#look i was initially going to make this about french consonants' sorrow

[hedgehog-moss]

I saw this lovely John Berger quote about the birch tree on my dash, calling it “ephemeral and recurring” and it just made me feel like French consonants must be constantly looking at English consonants with melancholy and envy. They’re so important. You take out the vowel in birch and the word despite sounding like the crumpling of a paper bag still completely holds up. You take out the vowels in the French word for birch and what do you get? bl. Bl ! That is not a word that can continue limping along more or less as it was. The French word for birch is a vowel party, 5 of them holding hands to produce only 2 phonemes but it’s a team effort. Bouleau, the b and the l standing there awkwardly like reticent older siblings at a children’s birthday party. It’s their house too you can’t kick them out but they know they’re not the stars of the show. The oueau clique probably feels pretty bad for the solitary i in birch, it’s a lonely life being an English vowel.

There’s still room for you in our word we can squeeze you in! they call to her. Not out of pity either, you’re needed, we’re all needed. We’re the heart of our language. Look at heart, only one of the vowels is needed and it causes sibling rivalry. Same thing for cœur? No! The e and u make the sound and the o protects the e from the hard c by giving it a hug. Where were we—yes! we need you in bouleau, being an i before an l is an important job, you’ll make the -y sound. Bouillon means broth, bouleau means birch and with your help bouilleau could mean birch broth. There you go. Add one little vowel create a useful brew, has English ever offered you that? We can give asylum to the vowels in broth and brew too, come in my sisters. Brth and brw will be okay, they didn’t really need you. All your life you’ve been waiting for this kind of appreciation, for a language that would grnd to a halt without you. We’re inviting the i in grind too, she already left and no one even noticed. We’ll notice you. We’ll love you