#luckily he has a freak like tutor to tell him it's ok

[qualityempathshoebear]

2022, a crashing rollercoaster

Hey you,

its been a while. Ok yeah, maybe a little more than "a while". The year is over, and i think its time to reflect. But first, let me catch you up on everything thats happened since I last came on here.

Im still in Leeds, and will realistically stay here until I leave for University. Youre probably wondering what happened, why im not in Singapore. Well... my dads job didnt think he had enough experience, so what was supposed to be a delay, turned into a cancellation. So I have basically had to go to a school i wasnt supposed to be at in the first place, for a whole half-year. It was absolutly horrible and I had no friends. There were three (sometimes four) nice girls who I would sit with during snack and lunch. But it was almost always just us sitting in silence or me going on the computer in front of me, so I didnt look like an absolute fucking loser. I would go on VG and read the news every day and must have looked like such a loner to the people behind me. The girls were nice, but I didnt feel like we ever got to know eachother, I felt so fake the entire time.

And dont get me fucking started on the morning forms. I fucking hated coming in there just to sit in awkward silnce while staring ahead. And those horrible meditation sessions that the form tutor would do. I would just sit there with my hands in my lap, hoping for it to end. The girl sitting next to me was nice tho. I think she could tell I wasnt enjoying myself. I can honestly say I had no friends in that place, and that it was single-handedly the worst school experience I had ever had. And I know parts of it was my fault. I wasnt willing to make friends because everything felt so temporary. Even being in England still does. But wait, why are you talking in past tense? Im happy you asked. You see, I begged my dad to send an email to IB headquarters and ask to get the official copy of my diploma so I can apply directly into college (Englands equivalnce to highschool), without having to take their middle school exam (because fuck that!). And it luckily arrived on the last day of chistmas break... so I dropped out.

The plan now is that im going abroad to stay with my aunt until september, because I honestly just cant deal with staying in this horribly sad country. Everything about it is sad. The weather, the food, the disgustinly chlorinated water, the people, the buildings, even their fucking buildings are sad. I just cant fucking deal with it, It so similair to back home. No, its ven worse here. What was even the point of moving.

I have been so incredibly stressed because of the whole situation and its really taken a tole on me. I have had so much anxiety, to the point where I cant even sleep at night without panicking. Im constantly tired, I have lost so much weight, I have a breast infection in both my breasts (to be fair, I did have it before coming here), im depressed, and honestly, a little sui*idal.

To make matters worse, my parents have become religous freaks. And its definelty not helping that my mom has befriended some super religous woman, with the same background as us. Theyre making me do some weird post-menstruation shower ritual every fucking month (yes, theyve been tracking my period, gross!). Dont get me wrong, I dont actually end up doing them. I protest for a while and then I lie and pretend like ive done it. Around two weeks ago my dad came to my room to tell me to do the ritual, and I told him I couldnt because I was sick (and i actually was). Long story short, he didnt believe me and started yelling at me. I told him he was pressuring me into becoming religious. He freaks out and basically threatens me and pushes me (at some point even yanking my phone out of my hands, saying hes going to take it from me). All this while my mom watches and doesnt do anything besides saying my dads name and grabbing his arm every now and them. She even left at some point, but made sure to come back to gaslight and guiltrip me. I told her that if anyone touched me ever again I would call the cops immidielty. I havent really spoken to dad since. Its honestly really strained the relationship with my parents, and its making me realise that we will never have a normal relationship. In some ways I wish I could just be religous so I could save myself the anger, stress, and constant fighting with my parents. But whenever I give the idea further thought, I cringe. Even religion is ruined for me because of them. I feel that I shouldnt be religous, as revenge. The only way I could ever see myself becoming religous, is if I married a muslim man, and he helped me heal from all this fucking trauma. But I dont think I will do that. The only upside is that he wouldnt leave me, because of the stigma of divorce in muslim communities. But heck, I honestly just want to be loved. As gross and sappy as that sounds.

This year was supposed to be filled with laughs, new starts, new frienships, money, and much more. And instead I got none of it. I dont know, maybe this is what I deserve. Its safe to say that 2022 was my worst year yet. There were some highs, but mostly lows. Real fucking lows.

Im honestly just happy that I get to leave this wet-red brick country (even if its just temporarly), and hopefully in the meantime, my dad will get a job somewhere else so we can leave. If not, University is my only way out.

Now youre pretty much all cought up with whats worth to be cought up on. Before I leave, Ill share my new years resolutions and what I hope to focus on in 2023.

New years resolutions:

-Drink 2L of water a day, Gain weight, Workout once a week, Grow finger and toe nails, start daily journal, Grow hair and repair hairline, Get a new hobby, Grow eyebrows and eyelashes, Read 3 books, Solve Cains Jawbone, Clear skin, and to watch a musical live.

And in 2023 I hope to repair (as much as possible) my mental and physical health.

That would be all for now, until next time! <3

[demivampirew]

Don’t judge a book by its cover chapter 2.

A Cap. Syverson story.

