#man his biggest strength is how he's just so honest and emotional and doesnt have any of that fakey youtube personality stuff

[withallthingslove]

the handmaid’s tale s3ep2 & s3ep3 thoughts

combining thoughts because 3 episodes released at once is a lot!

EPISODE 2

I might have missed it but how did beth end up at commander lawrence’s house from jezebel’s? I remember hearing jezebel’s mentioned but don’t remember if it was ever fully explained

im going to be honest... I would have rather had this be an emily centric episode. Honestly I kind of wish June and Emily could split the time as the main focuses. For ep. 2 I’ll talk about Emily’s/the Canada group’s storyline first

okay so love love love loved it. Showing Emily acclimating as a refugee feels so well done. It’s sad and rewarding at the same time. She’s gone from worrying about being executed to her biggest problem being that she has high cholesterol. And Alexis portrays that so well on her face 

Moira would be obsessed with Nichole first (I’m sorry I’m still Team Holly this is just easier because she’s annoyingly only referred to as nichole now). I think that’s in her personality to be like OMG JUNES BABY and see the positives of having Nichole around, while Luke is going to be struggling with it at first. 

This episode did a good job showing luke’s survivors guilt. He knows June is alive and Hannah is alive and growing, and he has his wife’s baby with another man (presumably from rape) and he can literally do nothing about it. His comments to Emily were rude af, but its understandable why he is upset. In his mind she can reunite with her family while he cant with his. 

Okay soo lowkey feel like Moira’s comment about how most reunions aren’t actually happy was @ june and luke. Like I have been saying for ages that they are too different to ever fully recover as a married couple even though they still love each other and I think Moira’s quote is foreshadowing to that, if they ever get a reunion 

When Emily called her wife though.... I cried

Also baby Nichole is so fucking cute and Luke finally accepting her was also so cute

okay june’s storyline... it was cool to see the martha stuff but felt forced at times idk. 

LOVE june’s sass with her new shopping partner its fucking hilarious

aunt lydia is acting exactly like how i expected her to she feels like she needs to prove her strength and when she feels weak (ie when june shows her sympathy) she lashes out

EPISODE 3

aight so commander lawrence.... i know we aren’t supposed to have him figured out so I’m not even going to try 

I will say though I think him bringing june into the meeting to serve tea was so that she would have way to hear what was going on. And then he humiliated her to keep people from being suspicious. that’s just how i interpreted it

But like.... is june allowed to read now like tf? Telling her to get a book with the yellow lettering in front of a room full of commanders. I was half expecting him to say “okay well that will cost you a finger” after she handed it to him. Because that would be the ultimate power move to make her read and then punish her for it. And then later at the end of the episode she gave him the files back and he didnt say anything. Obviously hes chill enough he wouldnt punish her like that in private but I’m confused at how a room full of commanders were just chill with june reading the spin of a book in front of them

i dont think lawrence is 100% anti gilead and he clearly likes parts of it i think he does just morally feel like he needs to do some stuff to help the resistance so he can sleep better. I will say though between him and serena, I think serena is more likely to backslide back to being bad than lawrence is

Serena... does everyone just like her now? Rita has softened towards her, june is nice like wtf. Props to her mom for telling her that nichole isnt hers mwuhahaha

and then she goes to june and admits nichole isnt hers and june tells her that only a mother could do what she did like barf. whatever. i hate that we havent had nick mention nichole once and have now seen serena crying about it for three episodes. like what is up with the writers wanting for us to suddenly forgive serena for everything and feel bad for her? I love serena as a villain but it just doesnt make sense. And why are they so deadset on having june bond with her children’s kidnappers about her children? it’s just icky

fred is so pathetic i cant even hate him. and joseph fiennes and elisabeth moss have really good chemistry in their scenes. and no I don’t mean romantic chemistry i just mean they play their parts well. It’s like as soon as june saw fred she relaxed because she knows how to play him and he falls right into it too. idk their scene in lawrence’s kitchen reminded me a lot of their scene in the kitchen in 2x06 when june gets up to get water. they have a rapport together and a familiarity so that when fred is not being the creeper he is their scenes play out nicely

nick....

lol

I wondered if he would be promoted to commander this season. The writers have made him pretty cold in these first couple episodes which is understandable but even when june stepped in the room you could just see the shock and love on their faces. 

