#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships，

[lemonboyfest]

reminders

reminders for 2024:

You’re not dead yet. Get the fuck up. Drag your corpse kicking and screaming into tomorrow. One day you will stop surviving and start living

more studying, more walks, more reading, more skill-based hobbies, more experimenting w pretty fits and hairstyles, more gym, more exploring new things in general, more whole foods/healthy recipes, more financial literacy, more time management, more time off the phone, more being out the loop. nothing else matters

hrmm. well hold on now ive been filled with a sudden joy and whimsy for the world

Glowing kind of love

fuck beauty standards. someone looking at you with love in their eyes is the most beautiful thing in the world.

as a girl who is literally just a girl i am always yearning. always longing always missing always wearing my heart on my sleeve. always feeling like my heart is on the verge of exploding. the sight of the sun makes me cry. anyway

i hope that when i die there will be an apartment with everyone i’ve ever loved in it and we are together always

read a lot and read everything

film and art and music are what builds ur soul

be outside

love and romance will not come to you any quicker if you are focused on it constantly

possessions don't improve things

movement does improve things

university is <4 years of the rest of your life - make the most of it

find the pleasure in hard work

lose the pleasure in scrolling

creation is essential

joy, love & intelligence are the tenets of life

stagnation isn't inevitable. no person is in a fixed state. you can always change

i love listening to someone’s favorite song its like im mentally holding their hand

you just had an epiphany about your sexuality? just own it. you like this unpopular thing your friends don’t like? just own it. you’re trans? just own it. you’re doing something unconventional? just own it. you’re completely free to share your reasons, but you don’t have to justify why you made the decisions you made. if you disclose something and a friend makes a face, okay well that’s too bad bc that’s who you are. they’re free to leave if what makes you a person doesn’t sit right w them. you don’t need to explain the why and the how and the when as if you’re trying to outrun their disapproval. be confident enough in yourself that you don’t feel the need to owe anyone an explanation. you’re you and that’s that.

what im learning is that you cannot avoid your way into a life you enjoy

i have the opposite of that “everyone is an npc” mentality people have embraced where i’m instead like. the person next to me in line has someone they can’t wait to go home to, the person picking up their mail has felt devastation before, everyone in this grocery store is doing their sunday shopping, maybe the person that just honked at me is having the worst day of their life, my neighbor has doctors appointments and favorite foods and a song they can’t stand to hear anymore… you are all fully realized complex people and that is overwhelming me on a spiritual level…

"omg you'll post 'i need him' on the most average men" "she's mid" most of us are average and it's good that we can find beauty and desire in average people .... on god FELT. i really need to start practicing this though. i get so complacent in my complacence i listen to my friends and i try so hard to fit in i insult people for no reason there is so much more to them than their aesthetics and if i do not find them attractive then what is to say someone else doesn't why do i feel the need to invalidate why am i rude ? people are all beautiful i need to remind myself . changing

[win-bap]

No End [Part.2]

Characters: Yoo Youngjae and Jung Daehyun

Genres: Mention of death, College students AU, angst and horror

Words count: 2024

[Part.1]

He woke up from that long darkness in his bed, he was swimming in his cold sweat, his fear won’t fade any soon. He blinked as he got flashbacks of what happened.

“Daehyun?” his voice barely made it way out and sounds cracked.

He quickly got off his bed to run to Daehyun’s room, once he opened the door he sighed in relief, his friend was sleeping in peace.

‘Thank god it was just a nightmare’ that what was Youngjae thinking about as he closes the door and heads back to his room.

He rested his body on his bed again and searched for his phone to check the time and it was 3:33am.

The phone’s screen suddenly went black and some words appeared on bright red... again? This nightmare?

‘You thought everything was just a dream or a lie’

‘HAHAHAHA you’re so hopeless’

‘I guess you have so many questions’

‘Yes, and the first one is, did really Daehyun died in front of me?’

