#lucXalistair

[thedragonagelesbian]

something unspeakable

[thedragonagelesbian]

The Fool: When has your character been excited to start a new journey?

The Devil: Does your character ever neglect their wild side?

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

The Empress in Reverse: When has your character felt dependent on another?

Judgment in Reverse: When has your character found it difficult to forgive themselves?

Major Arcana asks!

I'll go ahead and answer for my blood mage Surana, Luc!

The Fool: When has your character been excited to start a new journey?

For a lot of the game, Luc struggles with feeling just about any positive emotion, excitement included. Even leaving the Circle for the first time is soured by the 'pressed into the Grey Wardens under threat of dying/being made Tranquil for openly collaborating with Jowan' of it all.

By the end, though, he is excited to start his life after the Blight as (romanced) King Alistair's court enchanter. The intensity of that desire scares him (and causes a major breakdown in the AU where they break up after Alistair becomes king), but he's learning to trust these feelings and be comfortable with the idea that he actually has a future now that he wants for himself.

The Devil: Does your character ever neglect their wild side?

I don't think Luc has a wild side the way that I'd conceive of it as like uninhibited party animal, but he is a profoundly reckless character. See: the background context for Empress in Reverse and him deserting the party; mouthing off to a lot of authority figures; being a blood mage (and using that blood magic in really inopportune moments like, say, when clearing the Circle tower in front of Wynne, or in front of Ser Cauthrien before she arrests him for treason and drags him to Fort Drakon)

So it's less that Luc neglects his wild side and more that he sorely needs to stop trying to provoke the universe into delivering him an early grave so he can tell himself that he was making a choice in being destroyed. Developing a sense of responsibility and growing into the demands of a Grey Warden are huge parts of his character arc. He has to learn to be cautious & thoughtful enough to stay alive long enough to save the world.

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

Luc is pretty savvy and doesn't like being told what to do, which makes him harder to manipulate than some (/looks at Cyrus' overly trusting ass/). I think the one big exception is Zathrian. Luc really wants Zathrian to like him, because he reflexively respects and admires him and because he's never earned the approval of an elven authority figure before. He doesn't question Zathrian's story about the werewolves, their motives, and how to cure the infected Dalish elves, and he ends up siding with Zathrian instead of brokering peace.

The Empress in Reverse: When has your character felt dependent on another?

Background context: The party goes to Redcliffe first after Lothering, leading inevitably to the 'Isolde or Connor' decision. Luc chooses to kill Isolde to enter the Fade, and the ensuing fall-out between him and Alistair (after becoming very fast friends at Ostagar) is apocalyptic. Already being predisposed to avoid responsibility, Luc deserts with the intention of returning to the Circle. And if the templars kill him, well, better than the darkspawn.

...And then he (alone with the mabari who has dutifully followed him) runs into Zevran's ambush.

And Zevran quickly does the calculus of 'this isn't going to be the failed assassination ending in my death that I was hoping for, this is going to be the slaughter of a terrified elven mageling' and decides to save Luc instead.

Luc isn't great at gratitude, but he latches on to Zevran immediately afterward.

Judgment in Reverse: When has your character found it difficult to forgive themselves?

Not caring is a good way to avoid needing to forgive yourself for anything, but by extension Luc ends up feeling silly & childish when he does care, which usually manifests as ugly crying, and getting angry at himself for crying, and then crying harder. It's hard to forgive himself for feeling things.

I also think in the AU where he and Alistair break up (and Luc ends up with Zevran instead), Luc feels a good measure of regret for putting Alistair on the throne. It's not entirely against his wishes, since it was the 'hardened!Alistair kills Loghain and automatically declares himself to be the king' scenario, but Luc recognizes that his interest in pushing Alistair to be king was very selfish, wanting the safety & comfort that being the king's paramour would entail. But... he didn't get that, and Alistair ends up alone, and when Luc has enough distance from the break up, he does feel kind of shitty about it.

[thedragonagelesbian]

"Do you want to, um... I'm not sure if I'm ready to do more, but if you just... I don't know, want to come to my tent and snuggle up or- or something..."

The waterworks switched on instantaneously. Luc hated it so much, how hot his face got and how tight his throat got and before he had any wherewithall to control himself, suddenly he was sobbing in the middle of the camp. He hid his face in his hands and muffled the noises as best he could, but that just felt worse as his makeup started to run and smear across his fingers, and each shuddering, smothered drag of his lungs was futile and stupid and fuck he hated his emotions so fucking much.