when beth answered the door and was like “you arent here for me” i almost felt bad. i think that even though it was always just physical for nick that she harbored some real feelings for him. maybe not in love with him, but just genuine caring. And the way she said wasn’t sad, it was just that she knew he was there for june. Because I’m sure she recognized june as the handmaid nick had feelings for right when june arrived

their goodbye. i know some people were thinking it was out of character for them but i dont think it was. june reacted the way she always does when something bad happens. she lashes out at first, and then when she gets the bad news she closes her eyes, shuts all her emotions down, and then acts cold. And as soon as she acted cold she immediately regretted it and whispered “no” and ran after nick. And of course he was there waiting because he knows her and knew she needed space at first to process her anger. And then she took his hand and brought him back in the room, and they LOCKED THE DOOR TO HAVE SEX. I will not be taking any questions. 

[serbarris]

Faralen Sabrae, Ambassador

Nickname: Rae

Reason for name: Faralen means “hunting star” she has loads of tiny freckles so they’re like stars

Birthday: 8th Bloomingtide

Race: Dalish Elf

Age: 29

Gender: Female

Place of birth: near Gwaren

Places lived since: Brecilian forest, Sundermount, Amaranthine, Emerald Graves

Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations: Faralen’s father, Eladd was the healer under Keeper Mahariel and Marethari, but unfortunately passed in 9:27 Dragon. Her mother, Varliss, is an apothecary for the Sabrae clan.

Number of siblings: Eilan is her adopted brother, they consider Tamlen an honourary member of their family

Relationship with family : Very good relationship with her father

Happiest memory: Faralen used to hurt herself a lot as a child and her dad was Second under keeper Mahariel, he used to always heal her using his magic, telling her to be more careful next time, to which she always replied “i dont have to be careful you’ll always be here to heal me” and he would make it snow a little bit in the room and she loved it so much

Childhood trauma: The death of her father when she was 15 was very traumatic, but also when she was around 18 Tamlen and Eilan went to the ancient ruins and found the tainted Eluvian, she knew of her friend’s excursion and she went to find them.

Children of her own?: Yes 4

If so, relationship with their father?:  Faralen and Vaimah started on a very tense relationship, they were both very solitary. They knew of each other through mutual friend Eilan Mahariel, though after he and Tamlen died in the ancient ruins, Vaimah and Faralen looked out for each other. They slowly but surely relied on each other more than they could realise, grew very close, and fell in love (even if Faralen didn’t realise at the time). They have a very good relationship now, and Vaimah is a constant reminder for Faralen to voice her feelings and they tend to balance each other out nicely.

Age she became a mother: 31 when Caeren was born, 34 when Amoran was born and 38 when the twins; Linneth and Oronth were born

PERSONALITY

Positive Personality Traits: She loves her Clan dearly, protective, loyal, honest, selfless

Negative Personality Traits:  Very reckless, short-sighted, ruthless, short-tempered

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

MBTI Type:  INFP

Interests: Berries, dalish history,

Mood Character is Most in: wistful

How does your character deal with being afraid?: not very well tbh, she mostly lashes out

Any reoccurring nightmares?: Mainly nightmares thinking about what happened to Tamlen and Eilan, later on, dreams about what happened to Vaimah while he was missing  

When are they most in their element?: in the middle of a fight

What do they have a soft spot for?: Literally Vaimah, also children

What events have had the most impact on her life?: Tamlen and Eilan dying and the Blight which prompted her obsession with becoming a good warrior/hunter, leading to her becoming Warleader of the clan.

Enraged When?: 90% of the time

Greatest Strength?: Pride

Greatest Weakness?:  Her pride

Biggest regret: she didnt outright stop Tamlen an Eilan from going to the Ruins, as well as not realising the depth of her feelings for Vaimah, and voicing them before the Conclave and his memory loss.

PHYSICAL

Height: 5′2

Weight: idk

Build: lean

Nationality: Ferelden

Disabilities: none

Complexion : olive, freckly af

Face shape: heart

Distinguishing facial features: freckles, and scars around her temple and on her nose and lips are very prominent

Hair colour: Auburn

Usual hair style:  cut short, side part,

Eye colour: Green

Glasses? Contacts?: nope

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): casual easy to move around in clothes, she doesnt like to be restricted in her movements, she wears tough leathers when in battle

Typical style of shoes: lightweight resilient boots

Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?):  healthy

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): Faralen does prefer to be clean, but when living in nature you can be lucky to find a very clean stream, she does wear eye makeup as it makes her eyes stand out more

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: .Andruil’s Vallaslin (variation)