‘We never said that we’ll answer your questions’

‘But if you want an answer you should solve the code we gave it to you’

‘It should be so easy for someone who’s as smart as you’

‘See you later :)’

The screen went black again then it turned normal to his selfie with Daehyun wallpaper but he noticed the date and it was the same as the cursed day which was 12/23.

He dropped his phone on the bed and the tears started to gather in his eyes, ‘why the hell does this happens to me and Daehyun?!’

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his right arm rested on his eyes as the sleeve of his sweater wetted of his tears.

‘There’s no time for crying, I must solve the code’

He got off his bed again and turned on the lights, he sat on his desk and started to write the code on a paper, he kept a space between every sign.

& { “ {  / { < | # { _ _ % & % # ! ^ %

A feeling started to grow in his stomach, he was so confused and scared, what if he couldn’t solve this code? What if he solved it wrong? They told him that he had only one chance and he wasted that chance so now he doesn’t have the time to study or care about anything else, he needs to solve this shit.

It’s 6:45 now and he couldn’t solve it even he stayed there for 3 hours but he couldn’t find anything to lead him for the solution.

The sound of the knob being gripped and switched made Youngjae looking carefully at the door but it was no one but Daehyun so he sighed in relief and smiled to his friend.

“Oh, you’re up early... I guess you didn’t sleep?” Daehyun smirked

“Please don’t start with nerd shit” he was frustrated

“Okay okay, but what are you doing?” Daehyun looked into Youngjae’s desk in curiosity

“S-studying of course!” Youngjae became flustered and hid the papers which he tried to solve the code in.

“It’s a stupid question to ask the genius Youngjae” Daehyun rubbed his eye as he getting out of Youngjae’s room and just before he closes the door he added “Shouldn’t you get ready? We have to make it before the bus go”

“That’s right. Just give me 10 mins” Daehyun closed the door after he heard what Youngjae said.

A long sigh skipped out of Youngjae before he threw his head to the back and looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, thinking negatively of what could happen if he didn’t solve the code, he just wished that he was a real genius as Daehyun always told him.

Going inside the class for the same exam, he looked around to find the guy who died yesterday, no it was today but here again, he is repeating the same day with different events.

He sat on the same chair and in front of the same pc, he hoped he might get a hint for this code in his hand but the screen was normal.

Without caring about the exam, he wrote the code on the table and start to think, he looked around maybe he could find an answer or just a hint somewhere. When his eyes landed on the keyboard, he realized why these symbols were used and no other symbols, he got the hint that he was seeking for and the answer is there as well but he needed to try first.

He pressed ‘Shift’ with every number in the keyboard and the symbols after the numbers, there when he got the idea, what if the symbol for number 1 is A and the symbol for number 2 is B and so on?

He started organizing it on the Word and it became a proper sentence which made him surprised and covered his mouth to stop himself from put out any sound.

‘Go to your college cafe‘ Youngjae read it silently but that’s not what he expected, Is that all he needs to do to save Daehyun? He wasn’t even sure if he solved it right but he got no other choice, so he headed with Daehyun to their college cafe after the exam.

They normally order their own favorite coffee and some cheesecakes then sat on the couches in the corner as Daehyun talking about the exam and how he answers perfectly though he didn’t study hard for it, in the next minute he was fulling his mouth with his beloved cheesecake and closing his eyes with a satisfied hum.

Youngjae didn’t utter a word and just kept smiling at Daehyun, he lifted the cup of coffee to take a sip but he noticed there were other symbols written on it, thankfully he brought his laptop even though he didn't need it. He took out his laptop and a notebook to write the symbols and the letters in front of them.

'Don't let him go anywhere'

'Stay for one hour then go home immediately'

A guy walked into the cafe and Youngjae noticed him, he was the guy who had a heart attack at the exam before, the guy ordered and suddenly he collapsed in front of the counter, Youngjae's eyes widened when Daehyun was shocked and wanted to go to check the guy but Youngjae stopped him and told him that he will check the guy.