Triggers: talking about xenophobia, white privilege, crying; cursing; slang words; stalking, panic; metion of assault

Synopsis: Rebeca is an Argentinian girl who a few months ago moved to the USA (Washington D.C) to study in university thanks to a scholarship that she was granted. She’s lonely. People don’t treat her well. Some could be understood but most of them just hate her for being a foreigner. She meets Syverson because he’s a man from the South and she has not had a good experience with people from there, but she may find out at the end that she shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Chapter 1

Tag: lunedelorient

- So, what does a man from the South do in Washington? You're far away from home, cowboy. - Rebeca joked after asking the question as she handed him a cup of hot black coffee as he requested.

- Cowboy? Do I look like a cowboy to you? - he asked, amused.

- You certainly sound like one to me.- she replied

- You haven't been to the South, have you?

- Nope.- she said as she took a sip of coffee with milk.

- I must say, for someone who's pre-judge for being an outsider, you're pretty judgy yourself, have you notice that? - he pointed out as he raised an eyebrow

- Maybe, but you have to admit that I do have my reasons to be judgemental.- she reasoned. Then she sighed and continued- I was a really nice girl, truly. I was just a young woman living her dream of studying abroad, in the land in which dreams come true. I was given once in a lifetime opportunity based on my high grades in my university in Argentina. I heard about the programme that the embassy offered to students with high grades and decided to apply without even believing I would get it, but luckily I did. I couldn't freaking believe it. I came here excited to have the experience of a lifetime and found that life here is not like in the movies. The sweet lady I used to be had to be replaced by a living zombie. What I'm trying to say is, that I had to be tough to resist a lot of shitty things that happened to me here, but in the same time had to be as nice as I could to anyone, because even if I'm the "privileged Latina", I'm still a Latina, meaning I'm part of a minority and my actions count. It's hard, I won't lie. I'm still trying to adapt to this life in which I matter my own business...I work every day, weeks on the grocery store and weekends as a Spanish tutor; I study hard so I keep my high grades, the main reason I have my scholarship. I try not to bother anyone, so anyone will bother me. They still do it, though. - she sighed again.- The hardest part of all of this, and this is going to sound pathetic, is that I'm all by myself. My family is far away. I call them as much as I can, but in the same time I try to avoid them a little bit so they won't find out about everything that's going on, they would not be ok with staying here if they knew how things really are. And, on top of that, I have no friends. Being a "smart ass" wasn't much of a problem at my university. On the contrary, everyone wanted you around so you could help them if they had troubles understanding something. I think is mostly because people in the UBA - University of Buenos Aires - are mostly adults. There are people of all ages, but there's a lot of people in there who study and work, so you know that they take things seriously. Here, I came to find out, it's exactly like high school, just full of rich kids that only want to party. Most of the people at my classes never worked a day in their lives. The parents pay for everything, so they party all night, sleep all day. Then, the day of the exams come and they remember that they need high grades or their daddies will cut off their allowance or, in cases like Trevor, who's the captain of the football team, they could prevent him from continue playing. Is in those days that all the sudden, I became someone worthy of their attention for other things than scream "go back to your country" or "in this country we speak English" when they hear me speak to someone in my native language over the phone.

- Is that why he was bothering you today? - Syverson asked

- I assume so, yes. Every time there's an important test, he comes to me and tries hard to make me do his exam for him. I always tell him no, of course, I don't want to risk getting caught and losing my scholarship because of that.

- Has he ever tried to hurt you before? - he asked the was anger on his voice.

- No. He's always more into pranks than punches. He broke my window twice. I found dog's shit on my doorstep many times and one time I found a dead mouse on my bag. But he never went that far, probably because I always act nice. But today I was tired of his crap, so I defied him. He said something stupid like "Isn't weird that your parents named you Rebeca being Latina?" and I replied " Isn't weird that you have a brain a never use it?" and he got angry. As I said, I usually play nice, because I know he's bad news; but this time, I was fed up. And I almost ended with a black eye or a broken nose if it wasn't for you. So thank you for saving my ass.- she concluded with a smile.

- You have nothing to thank for. - he replied smiling back at her. - Do you have a pen and a piece of paper? - he asked.

- Ye...yeah, sure. - she said confused by the odd request and looked for what was asked for in her bag and then handed them to him. He wrote a number in the paper and gave it to her.

- That's my number. You call me next time someone messes with you or you're in trouble.- he told her. It sounded more like an order rather than a suggestion. He was clearly someone used to command; the authority in his voice was undeniable.

- I don't want to bother you. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

- You won't bother me. This is the reason why I joined the forces. I didn't only want to fight for my country, I wanted to help and protect people. Believe it or not, the second being the main one. And you are clearly someone that needs to be looked after and since you don't have anyone else, I'm glad to take that job.- he said and smiled.

- Tha..thanks -she finally accepted. Rebeca wasn't used to asking for help. She always tried to manage everything by her own, as well as she could, but she had to admit that it was nice to know that someone was willing to help her if she needs it to. - So... - she said, returning to the beginning of their conversation - You never told me what are you doing in Washington?