Accent?: tiny welsh valley lady

Unique mannerisms/physical habits (bites nails, talks with hands, taps feet when restless): she definitely has resting bitch face, also talks with her hands a lot

Athletic?:  very

INTELLECT

Level of education: relatively poor, she is illiterate

Level of self esteem: Quite high after becoming the de facto leader of the clan, it definitely allowed her to get more confidence

Gifts/talents: skinning an animal in like 12 seconds

Shortcomings: She makes some very questionable moral decisions

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.):  clear and blunt

“Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?:  right

Artistic?:  if stick figures count

Mathematical?:  Nope

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: emotions but she thinks its logic

Religious stance: Believes in the Dalish Pantheon

Cautious or daring?: Daring

Most sensitive about/vulnerable to: Vulnerable to attacks on her culture, and no matter how pissed she was at Vaimah while he had amnesia she would often threaten any attacks on his abilities due to his health

Optimist or pessimist?: Pessimist

Extrovert or introvert?:  Introvert

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status:  Officially bonded with Vaimah in 9:43 Dragon

Sexual orientation: Bi

Past relationships: none before Vaimah

Primary reason for relationship ending: n/a

Level of sexual experience: n/a

Story of first kiss: Vaimah’s memories had slowly started to return after going into the Fade and being reunited with Faralen. After her very angry confession during an argument the air had cleared between them. They then started to get back into their old flow and they were in the Herald’s Rest one night and they get tipsy and say fuck it.

Story of loss of virginity: Her and Vaimah wait a while, they go at it before the final attack on Corypheus in case the worst was to happen, but Faralen was so nervous and Vaimah had to reassure her it was just him there was nothing to worry about

A social person? : can be when in the mood

Most comfortable around (person): Vaimah

Oldest friend:  Tamlen and Eilan, until they y’know died

VOCATION

Profession: Dalish Ambassador to the Inquisition, Leader of the Sabrae Clan

Past occupations: Leader of Sabrae clan forces, hunter

Passions:  cleaning and sharpening her weapons get the glow on

Attitude towards current job:  helping to save the world with the man you love who barely remembers you is a bit stressful

SECRETS

Phobias: moths

Life Goals: Don’t die

Dreams:  To just live a simple life, settle down, get out of the action.

Greatest fears: Putting the clan in danger, she really fears that they (still) don’t accept her as a slightly unconventional leader due to her not being a mage

Most ashamed of:  The fact she loves those tiny little Orlaisian finger food things that Vaimah hates

Compulsions:  double triple quadrupole checking everything and anything

Obsessions:  berries also vol-au-vents

Secret Hobbies: making daisy chains and little crafts from twigs and leaves etc

Secret skills:  being able to skin most animals in around 30 seconds

Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): not yet

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Light or heavy sleeper?: very heavy

Lefty or righty?: neither, she is illiterate and learned to use weapons with both hands so she has no preference

Favorite colour: Green

Cusser?: Yep

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: not for the most part, socially drinks

Faralen full biography | Vaimah’s Character Profile

[tumblunni]

I dont understand why wishshipping isnt more popular, like honestly it has the most shippy moments in canon and theres even literally a scene where yugi says "joey i love you" and the anime dub cut it but the manga dub kept it and there was even an interview with the dubber talking about how the line absolutely definately was a thing that really existed in japanese and how important it was to keep it in the translation. Like in context its supposed to be a probably platonic "youre my most important person" thing but the language used is something very close to a romantic confession in japanese even if it wasnt intended to be one. And the early chapters actually had A LOT of moments of like..outright gay jokes about joey and yugi. Again, this is a series that doesnt exactly have ant positive lgbt rep and is terrible and sexist with its straight romance so its VERY unlikely they were canonically meant to be bisexual and canonically having shipping BUT there are a lot of moments that are huge shipping potential AND even literal 'lol look he gay' dialogue. Just like..in a negative 'funny' sense.