Before Youngjae got to the guy, the girl at the nearest table reached the guy and checked if he was breathing and touched his wrist to feel his pulse.

"He passed away"

The people started leaving

Youngjae was standing inches away from the body and he was shaking cause he knew what was going on and the guy at the counter called for the ambulance.

"Let's go back" Daehyun said as Youngjae came back and sat on the couch with blank eyes and no emotion could be seen on his face.

"We can't"

"What do you mean?"

"We have to stay here for one more hour"

"A guy is dead here and you still want to stay here?!"

"Do you think that I want to stay?!! Can't you just say yes this one time?!"

"Youngjae what's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry but please just for one hour and we will go back ok?"

"You can stay then, I will go back"

"No! Wait! I got something really important that I have to tell you about it now"

"What is it?"

"You're the only one who's left for me, I can't let you go"

"I'm just going home"

"You wanted to know about my family right? I didn't tell you about them"

"Yeah, but why so sudden?"

"C'mon sit down, I will tell you everything"

Daehyun sat down and the ambulance came in and took the died guy.

"My dad told me that mom died after she gave birth to me and I kept feeling guilty even though I got nothing I can do about it" Youngjae couldn’t stop his tears from falling and that made Daehyun lean to him and rubbed Youngjae’s shoulder lightly.

“It’s ok if you want to stop” A sad look was appearing on Daehyun’s face as he looked at his crying friend.

"I want to tell you this" Youngjae sniffed and continued “What makes it worse, when I was 16 I saw my dad dying in front of me and I couldn’t do anything”

Youngjae stopped talking and took a deep breath to prevent himself from crying more and talked again “One day after I came back from school I saw him in the convince store, buying ingredients for the dinner and he was talking to the cashier smiling and when he steps out of the store he looked at me and smiled but after that all I could see is fire and my dad was burning”

Youngjae rested his head on his both hands and he couldn’t stop himself from crying this time, Daehyun sat beside Youngjae and calm him down.

“I will always be with you”

One hour passed and it was 1:33 when the timer that Youngjae set went on.

They get back home and everything was normal except Youngjae being too close to Daehyun and holding him close.

“Aren’t you being too clingy today?” Daehyun smirked, he wasn’t asking because he didn’t like Youngjae being clingy, it’s totally the opposite.

“Are you making fun of me right now?” Youngjae glared at Daehyun

“Ok I’m sorry” Daehyun looked down in guilt cause he was too mean, Youngjae was crying earlier and now he’s teasing him, maybe it was too much for Youngjae

Youngjae stopped suddenly, his face was pale and he was sweating even though it was so cold, they were in the same street that Daehyun was bumped by a truck, yesterday, no it was today.

“Are you okay, Youngjae?” he shook the guy and soon enough he got a reply “Yeah I’m fine, let’s go home quickly” it was so clear that Youngjae didn’t feel well so Daehyun did as he told.

.Youngjae wanted to rest so he headed to his room but he couldn’t rest at all, he was worried but without him knowing he drifted into sleep.

A weird sound was interrupting Youngjae’s slumber, he groaned before he heard a loud noise coming from Daehyun’s room, he rushed to his friend room to find him gaming.

“Oh did I wake you up?”

“Shouldn’t you study at least?” Youngjae frowned

“Just one game then I’ll study” usually Daehyun would say that there are still two days to study but he just didn’t want to bother Youngjae and make him worried.

He went back to his room, he took his phone from his bed to check the time, it was 11:59

12:00

‘How was your day? :)’

‘You finally told Daehyun about your family’

‘How did you know?!’

‘Congratulation on passing the day without letting your friend die’

‘Actually, you were good at following orders/ instructions’

‘So now Daehyun is safe?’

‘Yes your friend is safe and you can spend your life normally ;)’

‘Sorry about the terrible code, we were trying to make something easy for you but it was funny to see you hesitant of the real meaning and you just end up staying at the cafe for one hour, I bet you thought it was just a joke, but glad you did as you told and now your friend is alive’

‘I didn’t have any other choice’

‘Yeah, and you even told him about your family! I’m surprised :)’

‘This is the end of our conversation’

‘Wait!!’