"Oh, no, no," came Alistair's voice, alarmed and distant, "no, please don't, I'm sorry, whatever I said or did or..."

Luc took a step back, spluttering, "You're perfect, I'm... I'm the wreck..." It took every ounce of willpower not to start wailing like a child-- more like a child, at least. "It's just... It used to get so fucking cold in that fucking tower, all I ever wanted... I told myself I didn't, I even believed it for so long, but I..."

His body quaked with it, that longing for another form to hold his own, hungry and small and so, so lonely like he has been on those long winter nights in the apprentice quarters. He used to fool around with some of the boys his age, but everyone knew what happened if a templar in a bad mood caught you sharing a bed, even for entirely innocent reasons. Some apprentices risked the intimacy anyway. Luc had prefered to smolder with jealousy while his teeth chattered and he held his own body tight against the draft that seeped in from the outer wall.

He tried to do it again now, dropping his hands from his face to wrap his arms around his chest, hugging himself fiercely even though he knew it wouldn't be enough. It hadn't been enough then, and it was certainly not enough now as his heart ached with so many years of yearning. The throb of it was so bad the Veil was starting to warp around him. Magic brimmed with each frantic pulse of his heart, buckling and tugging and salivating before the possibility that his feelings might tear the Fade as violently as they tore at him.

And then Alistair was around him. Arms to seize him, hands to stroke his back, chest to cradle his head and catch the rest of his tears, all of Alistair strong and soft and there to keep the world from slipping away. To fill that absence that had haunted Luc all his life.

With a long, pained exhale, Luc relaxed into him.

He still hated this whole caring business... but he hated it less with Alistair.

[thedragonagelesbian]

For want of something better to do with his body, Alistair paced across the study in tight, restless circles. He hated waiting, and he was never quite sure where to do it. The palace vestibule had more space for nervous exertions and the value of immediacy, but the study was private, all the more so for having dispatched the guard who had been posted outside. But maybe being alone with his thoughts was worse, allowing him to work the anticipation over in his mind until he couldn't bear it any longer and went sprinting to the front of the castle.

Mercifully, before he reached that point, he felt a twinge in the air around him. A slight, near-imperceptible bend in the Fade he only noticed because of the familiar trace whiff of vanilla that accompanied it. He was already turning around by the time that the door slammed open. For a moment, he saw no one there, except at the edges of his vision if he squinted just right and saw a figure blurring and bounding toward him on top of the Veil.

And then Luc was there, stepping out mid-leap for Alistair to catch him.

And Alistair did, as always.

This had been easier when they were eight years younger, scrappy, underfed, and undergrown Grey Wardens running to each other after the Battle of Denerim. But the laughter still came effortlessly, the pair of them all giggles and smiles as Alistair spun Luc around as best he could.

Fast enough, at least, to displace the hood of Luc's traveling cloak, which fell across his shoulders to reveal the most handsome man Alistair had ever seen. If there was one thing that hadn't changed since they had met, it was Luc's aesthetics: the string of silver rings up his left ear, the blood red rose that dangled from the other, the soft clatter of all the other bits and baubles adorned to his jet black robes, the matching lipstick that Alistair so often had to wipe from his own skin for the sake of appearances.

And would have to again as Luc let out a breathless, "Hi," and crashed their mouths together.

It was always fervent after they had been apart.

Given their respective stations, it was often fervent.

Alistair chuckled at Luc's eagerness, even as he also ached with it. Luc had given in first, and that meant Alistair got to tease him about it.

When Luc finally gave him a sliver of air to breathe, he snickered again and sang softly, "Soooomebody missed meee."

Sometimes Luc still prickled defensively against his emotions, but today he huffed and hugged himself tighter to Alistair. "I'm never leaving the palace again."

"Aw, was Cumberland really that bad?"

"Excluding the fact that I had to watch Wynne climb up on her highest of high horses to talk the Circles out of independence only for the templars to respond by disbanding the College of Enchanters entirely?" Sensing he had turned the conversation too serious too quickly, Luc hastily added, "And Cumberland is too hot."

"You think Amaranthine is too hot."

"And I'm right!"

"Oh, woe is you, isn't it?" Alistair kissed Luc's pouting lips. "Well, lucky for you, you're home now." That word used to make Luc burst into tears. Even now it elicited a small shudder, which Alistair answered by kissing him again. "And I'm yours for the rest of the day. No kingly responsibilities at all, just a nice hot bath, a couple of glasses of wine, and a lot of time doing this."