And just seriously yugi is so important to jonouchi, the anime cut down their backstory a lot but it was REALLY EMOTIONAL in the manga! Jounouchi used to be a sort of nihilistic bully who just did whatever he wanted because he needed to find some form of fun/outlet for his anger to deal with living in poverty, never seeing his sister, and his dad being an abusive parent. And him and yugi met when jou outright bullied yugi, it was so friggin uncomfortable and sad to be thrown into that as a first chapter when i was so used to him being such a supportive friend. He was just an immature bastard who made fun of the 'weird kid' and said it was because he couldnt stand looking at someone who seemed like..sensitive and honest about his feelings. It was a surprisingly complex motivation for how a not actually very bad dude would become a bully to a dude he like..actually admired and was jealous of, and he was just so wrapped up in his own pain without the words to really articulate why he felt that way. He felt like a 'real man' should be silent aboyt his feelings and never ask for help, and that friendship between men could only ever be non-emotional assholeness where you have to be the biggest jerk and do bullshit together and if you ever show a moment of weakness everyone will leave you. So we have this situation of yugi himself feeling like he's a wimp but to jou he looks like the biggest fuckin badass for being honest about his real self and being able to step outside toxic masculinity even if it means being alone. And it was just so goddamn emotional how the friendship started?? Like jounouchi was just being an immature petty sort of bully but then a more physically abusive bully comes along and attacks yugi, and jou gets attacked by the same guy in the process and theres SUCH A GOOD MOMENT!! Where jou sees yugi and is like "so youre working with this guy? So you sent him to get revenge on us right??" like he's so ready to believe that yugi is really just as bitter and petty as he is BUT also he sounds so outraged and betrayed about it, like he feels he was tricked into believing that good people actually exist. But then yugi runs forward and starts treating his wounds because of course he wasnt actually involved in it. And even more than that, he stands up to this dude who's ten times taller than him and even managed to defeat jounouchi! And he says its because jounouchi is his friend and he "wasnt bullying, he was just teaching me to be a real man". And HOLY SHIT the look on jou's face when he says that! Like he never even considered the sort of awful influence he could be causing on this poor dude's mental health by gaslighting him into thinking 'this is just how men are'. Like he'd got this image all twisted in his head of yugi being some spiteful taunting figure who's always 100% unswayable in his kindness and must only be that way because he doesnt have any real problems or something. And now he's faced with the reality that this dude's kindness is 100% real, so real that he'd risk his own safety to help someone who's been so cruel to him because he saw a spark of goodness in jounouchi's heart that jounouchi himself never saw. And the only thing that could shake that kindness was jounouchi's own words..he had to face how his 'harmless fun' was having consequences and how he came so close to crushing this dude's will and turning him into a bitter bastard just like him and it was BY BEING FRIENDS! the bullying wasnt even the worst part it was the dangling friendship over his head and promising youd care about him if he just jumped through all these hoops to become a hardenened 'real man'. Another hardened 'real man' who was really just a soft genuine man who'd been broken and learned to hide himself.

So yeah jounouchi gets a great redemption early on, and a lot of chapters dedicated to examining it in detail, showing his abusive father and the toxic friends who influenced him into being a toxic friend himself, and how some of them (tristan/honda) were also good people who were redeemable while others (the goddamn terrifying yo-yo gang guy) were straight up criminals that yugi fuckin knife fights to save him from. Theres a scene of jounouchi getting tazed and having glass thrown in his eyes and yugi + yami fuckin defeat a whole damn gang in the most badass way and then yugi embraces jou's unconcious body and he wakes up in his arms and screams his name in relief while hugging him as hard as he can with his partially paralyzed arms like HOLY SHIT TJAT WAS SO INTENSE

And seriously their friendship is already awesome cos jounouchi is a lot more openly affectionate and cuddly than most friendships between dudes in this series. (Hence the gay jokes in the manga...) But having the context of his first manga chapter makes it even sweeter because he used to be such a heavily repressed super macho man who feared even HAVING FRIENDS AT ALL despite desperately wanting them. It just feels like yugi sorta.. saved him?? Helped him recover from that and become more open with his true self. Its so nice to see him gradually becoming more adorable and cuddly as the series progresses, when the absence of that sort of stuff was his biggest problem causing his goddamn depression. And yugi even helps him reunite with his sister and be able to help her get surgery! Is it any wonder that jou is yugi's biggest cheerleader? Seriously when so much of the show seems to sideline yugi and focus on yami later on, its good to have this one dude reminding us that yugi rocks and specifically yugi's 'wimpyness' is actually a good thing nd his strongest strength and seriously!! Just!! Its so good!! Gahh, joey is a big buff scary dude who sees this sweet dude as THE BIGGEST BADASS who SAVED HIS GODDAMN LIFE and HIS MENTOR IN BECOMING SOFT ALSO! Jou has so much fuckin character development that was lost by shortening down this part of the story and only showing it in flashback form a bunch of episodes after the beginning instead of BEING the beginning yknow??