‘What?’

‘I want to know who you are’

‘If you really want to know, you won’t be able to live your normal life again’

‘You’re not sure huh?’

‘It’s okay, I’ll give you another chance’

‘Laterz :)’

A/N: Yes this is the last part, thank you for reading and I hope you like it <3

[gorogues]

“The Once And Future Flash”

Spoilers for tonight’s episode of the Flash!

Barry's fussing over calculations for defeating Savitar as usual, and Iris makes him promise that he'll be there for Joe if she dies.  He reluctantly agrees, after a lot of protesting.  He then gets a message that Killer Frost is on the loose at STAR Labs, and the episode cuts back to that scene.  She's trying to kill the guys after the cliffhanger last episode, and she destroys the power-dampening necklace when Julian tries to retrieve it.  Cisco stops her as she's about to kiss/freeze Julian, and the guys scramble into a cell on the Pipeline to escape her; HR goes to some length to save his drumsticks as he's sliding under the closing door.  Barry arrives and stops her from killing them, but she manages to escape and nobody knows where she's gone.

However, Barry's decided to go to the future to learn Savitar's identity, and he does so with Wally's speed help.  He arrives in February 2024, and immediately meets up with Rosa.  She uses her vertigo powers on him, which seem exactly the same as they were in our present, and then Sam steps out of a mirror to join them.  They note that they haven't seen the Flash in a while, and decide to relive the past by kicking his ass like they used to.  Sam arrogantly tells Barry that he's been gone for a while, so "let me remind you that this is my town"...to which Rosa reminds him "our town, baby", and Sam starts beating him up.  However, Barry manages to escape and runs off.

Barry meets up with future Cisco, who's very glad to see him, but things have clearly gone to hell.  STAR Labs has been shut down and future Barry hides out there alone, apparently feeling that the lab reminds him of what he's lost.  Barry goes to talk to future Emo Barry, who discourages him and tells him to go back to the past, saying he won't be able to save Iris.  Barry just wants to know who's in Savitar's armour, and Emo Barry claims he doesn't know.  He tells Barry to just enjoy the time left with Iris, so Barry leaves him.

Cisco tries to convince Barry to stay in the future, noting that Sam and Rosa aren't the only villains in the city, but Barry tries to go home anyway, and fails.  Barry wonders if Sam and Rosa did something to him, as he thinks they seemed a little different since the last time he'd seen him (honestly, I didn't see much difference in them other than they're arguably somewhat meaner).  Future Cisco reveals that he now has robotic hands after they were frozen and shattered by Killer Frost, which also left him without his vibe powers.

They then go to Iron Heights to see Julian, who's working as a technician/doctor caring for Killer Frost in a cell.  He's not thrilled to see them, but lets them visit Killer Frost in her cell.  She says Barry's no match for the god of speed, revealing that she teamed up with him sometime in the past after he "showed me the way".  She knows who Savitar is, but won't tell.  So then they go to visit Wally, who's been left catatonic and with a broken spine after he'd tried to take on Savitar alone in a rage.  Joe spends all his time at the house or at Iris' grave, which is where Barry finds him, and Joe's upset with him because he thinks he's the Emo Barry who abandoned him after Iris' death.  He asks Barry to leave.

Barry angrily confronts his future Emo self, reminding him that he'd promised Iris to look after Joe if she died.  Emo Barry just continues moping and tells him that her death will break him.  He says that eventually he stopped Savitar and locked him in the Speed Force forever, but that he'd already won because everything he loved is gone forever.

Cisco eventually admits that his tech is the reason Barry hasn't been able to get home, because he missed his friend and is pissed at him for abandoning everyone.  So Barry agrees to solve his Emo self's mistakes, and get Team Flash back together.  We see that HR now owns Jitters and is giving crappy Flash romance novel readings to a bunch of women who want to bang him, but Barry abducts him, Julian, and Joe and brings them to the Cortex.  None of them are thrilled about being brought there (especially HR because he was about to get laid), but Barry convinces them to work together and be a family again.  There's an alert that Sam and Rosa are robbing a jewellery store, so they all agree to work together and bring them in.