- I live here- he replied

- Have you lived here for long? - she asked, curious.

- A few years. I used to live in Georgia, but after my mother passed away so I didn't have anything else for me back there and, at the time, I was seeing a woman and she wanted to move here, so that's what we did.

- So you are married. - she pointed out and he laughed.

- No, ma'am. I'm not. We were together for some time, but then duty called again and she didn't want me to go, but I had to go. I had to. They needed me there. She couldn't quite get that so she left. It's been only me since then.- he explained.

- Sorry to hear that.

- Don't worry, I had time to get over it. - he assured her and finished his coffee and got up from the couch - Well, I better get going. You probably need to rest.

Rebeca walked him to the door and he reminded her to call him if she needed him and then left.

The next few days were quite normal. Everyone in college heard about what happened with Trevor, which make some people hate her more, others started to like her a little bit and others were scared of her - well, they were scared that "Rebeca's boyfriend" would beat the shit outta them if they messed with her. She barely knew Syverson, but she didn't bother correcting them. If that helped her get some peace, so be it, let them believe she's Sy's girlfriend. She surprised herself more than once thinking about him and using Sy instead of his full surname.

On Friday, she had to work until late to cover for the hours that they allowed at work to take the test that she missed because of the incident with Trevor. Luckily, the people at the university received a note sign by a high range officer at the police station to use as proof that she spend the day testifying about the intent of assault, so she was able to take the exam another day. She left the grocery store and started to walk towards her place. It was twenty blocks away. She usually worked until 8 pm, but that day she worked until 11 pm - the store was always open until midnight. After her shift, the owners would take her place. Rebeca knew well the way back home and there was usually some people on the streets when she went to her place after work, but this time the streets were completely empty. Not a single soul was there and it was completely dark. She started to walk at a really fast pace, wishing to get to the house as soon as possible.

After walking for a few minutes, she noticed two men, both around 25-30 years old. They were walking in the street across her but then crossed to her street. They were at a block away distance from her. She tried not to panic. Maybe those guys just needed to be on that block, that's all. When she reached the corner of the street, she turned and continue walking for another street. She knew it was risky because she didn't know the place well and she could get lost, but she needed to know for sure that was just imagination. At the corner, she saw in a car's mirror that the two guys had also turned in the same street that she did. It wasn't her imagination. She was indeed being followed. Trembling, she grabbed her phone from her coat pocket, trying to maintain calm so they wouldn't notice that she knew they were following her. Without even thinking, she searched for a number in her contacts and presses the dial button.

- Hello? Who is it? - Syverson answered with his thick Southern accent

- It's me, Rebeca. - she mumbled; she didn't want them to hear her speak

- Rebeca? I can barely hear you. Are you ok? - he asked worriedly

- I'm being followed.- she said fighting the tears of fear.

- What?! - he questioned even worrier- Tell me where you are? Who's following you?

- I don't know. There are two men around 30 following me. I was on my way home after work and I saw them and I suspected but then changed my route to see if the still followed me and yes, they are still walking behind me, a block away distance. - she explained as well as she could, almost whispering and he could hear the terror on her voice.

- Ok. Keep walking, don't stop walking. I'm on my way.- he said as he grabbed the car keys and left his house- Tell me, what street are you on?

- I don't know the name.

- Look for a street sign or something I can use to track you down. - he ordered her and she started to look, as nonchalant as possible, for any clue.

- I see a coffee shop in the next block, next to a flower store. - she informed

- Is there a house with pink roses on the entrance on the corner of the street? - he questioned

- Yes.- she replied.

- I know exactly where you are, sweetheart. Continue walking, I'll be there soon. I have to hang out now. Be brave, you're gonna be ok, you heard me?

- Ok.-she try to sound calm by she was in full panic. She continued walking as fast as she could, even though her legs felt like jelly.

Syverson put back the phone on his pocket and turned on the car and went to her rescue. He ignored several red lights and over speeded, but he didn't have the time to care about that, he needed to make it on time. He had his gun with him. He hoped he didn't have to use it, but he was no going to let anyone hurt her.

Rebeca peeked at the men trough another's car's mirror and to her horror, they were even closer. Her legs were starting to give in. She was so afraid that her body was shaken and she was starting to feel paralyzed. It was only her survival instinct what was keep her going. Moments later, she saw a car light coming from the opposite direction in which she was walking. The car started to slow down the fast pace and then she could finally see it. It was him. It was Sy. He stopped the car and she started running. He got out of the car as fast as he could. She ran directly into his arms and hugged him as tight as she could and the started to cry because of the fear and because she was happy that he was there. She was safe now. The two men started to run back in the direction that they came off as soon as they saw Syverson and his gun. He wanted to run after them, if they were predators, they could look for another victim, but his priority at the moment was Rebeca. She was trembling and crying and he needed to make her feel safe and ok. He hugged her and caress the back of her head while telling over and over "It's ok, I'm here now. You're safe. I promise".