So yeah seriously this entire character arc is so good and this is why jounouchi is the best character and deserved to keep that kind of focus in the series instead of being degraded to more.of a comic relief role. And also this is why thier relationship has such a great foundation and could be even more resonant if it was romantic! Like srsly theres so many parallels here with the idea of a closeted dude that THE MANGA OUTRIGHT MAKES GAY JOKES ABOUT HIM ALREADY

Oh also the manga backstory also adds more nuance to jounouchi and kaiba's relationship because you could see it as jou becoming rivals with kaiba because he sees him as a mirror of the kind of repressed asshole he once used to be. Which is another reason why gay/bi/pan jounouchi just fuckin enhances everything about his entire plot and also the whole series ok yes.

Also i just fuckin love jounouchi please appreciate jounouchi today

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[iamtaekooked]

Vanilla Rules || Ch 5

Genre: Badboy! au, romance, drama, angst

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: Sexual themes (don’t read if uncomfortable or underage)

SYNOPSIS:

After the incident in the gym you completely lose interest in everything, including your dislike for Jimin. Your complete avoidance doesnt sit well with Jimin and he comes up with a plan to get your attention. 

A/N: Here is Ch5!! I hope you guys enjoy reading it!! Thank you so much for all the love and support you have shown this fic!! ❤️ I hope you guys like it! Also thank you for getting all the chapters over 200 notes!

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 ||  Ch 6 || Ch 7 || Ch 8 || Ch 9 || Ch 10|

It had been a week since the incident in the gym. A week since you had been to college. You didn’t have the strength to do get out of your bed much less the comfort and warmth of your house. All motivation had been replaced by a sense of doom. You couldn’t find the courage within you to face your peers but most of all Jimin. You hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else other than the moment that you had kissed him, albeit forcefully.

The image swam even in the depths of your mind becoming the cause of your sleepless nights. Your stomach refused to take in any food and settled on feeding the anxiety that had managed to grapple you in the past couple of days. You were not ready for whatever hell he was about to unleash on you this time. Never had you ever imagined that a boy named Park Jimin would become you own personal form of hell.

Taehyung had been the only link to the outside world and he managed to tell you the goings on around the college each day, and you would sit and listen to him forming images in your head of the incidents he would tell you about. Sometimes it would be about him getting in trouble in class and sometimes it would be stories of his own clumsiness landing him in trouble with girls. Other times he would open his mouth to tell you about what Jimin did that particular day but he would seal his lips because of the sharp stare you would throw his way.

“Till when do you plan on hiding my dear friend” he flopped down on the couch next to you, propping his feet up on the coffee table. He looked just as tired if not more and you snuggled up to him, placing your head on the expanse of his chest. His arm came to wrap around your shoulder. If you were being honest with yourself the one reason you needed his comfort was because you hadn’t been able to stop worrying about what Jimin would do next.

Taehyung glanced down at you and saw your sullen expression. “I wonder what he’s going to do next” you mumbled against Taehyung’s chest and he caught your hushed words. “I could still beat him up for you ,you know?” you felt his chest vibrate as he let out a chuckle.

“There’s no point. My life is ruined as is” you wearily lifted your head from his chest and let it fall against the sofa. You didn’t think it was going to get better because you knew you had become the talk of the town. The groundless rumour based upon a single forced kiss had made it way around town and you had given up hope that you would ever go back to the days before.

You found yourself pinned against your locker by Jimin who was staring down at you. Closing your eyes you huffed out, a hint of hopelessness apparent in your flaccid body language. He noticed the slumping of your shoulders, the hunch in your back, the dullness that had replaced the usual glow on your face, your chapped lips, dark circles under the eye. He was surprised at the amount of details he noticed about you because he had always assumed he never paid enough attention to what you looked like. But the worn down look on your face and the lifeless look in your eyes caught him off guard. He had never seen you looking so defeated no matter how much he messed with you.

He had grown accustomed to your feisty behaviour, your cold glares, and the some what third grade insults you threw at him. It had become and second nature and hobby for him to annoy you. One could say that the past week had been as boring and dull for him and even a good fuck couldn’t lift up his spirits.

“I was beginning to think you were dead” he chuckled. You quickly glanced at him, and looked away when the image of you kissing him resurfaced in your mind. The awkwardness of the situation wasn’t something you appreciated because he was the last person who was supposed to make you feel as such. Jimin’s face fell as your disinterest in him made itself apparent on your features. The way you refused to look at him, the way your eyebrows didn’t pull together in a frown, the way you didn’t pay any mind to him and just stood there almost lifeless made him feel  something akin to anger.

