#maybe im just on my soap box again or whatever i just dont think it should be considered okay to ask random people that

[saturnsuv]

“cuffing your jeans is bisexual” “all bisexuals have clear phone cases” “this is the bisexual hairstyle” i am going to kill you with hammers. violently

[kxlebcross]

[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha 

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor  in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

[somedaypast-thesunset]

50i have no one to talk to but i also dont even think i need to talk to anyone. like i thought about it but rehashing the story is like.. a defense of myself anyways when i dont need to defend myself in something i legitimately had no part in at all. 

a) what i feel is serious betrayal from a friend. and i felt like this friend was really like... a close friend that i confided in, who took care of me - we shared a really tight bond that i deeply respected in many ways. like i really honored this friendship and this is the third time this month he has sincerely let me down in a really serious real life way. but this was shows such cowardice and disrespect on multiple lvels. like total lack of care of anyone but himself and thats fucked. 

this is also the second time where i was on a decent level in myself and my surroundings and he made it really bad. and thats not okay anymore. i cant afford this. i would rather be with nothing and no one. so i feel at this point our friendship has ended. like im too old and this is too serious. 

b) our relationship has changed now. and thats okay with me; i’m not interested in living so one sided. and he can feel much the same way you know - in financial terms, at least. and things need to change or else this is not going to work. i feel we both make sacrifices to be in each others lives the way we are but we shouldnt have to compromise on every single thing in order to like “be the person you want to be”. he mentions me smokig alot. and its true. its completely true. and its always spoken about negatively; which is fair. but to become bothered by me being uncomfortable with people injecting drugs is asinine. legitimately asinine. it is completely 100% morally fair to feel uncomfortable about that in all situations in life ad i have no problem standing behind that. i kill myself in many ways and people always speak negatively about it - should i stop? maybe. maybe i should. but if its something my individual self wants to do then i might still fucking do it no matter how disappointed it makes another person. they can stand in disgust as i smoke - fine by me. i am making this choice. i’m not going to spit on them for being disgusted by me. thats their choice. unfortunately we’re just respecting everyones shitty fucking choices in life. 

but he wasnt ready to allow that. instead he wanted to project his feelings - as he usually does himself about my bad habits by assuming / believing i would do the same as him and possibly believe i should outright stop and its a stupid thing to do. we’re both fucking right. and we’re both wrong. the only mature thing to do is acknowledge that and do whatever the fuck we’re going to do in our lives as the individual people we are. nothing ever stops unless we choose it to stop. it’ll never change because of the other person, no matter how much we might want to portray that to each other to make the other person happy. the reality is there are a lot of massive flaws between us. but we’ve also gained so much positive from each other that this relationship is not a bad habit that should be outright stopped. its a true convalescing of young adulthood and like the complications of being human. we can feed off of each other and want to better ourselves because of the good qualities the other has. 

but this was not okay. i feel he didnt want to talk about it because he knew he was in the wrong and disgusting for thinking in such a way. and to be upset by the ordeal was shameful and embarassing but uncontrollable.  which is fair for an addict. but this was still not okay. and it humbled the situation - he doesnt really have that soap box to stand on when hes willing to be such a jerk when he doesnt get what he wants. i had no cause  in what happened and im still very pissed our friend did not be a stand up person and say it himself but im glad he walked away. it didnt need to happen. any of it at all. the whole scenario. we shouldve came home and smoked weed and talked and slept. thats all. 

i’m not doing this again.