He squeezed Luc's ass, eliciting a gasp quickly hidden by a snort... and followed by a sudden tightening of Luc's expression.

"That... that all sounds nice. Fuck, it's more than nice, I've missed you so fucking much, and I all I fucking want in the entire fucking world is to..." For a moment, the lilac of Luc's eyes shone with hunger. But then, he pulled away, and with a frown, Alistair set him back on the ground. "Okay, I promise this is good."

"Oh, well, no bit of bad news has ever started this way."

"It's a surprise."

"You're finally leaving me for Zevran."

"Don't try to guess," Luc interrupted brusquely. "Just... okay, just wait..."

Alistair watched him hurry back to the door of the study. He had no idea who would be there when Luc opened it, but he certainly wasn't expecting an elven woman of short stature and greying hair. She was graceful in the white robes that marked her as the Grand Enchanter of the now nonexistent College of Enchanters, yet the elegance was somewhat undercut by the way her fingers danced up and down the length of her slim staff.

"Oh...?" Alistair shot a confused look at Luc, who stared back at him unblinking. "Grand Enchanter Fiona, isn't it? A pleasure to meet you."

"Alistair..."

She said it with such softness, a tender sigh that begged to be read as familiar, and the longer that Alistair stared at her, the more that familiarity tugged at him, nagging, insistent, gnawing.

"Sorry, have we met before?"

In the silence that followed, Luc cleared his throat and said, "I'll, uh, leave you two alone for a bit."

[thedragonagelesbian]

turntables or something...

[thedragonagelesbian]

Alistair: So... Zevran: I am not sure you want to have this conversation, my friend. Alistair: I didn't even say anything! Zevran: So you were not about to ask about my relationship with your fellow Grey Warden? Alistair: He's a lot more than that to me, and you know it. I just don't understand how... why he would let you swoop in so quickly. Zevran: Ah, the answer to that is simple. You see, Luc does not share your pathological aversion to his own happiness. Alistair: Happiness had nothing to do with it. We are both bound in our duty to Ferelden! Zevran: Responsibility is all well and good, but it makes for some very glum faces if you do not stop every once in a while to think about what you want. Zevran: And generally speaking, Alistair? Most things a king wants, he gets.

[thedragonagelesbian]

GOD. GOD. GOD.

"An assassin... must learn to forget about sentiment [...] to expect anything more would be reckless" parallels so perfectly how luc has trained himself to view his own feelings of attachment. Pleasures where you can get it, nothing more, nothing that can be used against you, nothing that can hurt you.......

That they both risked it once, zevran with rinna and luc with alistair, and paid so dearly for it, and both instantly reached for their own annihilation, but zevran being there to catch luc before he falls, comfort him, care for him, give him a reason to take morrigan's ritual and keep living after it's all over................................... to risk it all again together.................................. augh

[thedragonagelesbian]

luc & alistair having their first kiss before the urn of sacred ashes & consummating their relationship after healing eamon feels very full circle on their relationship. i adore them so much.

[thedragonagelesbian]

Gave alistair his mother's locket after the broken circle, a little olive branch, a measure of reconciliation after redcliffe..........

[thedragonagelesbian]

[thedragonagelesbian]

conversation that canonically happens in front of the entire fucking party

[thedragonagelesbian]

[thedragonagelesbian]

i understand why origins wont let you make out with alistair right in front of eamon but has bioware considered that luc needs to get his kisses in...

[thedragonagelesbian]

I cant think for too long about the parallels between alistair's time in the monastery and luc being raised in the circle (with no memory or record of where he came from) because it makes me. Absolutely fucking feral.

Alistair sharing his story about the chantry mother who beat him for goofing off, luc immediately firing back with an anecdote about making a little too much fun of a templar recruit and getting slapped for it, and that heart-shattering moment of their laughter giving way to the immense quiet horror of being treated so terribly by people who were ostensibly there to protect and care for them, and..................................... Yeah

[thedragonagelesbian]

alistair got the cool slow-mo ogre kill at the exact same time that luc got grabbed by another (one he had just walking bombed no less........) and it’s like babe im glad you’re having a good time can you PLEASE come save me................

but its nothing some post-battle kisses cant fix

[thedragonagelesbian]

Alistair becoming king was largely an idea born out of sparing loghain in dru's playthru & being generally but non specifically enamored with surana being the paramour of adoring half-elven royalty, so i hadnt fully thought through the Parallels that alistair's own reluctance to be king forms with luc's reluctance to be a grey warden, but now i cant stop chewing on it.............