He wanted to ask you if something had happened but he didn’t know how to communicate that because not only would it make this awkward but he wasn’t supposed to ask you such things and he wasn’t supposed to care about what you felt.

“It’d have been better if I was dead” you mumbled the words and sighed lips curving down in a frown. He wasn’t expecting such a response so his lips parted to give way to a shocked expression. You were staring at the ground with unfocused eyes seemingly looking lost in your own thoughts. He stared at you with concern reflecting in his eyes as they traveled all over your face. Softly exhaling he licked his lips, eyes narrowing in question at your behaviour as he studied you.

He didn’t have a smart reply for your statement ,for your behaviour had him confused so he let his hands slide down the locker from either side of you ,freeing your way to leave as you pleased. Without a parting glance you started to make your way towards your class dragging your feet heavily across the floor. He turned in your direction crossing his arms over his chest as he surveyed you while you bumped shoulders into a few people still looking as miserable as ever.

Jeongguk’s head had begun to spin as he watched Jimin pace around with thumbs twiddling with each other nervously. He lost track of how long Jimin had been at it for. “Hyung! Stop it” he finally had had enough as he marched upto Jimin, grabbed him by shoulders and shook him. “Will you please just come to your fucking senses”

Jimin blinked a few times as if brought out of his trance by the sudden interruption. He sighed heavily , puffing out his cheeks as he returned Jeongguk’s stare. The internal conflict that was facing with himself was eating at him but he didn’t how to convey his frustrations to anyone. In fact he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling because he had never felt such a way before. He was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and thoughts. The biggest botheration was the fact that he was perturbed by your behaviour and even more puzzled at himself for feeling so.

He tightly shut his eyes as he massaged his temples, hoping to gain some sort of relief. He couldn’t even admit to himself how he had been unable to rid his mind of your sunken expression, along with the hopeless look in your eyes as if you had lost your reason to live.

“Why the hell are you behaving like this? Not getting enough v?” Jeongguk cockily raised his eyebrow, feeling proud at himself for figuring it out. But he had no idea.

“Once a fuckboy always a fuckboy” Jimin’s hand came up to hit Jeongguk on the side of his head. Flinching in pain Jeongguk glared daggers at the older boy. If it were up to him he would have Jimin cowering in front of him but he loved and respected Jimin too much to insult him.

“Then why the fuck are you acting like this?” he raised his eyebrows questioningly at Jimin.

“Dont your dare take this wrong way” Jimin pointed at him warningly before breathing out heavily and looking heavenward.

“Its y/n. She’s been acting very weird recently” Jimin spoke the words gulping down the disgust was feeling at himself for caring. Jeongguk’s hands fell to his sides in shock as he stared wide eyed at the man in front of him. He blinked a few times in confusion to process that he had heard right and scratched the inside of his ear in case he missed something.

“Wait. Back the fuck up. You are telling me that y/n- Y/N is behaving a certain way and its getting to you?” A vertical line formed between his eyebrows to express his lack of understanding.

“What the fuck did I say to you before? I don’t fucking give a shit about her” Jimin’s voice rose a little as he stared at the younger boy.

“Doesn’t sound like it…” Jeongguk murmured to himself. Jimin heard him and threw a thunderous glare his way in response to which Jeongguk there his hands up in the air.

“Okay look. You know how I like messing with her? I can’t do that anymore because she hasn’t given me a single reaction today. Not a single fucking reaction. I am not used to it. My day doesn’t go well if I don’t bother her in one way or another. This has been a regular thing for 3 years now. I am so fucking used to it,  that now when it’s not happening I feel fucking weird” he huffed.

“You do realize that you sound like a whipped ass boyfriend who isn’t getting attention from his girlfriend right?”

Jeongguk stepped a few paces back just in case Jimin decided to hit him. He waited for 5 seconds and when Jimin stood rooted in his spot looking lost in his world he assumed his remark hadn’t been heard and sighed in relief.

“We need to do something to piss her off. Something major” Jimin piped up, looking back at Jeongguk the corner of his lips lifting up into a single sided smile clearly indicating that some sort of devilish plan had occurred to him.

Jimin was standing next to the girl’s bathroom, back trained against the wall and hands clasped behind his back. He was waiting for you to show up. His phone chimed and he opened it with a click and found Jeongguk’s message.