Rosa's all bejewelled up and the two of them are painfully flirting with each other as they leave the jewellery store, though Barry interrupts them and tells her that she looks tacky.  He also calls them stupid, which I'm sure won't endear him to them.  She uses her vertigo powers on him and then Sam concurrently attacks with what are presumably mirror illusions, which kind of have him on the ropes.  Back at the Cortex, HR searches around for his drumsticks and Cisco notes that the device he used to keep Barry in the future should be able to counteract Sam and Rosa's powers.  But, of course, it's in the lab and Barry's out in the city...until Emo Barry walks in and says that he'll take it to Barry.

Emo Barry speeds over and shows up in a much redder Flash suit, and they use the device to neutralize the Rogues' powers.  Sam and Rosa run in opposite directions -- I don't know why Rosa even tried running from a Flash while in heels -- and the two of them are easily caught and captured.  Frankly, there's not much to either of them.

Emo Barry talks to the rest of the crew and acknowledges he was wrong to abandon everyone, and that they should be a family again.  They agree.  The two Barrys talk along after that, and Emo Barry tells him that he'd had help in trapping Savitar in the Speed Force, from a scientist named Tracy Brand.  She'd figured out the tech to do it, though it wasn't for several years after Iris was killed.  He gives Barry some information to find Tracy in 2017, and Barry easily returns home.  Back in the present, Barry tells the others about his trip and that Killer Frost will align herself with Savitar, and he reminds Joe that he cares about him and will always be there for him.

At the end of the episode, Killer Frost meets Savitar and he says he's been waiting for her.  He claims he'll offer her what she desires, to ensure that Caitlin never returns and retakes control over her body.  He then steps out of his armour and reveals himself to her but not to the audience, and she asks "What do you need me to do?"  To be continued, obviously.

So in Rosa's first appearance I was annoyed that she wasn't very powerful, but reasoned that hopefully her power levels/threat would increase as time went by.  Well, that's not the case here.  Admittedly this future is highly unlikely to happen, so it's technically moot, but 7-8 years from now she's pretty much got the exact same powerset as she did in her first episode; no spinning, no top weapons, no psi powers.  It's entirely possible that in this future she never needs to develop anything else because Team Flash basically disappears and provides no opposition, so for me that's the only saving grace.  She may in fact develop new abilities/gimmicks if she has to face speedsters regularly, and I dearly hope so, because I'm really disappointed about what they're doing with her.

I think the only thing I liked with her is that she reminds Sam that it's her town too, but it's kinda sad that she has to.  Regardless, one wonders how serious they are: is that just them bragging, or are they in fact the dominant villains in the city in that era?  We know there are others, because Cisco said so.  If they are ruling the town, did they come to power in a Rogue War, or was there just little competition?  But of course it's also possible they're just bullshit bragging, which I'd kind of expect from them.  They're clearly more bluster than actual powerhouses, which really disappoints me.

Okay, that’s actually two things I like: Rosa’s got the proper amount of pride and arrogance.  But she really ought to be able to back it up, which she can’t.  Roscoe is proud and smug, but he’s that way because he knows he’s smart and can out-power most opponents.  She doesn’t have that.

HR has kind of thrown a wrench in my theory about Kadabra.  Again, it's possible that in this Flash-less future he sees no need to unveil himself and is enjoying life as HR, but that would seem a little weird regardless.  He obviously likes the attention he gets, but it's not much of a showy exciting life.  So we'll see.  Maybe he is Kadabra and will unmask if/when Barry changes the future, or maybe I was wrong about him all along.

Anyway, I thought the episode was pretty decent aside from Sam and Rosa.  I want them to be better, I really do, because there's so much potential that looks thus far like it's being squandered.