i know why your worried about defcon, and it isnt some dislike of vegas

lol

mark

its because you have no idea what you are talking about

remember how I told you you were pre-schizophrenic

and slowly losing your grip

yes, and you were wrong then, just as you are with your dead channel

the process is accelerating

incorrect,, your shit is dying, qpzdox is movin over here to start a fam with me

well good

up yours begging scum

I hope that works out for you

focus on that, not on me

my advice is to see a therapist soon

there is no focus on you, you are completely fucking irreverent

untreated schizophrenia is really terrible

and can hurt a lot of the people who depend on you

and a failed author begging is terrible too

only i didnt have to project that

its true

but there's medication that can help

and self evident

I'm gonna leave you with that advice, good luck

nobody takes advice from panhandlers

I don't talk with panhandlers, personally

try that

"dont mention that dog shit smells when you walk by it"

fuck you

I'm sorry you feel angry

but it's a lot more your own situation than anything with me

not angry, sad the show has died so bad

this used to be a thriving community

then make your own show

now its a dried up husk of wallet

and YOU did that

not me

uh huh

why don't you make something better then

instead of haranguing me

i do the shit that makes the news, i dont report the news

I don't owe you anything mark

that was your job

that's not my job

it was

This is an online show I do

before you started begging

there's no boss

there's no salary

it isn't a job

it's a show

the boss is the fucking audience you mong

and yours has been banned down to onlu yesmen

well

you should leave that audience

i did

and i come back, and most have also lefy

ok, then your problem is solved

that was easy

my prblem is with the dead community, one you killed

is that solved?

there appear to be

is it back?

many people chatting right now

so it just peaked after your show? hmm, for a channel about the show, surely it should peak at the show

Maybe your problem is that you can't objectively make sense of the situation

because you are so emotional about it

you're a numbers guy right

just analyze how many lines are chatted

during the show

and during the periods after it

make sure you add the chats on restream

nigger please, i just led a landslide on my island with ALL the working class breaking 100years of hardcoded hate and tradition, to vote tory

and you sit there with a dead show

oh, did you

gj

you have no link the the gestalt anymore

shilling for bloomberg

lol bloomboig

seriously, I get that you're lonely

but your situation is not going to improve

without intervention

from a therapist

my situation is on the up, yours is on the down

you'll just keep suffering

you are begging, i am not

your show is dead, i have a future

I don't think you're even fooling yourself

every line of chat you type is just

you cant roleplay as a success and also beg l0de

*it hurts*

they do not mesh

that's why you see everyone retract from you

because i tell the cold hard truth?

if you're noticing that you can't get a rise out of people and they're talking right past you

im not trying to irk you

a lot of it is because your reality has gotten so distorted

that people just go

"oh he's nuts"

and they disregard what you think

people can inherently recognize that kind of thinking

and they recoil from it

like look up this query

do I seem upset with you

said the guy with the now dead channel and show and left

or like I'm responding emotionally to your points or even engaging with them

where did those people go l0de

did they recoil from you begging

I'm not because I know you're losing your mind

where did your audience go l0de

I'm typing to you now just to be part

of the huge number of people who will have to tell you to get help

before you will finally do so

or become homeless

ive been homeless, it sucks less than watching a grown man beg online

If you would like to avoid being homeless again

your issues of mental health have to be addressed

oh, is the tax evader and beggar going to give me life advice

yeah, your projecton doesnt work

I've seen this play out many times

I know that it takes many, many people telling someone to get help

before they finally figure it out

Don't wind up on the train tracks mark

you dont get to beg for money and give out advice

if you followed your own advice

you've gotten significantly worse

you wouldnt need to beg

can you follow that?

you are not an authority, you are a beggar

the number of distortions I see in the chat

are higher than they were last year

do you beg for other people to p[ay your taxes, yes or no

everybody can and pays theirs, but you're special

other people should pay it for you

none of this is distorted at all

its the reason your show died

and you know it

ok

Do you have anyone you trust

ive never trusted anybody

at all

well then you have no one you can take this log to

and ask

"hey, which one of us is the crazy one"

find someone you do trust

good luck

do you think they will side with the guy running a dying begshow or the guy pointing out you are running a dying begshow

You can do your own analysis here

if you don't trust anyone else

i know people dont like parasites

run through this log

and see how many times you try to say something negative

and then run through my responses

you want me to be happy the show is dead?

you can see it's pretty one sided

beause im not

there is nothing nice to say about this situation you have created

and that I kind of don't really give a shit what you think about the show

its awful

but I'm pretty sure that you're losing your mind

whatever makes you feel better

it's time to seek some help

it's time for you to seek a job

nobody can respect a beggar

I think you can tell also

In any case, I would prefer you didn't contact me again

you can do whatever you want

but I do not want to talk to you

and will probably not respond

do you think my family, which i spend more time with than anybody, would have noticed some mental illness, or how about my doctors, does l0de know better than all these people

or is he just pandering to himself

so he doesnt feel bad

the last thing I'll leave you with

print out this query

take it to a therapist

talk about how you feel here

what led you to this point

and see what they think