Jk: Spilled the juice. She’s going to the bathroom ;)

Before turning off his phone he frantically typed on the screen.

J: Where the hell are you? The bathroom is empty and I need your help. Hurry the fuck up

He impatiently tapped his foot on the ground waiting for both women to arrive so he could get started on his plan. As soon as he saw the newbie coming he gestured hurriedly with his hand. She broke out into a jog and immediately latched her lips onto Jimin’s neck. He couldn’t help but silently gag at the smell of her sickeningly sweet perfume invading his nostrils.

He had to do a double take as he saw you walking in his direction and he hurriedly pulled the girl in the bathroom dragging her behind him and pinning her against one of the stalls. He immediately unbuckled his belt and pushed into her with a strained groan. He didn’t realize how hard it was to actually fuck someone unless he was in the mood. But he had to. As he heard your steps approaching he sped up making the girl moan in pleasure.

“What the fuck Jimin!?” You shrieked in surprise as you fell onto your butt on the floor. Immediately covering your eyes with your hands.

“What the fuck are you doing here!?” You heard him fumble with his belt buckle.

“What the fuck am I doing here? What in the fucking hell are you doing in the girl’s bathroom you fucking perv” you yelled back at him making sure to keep your eyes covered from the horrendous sight in front of you.

“Cant you fucking see y/n?”

“I did see and now I am scarred for life you dumbass” with stumbled steps you stood up from the ground keeping your eyes tightly shut.

Their gross sounds had failed to register in your ears thanks to the music that had been blaring through earphones. You didn’t see them at first but then as you proceeded towards the mirror with the intention of cleaning up the spilled juice on your shirt you saw them behind you.

“Why the fuck are you here you idiot?” his chest heaved up and down as he yelled at you.

“Oh I am sorry but did I fucking fail to mention that this is the girls fucking bathroom. Get the fuck out dumbshit” you held your eyes tightly shut and stood with your back against the wall. You felt a shadow pass you by and you figured it was probably the girl who he was banging, since you could still hear him muttering all sorts of profanities under his breath.

Jimin glanced over at you and couldn’t help but smile as he had finally managed to get a reaction out of you. As he was walking by you he stopped in front of you and muttered under his breath. “Thats better isn’t it?” Although you couldn’t see the smile on his face you heard his words and automatically your eyes flashed open because what in the hell he meant you didn’t know. But before you could even open your mouth to ask ,he was already making his way out of the bathroom. You didn’t realize how frantic your breathing had become, how your hands had clenched into fists at your side until you felt your nails digging into the pain of your skin and your knuckled becoming painfully tight by the second.

Your legs gave out beneath you and sliding down the wall you dropped onto your butt. You couldn’t believe what you had seen. Your stomach churned at the thought , your chest felt heavy and once again you felt bile rise to the back of your throat along with the sour acid pooling under your tongue.

If there was one person who could remind you to be aware and vigilant at all times it was Park Jimin.

[tumblunni]

OH MY GOSH

I’m doing a reread of the older books that MarkReads did, cos he released his reviews in ebook form after his first site’s hosting went down and we lost the original posts of them.

Its really cool cos he includes an entrie second review of everything that he does years later with all this hindsight and stuff, commenting on the series as a whole and how hilarious unprepared he was in the original review. As well as all sorts of other bonus features and footnote stuff of cool!

And he even edited out any predjudiced or uncomfortable jokes that he’d made back when he was less experienced as an activist for LGBT rights and mental health and stuff, like originally the review about the dursleys in harry potter was framed as a psychologist’s report about how craaaayzy they are, and now its a detective’s report on how criminal they are. Cos seriously its “just a joke” and all but it kinda has unfortunate implications to imply that literal abusive parents are only that way cos of mental illness rather than yknw.. making the choice to be abusive. the “joke” wasnt intentionally meant to be saying that but its still how it ended up. And the really good part about it is that he didnt just take the opportunity of the original site being gone to pretend like he never made those mistakes, he edits out the actual content of the controversy itself but talks about what happened during his self re-review bonus section at the back. And he talks about why exactly he felt that this review was innapropriate and how he’s changed since then. Cos seriously over these years he’s been diagnosed with depression himself and started getting help with it and tried to become a really welcoming community for other mentally ill people! And he was always out about being gay even when he started his first review of Twilight, it was like 5 seconds into the first review before he couldnt restrain himself from yelling “is this really how straight people flirt??” XD But he used to kinda be a bit awkward maybe and uhh.. that relateable feel of trying to be “one of the good ones” according to bigoted standards? Like “oh im gay but i dont act TOO gay and i totally make gay jokes about myself ha ha ha”. I obviously can’t know for sure because i cant read his mind, but the impression i got from the reviews is that this was why he made some of his more crude jokes earlier on, despite being an absolute cinnamon roll of a man who didnt seem to believe any of the bigotry behind them. Either that or just genuinely not knowing that jokes were bigoted at the time, yknow? We all make mistakes and a lot of people amoungst minorities have a history of stuff like this cos internalized shame is a hell of a drug. I internalized transphobic stuff so hard that i was terrified of admitting i was trans, and overcompensated with trans jokes to try and convince people i was normal. And i didnt even properly comprehend what being trans WAS, i had this bigoted messed up idea of something i should be ashamed of, something that was “sick perverts getting off on dressing up” so of course it couldnt be me because I just felt.. yknow.. unhappy with what i was born as? Not any sort of big devious evil reason for it, just “dressing this different way makes me not want to kill myself”. But here’s lil kid me being told that the Only Possible Reason to want to do that is Gross Pedophile Reason, thus I built a big old labyrinth around my feelings and blindly repeated the rude shit my parents said without even understanding what it meant. Sighhh it was a big ol mess!

ANYWAY IM GOING OFFTOPIC AGAIN

I just made this post cos its really cool to see how your favourite creators have changed, especially when they had personal growth like that as well as just getting more and more awesome at the things they create. And it really warms my heart to see Mark being at peace with his own mental illness nowadays, and having like one of the most well regulated forums ever that doesn’t accept any form of bigoted behaviour and strives to welcome people like he is right now, and educate.. well, people like he was back then! And he’s also become so much prouder in his sexuality and found people who support him for who he is, after his super harrowing backstory of being abandoned by his parents and emotionally abused by fundementalist christian authority figures. And he now has an awesome adorable goofball of a boyfriend who even joins in on guest reviews sometimes, and it is absolutely AMAZING to see them teasing each other singing theme tunes to stuff and just generally being the definition of relationship goals!

AND THAT IS THE AWESOME THING THAT MADE MY HEART EXPLODE TODAY

Cos i bought the old harry potter review ebooks, and IT TURNS OUT HIS BOYFRIEND IS HERE! He cameos in prisoner of askaban yeaaaars before they started dating! he was actually the friend who’d already read the series and reccommended it to mark, so he’s kinda responsible for kickstarting the entire MarkReads blog?? THEY WERE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER AWWWW!! Seriously YOOO i was like “huh he mentions a friend here with the same name as- OH MY GOD ITS HIM” And his cameo appearance is a dual review just like the ones he’d do later on, tho here its a transcript of an IM chat rather than an actual video. Man this is so early on that they didnt even live close to each other! God its Love Origins, holy shittt

fuck NOTHING warms my heart more than seeing the journey my fave creators go on! this man has come so far and im so glad he’s in a better place than when he started!! he’s just so happy and bubbly in his current reviews and he started off so grumpy on that first Twilight review and his Harry Potter review was like a kid in a candy store cos he was GENUINELY SURPRISED TO FIND AN ACTUAL GOOD BOOK! Aaaa his future boyfriend’s reccommendation led to him recapturing his love of reading and starting a whole career out of reviews. God thats so romantic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! My bigass heart cant handle this!!

So yeah uhh if you’re interested in a gay positive review series with an adorable bear of a man with the cutest beard and sleeve tattoos who just squees constantly about all the emotions he was taught to repress during an abusive childhood AND ALSO SMOOCHES HIS BOYFRIEND AND FINALLY GETS TO BE HAPPY YES, check out MarkReads and also the sister site MarkWatches! or his name in general is Mark Oshiro to find all the stuff he’s done. As I said before, there’s kind of this issue with archiving where all of his earliest posts are lost. And he rereleased them with all this bonus content as ebooks so we’d have a way to donate to support the site. So it might seem a bit intimidating for the “place to start” to be a pay-only thing, but I’d reccommend not reading in chronological order honestly. Its best to just go through his site and see if he did any books/shows that are your favourites, then start from there. That’s what i did, i think i discovered him via Buffy and Angel? And then I started watching ATLA because of him and WOW we had very similar levels of fanboy screaming, lol! So yeah you might discover some cool new series via this sweet man’s wonderful bloggings! :D